Disclaimer: I do not own any J. K characters even though I've made plenty of offers
You can't run away from trouble. There ain't no place that far."
James Baskett
"He is a man of courage who does not run away, but remains at his post and fights against the enemy."
Socrates
Regulus
It began like it always did, but this time it was different. I could literally feel the bitter hate and frustration. I
was lying in my bed, having retreated their earlier as a safe haven, my room usually was for me. The only
place in the house where there was no one else but me. I tried to block out the yells that were steadily
increasing in volume, sometimes I wondered how the muggles who lived next to us didn't hear as their yells
always seemed too loud, too demanding to be contained by mere magic. When the yelling got this loud, so
impossible to ignore is when all the bitter feelings and thoughts I tried to store away got released, when I
felt if I couldn't let my emotions out I would explode. And the terrible thoughts I never dared say aloud came
to mind. What if Sirius is right, I never interacted with mud- muggleborns so how would I know whether they
were really as hopeless, weak and stupid as Mother was always saying. What if I broke of ties with my
family like Sirius was always saying I should, like him. What if we ran away together, found somewhere
reestablish that twin like relationship we used to have, we could be happy. What if I renounced the dark
Lord and the future as a Death Eater I knew my parents were planning for me, that was supposed to be for
Sirius? But then, my family would be seen as blood traitors, it would ruin the image of the Blacks, put them
all in danger if I ever acted how I wanted too. There was no escape from this life know, I couldn't endanger
my family. Sirius didn't realize what deserting could mean for the family with this war upon us if both of us,
instead of one deserted and he would be safe, protected by Dumbledore and the Potters and I would be
safe in the Black family, under the Dark Lord… A door slamming jolted me out of my thoughts, I heard
Sirius shout about leaving, my heart caught in my throat, now was my chance, my choice, flee with Sirius
and risk it all or stay and act like a good boy for the family. I could hear him throwing his stuff in his trunk in
a flurry of movement. I frustratingly threw a shoe at the wall. I heard him go to his door. I almost got up to
meet him, and then I thought of my family as a whole, what it would do. So I stayed on my bed waiting for
him to leave like a good pureblood boy. Even so I waited with baited breath as he passed my door hoping
at least for a good bye. But it never came, my heart clenched in hurt and disappointment, I heard him
pause of course but then he just kept going being reckless, disregarding family as usual. I got up opened
my door and watched him leave, all the while thoughts of why wasn't I a good enough brother, didn't I at
least deserve a farewell, and didn't our younger days as close as twins count for anything? Didn't I count
for anything in his eyes? Suddenly I wanted to scream and shout of the unfairness of it all, that I don't want
to do this anymore I want my life and family whole and happy again, but years of controlling my emotions
kicked in. I vaguely heard Mother shriek in rage and storm to the family tree to blast of his name, I watched
my father stand there looking at the door looking for once as if he cared and as if he didn't know what to do.
All the while thoughts of abandonment and hate ran through my head and thinking there he goes again, I
guess family never meant as much to him as it did to me. Well, I won't do that, I'll protect my family like he
doesn't, I'll join up and protect everyone. I'll do for them what Sirius never bothered to do for me. And later I
thought back to my Sorting, the hat said I could take the easy route, join Sirius in Gryffindor, I certainly had
enough bravery and be happy or I could join Slytherin take the harder route make sacrifices that no one
would ever know or truly understand about. And I also thought to when the hat said I was as noble and
brave as my brother when he listened to my decision even more so as I wasn't going to run away, I was
going to stick up and fight, for my family.
