English was my favorite class, minus the fact that it was a little too easy, and it seemed more like a History class. Currently we were studying Native American legends, but before we got to that part, we had to read about 22 pages pertaining to their history. In most normal classes, the students would sit quietly and do the required reading. Our class was on the other end of the scale. No one bothered to listen to one word that Mrs. Barry said, and it kind of pissed me off.
So while Pedro, Austin, and the rest of the class continued to goof off and ignore the fact that anything we didn't finish reading was homework, I read. I didn't particularly want to do the reading, but I also didn't feel like wasting my precious spare time on it either. I took very detailed, descriptive notes as I read, and about 20 minutes into class my hands are ready to fall off. That was my problem; I had the hardest time shortening notes, and so I ended up writing more notes than I needed to take.
I feel a tap on my shoulder, and I glance up cautiously. Austin talked to me during this class sure, but it was very rarely. "What page are you on?" he asks as he flicks a piece of paper at Pedro's head.
"Page 13." I respond, turning my attention back towards the book.
"Can I copy your notes?"
I glance at my notebook and then towards Austin who is giving me a puppy-dog face. I roll my eyes and then hold up my pages of notes. "Sure, if you feel like copying 8 pages of notes…"
"8 pages? Damn girl, you write a lot."
"Yes, I do. Now do your own work."
"You're rude." He pouts and starts hitting my paper with his pencil. He knows this annoys me, and I think that's the sole reason he continues to do it. He also like calling me Allison, even though I hate my real name and I always hit him when he calls me that.
"I'm not rude. It's not my fault that you're not using this time to your advantage."
"You know, for a girl, you're pretty bossy."
I raise an eyebrow at him and I turn my attention towards him. Alright, if he wanted to banter, we would banter until the roosters came home.
"And as a football player, you're incredibly obnoxious and a pain in my ass."
"Don't hate the player, hate the game."
I snort and cock my head to the side. "If you're a player, I'm the coach. Face it Austin, you're just jealous because girls rule, and boys drool."
"Men are the superior sex. It's been scientifically proven. Shit, it's easy to be a girl."
"You couldn't handle it."
"I so could handle it. It's not like it's hard."
"I don't think you're really taking into account how much preparation goes into being a girl."
"Oh really? Then enlighten me."
"For starters, there is a lot of pressure about how you look. So you have to wake up and make sure your hair looks good, your clothes are clean and nice looking, and then there's also makeup and shoes. And that's only the beauty part of it. You especially have to be on top of things when Satan's Sacrificial waterfall rolls around."
"Satan's what?"
"Your period, genius."
"That's gross Ally, really nasty."
Austin is now giving me a mortified look, and I resist the urge to roll my eyes at him. Why did guys act like getting your period was such a big deal? Sure, it sucked ass, and it was a monthly hassle, but it was a natural thing that all women got. It wasn't like we had teeth growing down there or anything.
"It's a normal thing that happens. Stop being so weird about it and grow up. So there you have it. There's just a small part of being a girl. If you were a girl, you'd have no clue what to do for even a single day."
"That's not true! If I was a girl, I'd get naked and stare at myself all day.
"You are such a typical guy."
"Oh like you wouldn't do the same thing if the roles were reversed."
"I wouldn't check out my junk, thank you very much."
"You secretly would. I think you're just too much of a prude to admit it."
"If I was a guy for a day, I'd kick myself in the balls just to see what it felt like."
"It fucking hurts!" Austin counters, his voice raising a little bit. The room falls silent, and I cast a glance over towards Mrs. Barry's desk. Either she didn't hear him, or she really just doesn't care. Either one is plausible. Her fingers continue to fly across her keyboard, and I let out a small sigh of relief. I hated getting in trouble.
"Maybe so, but I'll never know just how it feels. So stop complaining about being a guy, because being a guy is not that hard. All you have to deal with is random boners in the middle of class, and wet dreams. Tough luck. I could do that in my sleep."
"Well typically that's when wet dreams happen..."
"Shut your face. I will end your breathing." I threaten, and he just gives me his signature smirk. God, he pissed me off with his stupid cockiness and biased opinions. He was a great guy... on the surface.
"Sure you will, Allison, sure you will."
"I told you not to call me that." I growl and before I can say anything I'll later regret, the bell rings.
I had finally finished the stupid reading, and I vowed that I was never going to take such detailed notes again. My hands were cramping so bad, and it was already 9. They always say that high school is the best four years of your life... My question is: when is that going to start happening? With all the homework I had done today, my brain felt like mush.
I think my biggest peeve about school was that the teachers all acted like their class was the only class we had, and so they loaded us with homework. It went against my philosophy. If school is not a place to sleep, then home is not a place to work. Or at least, that's how it should be. My phone dings, alerting me to the fact that someone likes my existence.
I glance at the lit up screen and debate on whether I feel like talking to anyone right now. I wasn't in a bad mood per say, but I wasn't really in the mood to talk to people either. I sigh and open my messages.
Austin Moon: I want to have your children.
Ally Dawson: That's pretty awkward. Especially since you have the wrong anatomy for it.
Austin: haha, you're funny Ally. Speaking of funny, you should humor me and let me copy your notes for English.
Ally: OhmyJesus, no. It's not happening. If I had to slave over that book for hours, then so can you. I know you tend to think with your dick, but try to use the other head you have.
Austin: But Allison... It'd be a really cool thing to do for your best friend... :D
Ally: Oh really? We're best friends now? Since when did this happen? How will I tell my parents?
Austin: Calm your tits girl. Speaking of tits, how nice are yours?
Ally: Good night Austin.
Austin: Alright, alright sheesh. I'm just kidding. You know, you're incredibly lucky.
Ally: And why is that?
Austin: Simple. You have tits. I would love to have tits.
Ally: Well Austin, it's not too late. You can always develop moobs.
Austin: -_- I'm not getting fat. I have football to play.
Ally: Well doesn't that just suck for you then.
Austin: Why are you so mean to me?
Ally: It must be due to your sexist remarks and the fact that you're actually delusional to believe you could handle being a girl.
Austin: I could(; You just couldn't handle being a guy.
Ally: If there was any way to wager a bet over this, I would so win.
Austin: No. Austin Moon never loses, and I'm not about to start now.
Ally: I think you need to get your head examined... If it gets any bigger, your poor neck won't be able to hold it up any longer.
Austin: Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful...
Ally: You're not doing the Pretty Girl Rock. You can't. You're not a girl.
Austin: Right! Well, I'm going to pass out now. Try not to play with your boobs too much tonight(;
Ally:Go suck a fuck.
I set my phone down and went into the bathroom to wash my face before bed. My stomach started cramping and I groaned. This was pretty awesome. I had gotten my period, again. This meant I was going to rock the hobo look for the rest of the week. There was no point in putting in any effort towards my appearance because I was going to look like shit anyway. The struggle is real.
When I get back into the room Trish is already there, and thankfully she has turned the light off. I was an odd child and I really enjoyed laying in the dark for hours. I was probably going to ruin my eyes, but #YOLO. My phone dings again, but I simply plug it into the charger and roll over. I'm tired, and I'm ready for bed.
My alarm clock starts making Satan noises next to my ear and I groan in annoyance. I felt like I had literally just fallen asleep and I wasn't ready for it to end yet. I begin banging my hand around trying to shut the alarm clock off before I wake Trish up. I tried to be considerate in the mornings. But my attempts appear to be in vain because while I attempt to make it peaceful again, I bang my knuckle against the wood and I grimace in pain.
It looks like I'm going to have to open my eyes if I want to successfully achieve this task without breaking a finger first. I squint at the alarm and then I feel really confused. My alarm says 5:04 a.m. and I never get up until 6:20. There had to be something wrong with the world today. I was willing to bet that one of my younger siblings had purposely reset my alarm. They were dead.
I swing myself out of bed and fumble around for my phone. Where is it? Normally I kept it by my pillow... Had they stolen it too? I had never thought they would be so stupid. After a couple minutes I just give up and decide to go to the bathroom. I might as well put some effort into looking semi-human today after all. I feel around in the dark with my feet and eventually I find my way to the door.
I push lightly against the door as I open it so that it won't squeak as loudly as it normally does. But to my surprise, it makes absolutely no noise as the door opens. That's odd. Despite my months of practice, I had never been this good. It was a bit unsettling. The hallway is dark, and I am more than relieved. I don't feel like running into my guardians this early in the morning.
I turn to the left so that I can go to the bathroom, but I almost run into a wall. What the...? I squint as I let my eyes adjust to the faint light. There is no washer or dryer outside of our room, no bathroom in the middle, or another room. It appeared that my room was on the end of wherever I was. Now the question to be yet determined was where in godrick's sake had I landed myself?
This hallway is much wider than our house, and I finally spot the bathroom to my left. This must be some kind of odd, purplexing dream, and I was sure it'd end soon enough. I flick the light on and nearly hiss as a bright light flickers on. I hated dealing with things like this in the morning. I glance in the mirror and let out a startled squeak as I jump back in shock. In replacement of where my reflection shoud be, was the reflection of Austin. Was I on drugs?
I calm my heart rate and decide that I might as well pee before I do any more investigating. I pull down my pants and prepare to pee as I normally do when I notice that there is just one slight little problem. Where my vagina would normally be is a completely different anatomy. I have a dick... What the fuck Ally? I had never touched drugs in my entire life! Why was I seeing myself as Austin? I'd had some very strange dreams in the past sure, but this had to be the most bizarre thing I'd ever encountered.
"Wake up Ally." I whisper to myself as I pinch myself hard. I wince in pain and glance down. Nope. There is still a penis attatched to me. On a scale of 1-10, I was at a Lindsay Lohan right now. The need to pee is growing and I bite my lip as I diligently decide how to go about doing this. Should I even attempt it? Or would it be a better idea to sit down?
I sigh and decide that if this is still a dream or whatever, I might as well go out with a bang. Go hard or go home was my motto. I take a deep breath before I grab it like I had seen a couple of men do, and I try to aim for the toilet. Thankfully I don't spray it everywhere, and it goes a lot more smoothly than I anticipated. I zip up the zipper and I am careful to not zip up my dick. That would really freaking hurt.
When I glance at the mirror for a final time I note that I am still Austin, and I was so not in Kansas anymore. I had no idea what to do. I didn't know Austin very well, and I was quickly realizing that being a guy might be just as equally difficult. I was never eating sushi before bed again.
