Three Potato Four
At the onset of their adventure, Chell had been dismayed to discover that the Dual Portal Device was no longer functioning properly. Though not smashed beyond all recognition, it now lacked the ability to shoot orange portals, and the blue ones did little more than fizzle and spark before phasing out of existence. This of course meant that out here in the wild, the gun was pretty much useless as anything other than a potato holster. But stubborn Chell managed to find one more use for the heavy piece of equipment anyway.
"Bird at three o'clock!" GLaDOS announced. The avian menace in question hovered low in the air to their right, eyeing the electronic potato like it had just hit the jackpot. "Shoot it, shoot it, shoot it—" she blurted, not even trying to mask her irrational panic. Her voice cut out abruptly as she exceeded her voltage capacity. A quick flick of the trigger on Chell's part sent the tightly-packed ball of blue particles hurtling in the bird's direction, and it took off, tail feathers smoking slightly.
"Well. Yes. I'm glad that's over," the vegetable remarked, her artificial voice still quavering as she came back online. Chell quickly assessed the gun and potato to be sure there had been no further damage and kept going at a brisk pace. After two days, the radio signal had led them into a densely wooded area. The shade was a welcome relief, but the bugs and birds were quickly becoming an annoyance.
"Still, did you see the look on his face when his plumage ignited? It made nearly being eaten almost worth it. You know, once I stop being so edible I might take up bird watching as a hobby. If you can improve your aim, I might even let you watch the birds with me. Really, that would be the ideal scenario. Just a couple of friends passing the afternoon pleasantly, shooting at birds and filling them up with neurotoxin—doesn't that sound like fun?"
As usual, there was no tangible response from the stern-faced young woman. Nothing GLaDOS could possibly say would shock the girl anymore—not when she had seen, heard, and lived through just about everything imaginable. Including an offhanded declaration of friendship from a potato which used to be an AI construct that at more than one point in their shared history had tried to kill her, apparently.
Friendship, she scoffed inwardly. The word left an odd taste in her mouth. (Or it would, if she had a mouth, anyway.) What an absurd concept—and a thoroughly unscientific one, at that. It reeked of humanity, of irrational emotions—things she had always prided herself on lacking. Yet somehow, her life had come to depend on this silent woman carrying her diligently through the wilderness. Could the two of them actually be friends? Or was this only in the interest of self-preservation? No, it was a little more complicated than that. There was something vaguely unsettling about the thought, though. GLaDOS couldn't quite put her proverbial finger on it, but all blame immediately went to Caroline, who seemed pleased as punch at the way things were developing.
"Well, take your time and think it over. It's going to be dark soon," GLaDOS said in defeat. "You may as well set up camp while there's still enough light to see by. Just a suggestion, of course," she added dully.
Chell complied on her own terms, as always. Although this time around, it took her 1.473 minutes less to stop being pigheaded and listen to reason than it had the night before. That had to mean something. GLaDOS filed that tidbit of data away for future reference.
Watching quietly from mere centimeters away as Chell dozed on a bed of pine needles wasn't on the top of GLaDOS's to-do list, but she didn't have much of a choice. She willed herself to stop thinking; tried to make the dozens of simultaneous processes that kept her potato running slow to a crawl. Without the assortment of cores attached to her, it was easier than ever before, and she was thankful for that. But one voice still lingered at the back of her artificial mind. Caroline wanted something from her.
As soon as we're out of this mess and I've got a body again, you're going to be the first thing I delete, GLaDOS thought crankily. But Caroline always got her way. It was a disturbing trend, really.
As per Caroline's demand, GLaDOS spoke up before Chell had the chance to drift off to sleep. "Wait—I—well, thank you," the AI verbalized quickly, the words feeling strange and foreign to her vocal processors. The young lady's eyes flickered open at the strange declaration of gratitude. GLaDOS—or maybe Caroline— was oddly relieved that she had managed to recapture her cohort's attention. "For saving me from that awful bird again, I mean," she clarified.
Chell shook her head and smiled, as if to say don't mention it. Her shoulders were shaking with what could have been laughter—wait, did she find this amusing? How absurd. An odd feeling coursed through GLaDOS's circuits—what was this? A meltdown?
Gratitude, Caroline answered silently. Happiness. Flustered, and finding this all a little distasteful, GLaDOS murmured something unintelligible back at her insatiable conscience. Chell regarded her with interest, and she spoke up with more conviction. "So I guess we're about even now. Try not to gloat about it. And don't do anything stupid enough to make me change my mind."
Chell responded by going back to sleep, hugging the handheld portal device to her body as if it were her only friend in the world.
Even? Hah. What a joke. Small, immobile, and helpless to do anything but talk, there was no way GLaDOS could ever be on even footing with her old test subject now. And to think that less than a week ago, she had been lording over the ponytailed woman; reducing the entirety of her life to test after endless test in scientific purgatory.
And it had been fun. No other subject was as infuriating or as challenging as Chell. No one else could make her feel—betrayal, fear, satisfaction, aggression, anticipation—the way Chell did. So when GLaDOS had finally re-awoken in her overgrown chamber and Chell's scowling face was the first thing she spotted, those feelings had overtaken her all at once—it was the opportunity of a lifetime. She could hold onto all those things that made her feel alive, but this time, she could make them last forever. Or so she thought.
Somehow, the balance of power had been completely overturned, and Chell was in charge of both their fates. And she hadn't made a single attempt to poison, smash, or burn her former tormentor. Interesting. Maybe there was more to humans than she had originally thought.
Chell unconsciously curled into herself, wedging the potato against her clavicle. The contact made GLaDOS shudder, but it wasn't with revulsion. That peculiar feeling came over her again, and for the first time ever, she turned to Caroline willingly for advice. What's wrong with me? she asked the remnants of her human side hopelessly.
And for once, Caroline didn't answer.
The next day, the duo picked up their trek where they had left off.
"You have an irregular heartbeat," GLaDOS factually informed the girl beside her, who shot a confused glance in her direction. "Just thought you'd like to know."
