It was after midnight when I decided to go.
I could smell her when I hit the driveway. My mouth watered in anticipation as I climbed the tree outside her room to peer inside. The smell was intoxicating-better than I remembered. It took every ounce of self control not to leap through the open window and take her right then and there. At first glance, it looked like she was sleeping. I watched her for a moment, and realized she wasn't. She was sobbing quietly into her pillow. I let myself feel her, and then wished I hadn't.
I had never been in so much pain. Worse than pain was the feeling of abandonment, self loathing and pity. If I was interpreting correctly, she was feeling like she deserved this. Like she had it coming. I couldn't help but be mad at Edward right then, for doing this to her.
"Why? He's gone…he's gone…not good enough…no one loves me…" she was muttering while she rocked back and forth. Tears flowed seamlessly down her face, which was contorted with grief. Her brown hair was mussed, and I could see bits of earth wound up in the tangles. Why was that, I wondered.
I was torn. Part of me wanted nothing more than to rush into her room and comfort her all night-make all her pain go away. The other part wanted to end her pain in another way. If I bit her, she wouldn't hurt anymore. I balanced on this edge, undecided on which way to fall.
And then, as if she could read my mind, she muttered the phrase that would decide her fate. "I wish I was dead," she cried, clutching her pillow. I would be doing her a favor, then. I crept silently through her window and moved to the other end of the room. She didn't look up-she didn't hear me. I stood there for a moment and breathed in, reveling in what the smell did to me. I hadn't given myself over to this for a very long time, and I was drunk with the feeling. I promised her in my mind that I would be quick, and I would keep to that. Bella may be a human, but she's one that I knew on a personal level-I would grant her that much. She wouldn't see me coming until it was too late.
I inhaled again as I moved towards her. I quickly crouched and then pounced on the bed, throwing my legs on either side of her and grabbing her arms. A low growl escaped my throat at the feel of this hunt. Bella's head whipped to face me, panic in her eyes. I could see that through the tears. And her emotions were all over the place, but fear took center stage as she took in my expression. I dipped my head down and trailed my nose along her throat-this caused me to growl again.
"Jasper? What are you doing?" she was frantic now, and was beginning to struggle. I would have thought she knew better by now-it would do her no good. I didn't answer her as I continued to breathe her in. "Stop it." She whispered, struggling harder. Right-like I could stop now. I momentarily forgot that I promised to make it quick-I just couldn't help myself. I was the darkest kind of predator right now.
I licked my lips and brought my mouth to her neck. I kissed her first-I'm not sure why-and then sank my teeth into her throat. It was just as good as this afternoon. Better. Better than anything. I didn't care who she was, or why she was struggling, or what she was feeling. I didn't give a damn. Her blood pulsed hot into my throat, and finally, after how many years? My thirst was quenched. There never was anything as sweet as this. Her pulse was weakening, and the only thing I was worried about was running out. I never wanted this to end. I could drink from her forever.
And then it was gone.
Before I had time to register what had happened, I noticed the other vampire in the room. Alice. Her eyes were wide with terror and anger as she glared from me to Bella and back again. "Jasper, what did you DO?! What is WRONG with you?! How COULD you?!" she was looking around frantically, putting herself between me and Bella. I snarled. She looked at me and snarled back. "Don't you dare growl at me. Get out of here. Now. It's not an option for you." She snarled again, and crouched to spring. I didn't want to fight her-I knew that much-so I leapt from the window. The cool air helped to clear my head again, and I could finally feel remorse. In that moment Alice was in front of me, carrying Bella.
"I have to get her away from here-now. You really did it this time, Jasper-you bit her, and the venom is spreading. She's going to change, and I'm not going to let her wake up alone like I did. I'm taking her to Carlisle-there's nothing we can do for her but be there for her. If you get the nerve, go back there. She'll want an apology as soon as she wakes up." And Alice ran from me as Bella started screaming.
I followed, because I wasn't sure what else I could do. I owed my family an explanation, and apparently I would owe Bella one as well. I hadn't anticipated that. How angry was she going to be when she learned I meant to leave her dead? I sighed, and ran after Alice. They had moved to Oregon, because it was hard for them to move far away from Bella. As I approached the house, I could hear her. She was screaming in pain, and her agony washed over me like a sheet. I was sick with it. Carlisle was waiting on the porch.
"What were you thinking?" he asked bluntly.
"I wasn't. When I…slipped…at the house the other day, I couldn't get the taste out of my head. I wanted more, so I stayed. I went to her house, snuck in through her window, and took her. She was begging for death." He was blunt, so was I. He looked at me fiercely.
"She was grieving! How dare you! Bella is part of this family, Jasper. I can't tell you how disappointed I am. And Esme is beside herself!" He was scolding me like a child.
"And what about Alice? What has she said?" She was my wife, after all.
"I'll leave that to her. She's upstairs with Bella now, although there's nothing we can do for her." He spat at me. The repercussions were ringing in my ears as I followed him inside. Bella was in the bedroom closest to the end of the hallway. When I walked in, Alice shot me a warning glance, and fury radiated from her tiny frame. I stayed at the doorway.
Bella was writhing on the bed, her hands fisting the sheets as she cried out in pain. I quickly stole out of the room and went and sat downstairs. By this time, Emmett and Rosalie had made it back. Emmett was glaring at me, and it was bad when I made him mad. It was hard to do. He didn't even say anything to me as he walked up the stairs and into the bedroom that held Bella. Rosalie was feeling…smug? She smirked at me and walked to her own room. Great. The one vampire I had on my side was Rosalie.
It went on like this for three days.
Nobody spoke to me, with the exception of Esme, because she couldn't help herself. She was mad at me too, but she was essentially loving first. Alice hadn't even left the room since she brought Bella back. Currently, it was about three in the morning and I was sitting on the couch with Carlisle. He was reading and I was staring at the wall when we heard Alice.
"It's time!" she said, barely above a whisper. Both myself and Carlisle took off for the bedroom, Emmett and Rosalie having already been upstairs. Esme was on Alice's other side. We all heard Bella's heart beat it's last beat, when at last it was still. Nobody said anything, or even breathed for that matter. Bella's eyes opened, and they were bright red.
She sat up quickly, because she couldn't quite handle her movements. She looked around, and I could feel awe and fear coming from her-a natural newborn reaction. She turned to Alice first. Her eyes widened, taking in Alice's appearance with her new eyes.
"What…" her hand flew to her mouth-a response to her new voice. She looked around again, and her eyes rested on me. I felt her emotions take a turn for the worst as she remembered her last night before this. Her eyes turned to slits and she was pure fury. I braced myself.
"Why?" she said, attempting to stand up at a slower pace. "Why did you do this to me?" she asked again, louder. Her voice was like Christmas bells.
"I…" But Alice cut me off.
"He was feeding from you, Bella. If I hadn't arrived when I did, he would have drained you dry." Way to stand up for me, Alice. If I thought Bella was mad before, I was wrong. She crouched, another natural response, and snarled at me. It took her back for a moment, hearing that sound from her, but it didn't break her concentration, which was focused on me.
"I'll never forgive you for this, Jasper Hale. I didn't want this"-she gestured to herself-"without Edward. And I don't have him, and you're all only here to pity me! And I have to live forever feeling this way?!" And faster than a strike, Bella lunged.
