Disclaimer: I do not own the 'Glee' world
So, I couldn't leave you with just the prologue – it was seriously short! So have the first full chapter too!
Chapter One
"It's very considerate of you to offer me a lift home, Noah." Rachel said to him. He nodded as though this was true but really, he was hoping to be rewarded with more than the chocolate brownie that she'd offered so far.
So things with Quinn had kinda…fizzled out. It'd taken them a couple of months to realise that they really weren't good for each other as a couple and had broken up. Sure, he'd been a little bit upset at first but then he'd realised that he'd get to sex up other chicks now and no one would be getting mad at him for doing so.
He'd given it like, a week, in respect for Quinn, before he'd approached a couple of Cheerios but they'd turned him down (Seriously, what the fuck?!).
It turns out that lots of girls don't really dig a teenaged father-to-be. Especially when his baby-mama is their ex Cheer captain. So he'd been forced to broaden his horizons a little.
He'd been wondering where to next look for a hot chick (who didn't have a problem with him knocking up another chick) while waiting for glee rehearsal to start. He was still sat next to Quinn (cos she said they were just friends now, which basically meant that he was still her bitch and had to do pretty much everything she said and, in return, he was allowed to touch her stomach when his little girl was kicking. It was worth it. Though he kinda hoped the kicking hurt Quinn, a little.) and Mike was on his other side.
Rehearsal wasn't due to start for another ten minutes. He wouldn't normally be there that early but he'd had to escort Quinn from her last class and with Quinn you always had to leave with plenty of time to spare cos she waddled quite slow and you had to be prepared in case she wanted to puke, pee, cry or eat a whole bag of spicy tortilla chips. Pregnant chicks, man.
Finn entered the room looking sadder and stupider than normal and Rachel Berry came in not much later looking all tense. They sat at opposite ends of the room to each other.
Puck didn't really care but there was still an age until rehearsal was supposed to start so he turned to Mike and asked, "Hey, Changster, what's up with the freaky twins?"
"Oh, dude, they broke up." Mike replied, becoming all animated. Puck thought it was gay to find someone else's relationship so fascinating. Other Asian seriously needed to grow a pair. "Like, there was a big fight at lunch. Rachel was all, like, 'why are you always so embarrassed to be with me?'" Puck raised his eyes at Mike's scary high pitched voice. "And then Finn was like 'I think we need to take a break'. Major drama, dude."
"Dude, you need to get a life." Puck retorted.
Mike responded with a, "Hey, fuck you, man," and started up a conversation with Artie about head spins, which Puck thought was retarded because the only way Artie would be able to dance on his head was if someone tipped his wheelchair over.
Puck wondered how he hadn't heard about the earlier fight and then he remembered that Quinn had made him go to some ridiculously expensive sandwich shop to get a chicken, bacon and turkey sub.
"Did you hear about Finn and Rachel?" Puck asked Quinn.
"Yep, in fifth period chem." Quinn replied coolly, hands placed supportingly on her (fucking huge) stomach.
"And you didn't think to tell me?"
"You hate high school gossip."
"Yeah, normally, but I actually know who these two people are. When you start talking about David What's-his-face and Tiffany Who-the-fuck-cares; that's when I don't give a shit."
Quinn rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Anyway, it's not like the Finn and Rachel thing is a surprise – she's a complete nightmare. Did you even see the matching outfits she picked out for them to wear?"
Puck chuckled at the memory of Finn and Rachel walking around the school in matching woollen snowflake jumpers. That was some seriously funny shit.
"Yeah, well, Finn's too much of a wimp to tell her to rein the crazy in."
"As if you'd do any different if you were trying to make your way up the bases with her." Quinn scoffed.
"Hey, did she try to get me to wear a snowy jumper when we went out? Hell no. Berry wouldn't even dare try to pull off that shit with me. She knows I'm a fucking badass."
"Yeah, such a badass you quit football for her. Really, Puck you should've just cut off your dick and handed it to her. Badass, my ass!"
Ah, the pregnancy hormones. Pre-cherry-pop Quinn would be ashamed to hear the words that sometimes came out of pregnant Quinn's mouth. He normally found it amusing, except for when she was questioning his badassness.
"Look, you may be pregnant, but I've told you like a dozen times that saying shit like that's not cool unless you want to pay for the next triple fudge sundae yourself."
Quinn sighed. "Fine, whatever. You're the biggest badass in the whole of the world." She deadpanned. "Blah, blah, insert other words here so you can pretend that I care about your ego."
Puck had stopped listening after 'the whole world' compliment so he responded with, "You're damn fucking right I am."
"And people wonder why we broke up," Quinn muttered and started talking to Brittany.
Puck had to think for a minute about what had started the conversation off in the first place and eventually remembered that his ex-best friend and ex-girlfriend had just broken up. He didn't really care that much; it wasn't as though he spoke to either of them anymore (not that he'd really spoken to Rachel much anyway.) because, you know, it was awkward.
Puck looked over at Rachel. She was sitting there, staring at her hands. He felt a little bit sorry for her – it wasn't her fault she was slightly crazy.
She seemed to sense his gaze because she looked up at him. He was about to look away because Rachel's eyes could get a bit freaky when she stared at you sometimes but then she sent him a seriously sexy smile.
He blinked and it was gone. She was back to looking at her hands again. Had that really happened?
Mike punched him on the arm.
"Ow, man, what the fuck?"
"Dude, rebound." Mike hissed.
Puck turned to him. "You saw that?"
"The 'Come-Fuck-Me' smile Rachel sent your way? Hell yeah, I did."
Puck nodded to himself. "Cool."
So, he'd been looking for a chick to snag but maybe one had found him. Picking up someone on the rebound was pretty awesome because, he was sort of on the rebound too. They'd both be in this to have a good time. Although if she started crying to him about Finn then he was going to have to ditch her then and there. He hoped she wouldn't. Cos Rachel was hot – her ass and legs were particularly fine. And, if that smile she sent his way was any indication, then he was totally going to get to touch her boobs this time.
He waited 'til the end of the rehearsal to start talking to her. Quinn was going shopping with Brittany so Puck didn't have to worry (appear to care) about taking her anywhere.
"So, er, sorry about you and Finn." Was his opening line and she frowned.
"Why? It's not as though you had anything to do with it, Noah."
He rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, I know, but isn't that supposed to be what you say to people when they break up?" Nobody had said that to him when he'd broken up with Quinn but they were like the anti couple. People didn't like what they'd done to Finn and so they didn't particularly care about them either way.
She pondered this a minute and her lips made a seriously sexy pout. "Yes, I expect you're right."
He nodded. This wasn't going great. "So, did Finn give you a ride to school this morning?" he asked.
"Yes. Oh," she sighed as she realised what that meant.
"You want a lift home?" he offered.
She gave him a grateful smile. "That would be lovely, Noah. Thank you."
And so here he was eating brownies in Rachel Berry's kitchen.
"These are fucking awesome," he said between bites.
"I'm glad you approve," Rachel replied. She popped his plate in the dishwasher and there was an awkward moment of silence. Puck wondered if the brownies were going to be his only reward and he thought that maybe he'd better leave before she went all psych about breaking up with Finn.
"I've had new drapes installed in my bedroom since you were last here. Do you want to see?" Rachel asked, sweetly.
Puck was in doubt that that was the weirdest fucking come-on he'd ever heard. He didn't think Rachel would really appreciate him telling her that. So instead he said, "Hell, yeah."
She grabbed his hand with her tiny one and he followed her up the stairs (staring at her ass the entire way).
Rachel had just opened her bedroom door when they heard a weird crying sound from downstairs somewhere.
"What the fuck is that?" he asked, politely.
Berry looked quite excited and he had no idea why because it sounded like something was dying in her kitchen.
"Come on, you'll see."
He gazed at the comfy looking bed forlornly, somehow knowing that he wasn't going to be seeing it again that day. He followed her back down the stairs, and they walked towards the source of the crying noise.
Sitting by the back door, licking its paws, was a grey cat. Rachel was a crazy cat lady? So not a good sign.
When the cat saw Rachel it trotted over to her, rubbing his body against her legs and purring.
"Hello, beautiful boy." Rachel spoke to the cat, as though it was a real person. She hefted the cat into her arms and stroked its back. "Have you had a good day?"
Puck wondered if Rachel actually realised that she was talking to a cat.
"Noah, this is Mr. Mistoffelees."
"Mr what?"
"Mis-toff-e-lees," she replied, as though he was the one who needed a lesson in how to speak English. "It's the name of one of the cats in the musical."
"Which musical?"
"Cats, of course."
Of course.
"But we call him Mist for short, because he's grey."
Puck couldn't think of a suitable response so he said nothing (he was still trying to get to a base, remember?).
"It's time for his dinner now. Do you want to feed him?"
Fuck no. "No, it's okay, you do it."
Rachel spent the next few minutes talking to the cat like it could fucking understand her as she fed him some meaty jelly crap that smelt like vomit.
He couldn't believe that she was looking after her cat when she could be making out with him. He was being passed over for a cat with a Broadway name. Fucking lame.
He checked his watch. Shit! He totally forgot he had to pick up his sister in like 15 minutes.
"Um, Rachel, I actually need to leave now."
"Oh, are you sure?" she asked him, twisting the end of her skirt the way she had when he'd last been in this house. Damn fucking cat. He could've squeezed in a little bit of action if it wasn't for that furball.
"Yeah, I've gotta pick up my sister."
She seemed to brighten at that; like it was a genuine reason for him to leave.
"Okay, well, in that case. I was wondering whether you'd like to come round again tomorrow night, you know, if you're free."
"Yeah, sure, I don't have any plans tomorrow." (Unless Quinn decided she wanted some fast food.)
Rachel started walking him to the door. "Great, well, I'll see you tomorrow then."
They'd reached the door. She reached up and pulled his head down so his lips could meet hers. He was caught by surprise a little and it took him a few moments to respond to her eager (and fucking hot) kiss. Her lips had just parted to give entrance to his tongue when there was a loud MEOW by their feet. They jumped apart. Mist was blatantly glaring at him.
Fuck you, cat.
"Well, goodbye Noah," Rachel said breathlessly, smiling shyly up at him. He didn't know why she was trying to act all innocent after she'd just tried to kiss his brains out, but it was kinda sexy.
"Bye, Rach."
As Noah Puckerman stepped out through Rachel Berry's front door he had no idea of the war that was to come.
From a cat named Mr. Mistoffelees.
A/N So, if you enjoyed this please let me know! I've discovered that I like writing pregnant Quinn and Mike Chang!
Next one should be up next week because I don't want to spoil you by giving you too much too soon!
Lots of love,
Lil Drop of Magic
xXx
