My chest swelled as more unwanted but not unpleasant memories flooded my thoughts.
"I can't help it Jaqs...She's just...beautiful..."
I know that voice.
Oh.
Leaping behind the TARDIS, hidden by its silhouette I watched as the couple continued to walk across the Powell Estate.
Pete Tyler held tight onto the Moses basket looking lovingly into it. His hair was thinning, still thicker from when Rose had re-met him but thinner since the wedding. His tie was loosened and in front of him, a tired and zombie-fied Jackie Tyler was trying to swallow her smile.
"Yea-but you can gaze upon her in doors. It's cold out here."
There he was, in a trance as he looked at the Earth's defender, entranced by her beauty.
"Pete? C'mon, I need to sit down before my guts fall out of-"
Felling a little disturbed, I smiled sadly. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to hide away from the familiar burn but I was stuck, literally. There she was, my future best friend being completely idolized as her father looked in awe. She'd never known the real extent of his love. Well, she might do now. But still, there she was.
They crossed the complete square and left towards their home. I needed to leave, but the TARDIS still kept her doors under the dead lock seal, banning me from entrance. Okay, I got to see her. But it's not helping; it's just making the loss harder to deal with. I had to scrunch up my face and slap my cheeks in an attempt to stop the moisture from taking over.
At fault of the TARDIS, I stayed outside for a while and watched as kids played around, using random debris for dens and hideouts. My thoughts had been so deep that I hadn't noticed that I had company.
"'Ere, mate. Don't suppose you got a light?"
I didn't have time to hide or run, but then again, he wouldn't get the chance to recognise me. Not with this face. I might just have a few moments talking to the proud father. I patted my pockets solemnly and shrugged.
"Sorry,"
"Nah, its fine..." He was about to turn away, leaving me alone on the bench again when he'd apparently changed his mind and sat next to me. Pete Tyler.
"You know what? You're right!" And with that he crumbled the cigarette and threw it to the floor, swishing his hands as he guffawed in disbelief.
"Jus' become a Dad..."
"Congratulations." I said, not quite finding the strength to be completely enthusiastic about it. But I had to be, I'd been able to carry on before. What was stopping me now? One last chance to cherish the presence of a Tyler?
Coughing, I offered my hand and gave him a pat on the shoulder.
"Yeah. Yeah, Sorry. I keep tellin' everyone; random strangers about it."
I grinned properly, not quite able to hide the broken pride and realism coating my voice."You should be proud"
He grinned, sinking into the bench and swiping the non-existent sweat from his fore-head. "She's beautiful," he said, stroking his face as if to smear the smirk off of it.
"Rose Marion Tyler."
"Oh, beautiful name. Good choice." He seemed overjoyed by the compliment and agreed in a dazed murmur.
"Have you got kids?"
I shook my head, watching as he stood.
"Well, when or if you do..." He patted his heart and sighed then put his hand on my shoulder. "It's the best thing in the universe."
That was the last time and the first time I'd met Pete Tyler and I felt honoured. He'd been everything that Rose could've wanted, everything she needed.
Luckily, as if a reward had been given, my ship opened her doors and beckoned me in.
But a voice stopped me. Again.
"Doctor?"
Turning around a delirious Jack glared at me mouth agape.
"It's you..Where the hell have you been?!"
But as he approached me, fists poised he stopped.
"You're not..."
I held up my hands as the back of my mind fizzed angrily but in a hint of humour. He'd lied. He'd seen me here, that's why he was smiled casually when he talked about Rose. We'd met before it was all a- oh my Rassilon.
"Right, here's where it gets complicated..." I muttered leading him into the TARDIS as small nots began to form in my stomach.
*.*.*.*
"Okay..." He didn't really say anything else just kept repeating those two syllables.
"You believe me?"
"S'not the first time I've trusted a stranger in Rose's honour..." We both shuddered when he said it. He never meant it but still. This was good.
"So...'Doctor'?...What are you doing here...?"
I shrugged.
"Same as you..."
"Flirting?"
"Not the same as you," I corrected. He smiled slightly. I still couldn't believe it though. He'd jumped in with both feet believing me a hundred percent and more when I uttered these words.
"So, we're going to watch Rose grow up?"
I almost choke on my own tongue once I'd heard it.
"No! Of course not, I'm going-leaving. I can't-It wouldn't be right, she might recognise us...It's too risky." How could I even be contemplating the idea? It wasn't going to happen!
"Not if, I don't know. We do a stake out in the above flat..." He shrugged dismissively.
"The upstairs flat is empty?"
Jack nodded, sensing that I'd fallen for his trick and, therefore having me argue with myself.
"Well tough it's not going to happen, I'm leaving now, so thanks for the conversation but like..." Mumbling incoherently, I tried to start the TARDIS engine. Nothing. SHE WAS DOING THIS ON PURPOSE.
"Your ship thinks differently..."
"I cannot stay here! I can't risk it..." That was a lie, I could sneak around, I just couldn't trust myself not to create a paradox if I happened to see her in her teenage years again.
"So you tell me that she's lost, and you can't get her back. Well the Doctor I'd known would've done everything in his power to see her that one last time." His accent was teasing as the memorie of his 'emergency protocol' sprung to life.
"I can't-!"
"Not even for one day, every year? Just one day."
I refused to look at him.
"No..."
I tried pulling down on the lever to again begin the engines but she refused.
"Behave!" I yelled, slamming my palm onto her front.
"If you are the Doctor, you would have stayed. With no hestitations..."
I didn't even think aboiut the consequences as the roar ripped from my soul.
"You're supposed to be my friend! You're supposed to help and yet what?! You lead me to my torture. Is that what you were here for, is that the only reason you befriended me?! To watch as I lose every ounce of control that I've ever had to learn?!"
He crossed the short space between us in a matter of mini-seconds.
"Yeah, I'm supposed to be your friend but not as much as you're supposed to love her. Because if this is what you are now, a selfish fool, then you are not the Doctor I knew and you are certainly not the strong and the brave Doctor who Rose loved!"
He let go of the lapels of my coat as if throwing me away, then slowly began to leave the TARDIS.
"Wait!"
He raised an eyebrow at me as my hand was outstretched towards him.
"I'll get you the money etc so this can happen but it's in your responsibility Jack. Yours!" He nodded eagerly, smiling a little as he shoved his hand in his pockets.
"One day..." I muttered as a vow.
"One day every year." He finalised leaning against the doorway as he'd done many times before. I still didn't like the feel of his boldness, with his vowed and fact like stand. IT still made me feel wrong, but still he'd won and I'd lost.
I'd never felt so glad as to have been beaten.
