Disclaimer: I have not, to the best of my knowledge ever snogged any of my brother's ex-girlfriends, or lusted after them even, but hey it's a big world and we all did get around a bit when younger…!

Oh yeah, and I don't own HP and co, Definitely not mine.  My cap to you, Ms Rowling.

Chapter one: A battle I can no longer win.

Hard to know where to begin as I stare at myself in the mirror before heading down to tea. Six foot at fifteen years old, this made me self-conscious and shy. Fooling around with a fellow student 3 months before I turned sixteen, making me secretive and more of what I already was. Lusting after my brother's sometime other half since the world cup 2 years ago, this just made me mental. Hair like a lit match, black and fire mingled. Freckles a plenty, skin the colour of a ghost. Covered, cosseted, treated as a baby. All these things that shape me. Times like this when I get all reflective, I can believe what my brother Bill used to say when he'd had too much mead.  "You're going to be the one Ginny. The dark horse of the family."

"Yes, we broke up. Again." She bites her lip. "I must say I'm not surprised by it though, we've nothing in common apart from a definite knack of getting into trouble, better friends than anything else really."

I look over at this beautiful girl, my brother's ex-girlfriend and almost lose my breath. I've wanted to touch that face for years, since I knew I was gay and probably before. Hell, admiring her was part of how I knew. But oh man, totally off-limits, you just don't do that. A clan bound honour thing I guess. The problem was lately she'd been spending more and more time with me, becoming one of my closest friends, seeking me out at every turn. It's nice to have a best friend, but not easy when all you can think about is snogging them, and what I thought would go away is just getting progressively worse with her constant presence. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I won't even look at her when she speaks for fear I'm gonna lunge over and plant one on her.

"Hey," She elbows my shoulder "It's nearly Christmas, want to go find a secluded tower and drink this heartwine I've been hiding?"

"Wo, since when did miss good girl start sneaking away wine? And encouraging another student to drink it with her?" I peer over into her ear "Are you sure that's you in there?" She giggles and stands up, offering me her hand.

"Well I've recently decided that I really need to lighten up, and you, my friend need to cheer up, you've been so somber all this term. Coming?"

Like I could say anything in the negative. "Right behind you."

We're sitting so close together, my word I could just reach over and stroke her hair. But I sit on my hand to stop that particular temptation. I feel a little drunk, and she's leaning her head on my shoulder.

"So what's going on with you lately Gin? You're so quiet. And you've lost a lot of weight."

Aw crap, she has to bring this up now?

"You're not still pining over Harry are you?"

"No," I say, truthfully, yeah I'm pining alright, but not over him "Not for years. I don't know where it went but it's gone. I'd still walk through fire for him, but he's my mate, I'd do that for anyone I loved." She flashes a half pissed gappy grin over at me. I hear nothing but my rampaging hormones.

"Hey me too?" Now I know it's affecting her as well.

"Yeah…Of course, any of you."  She stands, swaying just a bit and walks over to a battlement, motions for me to come over. It just slays me. Thundering, pounding frustration. But I go.

"You know why we broke up this time?" Oh god, I'm afraid to ask, stay quiet.

"I think he wanted to sleep with me, and he acted like I didn't know about that Ravenclaw he was screwing. In the end I decided that if I did it wouldn't be for me, so we had another argument and broke up." My breath is so very loud in my ears. How can she not hear the deafening thumps of my heart?  She turns back to me, "But hey you never told me what was wrong before, tell me what's making you so sad."

"Hermione, has Ron ever mentioned anything…"

"About you? No not really, but I can tell he wants to say something. This is why I'm asking now. What's wrong?"

"I don't really think you want to know."

"Well of course I do silly."  And something snaps inside me. I cannot fight this any longer. Right then, you wanna know? Fine, I'll show you.

I place one hand on each of her shoulders and wait for her to guess, but she smiles up at me. "Well?"

"Oh fuck it Hermione this is what's wrong." I lean down and kiss her. Not Hard, not enough to frighten, but just enough so she can't miss the fact that I want her. Before she can grasp what's happening, I break it off, knowing I couldn't bear it if she pushed me away.

"I'm sorry," Into startled, but oddly not frightened eyes. "I had to know, just once, before I die what it would be like to kiss you. Even if I never do it again, I had to know. And I'm sorry."

I think the wine's worn off now.

"You're telling me? You like me?"

"I don't really think it's appropriate. Even if I did."

My body is screaming, you liar, you know you'd follow her into Hades if she asked it of you, but I've a feeling I've let too much out of my own private hell, and with a final apology, run off like a hairy rabbit.

Hermione's POV

My first stunned thought was that it was totally unfair of her to do that. And my second was, strangely that I knew. I felt like I'd known for centuries. My ex-boyfriend's sister. My Best friend. I do not believe what just happened. Or that I recall kissing her back. Just a little. Or that there's definitely a current of desire running through my veins. Why? I've never been one to speculate when I could know for sure, so before the faint taste on my lips disappears, taking all courage with it, I decide to go and find out.

Ginny's POV

Don't ask me to explain lust, or even love, it's completely un-objective. Knowing she would find me in the dorms, I go instead to a secluded hollow in one of the hills by the lake. Here I can focus, think about what the hell I'd just done. Don't get me wrong, I'm not ashamed or embarrassed by who I am. There's no point, it is what it is. I remember last holidays, when I decided it was time for the family to know, and calmly sat them all down and went through how I felt. Poor mum.

"You won't ever wear my wedding robes?"

"Geez mum, what century are you in? I can get married too you know!"

Percy wanted to know when I knew and I tried to explain when that slow awareness began creeping up, when I would acknowledge the feelings at all.

Dad wanted to know how I knew, and while there was a fat chance I was telling him just exactly how, I tried to make him understand that there was no eureka moment, once I'd recognized what was going on in my head, I'd decided that was that, there was no point in killing myself over what I knew to be true. Even mum nodded her head in acceptance then.

I wanted them to understand that I was no different to the girl I had been before I told them, and when mum said that she admired my strength for being able to say so, the honesty to not want to hide anything from the people I loved, I knew it'd be alright. And it was. Fred and George, on the other hand were grinning from ear to ear and I think kind of hopeful I knew some "hot chicks" as they put it. And then Ron asks "Who's the lucky gal then?" Aaaack. My heart turned to ice. I wanted him to leave it alone and said so, making it quite clear that I was not seeing anyone, but he wouldn't put it down, "C'mon look at that face. You're blushing!" At which point I rose to my full height, some 3 inches taller than he, and blurted out, " I may be blushing Ron, but I do have some principles, and this is not something I'm prepared to discuss with you!" And Stormed off, noticing Percy looking up at me quizzically. Ok maybe it was stupid to go bouncing away like that, thankfully though, so are most of my brothers. Most. Percy came up to my room later, "Be careful Gin." I rolled over on the bed, avoiding his eyes.

"I don't know what you mean."

"You do. I'm not here to condemn you for feeling how you feel. I thought I'd noticed something last summer when she was here. All I want to say to you is don't get hurt." I rolled back and glared at him. In pain and therefore angry.

"And not inflict it either, right? Do you not think I know how wrong it is?"

"No, I meant I really don't want to see you hurt." Well that did it, I erupted into tears and Percy sat with me for hours while I tried to explain this dangerous fascination I held for Ron's on/off girlfriend.