Sheldon was sat in his room, his head was spinning. For the first time in days he didn't feel like crying. But to be honest, he wasn't entirely sure what he was doing. He'd been drinking from the mini bar for the best part of the evening. He couldn't even remember the name of the hotel he was staying in nor did he know that he'd definitely had too much to drink.
He saw his phone light up on the bedside table. He tried to get up off the floor to get his phone but ended up crawling towards the bed. Reaching upwards he felt for his phone on the cabinet and peered at it. It was from Penny.
Hi sweetie, how's it going on the road? Xo
Sheldon sighed. He was genuinely confused by the question, which in his right state of mind, would have confirmed to him that he had drunk far too much. He dropped his phone. Laughing, he picked the phone back up and unlocked it to send a reply.
Do come see me?
Sheldon was completely unaware that the message he sent to Penny made no sense. What he was aware of still was the fact that he wanted to see Penny, he wanted to kiss her. He tried to think some more and sent her another reply.
Kiss me?
He smirked to himself and lay down on the carpet. In his sober state, Sheldon would have been horrified to be so close to the germ infested carpet. He would have been repulsed, he would have run to the shower and refused to come out until he had been able to completely disinfect every inch of his body. But Sheldon wasn't sober, and right now lying on the carpet, he was in an usual state of equilibrium. His phone buzzed on the carpet next to him.
Did you want to speak to Amy? :/ xo
No xxxxxx
He awoke the next morning on the carpet, his face stuck to the stiff lint. His head was throbbing as he gradually opened his eyes. He jumped from the carpet in horror and grabbed his head in pain. Surveying the room he was quickly able to ascertain the cause of his headache, as he looked at a number of bottles of alcoholic beverages, all of which were empty. He stumbled a little, disgusted by the scene before him. He was disappointed with himself. Just because he was alone and unhappy didn't mean he needed to drink his sorrows away with bottles containing fermented yeast.
He looked down at his body. He was still wearing the clothes he wore at the train station when he left Pasadena. He had quickly equipped himself with pajamas and cleans clothes at a local store, but he had failed to change them last night when he arrived at his hotel. He had also failed to call Penny like he had promised. He had simply begun drinking.
He walked to the bathroom and stripped once inside. He turned the shower to a moderate temperature and climbed in. The water soothed him a bit but not enough to avert the tears. They started falling as soon as he realised the situation he was still in, that drinking his night away had changed nothing. He was still missing Penny, he was still upset about Leonard wanting him to move out and he was still angry that the university wouldn't let him change his field of research. People thought that things looked different in the morning. They did. They looked worse because they were definitely here to stay.
Once showered he wrapped himself in one of the robes provided and walked back into his room to find the clothes he had purchased. Sheldon dressed quickly before moving to the side of the bed and sitting down with his head in his hands. Deciding he ought to check the time he reached for his phone which was laid on the carpet. 11.07. Oh yes and a series of missed calls and text messages.
Amy and Leonard were conversational, wanting to know if he had arrived somewhere safely and if he was okay. He ignored them and turned his attention to his seven missed calls from Penny and three text messages.
I'm guessing you're drinking Sheldon? I think you're a bit confused xo
Are you okay? Xo
Sweetie, I'm here if you need to talk to me xoxo
Oh good lord. He scrolled up on the screen to see what he'd sent to her. As he read the messages he felt his phone slip through his fingers and back onto the floor. He took a series of deep breaths trying to prevent the inevitable panic attack. He lay on his bed gasping for air, thoughts rushing through his head about what was happening right now at home. What did Penny think of him? Did Leonard know? Had she told Amy?
He calmed himself enough to get up off the bed and look in his satchel for some Tylenol for his headache. He went to his mini fridge and took a bottle of water, knocking back the painkillers and downing the rest of the water.
"Okay, Sheldon, you can sort this out," he told himself, although not even he was convinced by this.
He found Penny's name in his contacts and dialled. The phone rang twice before he heard her cheery Nebraskan accent.
"Oh hi sweetie, I've been so worried about you! What did you do last night?"
"I… had a few drinks, um…" he trailed off. Was she going to ask him about the texts? He wasn't bringing it up if not.
"Well good for you! Did you get in touch with Amy in the end last night?"
"No… did she ask me to call her?"
"Well no, but I'm guessing you wanted her there to kiss you?"
Sheldon went silent. He swallowed hard. Why are you pausing? Go for her story. You don't have to explain yourself then. It'll be over.
"No, I didn't. I fell asleep after I text you," he hedged.
"Oh, oh well, I'm sure she'd love to hear from you!" Penny said brightly.
Bought it.
"Well, thank you for calling Penny."
"Okay sweetie, although you did call me! Maybe you should have a lie down?"
"I'm fine."
"Okay, well drink plenty of water! Take care of yourself!"
The line went dead. Sheldon lay back on the bed and breathed a sigh of relief. He might have just lied to Penny but at least she didn't know about him. At least Leonard wasn't going to be having his balls for baubles. And at least Amy wouldn't be having a strop over him asking another girl to kiss him.
Sheldon walked with his hands in his pockets around San Diego. He had been wandering aimlessly around the city centre for almost an hour now. Sheldon wanted to go home. He never thought he'd say it but he was lonely. He had told everyone just over 24 hours ago that he wanted to get away from everything, but now he wanted to back where he belonged. He couldn't cope with the change at home. But there was even more change out here. He was scared, he didn't really know what he was doing. Maybe Leonard was right, maybe he wasn't a grown man.
Maybe if I was a grown man, I would have been able to ask Penny out years ago and I wouldn't be sat here regretting it. Maybe she wouldn't be engaged to Leonard right now if I was proper man and I'd actually asked her out. The thing is Sheldon, he told himself, you did ask her out once, she didn't want to go out with you. She doesn't like you like that. She wants to be your friend, and nothing else.
Sheldon felt his phone ring in his pocket. His heart leapt, maybe Penny wanted to talk to him again. He pulled it out of his pocket to find that Amy was calling him.
"Good afternoon, Amy Farrah Fowler."
"Sheldon, I've been trying to get in touch with you all day. What have you been doing?"
Imagining what my life would be like if I asked your best friend out. Probably not what Amy wanted to hear.
"I've just been walking. I need to clear my head."
"Sheldon, you promised me last night you'd stay in touch!"
He took the phone from his ear and hung up. He didn't need to be shouted at by his girlfriend. He needed to spend some time thinking about what he was actually doing with his life. He needed to consider if he even wanted to be with Amy. Regardless, he wasn't going to be with Penny.
Knock knock knock "Amy!"
Knock knock knock "Amy!"
Knock knock knock "Amy!"
Sheldon heard the door being unlocked. It was the following evening and he had taken the train back to Pasadena. He got a taxi from the station to Amy's house and was currently waiting outside her door. He hadn't spoken to her since he hung up on her yesterday, but from the texts he received from everyone else, he gathered she was pretty mad.
Amy stood in front of him. She was wearing a blue cardigan and long grey skirt. She glared at him. He stood there uncomfortably shifting from one foot to another.
"Can I come in?"
"No, Sheldon, you can't."
"I thought you would be happy that I came back."
Amy stepped to one side to close the door but Sheldon dodged past her and entered the apartment. She was glaring at him as he moved to sit on her couch. He looked up at her. He chewed his lip wondering what to do next.
"Look, we need to talk…"
"Sheldon, I have had enough of the way you treat me! Unless you show some sort of commitment to this relationship now, it is over!"
"Amy, I do show commitment. I kiss you every date night. I've never kissed another girl like that."
"Sheldon, that is not a commitment! I've been going out with you for three years now, I expect something a bit more than that!"
He sighed and looked at the floor. "Listen, Amy, you know I'm not comfortable with physical contact."
"Sheldon, I've never even seen your genitals!"
Sheldon's face flushed absolutely scarlet. He looked at the floor again feeling the blush creep down his neck. He rubbed his hands against his knees awkwardly and moved his hands together to link his fingers. He bit his lower lip and glanced up at her.
"Amy that's inappropriate. I'm not comfortable with you saying that to me."
"For goodness sake, we've known each other for four years and we've been going out for three! I wouldn't mind if you'd proposed or something and said we were going to have sex when we get married! But no you don't even have that plan!"
She was shouting now. Sheldon stood up drawing himself up to his full height.
"When I first met you, Amy," he said steadily. "We both agreed coitus was off the table. I never wanted to put it on the table. You want it, I don't."
"You don't know if you want it!" she screamed. "You've never done anything like that so how do you know?"
Sheldon stepped back and stumbled a bit. He was shaken by the shouting. He hated arguments and he didn't want to get involved. He made a move towards the door but Amy grabbed hold of him to pull him back. She was stronger than he'd anticipated and he tripped backwards landing on her couch.
"Amy, calm down," he resonated. He could tell from the look on her face that he needed to leave.
"Good night, Sheldon."
He took one last glance at her, and made a speedy exit from the apartment.
