"Remember that time when HANGOVER!... Oh that was really loud", he said while bracing his hands on either side of his head.
"Last night I drank half a bottle of gin and half a bottle of whiskey and I took to the internet." He let out a pathetic fake laugh. "And I started talking shit on my Tumblr... I'm gonna be sick. I woke up and I'd eaten half a tub of Pringles and I don't even know how that happened. I probably stole them." He began trailing off.
"I look like shit." He wasn't lying. He had massive black bags under his eyes and looked like he hadn't slept in years. He also had a green hoodie on and he'd pulled the hood all the way over his head.
"This morning I didn't know which end things were gonna come out of, turns out they came out of both." He said with a disgusted look on his face.
"This isn't even after new years eve. This is like the day after, the day after... what day is it?" He asked looking confused.
"It feels like I've been awake for about 7 days and I haven't eaten or slept or pooed, apart from this morning. I pooed for Britain... for the northern hemisphere... for the world."
"I can't remember what I said to my parents. I KNOW they knew I was drunk because I started talking about... what did I talk about?"
"Mamrie Hart would be proud. She'd be like... I can't think of anything. Do you know what? Life throws you some crazy shit and sometimes you've just gotta throw some shit back."
All of a sudden the camera cuts to Aaron right in front of the camera with his tongue sticking out, there was a bit of chocolate sitting on it, melting.
"That's what came out of my ass this morning, haha."
"I think there might be a bottle of gin under my pillow."
"Do you know what's really awkward, when you're really drunk and you talk to your dad about your sexual conquests," Aaron did a little fake cry and looked like he wanted to die from embarrassment.
"Although, I have no reason to be ashamed, I'm pretty proud of mine," he said while making the OK gesture with his hand. "... and I'm sure now he is too." This time he did a thumbs up to the camera.
"Do you know what else kinda sucks? When you wake up the next day and you realise that you've sent your college tutor a message on facebook and then you read it."
He grabbed his laptop and started reading the message.
"I've drank half a bottle of gin and now I have to pretend I'm sober in front of my parents even though I fell and broke a sentimental vase and shared sexual conquests with my mother." There was a pause of realisation as he opened his eyes wide in shock and horror. "I thought it was father?! Oh my god it was both."
"Never fear, I'm confident that my dissertation is nothing but glorious. I'll pull my life around. I'll return to college bigger and gayer than ever. I'm going now because I'm so drunk, I can't feel my face. I wish I was Amish, I'd totes be shunned though. I'm such a fan of electricity."
The camera cuts to Aaron trying to open a chocolate bar. He took a bit but soon regretted it. "Wrong decision," he said to the camera.
"Do you know what I read in the newspaper yesterday? Hold on. It was like the most epic newspaper headline you'll ever see. 'Woman meets daughter she gave up for adoption after she was raped as a teenager and finds out her grandson is an astronaut'. I don't condone rape but sometimes it leads to space adventure!"
"What's wrong with me?"
"Do you know what else I think is really 'Got'? Jenna Marbles. What did I say about her? When she tell you to bounce that dick it makes me want to put my penis in a tube sock."
"Also, that chick can wear a hat. I'm so jealous. She doesn't even look gay when she's wearing it. She looks totally straight with killer boobs... I really like her teeth, is that weird? I've got a thing about teeth."
"As all of you know... as none of you know, I suffer immensely from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Ooo we're getting deep, penetrively deep... I like to clean my teeth a lot, so when people give people 'Hot' ratings out of 10... I give people plaque ratings. The lower the rating, the sexier you are to me."
He started making short sobbing noises and said "I want to cry."
"Do you know what I think is really 'not', Katy Perry and Russel Brand splitting up. Like it wasn't always on the cards... the tarot cards." He made a small laugh before saying "It wasn't even funny, it didn't even make any sense. I hate tarot cards, they're always right. I did a reading the other day, when I got back from New Years and it was so painfully accurate, it sucked. I always get them reversed because that's how crazy my life is."
"Katy Perry and Russel Brand, like that wasn't gonna happen. I used to love Katy Perry and then I followed her on Twitter and though she was a bit of a dick-head but now I love her again."
"I'M GONNA BE SICK and I'm gonna see all the thing I've ate over the last 6 days... call it reminiscing."
He rested his head in his hands and said, "Oh my god." Then the camera cut to black.
