RISE!

TSUYOSA!

WE!

WILL!

RISE!

WE!

WILL!

RISE!

TSUYOSA!

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

RISE!

TSUYOSA!

RISE!

TSUYOSA!

NARUTO ™

TSUYA!

HA!

SA!

"Listen, kid: You sure you want me to take your picture like that?" a fat photographer said to Naruto. The kid was getting his ID photo taken, now that he was finally a ninja.

"Just do it! Come on, already! Come on!"

TWO!

"Ugh...don't blame me later...

Say cheese!"

*flash*

SORE!

TSUYA!

木の葉丸だコレ!(My Name Is Konohamaru!)

HAH!

HAH!

TSUYAYOIYOIYOISATOU!

Naruto sat in front of the Third Hokage and another ninja to his right, awaiting review. They were in a large room with a wooden floor, in the treetops.

Everything about the profile sheet looked normal...

...but that picture...

"Heh heh heh heh heh!" Naruto laughed. He gave the classic Naruto pose: right arm rubbing behind his head while he yukked it up.

The Third grumbled.

"At first, you know, I couldn't figure out exactly how to do it. It took me like three hours to work it out and stuff; but, finally, I got it. Like an art project...on my face. Nyeh heh!"

"Take it again."

"Nyeh heh! Okay, haha!

But tell me, though: it looks funny, right?"

...

"...was I laughing, just now?"

...

Naruto stopped smiling, and turned sullen. Then he got up and took the paper ID that the Hokage held out for him. On his way out of the door, he grumbled: "People can't take a joke nowadays..."

"Wait." the Third said, stopping him. "And where is your headband Naruto? You're supposed to be wearing it."

"Oh, I'm not putting it on until the orientation. I don't wanna mess it up."

"So, you want your headband nice. But you were going to do an imprudent thing like leave it like this? You can't even tell who it is!" he said, staring at it in disbelief as to how stupid Naruto looked. "This photo is to identify you. It's for ninja training and missions, which is the key to your future."

"Umm, which is the key? Ninja training or the missions?"

"Missions. Your training is important, too, but missions earn the money and money runs the world. Put a comma after missions and you'll see who I'd said it."

Naruto them aired the sentence again, adding in the comma.

He nodded: "Oh, I see! Thought I had ya for a second, there!"

"Haha! Yes, that was a good t—"

"Hm?/Hm?"

"Old man! I challenge you!" a little kid wearing a grey helmet, blue scarf, prissy yellow shirt, and grey jean shorts yelled, "I'm going to defeat you and become the fifth hokage!

Ah!"

...

He fell.

...

Yay, slapstick.

"Ughh..." a justifiably annoyed Naruto sighed.

(My grandson:) the Third thought, (another headache.)

Just then, a girly guy with black shades and the full Chūnin unitard came rushing in.

"Haah!"

"Oooh! Something tripped me!"

"Hah? Hah? Hah?!

Gah?! Are you okay, honorable grandson? And by the way, there's nothing here for you to trip on, it's pretty flat."

(Who is this shrimp?) thought Naruto.

*gasp*

(It's that kid!

Hm: The Nine-tailed fox: The worst kind of troublemaker.)

The kid got up: "All right: You're the one who tripped me, aren't you?!"

Naruto got up, too, holding the brat by his collar: "You tripped over you own feet, dork!"

"Hey, you!" the Chūnin bitched. "Take your hands off of him, right now! He's the honorable grandson of the honorable third hokage!"

"...hm?"

Naruto stared at the kid.

(That stopped him. Just like all the rest. Ha: Now that he knows who I am, he won't dare lay a finger on me.) the child thought, still being held.

"What's the matter, huh? I thought you were gonna hit me, shithead! Afraid my grandfather, the third hokage'll destroy your ass?!"

"I don't care if he's you grand-lover!"

Naruto punched the runt so hard in his head. Oh, so...so hard.

(This guy's...different...)

...that he hit the ground.

"AH HAH HAAA HAAA AHHH!"

The Chūnin literally had a sadogasm from Naruto's awesomeness.

(This is not looking good.) the Third noticed. "Go outside and play with Naruto, Konohamaru."

"...w—w—w—w—whaaattt?!

But Lord the Third

...

...wait...where did the honorable grandson go?" the Chūnin wondered.

"Probably to find Naruto." the old man said. "As a matter of fact, he may have left earlier, because neither of us was really looking at him while I gave the order."

"D...darn it.

I'll find him for you, The Third."

the French-sounding Chūnin then ran off to look for him and Naruto.

(Nughh...how did he grow up to be like that?

My grandson's quite determined. That was his 20th sneak-attack. today. And if he starts running around with Naruto, he's sure to get even worse. Naruto wouldn't teach him anything really bad...would he?)

Naruto started walking down Konoha's empty streets, aimlessly, and after he saw a moving bag, he knew that he was being followed. Still, he kept up the "game" until he started to get annoyed at the kid's not really doing anything...

...

...then, finally, he said: "I know you're following me!"

The kid stayed hidden. Behind a piece of paper that matched the fence next to them.

"That's so obvious it's pathetic! I've mastered that technique and fooled Chūnin with it! You need to work on that one, kid!"

Finally, the kid uncovered himself.

"Mmhmhmhm!" he chuckled. "Saw through my disguise, huh? The rumors about you are true; you're good!"

"...the rumors about me are that I graduated las—I mean, duh! What's it to ya?"

The kid walked up to Naruto: "I'll be your apprentice and you'll be my trainer! Okay? And then you'll show me your famous Sexy Jutsu!"

...

"No."

...

"A prude, are ya...?

...

What if...we're rivals, then?"

...

"...leave."

"Okay, asshole...

...what about I get the third hokage to rig the orientation, so you're with that Hinata girl you're into?"

...

"I have no idea what you're talking about.

...but...since you know Hinata...I'mgoingtohopethatyou'retellingthetruthab outwhateveritisyou'resaying...

...

...ugh...okay! I'll show you the Sexy Jutsu!

But first thing's first: do you know the Transformation Jutsu?"

"Yeah...that's the easiest one in the freakin' book!"

"No, that's the substitution Jutsu. Well, if you know it, that's half of it, already. Now, just transform into a beautiful girl.

Literally: That's it. It's not that hard.

...come to think of it, why is my Jutsu rated so damn lowly if it's that good and sought after?!"

"Right..." Konohamaru said to himself, ignoring naruto's whining.

...

"Transform!"

In a cloud of smoke, the royal grandson disappeared—in his place...

...

...

...well, let's just say he appeared to be into BBWs...

...

"That's not beautiful!" Naruto yelled.

"It is to me! All women are!"

"Ah, got me there.

Well, most guys won't like it. Make it skinner."

He tried it again, but it still wasn't "sexy".

"No, no! The curves! The cuurrves!

"All right, all right!"

The frustrated child transformed once more, and, again, it looked much worse than Naruto's transformation.

...

"...no, man—wait: see that woman over there?"

He pointed at a pretty girl buying something from a suddenly populated market area.

"Transform into her."

"Sure thing, boss!"

Poof: The transformation completely f-ed up the girl's face and made her 300 lbs heavier.

"Well, do I look like her?"

It sounded like a man, too.

"Uh...the clothes kinda look like her..."

"That looks like me?!"

The girl bitch slapped him, telling Konohamaru: "Now, now, Honorable Grandson: Next time you transform into me, make me a little cuter, okay? Ta! "

The girl then left.

"She's a scary b—..."

Naruto, on the ground, complained: "I said 'the clothes,' dammit!"

"Now we're gonna research some female beauty." Naruto said.

They were outside of a department store, run by some sleeping old man.

"'Female' beauty,' right boss!"

They snuck past the sleeping owner, crouched low, and eyed some porn mags, and started to giggle like the little, pure boys they were.

"This is not a library, Naruto...!"

Naruto and Konohamaru turned around, still crouching. They saw the furious shop clerk who had a cane.

"Uh...

...

...he can pay for it." Naruto pointed at Konohamaru.

*smack*

"Slight setback, heh heh.

Mhm: Now, this is the last stop, so give it everything you've got, okay?"

"Everything? Right boss!

"Transform/transform!"

Naruto OKed the Honorable Grandson, and they went into the girl's locker room, without a sound.

They were soon noticed, however:

"Naruto, is that you? Hey, Naruto!"

"Ahaha, it's that Sexy Jutsu again! You're cracking me up, Naruto!"

"He's so dreamy..."

"Hey, why don't ya stay for a while?"

"Yeah, stay with us! Please...?"

...

"Wait: Who's that fat guy with you?"

"Yeah...who's that? Naruto would never bring anyone in, anyway!"

"That's disgusting! Someone got taught the Sexy Jutsu by Naruto, and now they're spying!"

"Get out of the girl's locker room!"

"Kick him out! Both of them!"

"Teacher!"

"They apologized after I explained...

...but I'm still the only one getting whacked..." Naruto said. His face was swollen, and he had many scratches, scars, and a black right eye.

"Sorry."

"Hm?"

"It's cause I'm the grandson of the hokage."

...

"Hey, don't worry about it."

"Huh?"

...

"I prepared you, so now you're ready to learn the Sexy Jutsu. Now the trick is to get all the curves in the right places. You ready?"

"Right boss!"

The same fat girl formed out of the smoke.

"How do I look?"

...

"...dear God, not again..."

"Huh?"

"Nothing. It sucks. Keep doing it until I say it's sexy!"

"Right, boss!"

The Chūnin from earlier was on the rooftop off some structure, still searching for Konohamaru.

(Narutooo! What has he done with the honorable grandson?!

...ngh, what's his evil plan? Where did they go?!

...

I am a Jōnin: the highest ninja level! And I'm an elite trainer of future hokage! Any parasite that leeches on to my student will be squashed!)

The "Jōnin," Ebisu, disappeared, continuing his pursuit.

"So...what's up with this obsession you've got with your grandfather?"

"...my grandfather named me Konohamaru...after the ancient name of the village; so it should be easy to remember. But no one calls me that name, not one person in the whole village. That's cause when they look at me, they don't really see me. All they see is the "honorable grandson of the Lord Hokage". No one knows who I am. I can't stand it anymore; it's like I'm invisible!

...like I don't exist. I hate that! That's the reason...I've got to become hokage now, so people know who I am!

...huh?"

"ZZZZzzzzZZZzzzZZZZzzz"

"Hey, you jackass! You asked the question!"

On one of the platforms of the stone faces, the Third stood, gazing at the great face of the fourth hokage, N—

*...ohhhh shit! I almost screwed that one up! Lol, but I stopped it, I stopped it!

I mean, phew! That was a close one! XD*

"Lord Hokage!"

Iruka landed on the platform, saying: "I've been looking for you! It's about Naruto! Did he resubmit his ninja ID photo?"

"Mm."

...

"Huh?"

"Mmm..."

...

"...you...don't wanna talk to me, do you?"

"Mm." the hokage nodded.

The Jōnin guardian ran through the forest, and came upon Naruto and Konohamaru.

"I found you!"

The two kids turned and saw him in the trees.

(The Nine-tailed fox...)

(Why's he staring at me like that?) Naruto thought. (Freak...)

"So, Honorable Grandson, time to go home." Ebisu said, it being late in the evening.

"No way!" Konohamaru protested. "I'm learning how to beat my grandfather, so I can get the title, hokage! Now don't get in my way!"

"A hokage is more than just a fighter." the Jōnin said as he walked towards them, smirking. "He must know virtue, honor, wisdom, and he must be skilled at a thousand Jutsu! You don't even know one Jutsu!"

"Nghhh... Transform!"

"Huh?"

In a puff of smoke...

...fucking finally: After the whole fucking episode, he finally transformed into a good-ish looking girl! One with long, wild, black hair and black eyes...

...that's about all that was shown, though, since the smoke covered the rest of her.

"AHHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAAHHH!"

"Hey, he's not defeated!"

"What kind of scandalous technique is that?!

Such tasteless vulgarity cannot influence me! I am far above it!"

"Mmm...!"Naruto growled.

"Argh! Honorable Grandson stop this! Right NOWowOWow!

Naruto's turning you into a delinquent! Only my special training can put you on the fast track, to be becoming a hoKAge!"

"Just leave me alone!"

"Shadow Clone Jutsu!"

"Huh?

...whoooooaaaahhh! This is...unreal!"

Twenty-nine clones plus Naruto made thirty of them. He was going to save Konohamaru from private time with the Jōnin.

"Hmph. I'm not impressed. I'm a Jōnin, an elite ninja warrior. I'm not some lightweight like Mizuki. Watch how a real ninja defeats an upstart."

The Third was watching everything through his magic ball jutsu.

"Come on, boss!"

They all took their separate stances.

"Ready?" Ebisu said.

...

"Transform!" "Transform!" "Transform!" "Transform!" "Transform!" "Transform!" "Transform!"

"Transform!" "Transform!" "Transform!" "Transform!" "Transform!" "Transform!" "Transform!"

"Transform!" "Transform!" "Transform!" "Transform!" "Transform!" "Transform!" "Transform!"

"Transform!" "Transform!" "Transform!" "Transform!" "Transform!" "Transform!" "Transform!"

"Transform!" "Transform!"

...

"Master Ebisu!" "Master Ebisu!" "Master Ebisu!" "Master Ebisu!" "Master Ebisu!" "Master Ebisu!"

"Master Ebisu!" "Master Ebisu!" "Master Ebisu!" "Master Ebisu!" "Master Ebisu!" "Master Ebisu!"

"Master Ebisu!" "Master Ebisu!" "Master Ebisu!" "Master Ebisu!" "Master Ebisu!" "Master Ebisu!"

"Master Ebisu!" "Master Ebisu!" "Master Ebisu!" "Master Ebisu!" "Master Ebisu!" "Master Ebisu!"

All 30 Usagi clones hugged up on Ebisu and grabbed on to him until his nosebleed shot him 50 meters away.

"AAAAHHHHH!" the poor ninja screamed. He crashed into the ground.

"Got ya! With my Harem Jutsu!"

"He's combined shadow cloning with his own invention, the Sexy Jutsu." the Third remarked from his room.

(What a foolish ninja technique...and it could probably get me with it, too.

...ughh...)

"Oh man!" cried Konohamaru. "I couldn't even beat that snobby trainer of mine! I wanna be hokage so bad, but I keep messing up! Why can't I do it?!"

"It's because...

...you lack...hatred."