Disclaimer: I don't Naruto, it belongs to Kishimoto - sama and all of the producers and editors which helped create the anime. This is purely for fun and stress relief.
Warning and Tags: NaruHina & SasuSaku are the main pairings with NejiTen, Suikari, InoKiba, and ItaFem!Shisui as side pairings; if you don't like them, please don't read this story. Cold!Hinata and Fiesty!Sakura. Mentions of Drugs, Mafia, Guns, Blood, Death, Slightly Dark, Mentions of Abuse, Coarse Language, Perverted Stuff(Kakashi & Jiraiya), ships are slow burn.
Summary: The drug is spreading. It's putrid scent wiping out millions in secret - falling into the hearts of thousands, and taking over their minds. It is fruitless to resist the drug, as it shows your best dreams. However one must remember, a dream only lasts for so long and eventually you have to wake up - yet Hinata and Sakura are the only ones who do. Soulmate!Magic!Mafia!AU SasuSaku NaruHina
I've been thinking about getting a Beta for this book, and for my other one: 'Ashes'. If anyone is interested, please PM me about it!
~ Titania of Fairies
PS. WARNING! THIS CHAPTER IS HEAVY ON THE ANGST AND HAS SLIGHT BIT OF BLOOD - FEW SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AS WELL. IF THAT AFFECTS YOU, PLEASE READ THE WARNINGS, BEFORE EACH PART!
"You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being."
- Halsey
She is a mistake.
When she was younger, she would always hear her mother scream at her father through the thin plastic of their walls. Often, the older woman would ask him whether or not he was properly teaching her, after all she couldn't do anything right - as pathetic as she was. The blue haired girl would sometimes question that if she really was pathetic, wasn't it her mothers' fault, for creating her? Usually however, she would sing to herself, hoping that the noise would block out the negative shouts - and most of the time, it worked.
However, if the hatred from that woman wasn't bad enough, her father would either ignore her, or watch her practice the clan taijutsu - before barking out orders which made no sense to the young girl.
The Hyuga fighting style didn't come easily to her, the martial arts movements feeling stiff and uncomfortable with her body. Every punch made her bleed, no matter how much she tried to relaxed her posture and movements - however, that only caused her motions to become even more stiff and jerky. While it was a fact that her entire personality had no backbone, the idea that she couldn't memorize the twelve fighting forms was just pathetic, causing her to have a low image and status, in the clan.
It was only on her fifth birthday however, that she was deemed as a complete waste of space. Hinata could still remember watching her grandparents face, fill with confusion and how her father's body shook with disappointment. All because she was unable to unlock their famous clan Dōjutsu. After all, she was a full blooded Hyuga female, not some lowly human or half blood - so therefore it should've come to her easily, right?
No, it didn't.
She always hated herself for that.
After all, Hyuga without their eyes, was lower then scum.
If she couldn't even beat a girl four years younger then her, what was she?(forgetting the fact that said girl was her younger sister, and their was no way in hell that the bluenette would hurt her. As wimpy as she might be, if someone dared touch her imouto, then they would burn in the depths of-)
Soon, her father left her to her own devices, and began to tutor her younger sister instead, leaving her with a sense of hollowness and betrayal - although, she really should've been used to it by then. Her mother had no use for her, and focused on criticizing every move she made - preferably in public. By the time she was...taken(more like stolen) from the compound, the fact that she was useless was deeply ingrained into her head.
Hinata had thought that it couldn't have gotten worse, how could it have? Her clan hated her, something which didn't bother her as much as it should've - however, it was the people in the clan who hated her, which made it as bad as it was. In fact, it was only her sister, her cousin, and her uncle - all of whom she adored and had adored her; who were her only lights in the darkness which was the Hyuga clan.
Yet, all of them were beginning to close.
Her uncle Hizashi's light began to fade when he was killed(back then, Hinata didn't even know what that word meant. What did they mean, when they said uncle Hizashi was not going to come back, this was his home right? Didn't he want to come home?)in combat against an Iwagakure agent who was sent to uncover secrets of the Byakugan. While Hinata was only seven when he died, she still remembered the kindness which he showed her when she lost a sparring match, or even when she was feeling down. The bluenete remembered how he had held her after the death of her mother; soothing her when she didn't actually need soothing, after all she didn't care about her mother. That woman was nothing to her.
In fact, the only funeral which she ever cried at, was her uncles'.
It was that day, that his light, became forever closed in her mind.
Next was her cousin.
After the death of his father, Neji had become bitter and cold towards the main house, stating that it was their fault that his father had gone on that mission. It almost seemed that he was being especially mean towards Hinata, as she was the one who was directed to most of his insults and hatred. Her gentle cousin, who used to laugh and play with her, became someone whom she wanted to avoid; in order not to get sneered at. The light which she saw in him, slowly dwindled away, until only a spark was left - however the bluenette clung onto that little spark hoping that one day, it would return completely.
It didn't.
The last light was the brightest of the three, the one which Hinata refused to let go off. Her sister was young and naive, so, so naive - something which the girl loved and yet, hated about her. It made the bluenette feel guilty every time she tugged on the string between her sibling and herself; after all, she didn't want to manipulate her imouto, but if she didn't, then Hanabi would end up like the rest of her clan. Cold and arrogant. Hinata wouldn't let that happen, her sister was her life, her everything; the bluenette would make sure that the younger girl would have a happy life.
Unlike herself - because Hinata is a mistake, and mistakes don't get to be happy.
Although, it was odd that her soulmate first words to her was contradicting towards her own thoughts - but that was fine, when she met them, she would explain why they shouldn't want her as their partner. After all, all she'd do was slow them down.
However they were they deserved someone better.
After all, mistakes shouldn't have soulmates.
She's tired.
Exhaustion hung from her bones, as her eyes dulled with overuse and strain. Her legs twitched, as the muscle inside of them stung with pain and remembrance - remembrance of the brutal katas she had just practiced. Her arms laid limply by her head, her fingers too stiff to even move out of their designated areas. Pain rushed up her torso, as the bruises there were more defined then the rest which scattered up and down her back. Groaning softly, the young girl rolled over, the top of her spine cracking underneath the pressure as she layed on her back.
Her pale skin glistened with sweat, as the tremors in her neck moved up and down her body, ringing right between the pits of her ears. Shock waves went through her head, not allowing her to sleep, as much as her body craved the numb feeling. A weary mist hung over her bones, as the lids above her eyes slowly begin the shut - her breath thinning into steady hums, matching to the beat of her heart.
The nine year old disliked the feeling she received after spars. The numbness made it easier for negativity to creep throughout her brain, lulling her into the extreme truth that was herself. Every time she lost (mind you, it wasn't often that she won) cynical traits fell into her body, and bitter feelings crawled into her throat, until she could no longer feel.
It was only in these moments, where the bluenete felt completely and utterly alone.
Hinata was tired of that feeling.
Rubbing the words which were on her right wrist, Hinata sighed, as she shook her head, wonder filling her brain. Her eyes narrowed, as she tilted her head to the side and sighed softly. Amusement, once more, shook her body, as she wondered what state she must've been in, for her soulmate to say such a thing to her.
"Nee - chan, nee - chan! Look at me!" A cheerful voice filled her ears, causing a weary smile to tug onto her lips, and eyes to begrudgingly lift away from her skin - just in time to see the happy face of the one she loved the most.
"W - What i - is it Hanabi?" Hinata asked, softly and lovingly, the paleness and exhaustion in her eyes reflecting off of the eager look in her sisters - something which was quite common in the Hyuga household.
"Can you bake with me today?" The animated brunette asked her older sister, a smile pulling the edges of her face, only to reach the ends of her eyes.
The nine year olds smile faded slightly, as she looked down at her body and flashed the younger girl a slightly apologetic look. Sighing softly, she pulled her hand up, before patting her imouto on the head - biting her tongue as her muscles seared underneath the movement. "I'm s - sorry imouto, but I - I don't t - think that I - I can move right now."
Her sister pouted, sulking for a moment, before her smile came back at full force, causing Hinata to blink from the brightness of it. "That's okay! Can you read me a book then? Pleaseee?"
Rubbing her eyes, Hinata smiled, before shaking her head softly, satisfaction growing in her heart at an alarming rate. With her eyes crinkling, the bluenette muttered her acceptance, before watching the younger girl race off, only to return with a book and a blanket. After lifting her arm hesitantly, and letting her sister rush to crawl under it, the nine year old smiled softly, before wrapping the arm around younger girls' smaller body in order to bring her closer. Opening the story book, the nine year old began to read, her tense body relaxing underneath the exaggerated comments from her sister and the comfort in the tiny body next to her. Soon the five year olds' breaths evened out, and the bluenette found an overwhelming amount of emotion pour over her, as she glanced down at her imouto next to her.
Humming softly, Hinata patted Hanabi's hair gently, before pressing a soft kiss to the brunettes' forehead and turning her head away, hiding her shining eyes. As her lids closed softly, and tears slipped down her cheeks, the bluenette shook her head - letting the water pool into the blanket. Honestly, sometimes it was too much for the nine year old to be around her sister, as the admiration and wonder that younger girl had for her, was astounding. Quietly, the young girl pulled the blanket over her imouto higher, as she snuggled next to her, her sores long forgotten.
There was nobody in the world, who Hinata loved more than Hanabi.
Nobody.
She's selfish.
As her head became heavy, her eyes drooped shut; due to the influence of external poison. However, while she was in this dangerous position, Hinata could only smile in knowledge that her darling sister was safe. Her kidnappers had entered the compound in hopes of securing the Hyuga heir, but all they got was her, the failure of the clan. The blunette couldn't help, but laugh at the irony of the fact, knowing that whatever happened, she still wouldn't regret being taken. After all, it was either her or her imouto, and Hinata would put Hanabi above herself at any moment.
That was exactly the reason of why the moment that the bluenette realized someone was trailing the duo, the ten year old urged her younger sister to run, saying that she would stay and fight them off. It took all of her energy to hold off the attacker, until her sister got back to the compound - and somehow, when she felt Hanabi's chakra enter the inner walls, she relaxed slightly. That was a mistake, because that was all it took for a single hit to the head, to knock her out.
'It wasn't like it wouldn't have happened anyways.' Hinata reasoned with herself. 'After all, I did lose a lot of blood.'
Still, it was inexcusable that she lost to an outsider.
As the young girl rubbed her hands together, trying to saw through the thick ropes which they had binded onto her hands, she sighed slightly and bit her lip, the metallic taste of blood filling into her mouth. Her body moved from side to side, in the small box which she was placed in, most likely from the movement of the vehicle she was placed within. Fear clouded her mind as the blue haired girl desperately tried to hold onto something, anything, which would try to bring her back to the ground.
'Otou - sama would be disgusted if he found out.' The bluenette giggled at the horror that would be on her fathers face, when he found out that his precious Byakugan had been taken. What a sight it would be, if only she could see it.
Suddenly, reality hit the young girl in the face, causing her to wince as her head beat against the side of the metal trunk. Taking a deep breath, she tried to relax her beating heart as the fog of the unknown, settled over her eyes. Blinking a few times, the young girl tried to strain her pupils, in order to peer throughout the darkness - however, her efforts were fruitless as her eyesight wasn't as sharp or defined as the typical Hyuga's.
Ahh, so that must be why they didn't cover her eyes, Hinata thought, staring into the space around her. They thought that she was an average Hyuga, and that a blindfold would do nothing to stop her from seeing around her.
Well, that could certainly work in her favor.
Suddenly, the rocking movement stopped, as the ten year old paused in her attempts to escape, to furrow her brow and tilt her head to the side. With worry escaping its cage in her mind, the young girl tried to still her shaking hands and shook her head, hoping that her thoughts weren't about to come true.
Sighing slightly, the young girl returned her efforts to trying to untie the ropes around her arms, ignoring how the material rubbed even more further into the flesh of her arm. All of her attempts were in vain, however, as it wasn't long before the door in the far corner opened, causing Hinata to pause, her throat drying up. Her eyes squinted once more, as they took in the shadowed figure in the doorway.
It wasn't surprising that, that was the last thing she saw, before a sharp pain hit her in the neck; her mind registering it as a hand chop; causing her to backed out - the phantom of pain, still ringing in the hollow of her ears.
She woke up, hours later - with her hands (once more) tied to wall, only this time the cuffs were made of metal. Her head hurt and her eyes ached even more then they did before. The entire form of her body was sore - and as the young girl attempted to move, she was only held down by another set of chains which were fastened around the crooks of her feet. As her breath evened out and her mind wracked for ways to get out of the situation she was in, clawing at the empty space. (Nobody was going to come after her. This was the only fact which Hinata knew completely - after all, why would they? What would they gain in risking others' lives in saving a failure-).
Then the door opened, and Hinata was placed face to face with a man who she had only be told of in horror stories (even those didn't scare her anymore. Why would they? After all, what she'd gone through was worse-). The young girl pushed herself into the corner of the dusty room, hoping that whomever it was, wouldn't spot her. She had no suck luck, as her eyes widened in horror for having figured out who exactly was in front of her, the moment they turned their eyes towards her body. Almost, as if he could smell her fear, the man smiled at her, his thin snakelike tongue flicking in and out of his thin mouth, causing her heart to completely still, as her breathing stopped. Then, he spoke, his voice sickly sweet - causing the bluenette to gulp, her throat suddenly dry.
"Hello, Hinata - chan. Your arrival was quite unexpected, after all, we expected the heir." The man purred, watching as she fidgeted underneath his seeking gaze - his tongue flicking out once more, as she gulped.
She couldn't answer - she didn't want to answer, it's almost as if she was afraid of what would come next; well it would be foolhardy if she wasn't scared of what was to come next.
After all, meeting Orochimaru, the fucking Snake sannin was never good news.
Everyone in the...underground field knew about the man, about his deeds - about his experiments. Hinata remembered how her father would pale, every time his name was uttered in the mansion. The bluenette remembered how her nanny used to scold her sister, saying that if she didn't behave, the sannin would capture her.
Who would've known that it would've been so literal?
...What would he want her for anyways? She's not special, in fact, their's nothing he could gain from her, expect for her - ah, so that's it, isn't it? He wanted her eyes didn't he? That made much more sense, to the young girl. After all, Byakugan was very much sought after, therefore hadn't taken much time, for the young girl to realize exactly why she was placed in this certain situation.
Not that it made anything better.
In fact, it only made it worse.
After watching her, his stilted golden eyes glowing, while assessing her every move, the ash skinned man grinned once more, causing her the bluenette to whimper softly, as he moved forwards - pinning her with his aura. His tongue snakes out more, as he spoke, his tone gravelly.
"That's alright. I'm sure we can make do with the spare."
(If you have a problem with angst, please skip the future () parts)
She dreamed.
Why? Well, one reason was because she was the one who controlled her dreams. She was the one, who could decide what happened in them, and she was the one who could choose to end them when she wanted to. It was calming to know that she had control over something, because it wasn't unknown to her that she didn't have it over anything else in the lab.
Dreams were a constant, because she always knew that she could call upon them if she wished to - on the other hand, every minute she was awake, the blue haired girl would be trembling with fear of what was to come next.
Was she to go towards the fighting grounds, where she'd be forced to fight someone until the one of them passed out or passed out?(They were like rag dolls weren't they? Doing whatever they were told to without any complaints or issues and yet, how low had she stooped to not even try anymore? But she did care, she cared too much - every time she was forced to beat someone - oh how pathetic she was. After all, even while crying inside, she'd follow the order. She knew what happened to those who rebelled; the punishment was even worse then losing a fight and Hinata knew what it felt like, when you lose a fight. She had lost a fight once - she'd hesitated and her opponent sliced her chest, causing to black out from blood loss. She was then, forced to face the punishment.
She never lost again.)
Or would she be placed into the experimental wing and forced into submission?(If the fighting wasn't bad enough, the experiments were worse. God the bluenette would much rather face the hell god himself, than going through another experiment. The knives and medicine themselves weren't the worst part, but rather the observational box they were placed in next, was. It made her feel like an animal, forced into a prison which had no key. The ten year old remembered one time when she was injected with a new drug and placed within the box, the effects hitting her almost instantaneously. Those two weeks were hell for her, most of the time she spent was fighting to remain conscious and forcing herself stop crying and eat. After the fourteenth day she finally stopped screaming and opened her eyes once more, only to be congratulated to have survived. The audacity of them - SHE WASN'T A FUCKING TOOL-)
Heaven forbid that she'd be dragged towards a direct confrontation with one of the adults. Their putrid smiles and calm faces, made her want to claw their eyes out. How could they? How could they just smile, even while they tortured them!? How could they act so unaffected, even when they did such inhuman things? Hinata wished that she would never become like that.
It made her sick, to even think that was actually possible.
She learnt the truth.
Spending her time in that hellhole, Hinata learned that the world is not a nice place to live in, and that people aren't always good. She learned that nobody was going to help you and that you had to help yourself, if you wanted to be safe. She learned that if you wanted to survive, you had to create layer and that you had to grow in order to thrive in that hellhole.
So she did.
Her smiles were the first to stop - after all, nothing happy was going on, why should she smile? Next her usually expressive face was what was controlled into a calm and completely neutral composure. Finally, her kindness turned into a ruthless fevour, one which sent her wondering what exactly happened to the girl she used to be.
Was she still even human anymore?
That was exactly the question she'd been asking herself, when she met Suki Tokka. It had been a tuesday evening (or was it thursday? The bluenette didn't really remember, as days usually melded together. Get up, fight, be tested on, be bloody pulped to half death and then sleep), when she'd been disrupted from her usual dull thoughts and screaming body, from the opening of her padlocked door, and the harsh shout of one of the guards. Moving, she'd tensed her muscles, fully prepared for a scene, however, she was instead greeted with the sight of a figure being pushed towards the floor and the door being shut.
It was a child.
As, so it must've been a new...recruit.
The Hyuga watched, scrutinizing the (boy?), their features coming into her mind. Their hair was a short dark brown which was matted to their skull, and from Hinata's point of view, they had pale skin and a scowling look on their face. The bluenette watched, as they narrowed their eyes, before lunging towards the door and pounding on it - trying to get it open. The young girl watched, confused and fascinated as the other child kept trying and trying, even as their hands turned raw. That desperation, it was shocking and Hinata found herself leaning forwards in order to see more of it - after all, that type of courage was rare around those areas and to the bluenette it was like a fresh sight. Finally, with a small flame of sympathy rising up in her - after all, she'd been in that situation once; helpless and scared - the eleven year old sighed, before making her presence known.
"You won't be able to break through." Her voice was soft, so soft that it was barely louder than a whisper.
With their head snapping, the person turned around, cementing Hinata's thoughts of their gender. The other boys' brown eyes widened in confusion, and the eleven year old found herself leaning back from his gaze, due to the amount of emotion their was in their eyes. Really, was that even natural? Had she been like that once, so completely and utterly...bare? It made her uncomfortable to think that she'd been - however, it was the truth and now Hinata appreciated the truth for what it was.
Lies only bought pain.
"A - And how do you know that?" The other child drawled, getting over his shock of not being alone.
Shooting the older boy an unimpressed look, Hinata let out another sigh - her voice only a sliver louder than it was before. "Because, like every other person in this damned hellhole, I've done it as well."
"Oh. So you've given up on escaping then!?" The male snapped back, sassily - his eyes dark and defying, causing the other girl to crack a smile - something which she hadn't done in a long time - due to the fact of how...naive that question was.
Debating whether or not to answer that question - after all information was very important around here, one could find themselves thrown into the end of the snake pit if they dare uttered the wrong word to the wrong person - however, it was the fire in his eyes, which made her pause and shake her head, her voice soft and completely blank. "No. Escaping is a hope of mine, but without significant details, it will be completely useless in trying."
The brunette blinked, as if shocked at the way she'd replied, before frowning, his gaze gaining a ounce of confusion. "Oh. That's a shitty way to look at it."
Hinata smiled once more, her cheeks burning and one eyebrow raised - mostly due to the fact that her muscles weren't quite used to that motion and her incoming amusement. Shaking her head, the eleven year old leaned forwards and voiced her answer, her tone curious at his answer. "Well, we're in a shitty place right now, aren't we?"
Brown eyes stared at her for a few minuets, before the owner of them let out a large laugh, the sound of it barreling through the small, damp room which they were in. Hinata watched, shocked, as the older boy fell over, laughing hysterically. Slowly, her own mouth formed some chuckles, causing her to feel lighter than she had for ages. As quickly as they came though, they stopped, as the bluenette was worried that someone might've been watching them.
"Y'know, you're not too bad. What's your name?" The short boy asked her, causing her to cock her head to the side and respond, traces of laughter still in her voice - no matter how hard she tried to hide them.
"Hinata, I'm Hinata." Because, she never truly was a real Hyuga, and she wouldn't go down as one.
"Oh, that's a real pretty name!" The other boy responded, causing her to smile, her heart warming slightly at the complement. After all, it was the first time she'd gotten such a genuine one since her arrival at this hellhole - not that it meant much.
"T - thank you. And your name is?" The bluenette responded, taken aback, watching as the boy perked up at this, a grin pulling at his lips and her expressive eyes gleaming once more with pure joy.
"Suki, Suki Tokka at your business miss!"
Sure, Hinata wasn't as human as she once was, and her mind was as closed as the cage she was, however her heart was still beating strong and wild. Therefore, it was no surprise that Tokka fell underneath her protection quite quickly. The bluenette swore that she would make sure that nothing would happen to him on her watch - and she succeeded in doing this for an year.
Until, she fell, and he fell with her.
.
"Tokka - kun, could you...could you tell me another story again?"
"Another one? But Hinata - chan, I already told you one today. If I keep telling you more, soon i'll run out of them!"
"Impossible! You have so many stories, you can't run out of them."
"You say that now, but just you wait - one day you'll get bored of my stories."
"That'll never happen. We both know that your stories are the best, now please tell me one?"
"Hinata...what did they do to you, during training?"
"...Nothing important."
"Hinata-"
"Please Tokka - can I have a story?"
"Fine...but promise me something."
"What?"
"When we get out of here, you'll tell me a story."
"Me? Tell you a story?"
"Yes."
"...Alright, when we get out of here, I'll tell you a story."
"Good. It's a promise."
"Although, I'm warning you that it will be crappy and nothing like yours."
"Of course, nothing can match up to my stories."
"Tokka!"
.
She had never kept her promise.
It was all her fault.
She never forget herself for that - years later she would stare at herself in the mirror in shining hatred, after all, how could she have done something so fucking stupid? How could she? It was her fault that he died. It was her fault that he took that hit, and it was her fault that she was so weak. She was so weak that she couldn't even fulfill a single promise that she made to herself - she couldn't even protect her loved ones. She had abandoned her comrade.
She really was worse then scum.
It was that day, that Hinata stopped speaking.
After all, Tokka was the only person in that hellhole, to make her laugh, to make her smile - and with him gone, she didn't deserve to do either of those.
It wasn't surprising that her will to live disappeared slowly after that.
She's always been a coward.
It's not a huge thing, it's actually only natural that humans are cowards. In fact, the human brain is born with the instinct of flight - something which people now equivocate with the words 'failure', 'fear' and 'cowardliness'. However, it is only due to these three words that multiple people have survived in history. Sure, sitting safe at home, one would scream when an character does something stupid and runs for their life- it's only natural thing to do. However, you must remember that screaming 'fight, fight,' is real easy when you aren't in that situation.
'But a hero would save everyone!' You could argue. 'Heroes and selfless and good!'
That's true and all, but how many people are true heroes? I'm talking about real life heroes, not the ones that you watch on television, or read in a story. Think about a real world problem - bullying for example. Over 3.2 million kids are bullied in a year, and yet, statistics show that over 90 percent of the kids who witness it happening, ignore it and do nothing about it. Saying this however, it is actually that 10 percent, who are the true heroes. Remember, true heroes are not saints, they're average people, like you and me, who wanted to change the world for the better and did so.
After all, to do something that could put yourself into the path of harm and danger, is something that someone with true courage could do. It's not hard, but the amount of time you have to make your choice is limited - all it takes is one motion for you to make the right, or wrong decision, and you have to stick with your choice once you have made it.
Hinata had always made the wrong one.
As most of her time she was locked up by herself, in that cage, she was forced to think about other things which had happened in her childhood - you know, as not to go insane by the solitude and the guilt of surviving when Tokka hadn't. The memories of her younger self kept popping back into her brain, causing her to pause and think, even when she wished that she didn't. Moments, where she didn't speak up, or even when she kept quiet when someone was yelling at her, came to her mind first - causing the young girl to wonder what she'd do now in that situation. God the differences were almost starling to the blue haired girl, as before while she had stuttered out a quick sorry; yet now she would've ignored the said person, or glared at them. Well, internal defiance had kept her sane more times then she would've liked to admit (it was better than saying it out loud, or going along with what was happening, without hesitation) - well, that and marking the days that went by on the wall. After all, she'd like to know how long she had survived in that place, as it made her feel positive that if she could survive that long, she would be able to survive for another day.
...Really, she was only trying to make the best out of the worst, however, her mind told her that it didn't justify the dark thoughts in her head anymore.
Well, going back to how she would respond now, the change of attitude was most likely due to the fact that there were many differences between the her now and the her then. After all, fear and hatred really did effect her more than she thought it would've.
God, what she thought she felt for the clan was bad? No, this was worse. This completely utterly took over Hinata's mind, feeding into the darkest parts of her brain at the worst possible times. Some days she dreamed about revenge, basking in it's glory and laughing when the ideas became wilder than she ever expected them to be - only because they reduced her worry about them hurting her. It helped however, it helped that she had something to think about, rather than spend her time wallowing in the dark and wondering what was going to happen next.
It worked most days, as they mostly left her alone, after all - now that they knew that she didn't have the Byakugan she was no longer as much as a use they had thought her to be. However, that didn't mean she was free game, in fact, that thing decided that if she didn't have the Byakugan, maybe they could coax it out of her. That was her least favorite part and it was safe to say that she loathed those training sessions.
The sound of chains pulled her out of her thoughts, as the young girl jerked her head upwards, before instinctively stilling, reluctant fear rise throughout her heart and coiling into the depths of her throat. Her mouth dried, as the locked door opened, just in time for her to see the figure of a familiar face - one which she hated with all of her might.
"Hinata - chan! How have you been? Your eyes haven't been aching again have they? After all, that would only mean bad things for us." A cheerful voice called out, causing her to pull her lips into a frown and glower at the silver haired medic, her body shuttered - trying to close in on herself.
She didn't respond - it wasn't like she ever would, but even if she did, she knew that her voice would be filled with hatred for the man in front of her.
"I see you've been good." Yakushi Kabuto, Orochimaru's right hand man, replied to his own question, before smiling at the younger girl; causing her lip to curl inwards in disgust. "Me? I'm good, thank you for asking."
She didn't.
Sighing slightly, the young girl quivered as she got to her feet and held the wall, acceptance in her face and body. Softly, she stood on her own, before clenching her hands behind her back and trying to calm her racing heart down. Glaring at the man, she tensed up further when he chuckled with that eerie look in his eyes - the one that gleamed with greed.
"Still so uptight, aren't you Hinata - chan? Don't worry, by the end of today you'll be much more...loose."
As she was lead towards the lab Hinata couldn't help, but shake her head softly at what was to come and how she would have to deal with it. The bluenette knew that if she was going to 'brave' and 'courageous', it would be best if she just died. After all, if she died, then her captors wouldn't be allowed to see information on her clan Dōjustu. If that happened, then they wouldn't be able to potentially injure one of her people, with their own game. If she just killed herself, they wouldn't be able to unravel secrets which had been hidden from outsiders for such a long time. Who knew, if they actually succeeded in getting her Byakugan to work, wouldn't that mean that they had enough information to potentially create a fake one?
Therefore, in all effects, it would be best for everyone if she just decided to kill herself. Utilitarianism, wasn't that what is was called? Every choice is decided is for the betterment of the group, rather than the individual.
Well, Hinata had always been a coward.
Today was no different.
She hated god.
Rather, she hated the idea of god. After all, if their really was a god, why did he/she let something this horrible happen to people? If god created the world, then why would he let it become like it was now - cold, dark, cruel and most of all, evil? Kami, how low humans must have stooped in order to let children become the prey for the predators.
If the world was a snake, Hinata was the bunny.
Yet, as the young girl stared into the eyes of her enemy, her brain screaming at her that the end was near, all she could do was smile, her eyes cloudy and dark. Her lips twisted into a sneer as her limp posture straitened up and her face turned into a neutral hue. Her heart thumped wildly in her chest, as the tiny voice at the back of her head whispered how her time was rapidly closing very quickly, however, it didn't seem to affect the bluenette as much as she thought it would. Rather, her thoughts were of the opposite situation - as they were light and airy.
Unlike her brain, her body seemed to disagree as it was tense and high strung.
Therefore, it was no surprise that once in her time spent at that hellhole, Hinata fought back.
It is needless to say that it resulted in failure, but still, the idea that she resisted was enough to make her satisfied for the first time in her life.
For what? In the end, she was still forced into a chair, kicking and screaming, her mind calm while her body was panicking.
As the fucking snake came closer towards her, a needle in his hand, the young girl closed her mouth and shot the sannin the most deathlike glare that she'd ever concocted and pushed all of the fear away from her eyes. The man, then smirked at her, as if amused at her little show of strength, before he grabbed her face, her bones molding underneath the harsh grip of his hand.
"Enjoy your trip to hell, Hinata - chan. I hope you succeed in returning to us."
That couldn't be possible, after all, nothing could be worse than this.
Then he pulled out a needle and stuck the edge of it in her right eye, and Hinata learned that death hadn't just come to her. It had been hovering over her shoulder, ever since she was born - never managing to touch her, just there, waiting and watching until the moment came where it could swoop her away.
It seemed that the time had come.
(ANGST and BLOOD)
She was done
Hinata couldn't- she just couldn't handle it anymore. Her eyes ached and ached and ached and they struggled to see and move because- because-
THEY COULDN'T.
It hurt, it hurt so goddamn much - why? Why did it hurt that much, why did she scream, when she knew that it wouldn't stop. What did she- what did she do to- god, it burned, in burned and stung, and seared- why would't it sto- why-
Why was this happening?
Scorching, flaming, the feeling moved down her back, causing her spine to crack and her internal muscles to stretch and break - down, down it went, causing her to scream from the agony of the - of the pure pain.
Why were they doing this?
She knew they were evil, but surely, they couldn't be that horrible right? Didn't they have any respect for the human life? No they don't - she should've know that already, yet, she can't help but question, what someone must have gone through, to become so wicked.
Because it's just not normal - then again, what would she know about normal?
What did she do to deserve this hell?
Itthrobsandthrobsandthrobs - everything was hurting and she didn't know why. Her body screamed, and somewhere deep inside of her, she craved revenge, revenge for those who treated her this way. Revenge for those who take pleasure in watching others suffer. She wanted to killandkillandkill- she wanted to see the blood on her hands-
The thing is she didn't deserve it, in fact, while she was pathetic and weak - nobody should've deserved to be in that situation. Toyed with, until they were painfully and slowly moved to insanity - tortured, for the sake of knowledge.
Yet, here it was, happening to her, so it was no surprise at what her brain was telling her body.
She wanted to die.
In the end, none of her answers were solved and her traitor of a heart let out a tiny whisper in the back of her mind, stating that she actually doesn't want to die.
Then again, does anyone want to die? - The human body is programmed with the need to survive, no matter what it cost is. However, there's nothing she could've really done at that moment, other then try to suppress the hatred which was welling up inside of her chest. Then, the pain stopped suddenly and her eyes begun to see a bright light (how odd, considering that they're closed), and a small voice caused her to pause and listen.
'Do you want to live?'
It took her a while to realize that yes, she did want to live, but the eerie feeling that the only she wants to live, is for revenge came to her; causing her to pause in her motions. Had she really become so cynical that she couldn't forgive - then again, people like that didn't deserve her forgiveness.
Not that it was worth much.
'Answer me child, do you want to live?'
The answer came to her instantaneously, after all, she didn't want to live for herself. Why should she wake up, just to be tortured again? The feelings of revenge which threatened to take over her body caused her to cry out silently - she didn't want to live with what she had become.
A broken person, in both mind and soul.
Besides, if she died, then maybe she would be allowed to see Tokka - then she could finally apologize and beg for his forgiveness. Even though she didn't deserve it. Blinking once, the young girl started to make her decision, when she was stopped by the flash of an image which appeared in mind.
Long brown hair alongside of flawless tanned skin moved into her vision, which caused the blue haired girl to still in surprise. Next, the image of pretty pink lips came into view and Hinata had to stop herself from gasping at how similar they were to her own. However, it was the lilac colored eyes, which were filled with joy, admiration and most of all, love, of what caused the young girl to cry softly - a sudden longing appeared in her chest.
It had been years since she had last thought about Hanabi. Mostly due to the fact that she'd been trying to keep her sister out of her bad thoughts and tried to stop the nostalgia from coming back to her again. Now that she did however, a wave of want and desperation came over her body. The hands in her lap ached to hold her imouto, to talk to her - to love her, as her eyes began to water with tears
She wanted to see her sister, at least one last time.
Then, for the first time in two years, Hyuga Hinata spoke.
'Yes.'
'I'm sorry Tokka, I'm so, so, sorry.'
It seemed her time had not come yet.
Yakushi Kabuto sighed, as he stared at the limp body of experiment number 218003 - his mouth twisting in a frown. Shaking his head, he turned to Orochimaru - sama and reflected the other mans' look of disappointment - after all, they had hoped that this time the subject wouldn't die, but there really had been a small chance of survival.
"How sad. I had thought it would work this time." The snake sannin replied, his head tilting with mock remorse.
Opening his mouth, the brown eyed teenager began to say something, however, he was cut off by a sudden burst of light which began at the experiments chest.
Covering his eyes, the silver haired man inhaled sharply as his mind screeched to a halt. There was no way-? He had checked project 218000's vitals and everything had come back negative - meaning that it was dead! How could this be possible? How could it have survived? Suddenly, a grin split across his face as the understanding of what was happening hit him. With a gleam of fervency entering his eyes, the nineteen year old stopped in his tracks - alongside of his mentor, wonder and greed rising up in his body.
"Finally, it's worked." Orochimaru replied, his snakelike tongue slithering out in excitement. "The medicine has come back positive."
Moving forwards, the ashen skinned man went to inspect the body closer, when he was pushed back my an intangible force. Stumbling on his feet, the older man was forced backwards, as Kabuto stared at the subject in confusion. Hesitantly, took a single step forwards, before freezing as a cold voice entered his brains.
'Leave. LEAVE YOU Τέρας.'
What happened next shocked the both of them.
The light which had started at the chest, spread until it was around the entirety of its' body - the shine coming out of it caused the two men to be blinded by the light. Then, almost at the same moment, they realized what was happening - the project did not succeed, and in fact, it had gone terribly wrong. However, by the time that they realized this, it was too late and all they could do was turn on their back and sprint hoping to make in out in time.
For a good reason that too, as ten seconds later, the lab blew up.
(WARNING: BLOOD and BODIES)
She awoke while coughing.
Then she took a breath- and another and another and another- and then, it finally hit her like a train to ribs, that she was really alive and awake. Lurching upwards, the bluenete clawed at her throat, as she gasped for breath - her lungs taking in the air greedily. Finally calming down, the young girl let out a ragged sigh, before blinking a few times and staring at the space surrounding her, confusion rapidly growing on her face.
The area around her person was filled with dust, which caused her to cough. Sighing once, the young girl squinted her aching eyes (holy hell they fucking hurt...why didn't she notice that before?) before peering past the darkness which surrounded her. When all she could see was dust, Hinata blinked, before raising a shaky hand towards her arm clasps and jerking her head back when she realized that they weren't their anymore. Slowly, she slid her legs of of the seat she was on, the muscle only stinging a fraction of what she'd felt before, and letting herself slide down to the floor, only to use her hands to support herself, when her legs didn't work. Puffing out a breath, the bluenette held herself up with her trembling arms, waiting for her legs to finally stabilize.
When they did, the young girl exhaled as she placed her arms by her sides - before hesitantly taking a step forwards, biting her bottom lip as a hot tendril of pain shot up her foot. Shaking her at the momentary pain, the bluenette continued to walk forwards, making sure to watch out for the sharp pieces of (rock? Was that rock? What was rock doing on the ground?) which were laying around her.
What the heck had happened?
Suddenly, the blue haired girls' mind turned off, as her internal instincts kicked in. She had to get out of their, fast, before the older scientists came back. Actually, why weren't they here? The last thing she remembered was being strapped down into that chair and...a sharp flash ran through her head, causing the young girl to wince in pain. Okay so, whatever happened had been bad then - scratch that, worse then bad, considering the fact that it had been a few minutes since she'd woken up, and still the memories wouldn't come back.
Hinata couldn't wait until she was 'gifted' with them later.
Coughing lightly, the twelve year old moved forwards once more, pausing at the place the door used to be at and staring at the state the wood was in now. Seriously, the young girl wondered what could've been so big, as if to cause destruction - and if it really was that big, how did it not hit her?
Weird.
Stepping over the large boulders, the twelve year old ignored how the smaller pieces pressed into the flesh of the flats, of her feet, before blinking as her eyes widened at the scene in front of her. Her hand began to tremble, as her body shook from utter confusion and total shock.
Stumbling forwards, Hinata shut down as she blinked at the sight in front of her, tears welling up in her eyes - from worry and amazement. It was no surprise, considering the fact that the only thing she saw for miles, was the deep blue sky, smoke and the sight of fluffy white clouds.
As a sudden burst of air hit her face, tears stung in her eyes, as the young girl caught her breath as she chocked, her mouth drying up instantly. It had been long, far too long, since she had last seen the sky - or had gotten out of the compound really. Her sight blurred once more, when a fresh wave of guilt hit her body once more, as she thought about the promise that she had told her old friend.
It hurt that he wasn't there with her.
Shaking her head, Hinata breathed once more, fully prepared to move forwards, when she suddenly gasped - her eyes widening as she looked below the large clouds in the sky. Her blood burned underneath her skin, as the tears which were around her eyes began to let trickle down her cheeks. Red covered her vision, as confusion and denial coated the ends of her brain, her hands clenching into fists, as she slightly gasped for breath. Her mind scrambled to make sense of the situation, as the young girl paled rapidly.
'H - How, how did this h - happen!? W - Whats' going on! Wha- I- huh-'
'This is the cost of power.' A voice said, causing her to gasp at the unforeseen sound - her memory twitching as a sudden rush of emotions came over her as she closed her eyes. Her spine stiffened, as her brain kept pulsing, image after image coming in, causing her to exhale sharply as she clutched her head.
As her body betrayed her, the young girl fell to her knees, pulling her hair between her fingers and crying harder, her shoulders wracking from the sobs which came out of her mouth. However, these were not from joy like before, they were from anger, anger and disgust. The depths of her brain stilled, as she was horrified at the sight she'd just seen, her heart as shaky as her body at that moment.
Her freedom didn't seem so bright after that.
Not when she was the only one who got to have one.
The grounds were littered with bodies, their corpses mutilated and unrecognizable - ash littered around their frames, covering most of their bodies and leaving her staring as they looked like they were in a state of an eerie synopsis. Blood and body parts layed everywhere, most looking as if they were forcefully removed. Something which scarred them with their last moments on the Earth. Those whose bodies where full, where mostly crushed by the leftover ruble of the once standing torture-building; expressing that even in death they weren't free from the pain that it caused them.
'Get up.' The soft voice said once more, causing her to sob quieter in her hands. 'Get up and move on. Sitting here and crying won't do you any good child, if you really want to honor those who have passed then make something of your own life. You can't cry forever.'
'Who're you?' The bluenette asked, softly - her tears drying to her cheeks, her eyes shining with unshed sadness. 'What do you mean?'
Other person responded once more, their voice growing louder and louder in the bluenettes' head as they progressed further in their speech.
'You think crying will help them pass easier? You think your tears will do anything? They won't. I saved you for a reason child, I see the future in you - however, you can only change if you grow; and while you say you have grown, you really haven't. Grow child, grow and become strong - so that when the world knocks you down, you get back up, stronger then before. If not for yourself, but for the people you represent. Do you understand little one?"
The words hit her like a tidal wave and the young girl found herself shocked at how they resonated throughout her brain, entering her heart with a single thud. Her eyes grew bare from the tears, while her shaking legs stiled from from their place on the ground; her frame small against the cold wind which hit her jarringly. Her mind went from sad to angry to shock and finally to...the harsh understanding of realization.
Was, was it true? Had she, had she not changed, from the useless girl she once was? Was she still the girl she'd once been - a fool?
It was all her fault wasn't it? She was the problem, she was the one who didn't deserve to live - no, enough of those thoughts. Shaking her head, young girl wiped her eyes, as her shock was replaced by a frigid numbness, one which froze her from the inside. Her mind paused as Tokka's smiling face and her imouto's joyous laugh came into picture causing her to gulp in the fresh air, in order to calm herself down.
Maybe she was a fool, maybe she was worthless, but Hinata was not selfish enough to die now, not when everyone who did counted on her, were watching. Not when others remained blissfully ignorant of what was happening in the world, simply thinking it to be something which occurred in movies - just like she had once thought.
She couldn't allow that to happen, or else they'd all had died in vain; like Tokka.
The voices' sentence came back to her, causing her to unfreeze her mind and heart.
'Do you understand child?'
She did.
Exhaling softly, the young girl returned towards her feet, before moving forwards, coughing as she inhaled the putrid smell and sensed demolished bodies; determination lit in her pupilless eyes. Suddenly, the young girl tumbled over an unexpected and sharp rock - causing the barefooted girl to fall towards the ground, landing on her hands. Ignoring the way pain shot up her arms, and how exhaustion filled her body, as her ribs rubbed against her small dress; she scrambled to her feet, her breaths drying her throat even more.
A single thought ran through her head.
'Survive. You must survive.'
She would, if not for herself, but for those who didn't have the chance to.
Hey y'all sorry for the late chapter! I made it longer to sooth the anger, did it work? No...okay :(. Anyways, sorry for all of the angst, the next chapter will be a bit better and will be mostly based on a lighter set of terms. As for the pacing of the story, I have something to address (although I doubt anyone will read it, considering that rarely anyone reads these author notes):
The last two chapters were just the background checks and the next chapter will start the real story - there will be pieces within each chapter which will have a flashback to make some things make sense. As for Naruto and Sasuke, their parts will be shown later on as well; as for why they acted as they did.
Thank you to EncinoGod, lezzgoblue, Foreshadow Of Darkness, RaveenaUchiha89, ANURADHA MISHRA, l-OnyxBlossom-l, ILoveSxS and all of the Guests! Your kind words are sincerely appreciated, and it makes me so very happy to know that people like my story!
Ciao, for now!
~ Titania of Fairies.
