Chapter 1

Cassidy had expected to die. He was surprised to find out he hadn't jumped out far enough and hand landed awkwardly on the balcony on the floor below the rooftop level where he and Veronica had fought for his life. He'd broken both his legs and cracked some ribs when he landed. Cassidy had been rushed to the hospital to treat his physical injuries and then was shuttled off to a mental hospital to treat his depression. He'd been there for a month before Mac had been able to convince Dick to allow her to visit.

"Cassidy?" Mac's arms wrapped around him and he shifted in his wheelchair to shrug her away from him. Mac looked startled and pulled away from him. "Aren't you happy to see me? Did you get the letter I sent? I've missed you."

Cassidy took the brake off his wheelchair and wheeled himself over to a window and looked out disinterestedly. He didn't feel like talking and especially not to her. He could feel the pity radiating from her words and body language. He didn't want to be pitied. He was sick of talking about his feelings and his motivation for what had happened. He hadn't even read the letter she'd sent him. He'd shoved it under his mattress in the room he shared with a middle aged man named John.

"Aren't you going to talk to me? Are you mad at me?" There was desperation in her voice.

Cassidy turned his head to look at her. She looked terrible. The colorful streaks in her hair were growing out. He realized he'd never seen that before. Mac was meticulous about that sort of thing. There were dark circles under her eyes and she'd grown smaller than ever. There was a part of him that felt badly about being the cause of her pain, but another part was annoyed. The annoyed part won out and he lashed out at her. "Mad at you? Why aren't you mad at me? I left you alone in that room with no clothes. Nothing. How can you visit me and pretend like that never happened? You're pathetic."

Mac's eyes flashed angrily. "Pathetic? I'm not the one who tried to jump off the Neptune Grand and failed! I figured you were upset and weren't thinking straight, but maybe you were just being an asshole."

"I'm an asshole? Well, I guess I'd rather be an asshole than some pathetic girl who can't see that she's not wanted anymore. Didn't you get the hint when I grabbed all your stuff when you were in the shower? You couldn't even turn me on that night. Don't you understand that I wanted you to get away from me?" He grabbed her hand and pulled her close so he could whisper in her ear. "Don't come back. I don't want you here. "

Mac pulled her hand back and appraised him. She seemed to be trying to decide if he was being honest with her or was just lashing out. She nodded; more to herself it seemed than to him, and in a daze said, "You're right. It was a mistake to come here. I won't be back."

And she did leave and she never visited him there again. He spent a year in the hospital getting help for his depression and counseling to help him cope with what he had gone through. By the end of his time there, Cassidy was packing up his things and found her letter. He had never really forgotten what had happened with Mac and his counselors had urged him to write her a letter and apologize for his behavior and explain himself, but Cassidy wasn't one for talking about his feelings (it had been hard enough for him to discuss things with his counselors) and he'd put it off. He opened the letter and looked at Mac's handwriting. He'd never actually seen her write out anything by hand and he was surprised to see how neat her handwriting was. The letter was obviously written shortly after he'd arrived in the hospital. It detailed how much she missed him and that she was hoping to convince Dick to put her on the list of his allowed visitors. She told him she didn't quite understand why he had felt the need to gather all her belongings and leave her in naked and alone in the hotel room, but that she knew there were things going on with him that she hadn't known about. She told him she forgave him and hoped they could move on from the incident. Then Mac went into detail about gossip she'd heard about various classmates from the beginning of that summer and what classes she was signing up for when she attended Hearst in the fall.

Cassidy sighed and shoved the letter into his backpack. He'd ruined the one good thing in his life that he had. It was a few years before he'd be able to try again with her.