Donna

April 27th, 2010

We're in California tonight for a charity fundraiser for an international women's group. There are celebrities here. The food is fancy. The air is warm. Helen is doing great. We've been in office over a year now and while she took a while to get adjusted, she's gotten a handle on these kinds of events. She doesn't care much for the pomp and circumstance of state functions and she still gets nervous about big speeches but I'm quite proud of the First Lady she's become.

Leaving Josh this morning was an event. He didn't think I should go. I've been feeling tired and vomiting for the past few nights. I told him he was being ridiculous and that I had celebrities to meet. He jokingly warned me against flirting with Matthew Perry.

But I am not currently flirting with, talking to, or seeing Matthew Perry or any other stars. Right now I'm looking into a toilet bowl and dry heaving. There's nothing in my stomach because my stomach was still feeling upset this morning from being awake at 4 AM and vomiting. And I was busy on the plane taking a final look through of the First Lady's remarks and walking her through the face book of who'd be there. We were supposed to do that yesterday but Miranda had an minor incident at school so the First Lady left the East Wing early so we had to play a little catch up.

I was exhausted when we got to the hotel so I took a nap, forgetting to call Josh, and woke up later than I wanted and had to rush to get ready for the event. I called Josh while trying to get dressed but Margaret told me he was in the Sit Room. On top of all of this, I was bloated. I must be PMSing because it took quite the effort to zip up my dress. A dress I'd bought like a month ago.

"Donna? Are you alright?" Nancy, Helen's assistant, knocks on the door. I take a deep breath to answer her but that just starts the whole heaving process again. "Donna? Should I come in?"

She probably should be with Helen but I know that Annabeth is with her so I'm not overly concerned. I'm not crazy about anyone seeing me like this but it is just Nancy. I've known Nancy for a long time. She worked under Mrs. Landingham and Debbie during the Bartlet Administration. I hear the door open.

"Oh, Donna." She kneels next to me and pulls my hair back. I want Josh. I feel like crap.I want him to hold me like he did last night. "Josh? You want me to call Josh?" I must have said part of that outloud. I nod meekly at Nancy.

"Hey, Margaret. It's me. Is Josh in his office? Donna wants to talk to him." I hear Margaret say something and wait. "Hey, Josh. Donna isn't feeling very good- she wanted to talk to you. Donna? Should I put it on speakerphone for you?" I shake my head a little and pull myself into a better position, leaning against the wall but close enough to the toilet just in case. I take the phone from Nancy.

"Hi." My voice sound hoarse.

"Hey, there. How's it goin'?" I can hear the concern in his voice even though he's trying to keep it light.

"Ugh. It's fine. I'm just…" I really can't explain why I start tearing up. I just suddenly miss home and Josh and I don't want to be sick. I feel like a child. "Don't you dare say I told you so."

"Wouldn't dream it. Do you have a fever?"

"No. I'm still just tired and getting sick. Well, not even that. I've thrown up so much these past few days my body has given up on it."

"When was the last time you ate?" Uh oh. I should've thought of this before I asked to talk to him. "Donna…" He says when I don't answer. When I'm still quiet, he gets annoyed. "Donna! You have to eat!" And then I'm crying again. His voice immediately gets softer. "Hey, hey. I'm sorry. I just want you to take care of yourself."

Poor Nancy just sits on the floor with me for the next ten minutes as Josh soothes me. I'm feeling much more in control of my stomach and my emotions after we hang up but I'm still not quite up to the event.

Nancy helps me up and goes to tell the First Lady I'm going back to the hotel. The cab ride is pretty miserable but I get to the hotel and collapse into the bed. I don't know how I'm this tired. I've been sick before! This doesn't even feel like the flu or anything. Ugh.

I leave Josh a voicemail that I'm safe and going to sleep and that I'll see him in the morning. A minute and half later, I fall asleep still on top of the covers and still in my dress. At least I took the heels off.

As I'm going to sleep, I have the oddest sensation. Like I'm not putting together puzzle pieces that are obvious. I'm just too tired to get into that right now.

Josh

April 29th, 2010

What are you supposed to do when you're pretty sure your fiancee is pregnant and doesn't realize it? This is a situation that requires more tact than I think I have and it's not like I can go asking someone for advice!

I'm laying awake staring at the ceiling, trying to figure out the best way to approach this with Donna. When we got off the phone the other night, it hit me in the middle of the sit room. Santos and General Booker gave me a look when I jolted suddenly but I tried to continue as business as normal despite having just put together a number of Donna's symptoms. She's been exhausted. She's been more inclined to crying than usual. She's been vomiting. And god help me if I say this out loud but she has put on more weight. I know Donna's body rather intimately. I've been dreaming of it and thinking about it for over a decade. I recognize changes. Her hips and her breasts have become more… cushioned. Okay, yeah, nope. Definitely not going to put it that way. It's not significant really. I doubt even Donna has noted the difference. Of course, these things don't necessarily mean pregnancy- I told myself in the sit room.

When I came back and listened to Donna's sleepy voicemail saying she got in alright, I tucked the last piece of the puzzle into place in my head. Donna hasn't had her period.

I'm a smart man. I've taken note of when Donna is usually on her period. At first, I only noticed when I'd try to touch her in a way that meant I wanted to do more and she'd put those attempts to bed with a glare. The first few months I didn't put it together. It was transition and then the first 100 days in office so we weren't yet living together and I was pretty busy.

Then a few months after our first trip to Hawaii, we're out to dinner and she's more indecisive than usual about what she's getting. Then I jokingly tell her to get both and she does. And then orders cheesecake. She insists on paying since she got so much and I roll my eyes and let her because I hadn't given in on the check battle we were having every time we went out in a while. And later that night when she gave me the touch me and lose your fingers look, I (with tact a la Lyman) asked if she were on her period. I immediately recognized my mistake but before I could apologize, Donna yelled at me and turned to go pout on the couch. I made apology tea and told her I'd go run to CVS for Reese's if she wanted. She laughed and told me snuggling would do.

And from that month on, I noted the date and made sure I had candy, tea, and advil on hand during that time. And now that we were engaged and living together, it was fairly clear when she was and wasn't on her period and she hadn't been since the beginning of March. She could be three and half weeks late but given the sum total of her symptoms… Donna is pregnant. My stomach flips over in nerves but my face doesn't get the message because I feel a small smile coming through.

Yesterday morning, I picked her up from Andrews when her and the First Lady returned and tried to get her to go to the doctor without revealing my suspicions. She just wanted to go home. Her puppy dog eyes won me over. I stayed with her at home for a few hours before going into the office to check in and take a meeting with budget but I was home by six since it was only Sunday.

I broached the going to the doctor subject again and she said she was feeling much better and hadn't gotten sick since early in the morning. I still couldn't get the words out that I thought she should go because she was pregnant so I just dug into my pasta.

Donna woke up around two in the morning and got sick. She was too tired and nauseous looking that I told myself I'd say something in the morning. It's now morning. Well, only three and half hours later.

I get out of bed and put coffee on. I turn the computer on and start checking the news sites. It's only a few minutes later that I hear a scampering from the bedroom and then coughing, gagging noise. I rush to the bathroom and Donna is kneeling over the toilet again. I move to rub her back before a thought clicks in my brain.

"I'll be right back, love." I mumble as I rush out to the kitchen and stop the coffee maker. Donna probably smelled the coffee and got ill from it. That happens with pregnant women on TV. I pour what was in the jug down the sink and run the water. I spray some of the lemony stuff around before returning to Donna.

Once she's feeling better we go out to the kitchen.

"Didn't you start coffee?" She looks at the empty and off coffee maker.

"Uh… what about tea? Do you want tea?"

"Josh… What's going on?" She sounds suspicious. She steps towards the coffee maker to turn it on and I sidestep to get in her way. "What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing! I just think we should have tea!" My voice is high and squeaky. "Or water! You should have water. You just threw up. Why do you want coffee, weirdo?"

"Because it's early? Because it's Monday morning? What on earth is going on with you?"

"Uh… okay. So… Hmm." I stall, hoping inspiration will hit and I'll find the right words. I get Donna some water as part two of my stalling tactic. She sees through it, of course, but she takes the water and drinks it down. "So, uh, how ya feelin'?"

"Josh! Stop stalling."

"I'm- I am not. Just, tell me how you're feeling."

"Annoyed." She scrunches her face up at me. I resist the urge to chuckle at how adorable she is when she does that.

"No, really. How are you feeling? You said yesterday you were better right? But you got sick in the middle of the night and this morning?" She sighs, seeming to accept my odd line of questioning.

"I'm fine. I don't need to see a doctor, Josh. This will pass. It might just be…" She trails off. I'm hoping she'll come to the conclusion I have on her own. "I don't know, bad food." Well, you can lead a horse to water.

"Well… then tea will probably be good for an upset stomach." And I chicken out. Donna squints at me but shrugs.

"I'm gonna go start getting ready." She tells me and I nod. My phone rings and it's from Lou so I'm waylaid by work for a little bit.

By the time I bring her back tea and toast, Donna is out of the shower. Her pants are on, her hair is wet, and she's trying to perform her typical acrobat routine of hooking her bra behind her back.

"Josh." My eyes snap up to her face, I'm sure looking guilty. "Can you stop ogling me and help me?" I hand her the mug and set the toast on the nightstand. She turns around and I go to hook her bra for her. "Are you putting it on the second hook?"

"Um, no. It's the first one."

"The second one fits better please."

"Uh… are you sure that's comfortable?" I question her as I do as she says and clip on the second hook, the fabric looking a bit strained to me. She turns around, looking at me like I've gone crazy.

"What? Josh! I always wear this bra on the second hook." I'm distracted by the bra that has pushed her breasts up in a way that is making me forget about the mess at work Lou just told me about. "Earth to Joshua!?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry."

"What's got you so caveman this morning?" She laughs and starts to put on her lavender button down.

"Well…" I trail off. Donna has reached the buttons by her breasts. They're straining a bit.

"Did this shrink?" She mutters under her breath with irritation.

"Nope." My mouth shoots off before my brain.

"Excuse me? Joshua, what is with you!?" She appears to have reached the end of her rope with me. I groan loudly and flop on to the bed with a sense impending doom.

"Donna, don't make me say it."

"Josh Lyman! What in God's-"

"Donna! You're pregnant!" Uh oh. I'm pretty sure that was a bad way to go about this. I pop up and look at her. Her big blue eyes have gone wide and her mouth is opening closing as if she's trying to get something out.

"You think… Why would you… Josh!" I watch her expression go from confusion to irritation to realization in a span of ten seconds. Her hands fly up to her mouth as it makes an O. "Josh?" She says quietly, looking at me with such vulnerability in her eyes it breaks my heart. I reach out and wrap her in my arms.

"Hey, hey. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have just blurted that out."

"No. I- I just don't get how you… and I didn't…" She's getting choked up and my heart twists painfully. I hate it when she cries.

"Donnatella, it's alright, beautiful. You just weren't thinking about it."

"And you were!? How long have you thought this!?" She pushes me away just a little bit to look at my face. At least if she's annoyed with me, her tears have temporarily been paused.

"I just- I put it together… ya know, the night you were in California."

"H-how!? Dammit! I…"

"Look, babe, we don't even know for sure yet. I could be wrong. It's been known to happen every once in a blue moon. Thought I understand your doubt that it could happen, every once in a while..." I try to keep my tone light. It works a little and she rolls her eyes at my false bravado about being wrong so rarely.

"Joooosh." She groans and throws her head into my chest. I rub her back some more. "How are you so fucking calm!?" My eyebrows raise in shock at her sudden cursing. It's not that Donna doesn't ever curse. This just seems more out of the blue.

"Donnatella." I pull back a bit to cradle her head in my hands. "Having a baby with you doesn't scare me. I love you."

"I-I love you too! But this is totally the wrong time! And I don't understand how this could have happened! I'm on the pill-" She stops herself and freezes for a second before racing to the bathroom. I follow her. She takes the little blue folded thing out of the medicine cabinet and looks at it.

"I'm an idiot." She declares, staring at it in horror.

"No, no. You're not."

"I've forgotten to take my birth control, Josh! Not just once! But quite often over the past few months. Oh. My. God. What am I? Sixteen!? Jesus."

"I hope not. Freddie Briggs doesn't seem like father material." Oops. Donna's glare now has nothing on the don't touch me I'm bleeding and angry at mankind glare. If looks could kill, I'd be nothing but steam now. "Sorry! Sorry! I'm not funny! I won't pass my sense of humor to our kid! I'll never make a joke in their presence." I grin at her sheepishly. She harrumphs and slams the blue packet down before gliding past me and back into the bedroom.

It's not every day that Donna is the one pacing and I'm the one trying to be patient sitting on the bed but I decide it's in both our best interests to let her process this a bit.

We're almost certainly going to be late for work but that's not my top concern and I don't think it's even on Donna's list of concerns in this moment. I'm so lost in thinking about what she might be thinking about that I don't realize that she's stopped pacing. When I come to and look at her, she's looking back at me with hot tears running down her face. I reach forward and grab her hand, pulling her towards the bed. I go to unbutton her shirt but her hands stop me.

"Josh! Is this really the best time!?"

"I'm not trying to seduce you, Donna. Just making you more comfortable before we lay back down." She relaxes her tense frame and I resume my task of undressing her. I take my tee shirt off and put it on her once she's only in her underwear. I scoop her up onto the bed with me.

"Josh?" She murmurs into my chest.

"Yeah, love?" I'm stroking her hair down her back.

"It was an accident. I didn't…" She's crying again and I hate that this so upsetting for her.

"I know. I know. It's okay."

"It's not, Josh. It's such a bad time! We're a month and a half away from our wedding!"

"Donna, there's no such thing. I love you. You love me. I want to have a family with you. I don't care how or when it happens. Everything will be okay. You can get your dress taken out a bit. We'll figure out work-" I should've known better to bring up work as she was finally relaxing. She pops up.

"Oh my god! We're gonna be so late!" I manage to reach my arms around her waist before she can hop out of bed.

"Listen, we're already gonna be late. Let's just call in for today. Or at least for a few hours. We need to call your doctor to so we can be sure…" I watch her weigh these options and she must decide I'm right because she flops back onto the bed. I snuggle into her neck for a second before reaching back to where the landline is on the nightstand on Donna's side.

I dial Sam first.

"Sam Seaborn."

"Hey, Sam. It's me. I need you to do me a favor."

"Hey, I'm about to be there. I'll be parking in three minutes."

"Great, great. Except I'm not there. I've got a thing. I need you to do senior staff this morning then staff the president for the first hour or two."

"Oh. Okay. I've got Kingston at ten thirty though. I moved him back twice last week…" Sam trails off.

"That's fine. Lou has her hands full this morning- get Connie or Bram to staff the President til I can get there or your meeting is done. You good with that?"

"Yeah… Yeah. Everything alright?"

"Yeah. Donna is still not feeling well, I'm taking her to the doctor but I'm not sure how early we'll be able to get in." I tell him a half-truth, running my hand up and down Donna's side. I call Margaret next and give her the same line and tell her to help Sam get ready for senior staff and to rework any of my meetings that I was supposed to have this morning.

"You need to call Helen?" I hold out the phone to her. She nods and takes it. She tells Helen she is going to the doctor but plans on coming in but I can hear Helen tell her not to be silly, that she is to stay home and that Helen will pry an executive order out of her husband if she needs to. Donna rolls her eyes and agrees. Donna calls her assistant then Annabeth next. They wish her well and Amber, her assistant, asks if there's anything she can do. Donna asks her to bring her some work by later today, that Donna will call when she gets back from the doctor so she knows when to come by. I hold my tongue and don't tell Donna it'd be better for her to take advantage of the day off. That's just not who we really are.

"Alright. Your doctor next?" I ask. She nods, biting her lip, looking nervous. I lean over and kiss her.

"Thank you." She says.

"For what?" My eyebrows knit together in confusion.

"For being so great. I… I'm scared out of my mind but the idea of you as a dad… that makes me happy." I can't help the smile that erupts on my face.

"You're gonna be a great mom. I love you so much." I punctuate the last sentence with a kiss on her nose between every word. Good god, if republicans could see what a puddle this woman has turned me into.

Donna

April 30th, 2010

I'm pregnant. I know it. Now.

I can't believe Josh figured this out before me. I'm staring at myself in the mirror naked now which isn't something I've done a ton of before. And I'm not entirely sure if my brain is exaggerating the changes but my stomach is more stretched and my boobs are larger. I have love handles for the first time in my life. Okay, that might be an exaggeration. But they are definitely different from my slim hip bones I'm used to.

I'm beginning to feel like a voyeur of my own body so I reach for the towel to cover up again as Josh walks in. He's in his work pants but barefoot with no shirt. God, the man is just delectable. I meet his eyes after a minute or so. They're shimmering with lust and mischief.

"Is this pregnancy hormones or just me?" He grins. I roll my eyes and turn back to the counter and start fiddling with the toothpaste. He wraps his arms around my waist and waits for me to look up at him in the mirror.

"We need to leave in the next twenty minutes if we wanna be on time, Joshua." I tell him.

"I know." He whispers in my ear, kissing my neck.

"Josh!" I scold as his hands do some meandering but I don't do much to stop him.

"There's a lot that can be done in twenty minutes."

"You do like a challenge."

We're less than fifteen minutes late, an impressive feat given how quickly we had to get ready and make it through traffic. My leg is bouncing as we sit in the waiting room. I wonder how Josh is taking everything so well. I thought pregnancy would freak him out. I thought we'd have more time. That we would get married and then we'd work up to the conversation about trying. Then I'd sit him down one night and tell him and he'd freak out a little but then he'd be happy. I didn't expect it to happen so close to our wedding date. And I'd imagined that if I ever got accidentally pregnant I'd have to talk him off the walls.

Meanwhile, he's the one who realized it! And he's being so wonderful and supportive and calm and normal and I'm the one freaking out. I spent most of yesterday teetering between the idea that Josh was out of his mind and that there was no way I was pregnant or that I was absolutely with child and an idiot for not realizing or at least suspecting it.

"Donna Moss?" A nurse wearing rabbit-themed scrubs asks. I nod and we stand to follow her. She leads me to the weight measure and I hand Josh my jacket and my purse, feeling a little nervous about getting on the scale. He gives me a reassuring smile and I try to keep my face blank. I don't look down at the number on purpose.

"Okay, 134. You can step off the scale, Miss Moss." 134 isn't that big of a difference. I've weighed more than that before. But it bothers me she says it out loud. She doesn't know my comfortability level with Josh! He could be like a one night stand being a gentlemen and taking me to this appointment. Josh reads my irritation pretty easy and slips his hand into mine, giving it a squeeze.

"If you'll follow me to the exam room and we'll have a quick chat to answer some preliminary questions then Dr. Nunes will be right in!" She's far too cheery. The exam room is painted a light yellow and the paper on the bed crinkles loudly as I sit up on it.

"So Miss Moss-"

"Donna is fine." I interrupt her. Josh sits in the chair in the corner. I have sudden desire to run out the room.

"Okay, Donna. When was the date of your last period?"

"Uh, March 4th. It ended around then."

"Okay, were you sexually active around that time?"

"Yes." I blush a little. No idea why. I'm an adult woman who's been going to the gynecologist for how long!? I don't know why I'm getting shy now.

"How often would you say?" Josh coughs awkwardly at her question and I shoot him a look.

"Often." I reply shortly.

"I understand this can be embarrassing but if you'd prefer your partner can step outside."

"No! I, uh, no. I want him here." I'm blushing more at acting like a kid who needs their parent around for the dentist visit.

"Okay, how many times a week would you say you're sexually active?" I try not to notice Josh's smirk he's attempting to keep off his face.

"Um. Probably 5 times a week." Josh raises a brow at my answer. If we're in the apartment together, chances are we're having sex that night at least once. But with the times that we're away, I figure it averages out to 5 times a week. Josh keeps his mouth shut with his objection over my math though.

The nurse finishes her questions and leaves me with a hospital gown to change into. She asks if Josh wants to step outside again and I suppress the urge to give her a dubious look and just tell her that it's fine.

"Five?" He asks me when the door closes. I roll my eyes and toss my shirt at him. He grins, standing to kiss me quickly. I'm changed into the hospital gown in no time and then we're just waiting on the doctor. Josh keeps up idle conversation that I'm grateful for. I don't want to focus too much on the pregnancy thing I'm about to be shown incontrovertible proof of.

The knock on the door makes the hair on my neck stand up. I lose the ability to speak for a second and look at Josh. I'm grateful that we're able to communicate without words because he tells the doctor she can come in.

"Donna! Lovely to see you again, now you were just here for your check up. Is there another reason you might be here today?" She asks with a coy expression. I like Dr. Nunes a lot. I've been seeing her for the past six years and she's always been down to earth and blunt in a way that's comforting for me.

"Yes, Doctor. I-I think I'm pregnant." I stutter. She gives me a small smile before facing Josh.

"Your fault?" She throws out at him. He takes a mental jump back. I didn't prepare him for Dr. Nunes' personality. I thought it'd be fun. I was right.

"Uh- well. Um, I guess if you-"

"Relax, Josh. I've heard all about you. Great ring." She winks at him, pulling up the stool closer to me. "Alright, Donna. I've looked over the answers you gave the nurse and I'm going to ask you some follow up then we'll get the ultrasound in here to see what we can see."

"Sounds good." I'm feeling a little more at ease now but I can still feel the tension in my shoulders.

"I wanna talk about your exhaustion level. Would you say work has been more stressful lately?"

"No, not really."

"She's been travelling a lot. If that's-" Josh shuts up as both the doctor and I give him looks. He has the grace to look sheepish. I give him a smile just so he knows I'm not mad.

"Okay. Have you noticed your breasts being more tender?"

"Yeah, a little. I just thought I was PMS-ing."

"For how long?"

"A week, maybe two." I blush.

"When did you first suspect you were pregnant?" I look over at Josh who's obviously trying to look innocent. I sigh slightly before admitting the truth.

"I didn't. Josh figured it out."

"Ah, okay. Josh, when did you first suspect?"

"Um, I didn't really really piece it together until the past few days! But, uh, I've had inklings for a week… or two." This is news to me.

"Josh!" I chirp. He puts his hands up innocently.

"When would you say your symptoms first started? The nausea, the tiredness?"

"About three weeks ago, a little more maybe."

"Okay, Donna, looking at your menstral cycle I'd say you're about six weeks pregnant if you indeed are. I'm going to be right back with what I need for the ultrasound, okay?" Dr. Nunes patted my shoulder as she left the room.

"Sorry!" Josh piped up when the door closed. I roll my eyes but I'm not really that upset with him. It's more me.

"It's fine, babe. Just, um, come here for a second." I ask him. He looks confused but stands by me. When he's close enough for me to do so, I lean into his chest, letting my face be smothered by his button down. His arms wrap around me, his right hand running through my hair.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm just scared about if it's… real. Or if it's not. You've been so great. I- I. Well, what if I'm not? Will you be disappointed?" I mutter through his chest.

"I get to marry you in a month regardless. There's not a happier man alive."

"You should be a little less wonderful. You're setting the husband bar a little high."

"I've always been terrible at limbo anyways." He shrugs.

"Yeah? A great pole vaulter, were you?"

"Yup." I can feel him smile into my hair.

We slowly separate ourselves as Dr. Nunes knocks and comes in with the ultrasound machine and tools. The video screen is blank right now and I feel a fluttering in my stomach at the idea that I'm about to see my baby for the first time. Two minutes ago, I was still pretty unsure. But something about this just made it real for me.

"Alright Donna, lie back, put your legs up here." I follow her instructions but not before I glimpse a look at the tube thing she's putting jelly on. I have a bad feeling about this.

"Doc, what is that!?" My voice does the Josh thing where it goes all high.

"It's called a transducer, Donna. I know it's not the one in the shows but when it's this early in the pregnancy we have to use a vaginal probe." I look over at Josh who's gone a little pale and I reach for his hand. He stands closer to my head and we ease one another anxiety with eye contact.

"Will it hurt her?" He asks.

"Not any more uncomfortable than a pap smear." Greaaat. Josh's confusion isn't cleared up much but I give the doc the nod to go ahead. "So from this, we'll know if you're pregnant. You'll be able to hear the heart rate and see the umbilical cord, the size of the embryo, and the placenta. We should be able to get a better week estimate as well."

When she inserts the transducer, it's not pleasant but nothing to groan about either. Josh's eyes are glued to me until we hear it.

"Oh, there it is. That's your baby's heart rate." Josh's eyes switch between the monitor and me while I try to blink the tears out of my eyes.

"Josh?" I whisper. He looks at me so lovingly that I have to close my eyes. There's a part of me remembering a hospital far from here, where I cried and Josh sat beside me. When I didn't think that this was possible. When I wasn't sure if I'd have a future, much less if I would have one with Josh. I open my eyes when I feel him lean down to bury his face in my neck. I kiss his curls, hoping to convey what I can't with words. Through all this the whoosh of our child's heartbeat surrounds us.

"I love you." Josh whispers in a low voice. The low tone has two effects. One, it's only for my ears. Two, I want to jump him.

Hours later when we're home, watching the news on the couch, wrapped up in one another, I'm lost in thought. I'm seven weeks pregnant. Apparently I got pregnant the week before my period started. Truthfully, I think Josh is still confused there. But we both know that our baby is due on January 20th. I'm pretty sure that date is just circling in both our minds. That it won't be long before the two of us are parents. Responsible for the tiny baby that's inside of me.

And before that happens? We have to have a wedding. You'd be freaking out to if you were me.

Josh

May 12th, 2010

So I'm marrying Donna in a week. Donna's baby bump is barely visible but she insists that it is. Her dress had to be let out just a little bit at her fitting the other day. Her nausea hasn't improved at all. Our sex life has slowed down considerably. It doesn't bother me really. Except that I'm pretty sure it's because she's not feeling particularly confident.

I've found her staring at mirrors with a pinched expression. I'm trying to do the whole cheerleader, supportive fiance thing but things have heated up in Kazakhstan and the South China Sea. I've spent more time in the sit room or with Arnold Vinnick at Foggy Bottom in the past seventy-two hours than at home.

Tonight, however, I have plans to surprise Donna. We're going to a Korean BBQ place that I know she's been dying to try then I've rented two of Donna's favorite movies (When Harry Met Sally and How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days). I finish up my meeting with Sheila Holbrook and leave for the East Wing.

It's only seven thirty but I find Donna asleep at her desk. Papers crowd her and her forehead rests on her keyboard. My heart constricts in my chest. She's so tired. I didn't expect pregnancy to take this much out of her.

I called Dr. Nunes last week. Donna was throwing up all hours of the night and she seemed too exhausted. Dr. Nunes assured me that it was normal. Donna was irritated with me for about two hours before forgiving me with the price of couch cuddles and an earl grey tea.

I shake Donna awake gently. She startles still.

"Cornflower!" She mutters as she comes to. Cornflower blue is one of our wedding colors. Donna has been stressed about this wedding. But it's so close now I'm thinking that it's out of our hands.

"Good morning beautiful."

"What? Josh?"

"Have a nice nap?" I reach behind her to massage her neck. It had to be a little stiff from the angle she had it on her desk.

"Mhm. Yeah. Can we go home now?"

"Of course." So Korean BBQ will wait to another night. She's too tired. I help her gather her things and we meander through the White House and as we're about to go outside she stops.

"Nope. That's it. I have to tell someone!" She exclaims turning herself on her heel and marches off in the direction of the West Wing. It takes me a second to catch up.

"Donna? Donna, what do you mean?"

"I'm not waiting three more weeks, Josh. I have to tell someone. I'm going insane!" She starts out in a whisper but her volume quickly elevates. She's headlong for the operations bullpen. People turn and look our way as she stampedes through but I throw them a look and they turn away quickly.

"Donna, let's just-"

"No! I'm tired of it all being on me. I need someone else to freak out! You are too calm!" I'm feeling confused by the time she makes it to Sam's office, my old office. I notice her small expression change for a second as she looks at her old desk but she doesn't pause. She throws open Sam's door.

"Donna?" He says, looking befuddled. I shrug at his questioning glance at me.

"Sam, page Ainsley to get her ass down here right now."

"Donna?"

"Sam!"

"Okay, okay!" He fumbles to get his cell phone and send Ainsley a text. Donna paces as we wait. Sam is trying to communicate with me through confused glances but I'm letting Donna take the reins here. Seems only right.

"Is everything okay, Sa…" Ainsley trails off as she processes Donna. "Donna? Did something happen with the wedding plans?"

"You could say that!" She sighs loudly and finally appears to have tired herself out with the pacing. She sits in the visitor's chair.

"Donna?" Ainsley inquires again.

"Why do you people keep saying that?"

"Because, love, you're having a bit of a nutty." I pipe up helpfully. Her glare indicates she's not particularly pleased with my commentary.

"Ugh! You! Tell them!"

"What? Don't you want to…? This was your idea!" I stutter.

"Can someone just tell us what's going on? Are you guys okay?" Sam asks.

"We're fine, Sam." I assure him.

"Speak for yourself, pal."

"Donna." I sigh.

"I'm pregnant. And I'm getting married in a week as you both know considering your positions in the wedding party and I'm freaking out because I am about ten weeks pregnant and fat and I have acne. Did you know you get acne when you're pregnant? I'm going to look like junior year Donna at my wedding! And I'm fat! Everything is terrible and Josh is busy being Mr. Fantastic and I need you all to freak out."

We're all quiet as we take in Donna's rant. I don't know what she's talking about with the acne. I haven't noticed anything. I've noticed other changes. Like, yes, her hips are a little more round. And her aereolas are darker and more sensitive. All things that are in accordance with the two books in my nightstand.

"Donna?" Sam breaks the silence first.

"Stop! Saying! That! Like! That!" Donna trills.

"Donna, come here." Ainsley reaches out for a hug and Donna folds into it. "Listen, you're going to be beautiful. You are beautiful. Why don't we have a spa day tomorrow morning? It's a Saturday!" Ainsley seems to know what she's doing better than Sam and I.

"Aren't we doing that the day before the wedding anyways?"

"Yeah but two trips to the spa never hurt anyone. Besides, Josh is going to pay for it." Ainsley turns her smile on me. I nod vigorously because I just want Donna to not cry. "Good boy." Ainsley says to me as if I'm a dog who rolled over when told. I glare at her a little when Donna turns away from me. Ainsley sticks her tongue out at me.

Ainsley and I during the wedding planning process have become closer. Less as friends, more like siblings who can't stand one another but love each other despite that. Donna and Sam laugh and play mediator.

"Sam? You're not saying anything?" Donna looks at him. I can imagine the red-rimmed puppy dog eyes. Sam is quiet for a rather pregnant pause- don't mind the pun.

"I am extremely happy for you two." He sounds more than a little choked up. "Thank you for telling us."

"Of course, Sam. I know I… I know I was a little freaked out but you guys, you and Ains, you've become our family. Right, Josh?" Donna looks over at me. Now I'm just as choked up as Sam. I push myself off the wall and throw my arm around Ainsley and look Sam in the eye.

"Yeah. You are."

Sam and I can't stop the smiles from spreading across our faces. I think Ainsley is crying. I know Donna is. I can't wait for my baby to know their god father.

AN hi hello okay so uh been a while huh? for Trophy Wife fans- i promise im working on it! but this dad!josh is coming more naturally

sorry about any typos im sleepy lol

thanks for your support it means so much to me please review feed my soul but also be nice pls i am so fragile i am merely a very thin glass vase who is in need of your gentle touch and flowers