Furasshu bakku

Warnings: Blood and Language
(But there will be a lot of blood)

Michelangelo sighed lowly, staring heavily at the piece of pizza placed in front of him at the kitchen table. So much was running through the young turtles mind. so much he was waiting for. Would his big brother survive? Would he ever be able to forgive himself?

So much ran through the youngest's brain, he hardly noticed Donatello walk into the kitchen and place himself next to him. Michelangelo flinched hard as he heard his immediate eldest speak.
"Hi, Mikey."
The orange masked turtles eyes were wide with shock for a short moment, but returned to the depressive state they once stood

Once he noticed who it was, was speaking to him.
"Oh. H-hey, Donnie."
Donatello was about to speak once again, but Michelangelo didn't hesitate in just speaking his thoughts.
"Donnie, why did we say all of that to Leo?"

Donatello's chocolate brown eyes enlarged slightly as he lowered his head down to gaze at the table. Michelangelo had asked that question with so much wonder. Like a young child asking about life or how babies were created. Both turtles sat in pregnant silence to the youngest's question,

The dreadful memory of how it must have all started, sprang through his mind. And he knew, for sure, their words didn't stop just that night.

"Leo, ya dumb bastard!"
Leonardo stayed very still as both of his brothers threw everything they had to say at him. Raphael didn't care to hesitate his words.
"Yer the dumbest, most worthless piece of shit in this entire clan, oh fea'less leaduh! How da hell can you be slackin' so damn much now-a-day, huh?! Yer stupidity almost got us all killed! And it got Mikey freakin' stabbed!"

The eldest of them all kept his head lowered to the floor, his eyes unseeing, as his red masked brother chewed him out. Bad.
"I don't know what Master Splinter was thinking to make you our leader, Leonardo. Your leading skills have been awful ever since we were 17. 2 whole years, Leo, and you still haven't improved. What's your problem?!"

Mikey could have died in that pathetic excuse of a plan you came up with, with your tiny brain. I can't believe you!"
Leonardo slightly raised his head to stare at his unconscious baby brother, dread and massive guilt building up in his stomach like Lego's at Donatello's words.

"I..I'm sorry, my brothers. I didn't mea-"
"Yea, yea, yer stupid ass didn't mean it. Man, shut the f**k up! I have absolutely had it witchyer bullshit Leo! All ya know how ta do anymore is friggin; eat, fail, and train horribly! And EAT! Ya act like a pregnant women; eating 24, G-d damned, 7! F**kin' fat moron."

Donatello gave a short glance at Raphael, a bit shocked at his words. But his shock only died down once he began to agree with him.
"Your weight is becoming a problem Leo. If your going to train, make sure your actually doing it right for one thing, so you can actually get some skills from what you do, and do some weight loss training while your at it."
Donatello laughed cruelly as he walked off, picking Michelangelo up bridal style, and left the lab.

Raphael followed suit, but didn't go without one more stab at Leonardo.
"Ya know somethin, Leo. I always knew ya wasn't perfect. No one is. Butchu ain't good eithuh. Too damn far from it to be any brother of ours. Always a failure. Masta Splintas gonna be pretty disappointed in ya, block head. He's pretty much noticed the mistake he made, ya dumbass reject."

With those words, Raphael was gone.
Leonardo sat in the dark for a long while. Nothing but solid pain and numb misery carved his being. His eyes hazed with a a blank emotion. About two hours passed before Leonardo gave a reaction to his brothers words. A very cold reaction. The eldest began to laugh silently as he wrapped his mind around
His brothers words.

"You guys are right. Your very right. You always have been. Everything about me spells "failure", "mistake", "reject". But i'll change. I'll change in anyway you want me to."

Donatello sighed at the wretched memory. The intense cause of the reason why his big brother was fighting his hardest to stay alive. Michelangelo was now staring at his big brother, intent on hearing what he was going to say next.
The immediate youngest rested his chin on his hand as he stared blankly at the wall, keeping the room in still silence.

"I don't know, Mikey. Its too safe to say that we really didn't have a reason to say any of the things we kept up for over 5 months. Its...terrible, that Leo had fallen unconscious just recently. Only 4 weeks ago. The changes in him were slow at first. But as time went by, you could tell how pale he started to get.
You could tell his appetite completely disappeared and could notice how skinny he was getting."

Michelangelo now had his full attention on Donatello as he spoke.
"What really started to get to me, was how...physically weak he was becoming, and how emotionally imbalanced he was becoming as well.
I just...wish that we saw this coming sooner, and I would have been able to save him."

The youngest lowered his head down, his face blank, but shock filled his eyes. He couldn't believe how much their words had affected their eldest. Its dumb, yes, to think that Leonardo would simply let what they were saying just slide. He was like any of them; had feelings, emotions..and they took that for granted and destroyed the person they loved, truly.

Raphael sat at Leonardo's bed side,
listening to the calming breaths his brother in took. So many thoughts shot through the emerald turtles mind, his eyes narrowing as he couldn't even begin to imagine what Leonardo must have been doing to himself.
'What da hell was he doin' ta practically kill himself? What was it?'

The immediate eldest sighed heavily. He couldn't act like he didn't know. He couldn't act confused and innocent. He had once WITNESSED one of Leonardo's many self harmings. It had been in the kitchen, if Raphael could remember. But it was the first time, when his big brother was still strong and healthy, about 5 days after their hurtful words. But the red masked warrior knew there hurtful sayings didn't stop just that night.

Leonardo stood at the kitchen sink, holding his bleeding hand in his grasp and staring in exasperation. G-d. That blood was beautiful. The way it gushed out of the wound and spread slowly in his hand. It almost brought tears to the eldest's eyes. He had accidentally cut himself while reaching for a knife in the dirty dish water.
But he couldn't be happier at the moment. That cut had felt so...no..that cut felt too good.

The leader in blue subconsciously reached for the knife inside of the dish water, his full attention still on his bleeding hand. With the knife in his grasp, Leonardo dug the knife deep into his hand, and drew it across slowly, biting his lip at the pain, but smiling brightly at the pleasure.

Then he was suddenly flung around.

Raphael walked casually through the lair halls, his exact location heading towards the kitchen. The immediate eldest bumped his head to his music, his lips slightly puckered to the side. No one was supposed to be awake at this time, and he didn't give a damn where Leonardo was.
The turtle in red turned the corner to the kitchen and was met with a very unpleasant sight.

Leonardo himself. Raphael sighed in annoyance at even the mere sight of his stupid sibling, and didn't even notice what it was the forest green turtle was doing. But the problem was, the eldest didn't even acknowledge his presence, which just about pissed Raphael off.
Walking forward a bit more, Raphael stood in the middle of the kitchen, about 10 feet from his brother.

"So. Leo. Haven't seen ya in a while. But I guess thats just what failures do, ya know. Just disappear. But hey, who wants to see yer face any longuh than 10 seconds, am i right?"
Leonardo still had his back turned the emerald turtle, not even hearing anything Raphael was saying.

The Sai welder grunted in, now anger, as he stomped over to the eldest and spun him around harshly.
"Hey, Leo! I'm-"
Both face to face, both brothers staring at each other in shock. Raphael stared down at his brothers hands, one holding a knife, the other practically gushing blood.

Leonardo was stuck in a haze, until realization hit.
"Uhh..umm...don't worry about me bro, I...I uhhh, cut myself with this k-knife...a-and umm...h-hurt myself. M'g-gonna take c-care of it."
The eldest swayed ever so slightly, but not enough for Raphael to notice at all.

The tiniest bit of concern Raphael once held disappeared in an instant. The immediate eldest rolled his eyes and pushed Leonardo away, not noticing the eldest almost falling off of his feet.
"Yer stupid, Leo. Still weak as hell."

Leonardo's vision was blurring horribly,
The amount of blood he was losing at such a fast rate was taking its toll. But the eldest held himself, not wanting to let his brothers down anymore than he had. Raphael trudged out of the kitchen, his appetite lost by his "brother".

Raphael sighed for what seemed like, the hundredth time that night.
"You ain't the one dat failed, Leo. We failed you. I don' know why I didn't jus'...take dat knife away from ya. Hold ya in my arms and tell ya how sorry I was. How sorry I am and how much I love you."
Tears poured rapidly down the immediate eldest face, his teeth bared in sadness and angst.

"G-d, Leo. M'so sorry. Damnit. Damnit, Leo, I'm so sorry!"

This is just little bits of how Leo started to abuse himself in the first place. Note I said "Started" meaning there's much more to come. Read and Review and tell me what you thing :)