'Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.'

Albus Dumbledore

oxo…oxo

At least.

The two words plagued him as he sat rotting in that cell of Azkaban.

At least.

At least she had never seen him this low. At least she had died before he had been reduced to this pathetic state and she would be able to hate him that much more. At least he had never been with her to be able to miss having her. At least only one of his friends from school that was still his friend had to see him like this.

At least he was innocent.

It was the last thought that kept him going, kept him sane; even after this short an amount of time. That and his imagination.

His imaginings were neither happy nor unhappy, seeing as they were not true; not memory's. The soul sucking monsters that guarded him were unable to take them from him. He kept them close to him, invented things that he would have loved to have happened, and wrote saucy romances between him and her. Though it still hurt him to think about her, it helped him keep a grip on his humanity, helped convince him he was alive.

Insanity sparked all around him, the consciousnesses of others in the cells around him trying to corrupt their jail mate. The crap that came from his neighbour's mouths amused him sometimes…though the amusement was always short lived. Always taken in the end.

If his means of escaping insanity ever failed, he found himself turning into a dog – completely against his will. He was always happy for it though. As a dog he was less human, less complex, and the Dementors left him alone. He would be able to retain himself slightly. He often debated staying a dog, but human check ups came more regularly than he liked, and every time they did come he had to become human again. He wouldn't bother turning back to a dog until he needed to.

Besides, the fleas murdered.

He had lost all sense of time, the prison guards not having the need to tell the time there were no clocks. He had tried to keep count of the days but after a few months he grew weary of that game and had neglected to bother. So he didn't know how many days, months, years he had been there…and didn't really care.

Even had he not been in the Merlin forsaken prison his life was ruined. His best friend was dead, another was a traitor. The only girl he had ever loved was gone, never having loved him in return in the first place.

He could feel his heart breaking.

The hot tears running down his face had no right to be there. He knew there were no happy endings in life; his childhood had taught him that lesson very early on. The world was cruel, harsh. You never got what you wanted, and there were no second chances. He knew this, knew it well; but it still damn well hurt.

The pain would lessen, but it would never go away. That dark haired beauty who had hated him so would haunt him forever. So much like Lily and James…and yet so different. The anti-them. The them that were never to be. For she had never come to see the good in Sirius…and had died hating him.

But at least, if he died right now, there would be no one to miss him.

oxo…oxo

Dear readers,

A little depressing but I wanted to try it out…I have no idea why I have this liking for writing short bits and pieces on this couple…but I love them. It's my way of showing their angst. For some reason I see them as an angsty couple. I draw them like that too…but because these seem to be flowing I've decided to set them up as a drabble collection on one story. It seems easier and less hassle than creating a new story for each. Please review and tell me what you think.

Animeloveramy

Well that is rather depressing, nicely done though ^_^

AnimeAiedail