Chapter 2 - Dejavu

For a moment, Subaru thought that he remembered lying down and closing his eyes, but this was forgotten the moment that he saw Seishirou standing before him.

There was something different about him aside from his missing glasses, and the white bandages wrapped around his head. At first glance, he wasn't entirely sure what it was, but then he noticed that Seishirou had combed his bangs over his face, partially concealing his eyes, which made him resemble the boy from his dreams even more than he normally did.

This could have been the reason why his heart was beating so fast, but Subaru had a feeling that there was something else as well... perhaps a change in Seishirou's disposition?

Subaru thought that he saw a cherry blossom tree-just like the one from his dreams-materialize behind Seishirou, but that just wasn't possible. It must have always been there, he just hadn't noticed it before.

"The boy that you dream about, do you know who he was?" Seishirou asked him suddenly. He lifted his head to look at him directly, allowing him to see his entire face for the first time.

Before Subaru had a chance to reply, Seishirou answered, "It's me."

'But, that can't be possible! You can't be-' Subaru thought, as he watched Seishirou's face become progressively less angular, until it became the face of a boy not much older than himself. His body had become somewhat shorter and smaller as well-though still so much larger than his own-and he was now dressed in a generic, grey uniform from a school that he couldn't name.

The boy from his dreams was standing right in front of him.

Suddenly, a child in white robes ran towards the tree, panting loudly. Subaru instantly recognized the child as himself. The boy from his dreams had vanished just as rapidly as the child had appeared, leaving him alone.

Though Subaru called out to the child again and again, it was obvious that he couldn't hear him. He was ensnared by the tree in front of them. The child could sense the evil from the tree as well as he could, but that was what had drawn him towards it in the first place. The child wanted to remove the evil from the tree, so that it could be pure once again.

Subaru watched as his younger self performed a spell to remove the evil from the tree, somehow knowing that it was futile.

The child figured this out as well, after he watched his spell fail. Tears began to form in the child's eyes, but they stopped suddenly, when the child felt something land upon his outstretched palms.

"Rain? But it's red?" The child exclaimed aloud, assuming that no one was near. He looked upwards, expecting to see dark clouds forming above the cherry blossom tree. Instead, he found a boy sitting in the tree's branches, holding a corpse in his arms.

He knew that he should run, but something held him in place when the boy's eyes met his. The boy let the corpse fall to the ground, before he jumped in front of the child, startling him.

'His arm… it had been sticking through that girl's body!' The child thought with horror before the boy cast a spell on him, causing him to collapse in his arms.

There was something about the way that the boy held him that made Subaru's stomach turn. He wanted to look away... he wanted to leave, but he couldn't move at all, not even enough to turn his head or close his eyes.

When the child awakened, he had forgotten everything that had happened. He assumed that he had fainted, and thanked the boy for taking care of him while he was unconscious.

The boy seemed surprised by the child's behaviour, but his surprise went unnoticed by the child.

The child turned suddenly to look at the cherry blossoms.

"The cherry blossoms are beautiful," he said aloud, smiling in delight. He could not see the body of the girl that lay at the base of the tree.

"You like cherry blossoms, do you?"

"Yes."

"But don't you that there's a corpse buried underneath this tree."

"A corpse?"

"Yes, the reason that this tree blooms so beautifully ever year is because of the corpse. You see the cherry blooms on this tree were once white, like snow. Do you know what made them turn pale red?"

The child shook his head, oblivious.

"Because the tree drinks the blood from the corpse underneath."

"But, doesn't that hurt the person buried underneath the tree?" The child asked innocently, tears forming in his eyes again.

"I'll make a bet with you," The boy whispered, crouching down to look at the child directly. "If you and I should ever meet again..."

The wind's going to pick up again, isn't it? I'm sorry that I couldn't hear what you said.

But this time the wind never came.

"…Let us live together for one year. You are kind, honest, and pure. I'm sure that as you grow up, your heart will remain pure. So if we ever meet again I will try my hardest to love you. Just for one year. And if after that year I consider you 'special' you will have won, and I will not kill you. But if I decide that I cannot consider you special to me, if I cannot distinguish the difference between you and that corpse, then I will kill you. And so today, I will let you go."

"But so that I may recognize you when we meet again I will carve a symbol onto you to show that you are prey of the Sakurazukamori," the boy whispered, using a spell to carve pentagrams into the skin on backs of his hands.

Subaru cried out in pain.

Those marks… those marks are on the backs of my hands.

When the pain finally vanished, Subaru saw that the present Seishirou was now standing in front of him.

"That's why your grandmother has made you wear these gloves all these years," Seishirou whispered gently, taking his gloved hand within his own. "She did it to protect you from me. You didn't know that I was the Sakurazukamori, did you? You should have been more careful. I'm sure that your grandmother would have warned you about me. She tried so hard to protect you, but when I saw you that day at the station, chasing after that shikigami, I recognized you instantly. Even through gloves enchanted by the power of the Sumeragi master, I knew."

Then Seishirou cast an unfamiliar spell that broke through his gloves, leaving him naked.

"So it seems that my powers are greater than your grandmother's. But I wonder how they compare to yours? Our bet is now over."

"Seishirou-san," Subaru murmured, crying without completely understanding why.

"I really did try to love you, Subaru-kun, but I can't feel anything. When I kill, I feel absolutely nothing. For the longest time now, I haven't been able to distinguish between things and people. For instance, to break your arm…" Seishirou said cheerily as he crushed his arm with bare hands. "… It's no different than breaking a glass cup. There is no difference. Seeing you suffer like this, I feel nothing."

"Seishirou-san..." Subaru whimpered bitterly.

"Why do you look so sad?" Seishirou asked, smiling. "Are you really so hurt that I've betrayed you? Things like this happen every day in Tokyo."

"Sei-Seishirou-s-san…"

"Subaru-kun, I don't hate you, but I don't love you either. You're just an object to me. Being near you hasn't changed me at all."


Subaru awoke, shaking. 'It was only a dream, just a silly dream,' he told himself again and again, without believing it.

Faintly, he heard a voice cry out, "Shouldn't you be making more progress than this Sei-chan, as a man?" from the kitchen, and immediately knew that 'he' must be here.

"I don't want… I don't think I could stand it if… if I had to see him again," he whispered to himself, crying bitterly.

"B-But, it was only a silly dream. I can't be rude. I was only a dream. Besides, Hokuto-chan will come and get me if I don't leave on my own."

With that, Subaru got out of bed, dressed hurriedly, and left his room. For once, he didn't concern himself with fears that Hokuto-chan would scold him for the lack of effort he put into his appearance.


"This really is delicious, Hokuto-chan," Seishirou beamed after finishing yet another mouthful of food. "It's a shame Subaru-kun is missing this. Where is he anyway?"

"Subaru's still in bed. He worked really late last night, so now he's completely worn out," Hokuto answered. She served herself a second helping of food before she seated herself beside Seishirou.

"I haven't been able to see him since we visited Ueno Park two weeks ago. Subaru-kun really is dedicated to his work."

"Tell me about it! I'm just glad that he doesn't have anything planned today," Hokuto winked impishly before she continued, "Why don't you take him out on a date when he wakes up."

"It would be my pleasure!" Seishirou replied a little too enthusiastically. "But what if Subaru-kun isn't up to it? He might be too tired."

"Nonsense, it would be good for Subaru to get out and do something other than work! Shouldn't you be making more progress than this Sei-chan, as a man?"

Hokuto exclaimed shrilly, standing from her chair as if to further prove her point.

Before Seishirou could answer her question Subaru entered the room, causing both parties to instantly become silent. It was difficult for them not to notice his simple, rumpled clothing, or his puffy, red eyes.

"Subaru, I'm sorry for being so loud. I woke you up, didn't I?" Hokuto asked apologetically.

"No, I was already awake. I just didn't feel like getting out of bed," he replied, taking a seat across from his sister. He refused to look at the man sitting in front of him. He wouldn't have been able to bear that. But, he could still feel cold golden eyes watching him through innocuous, black frames.

"Would you like some-" Hokuto began, placing something in front of him. It smelled delicious, but the thought of eating made him ill.

"Please don't try to make me eat anything, Hokuto-chan. I'm not hungry right now."

"Subaru-kun, you aren't feeling sick, are you? You don't look well," Seishirou's asked gently. Though he sounded genuinely concerned, Subaru couldn't help but feel that this person really didn't give a damn about his health.

"I'm fine," Subaru whispered without looking at the other man.

"Really?" He sounded forceful this time.

Subaru began to sweat.

"Yes."

"Well in that case," Hokuto cried out suddenly. "I'm going shopping! I can't just stay home all day on a Saturday!"

"B-but-"

"That sounds like an excellent idea, Hokuto-chan! I hope you enjoy yourself," Seishirou cut in before Subaru could answer.

"Oh don't worry, I will!" She answered, before heading out the door and slamming it loudly behind her.

"So, what should we do together?" Seishirou said turning to face him. Subaru cringed and tried to turn away, but Seishirou forced him to look at him.

"A-actually…"

"Yes, Subaru-kun," Seishirou murmured. He moved closer towards him, until his face was barely an inch away from his own.

"Ican'tdoanythingtoday!"

"You shouldn't speak so quickly if you want me to understand what you're trying to say. Could you repeat that, please?"

Subaru took a deep breath.

"I can't do anything with you today. I have a job. Rightnowbye," Quickly, Subaru dashed out of the room, slamming the door behind him even more loudly than his sister had earlier.


'Why did I do that?' Subaru asked himself mentally for the third time. Once again, he couldn't think of an answer. It had been stupid of him to allow himself to be frightened by a mere dream, and it certainly hadn't given him the right to lie. Seishirou had done nothing wrong… had he?

His grandmother had always told him that because he was an onmyoji and because he had high levels of spiritual power, his dreams were very significant. He shouldn't simply ignore them, but he couldn't believe that Seishirou was really the Sakurazukamori just because of a dream either. If the dream was true…

There was only one-way to be sure, he had to go to Ueno Park. Perhaps he would find the cherry blossom tree there. He remembered being drawn towards that place on that day when he was only nine, and he did recall seeing a cherry blossom tree that had been unusually out of bloom when he'd last visited Ueno Park.


Tourists flocked around the cherry blossom trees in Ueno Park. Though Subaru didn't bother to look at them, he could hear their animated chatter, and see the flashes of their cameras out of the corner of his eye.

"The cherry blossoms are so beautiful this time of year," he heard a little girl exclaim from somewhere far away.

At one time, he would have agreed with her, but now the cheery blossoms were ugly. The light-pink shade of their blossoms reminded him of the blood that had spilled from the little girl's corpse. The only reason why it was so much lighter was because it had faded with time. However, it was the fragrance of the cherry blossom trees that really bothered him, if only because their odour was intoxicating to the point of revulsion.

Still, he wasn't going to leave Ueno Park until he found that tree.

'It shouldn't take me this long to find it. It had been so easy to find before,' he thought to himself as he stared hopelessly at the cherry blossom trees around him.

All of them were still in half bloom.

'Perhaps, I'd just imagined it before. Maybe it had never even happened. I'm letting myself get paranoid over a silly dream.

'But then again... there's still a chance that it's here. Maybe I just can't find it because it's hidden beneath an illusion... just like the Sakurazukamori. The Seishirou-san that I thought I knew... at least a little... perhaps I really don't know him at all... How could he know about the corpse buried underneath the cherry blossom tree, unless he...

'I-I can't be certain, but maybe if I look again-more carefully this time-I'll find the cherry blossom tree from my dreams...'

Subaru carefully examined the cherry blossom trees in Ueno Park again, hoping to find one that stood out from amongst the rest, even a tiny bit. If he could find one that had a negative chi, then it might be the one...

Unfortunately, every cherry blossom tree appeared almost identical to every other. There was nothing about any tree that made it seem 'different' from the rest.

The people around him seemed so happy. It was difficult to believe that anything bad ever could have happened here, especially something as terrible as the murder of a child, but when he closed his eyes and focused he could sense some negative energy. It wasn't coming from any of the trees, but from a lone person sitting on a bench a fair distance away.

When Subaru got closer to the person, he realized that it was a boy around his age. Though he couldn't see the person's face, it was easy to tell from his posture that he was unhappy. There had to be something that he could do to help him.

"Um... hello," Subaru said uneasily, blushing slightly when the boy looked up at him. "I was wondering if-"

"Why are you talking to me?" the boy asked in monotone. Before Subaru could answer, the boy lowered his face to look at the ground again, as if he expected him to just leave him alone again.

" Erm... well, it's just you look so sad, and I wanted to help-"

"Then go away and stop bothering me!" the boy cried out harshly, causing Subaru to flinch. The boy was so small and thin, perhaps even moreso than himself, but there was so much hatred in his voice. And, there was something else about the boy that scared him as well-perhaps a strangeness in his disposition-but still he wasn't going to leave him alone.

"I won't leave until you tell me why you're so sad!"

"Really?" the boy asked, looking up at him once again. He stared at him for a long time, before he said finally, "You're a strange person. I don't think that I've ever met anyone like you."

Subaru flinched at the boy's remark, but remained silent and waited for him to continue.

"But, if you're really want to know about what happened, I guess that it can't hurt to tell you. I don't think that anything can ever hurt me again..."

The boy stood up suddenly and walked towards him. Subaru noticed that he had a limp, but decided not to comment on it.

"Everyone here seems so happy, don't they? It's hard to believe that anything horrible could happen to anyone here..." the boy exclaimed in a parody of a cheery tone. Then he started laughing, but his laughter sounded so empty that he might as well have been crying.

"What happened to you?" Subaru asked softly. The boy stopped laughing abruptly.

"I was beaten here by a group of people from my school. Most of them were barely acquaintances. I didn't even know any of their names, and yet somehow they knew everything about me.

"Since then, I've been stuck here for some reason... no one's ever spoken to me..."

"It's because you died... I'm sorry. The people that beat you must have been the ones that killed you."

"You know, that actually makes a lot of sense..." the boy whispered to himself with an eerily calm expression. "Why didn't I figure it out before?"

"B-But why did these people?-"

"It must have been because of my 'relationship' with Takashi-sensei. A lot of people don't like that sort of thing."

"W-What are you talking about exactly?"

"Takashi-sensei was my teacher, and a man. I-I'm not sure if you could even call us lovers, but we'd had sex on multiple occasions."

"What?! Why did you... I mean... with a man?"

"I'm not sure myself. Before I met Takashi-sensei, I'd never been sexually attracted to anyone, male or female. I don't think that I even wanted him that way either. I think... I was fond of him because he was the first person who seemed to understand me, and I trusted him. That's why I let him on the first time, and after that it was just kind of expected. I wasn't allowed to say 'no' to him anymore.

"I don't care if you think that makes me a faggot or whatever, but if you're going to give me crap about it, I suggest you just leave because I'm not going to take shit from anyone anymore. Still, I can't help but think it's ironic... those bastards said that they hated me for having sex with a man, yet they raped me before killing me, so how does that make them any better? But, I guess you just think that I deserved it."

"Of course not! No one deserves that sort of thing!"

"You really are a strange person... don't you hold any animosity towards me at all?" the boy asked, looking at him strangely. He stepped closer to him, so their faces were barely an inch apart. Subaru would have stepped back, but then the boy reached out and grasped his chin with his hand.

"Erm... W-Well... I suppose you didn't really do anything wrong... thought it does seem abnormal... I don't hate you," Subaru murmured softly. His cheeks had become very warm.

"That's good, I think," the boy answered, moving even closer to him. For a moment, Subaru thought that he would have kissed him, but he only stared into his eyes.

"Um... I-It must have been lonely, being here all alone for so long..."

The boy chuckled softly and backed away.

"I think I needed time alone, to look back on my life. At first, blamed myself, but now I realize that it wasn't my fault. Those idiots who killed me are the ones I blame."

"What about Takeshi-sensei?" Subaru asked softly. He wasn't sure why he asked the question, but he couldn't understand why anyone would willingly get into such a relationship.

Subaru had thought that the boy would get angry at him for asking such a personal question, but he only smiled. It might have been intended to be a happy smile, but it was tainted with insanity.

"I don't think that I could ever hate Takeshi-sensei for anything. He never did anything wrong... if I'd really hated it, I would have told him to stop."

"Would you like to leave this place? I can send you on, so that you'll have a chance to live a better life. I-I'm an onmyoji, so I can help you... that's why I can see you when no one else can."

"Thank you, but I think that I'd like to have more time here, so I can think about things a little more," the boy said softly. He moved closer towards him again and grasped his hand within his own.

This boy's been alone for so long... he must be very lonely.

"A-Alright, but if you ever want me to send you on..."

"I'll call you, but I think that once I figure this all out for myself, I'll be able to move on by myself anyway. By the way, my name's Kudo Aki. Feel free to visit me anytime. I'd like to talk to you again."

"I'm Sumeragi Subaru. I-I'd like to see you again too," Subaru replied, bowing low.

Suddenly, Kudo began laughing. This time, his laughter sounded genuine.

"W-What?"

"It's just... you're just so cute!"

"Eh!"

"I really would like to see you again, you know."

"O-Okay. I'll be sure to visit you again"


Subaru walked slowly in the direction of Seishirou's clinic with his head lowered so that the brim of his hat covered most of his face. He placed his hands in his pockets rather than leaving them at his sides, as he normally did. As he kicked an empty pop can aside, he thought, 'I've never noticed how filthy Tokyo was until today.'

Something had bothered him about Kudo's story. At first, he'd assumed that it was the concept of two men being so intimate with each other that had been so unnerving, but now he realized that there was something else as well. Even from the little that Kudo had told him about Takashi, he could grasp that the man hadn't been the best of lovers, and yet Kudo loved and trusted him completely because at one time he had been kind to him.

If Seishirou really was the Sakurazukamori would he be able to hate him, or would he continue to care for him knowing that he'd killed countless people with the same hands he'd used to comfort him?

No. It was stupid for him to doubt Seishirou because of a silly dream. It was true that some people may not be as kind as they appeared to be, but Seishirou wasn't like that. He was a good person. Subaru wasn't sure what he was going to say to Seishirou when he arrived at his apartment, but he would apologize for behaving so rudely before. It had been unkind to lie to him. Seishirou wasn't the Sakurazukamori. Seishirou wasn't the Sakura-

Subaru stopped walking. He could sense spiritual energy coming from somewhere. It was strong, but it seemed to be fading rapidly. It was coming from an alley.

He stepped into the alley, cautiously at first, but then he began to move faster. He didn't stop until he found the source lying amongst a pile of garbage bags, its stench only barely traceable amongst the rotting food.

Even with just a glance, he knew that it was the same puppy he had found in Ueno Park. It had the same ebony fur, the same eyes yellow-green, and the sprained paw, but now there was a large hole through its stomach. Subaru could feel spiritual energy radiating from the wound. It had clearly been used to rebound a spell. The puppy had been in Seishirou's care.

Seishirou could use magic. He'd seen him use it before. He'd found it a bit suspicious even then, but he'd never questioned it.

Subaru fell to his knees and brought the puppy up against his chest. He began crying violently, but he couldn't hear himself screaming or feel the tears streaming down his face. He couldn't lie to himself anymore. Seishirou was the Sakurazukamori.

A/N

Ruth: Sorry that it took me so long to update the rest of the story. :P Yes, I do plan on finishing the story this time, though it will take awhile. I've been very busy lately. T_T