A/N; Hm, after a lot of positive reviews, I've decided to just to hell with it and commit suicide. I'll probably get killed for not updating WAPHW because of this one, but it's ok, I did it for the reviews. Ohohohoho… 6-6

I'll say that when I see Kami-sama.

"Kami-sama, I did it for the reviews. They're too yummy, yummy!"

And Kami-sama will look me straight in the eyes and go:

"You, my child, are weird. We have a special place just for people like you!"

I could almost hear him now!

Kya!

T-T

Goodbye everyone! I loved you!

--

Another Sad Fact of Life—if you chew on dog toys, it strengthens your teeth. If you chew on the authoress, she'll bite you back and say 'back off bitch this isn't mine!'


Sayonara My Sanity! 2.two ((Elevators and Big Bucks))

What do I do??

My life is nearly ruined!!

For all I know, I might get fired in a minute! I can practically imagine it already… the phone rings… and Tsunade-shishou scolds me… and then dun, dun, dun! The big moment! She says the forbidden words, "You're FIRED!!" (Cough, quoted from Mr. Trump himself!) I know, I'm unoriginal and completely lame.

So?!

I was raised by an incredibly strange father that always somehow tries to lighten the mood by cracking the weirdest of jokes. He even uses these little riddled jokes so I'll be like "HUH." and my mom just starts laughing and then my father thinks he's funny. Obviously my mom loves him too much to tell him the truth.

Well either way, I'll still love my incredibly lame cracking daddy… I hope.

So maybe if you guys are nice enough, you'll pray for me and we can all hope the forbidden phone won't ring and Tsunade-shishou won't say the forbidden—

"Let the drummer kick… let the drummer kick that!"

Oh my Kami-sama.

My phone just rang.

WEREN'T YOU PEOPLE PRAYING?!

WHY CAN'T YOU BE NICE TO ME FOR ONCE?!

UGH.

I can never trust you people that just stare at the screen all day! Thanks a lot! Now I might as well go live on the street. Greeaat. That was sarcasm by the way if you didn't know that.

Yeah. I tend to have quite the attitude when I'm FREAKING PISSED OFF.

OK… it's ok Sakura; it's perfectly OK… just pick up the phone… and answer it normally. We can always find another job!

… Oh who am I kidding I'll probably get kicked out of the place as soon as I explain to them just why I got fired from my old job!!

I CAN'T DO THIS!

I CAN'T DIE LIKE THIS!

I NEED MONEY!

I NEED TO SURVIVE!!

ONEGAI!!

I EVEN LEARNED HOW TO SAY ONEGAI IN ENGLISH!

PLEASE!!

BE MERCIFUL ON A YOUNG 'innocent little' GIRL!!

I'M A HOBO!

Hmph.

I have MORE dignity than this! I can pick up a phone without hyperventilating like Tokyo just got owned by Shanghai.

OK… here goes…

EVERYTHING!

(Sobs!!)

… "M-Moshi-moshi?"

Wow… I sound like Hinata-chan. Not that I'm offending you Hinata-chan, but that is how you kind of always talk.

OK… let's just talk… I'll be fine!!

Aw great I didn't even bother to check who called. It might not even be Tsunade-shishou! Now I probably sound pathetic to the other person on the line! Ugh!

Why do I even bother trying to live?

"SAKURA-CHAN!! OH MY KAMI-SAMA! I HAVEN'T TALKED TO YOU SINCE FOREVER SAKURA-CHAN! I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY MISSED YOU!!"

HOLY MAMA STICKING FISH ASSES!

THAT DUDE TALKING IS LOUD!! I'm holding the phone like a mile away and I can STILL hear him! Meep! OK, maybe not a MILE but… uh…really far away?

Yeah!

Really, REALLY, far away!

And—oh…

My, this dude's voice certainly sounds familiar…hmm… who could he be?

"Uh… hi uh…uh…uh…you! Hi you! How are you uh doing? I uh really, really, REALLY missed YOU too YOU!"

That was… a really nice cover right?! He won't know that I don't know him and I won't have to tell him I don't know who he is!! Yay!

"Aw Sakura-chan! I missed you too! Hey can you say my name? I miss hearing you say my name even if you yell it most of the time…"

Sweat drops.

Oh shoot.

Greeeaat.

Doesn't this idiot sound like he knows how to ruin everyone's plans including someone's world domination one… ugh… who is this kid? How the hell does he know my name?!

And what the hell does he mean I yell his name most of the time?!

..—EEWWW!!

Definitely not why I yell his name!

Hmm… who can be this annoying… who… who… aye get out of my head Ino-pig, I know it's not you… but some dude with blonde hair and blue eyes too… someone like…

"N-Naruto?"

"YEAH! I MISSED YOU SAYING MY NAME! THAT SOUNDED AWESOME! Hey Sakura-chan, do you still live where you used to live?"

OMK!! I REMEMBERED! I REMEMBERED! WOOHOO! OH YEA DO THE VICTORY DANCE BABY!!

So it's Naruto! I remember him! It's the blonde freak that causes trouble everywhere he goes! Wow… it's been like… 3 years hasn't it? That's probably how long it's been since I've talked to him. The last time I remember, he was moving to America for his new job at some company called uh… Uchiha Enterprises?

Yeah that was it! He was working as the C.E.O's PA of the American Uchiha Enterprises branch!

Wow, haha, I wonder how many times that C.E.O was late for his meetings!!

"Of course! Never will I move away from this pawnsome house! I've been here since I was 13, Naruto!"

"Haha, that's right! I remember you told me, 'I'd even give up most of my money for this house' and then Shikamaru was like 'then how can you keep the house if you don't have the money?' Aw man that was awesome, Haruno Sakura gets owned in the brains section!"

OK this stupid idiot (that's an emphasize on STUPID and IDIOT, those two words combined meaning he's a SUPER STUPID IDIOT. (Confused much? Not me!) also has the wonderful ability to make people get pissed off at him VERY easily.

Che.

That was a one time thing.

I've never even spoken to Shikamaru after that incident.

I think it was…

A… Monday.

Oh.

That's probably why I've never talked to him again. Wow… I should probably keep away from people on Mondays huh?

Tenten-chan thinks Mondays are my Accident/PMS-Prone Days.

Which is SO not true!

(Agree with me or you'll suffer a painful and slow death)

Aw, I knew you'd see it my way!

But seriously, everyone I know thinks I should take a chill pill on Mondays or something. It's REALLY weird, isn't it? I mean, sure I'm not on my best moods on Monday, but that certainly doesn't mean that I'm not controlled. I'll have everyone know, I am as controlled as controlled gets! Fear my E.L.O.D! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(Bilingual Dictionary—English to Sakura, Sakura to English. Page 69; Word- E.L.O.D; Def.—E.L.O.D, the acronym Sakura term for 'Evil Laughter of Doom.' Usually is used when Sakura-sama has another new plot to take over the world using evil penguins. Or when she is bored. Or when she's evil. Or when she's being arrogant about being the world's Most Controlled Person. Part of Speech—Noun. Pronunciation: Ee-LAWD.)

Hmm, what should I say to Naruto so it doesn't sound like I'm breaking my pencil sharpener…gently?

"You baka! That was just ONE TIME! And Shikamaru just couldn't take an exaggeration the right way. That's bad for him, very bad, Naruto. Humans should know how to differ tones between sarcasm, deadpanning, joking, or exaggerating. Otherwise, they are not human. Because most humans that do know what those said words mean, should be able to differ between them!"

There!

My super duper spectacular smart reply! Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Take that you blue eyed yellow haired DOG!

Actually I think he looks more like a fox.

WHO THE HELL ASKED FOR YOUR OPINION?!

Sheesh.

Hmph. I thought so!

"Uh… uh… uh… what'd you say? Deadpanning? How do you do that? What do you do, pan the dead? Hahaha, like hit zombies over the head with a pan or something?? Hahahahahahahaha!"

Oh yea.

I totally forgot.

Naruto was—is one of the people that don't know how to differ anything.

Much less know the meaning of any of those 'big' words.

Che.

I forgot.

He doesn't even know what a rainbow is.

He thought it was bowing… in the rain.

I KNOW RIGHT?!

Ugh.

And to think I grew up with him. I mean even I don't have that much issues!

…Shut up.

"…Naruto… you… are… SO TOTALLY RIGHT!"

Let's see if he knows this is sarcasm right here.

Bet you 20 American bucks he doesn't.

"Sakura-chan, don't be sarcastic! It hurts me!"

What the fuck.

How the heck did that idiot manage to tell that I was being sarcastic and not know what the hell deadpanning is. Oi vey…

"Haha… oh you…smart… smart Naruto… you'll always know when I'm being sarcastic huh? Ahahaha… ha… eh…"

Oh boy…this is going to be a loooooong phone call…

-

-

-

"Sakura! There's an order at Uchiha Enterprises. I need you to deliver! Make sure there's a black coffee and an orange juice. Don't be late either. They paid us big bucks!!" Anko screamed from her office as I was just about to get a cup from the cabinet. I looked up and-

"OH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU--!!"

I suddenly remembered the customers in the shop and felt like being considerate. MUHAHAHAHA.

"--FUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!"

KAMI DANG IT THOSE STUPID CABINETS!!

Great now I have some kind of ugly bluey bruise on my head. Ugh.

Cabinets.

They're so stupid.

We should have like…invisible ones. Che. Hell yea. Awesome idea isn't it? Thank you. Thank you very much.

Mwahahahaha. Fear my power!

Ahem. ANYWAYS.

I got up from my painful fall from grace and proceeded to ignore the stares I was receiving and walked to Anko's office with my head held high.

See Mommy? I did well at school! I used pretty poetic phrases!!

-BANG-

The door to Anko's office slammed open with my forceful kick. Obviously I couldn't use my hands since I was using them to rub my poor little bruised head. My cute little precious pink colored baby is all bruised up now. STUPID CABINETS.

You just wait till I go get my lawyer… I'll wring off your little doors and see then if you want to screw with me anymore!!

Hahahaha get it?

Screw with me anymore!

Little doors??

Get it!?

No?

Ok fine whatever.

-Sniffs-

You people are so uncreative.

Hmph.

"ANKO. If I deliver, do I get 50 percent tip from the dude. Since you said he paid big bucks does that mean he pays big tips too??" my eyes shined brightly with new found hope!!

-Cough-

I totally aced high school poetry. Mwahahaha.

"I don't know Pinky. Now get your frilly ass out of my office. I need my beauty sleep. These customers aren't going to want to see an ugly person when they request to see the manager of this place."

GASP! What's that supposed to mean you little purple haired grandma!?

"Especially with you around these days, I've been getting uglier than I should… I think I'm starting to grow grey hair too… you, Miss Pinky, are a hazard to my beauty. Keep away from customers on Mondays would you? In fact, keep away from this SHOP on Mondays…" Anko gave me THE LOOK as I bit down on a piece of strawberry I found in our fridge that was filled with fruity goodies.

"Yea, yea, yea… I'll do whatever as long as I get my tip…I'm not even a delivery boy…I mean girl… ugh…"

As if you're getting any prettier…

Hmph, well I'm a nice person, so I decided to keep quiet and walked out of the office quietly.

-BOOM-

Except for the cup of pencils I knocked over accidentally.

-BANG-

And the spoon that fell out of my pocket accidentally.

-SLAM-

And of course the door that got blown by the wind.

If you know what I mean.

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

"PINKY GET YOUR ASS OUT OF MY OFFICE! YOU'RE CLEANING THIS PLACE UP TONIGHT!"

Aw crap. I wanted to go catch a movie too… -sniff-…

-

-

"Hi, I have a delivery for um, a Mr. Uchiha Sasuke? He ordered two drinks from The Honey Bean."

Sigh…I'm getting so tired of being nice to every stranger I see. Oh well, this girl looks at least a little bit worth to be nice to.

"Oh, that's right! Uchiha-sama told me he had two orders coming. OK, well you just take the elevator, they're over there in the far right hallway, and his office would be on the 23rd floor. After you get off the elevator, there should be a receptionist on that floor and you can ask her and she'll take you to his room." the girl smiled at me.

I read her nametag… what!?

I like remembering nice people!!

Sasame

Doesn't it sound like that seasoning sauce thingy?

What was it uh…

Sesame! Hahaha like Sesame Street…ah these funny names…

Wait.

Hold on.

Rewind.

And play!

"Oh, that's right! Uchiha-sama told me he had two orders coming. OK, well you just take the elevator-!"

"OK, well you just take the elevator-!"

"You just take the elevator-!"

"Just take the elevator-!"

"Take the elevator-!"

"The elevator-!"

"Elevator-!"

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

-

-

-

It's OK Sakura…

You can do this…

It's JUST the elevator…

Nothing to worry.

Yea that's it!

It's just an elevator.

It's a machine.

You're a human.

You can do this.

Take a deep breath in.

-Breath-

And let it out…

-Breath-

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! NOOOOOOOO! I DON'T WANNA GO!! KAMI-SAMA!!"

I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!

"Shut up."

I'M TOO-

Who the hell just said that?!

I opened my eyes and looked behind me.

GASP.

"YOU! YOU…YOU… YOU BUTTASS!"

It's the gorgeous idiot from yesterday!!

Noooooo!!

What was he doing here?!

"...Hn…"

Ugh he's so annoying!!

Che and he calls me annoying! At least I use proper words! Unlike you! You mute elf! Hmph!

"What kind of person is scared of an elevator?"

Oh my gosh! He said a complete sentence!

Let's celebrate by dancing around and holding up more big words for him to say! Yay mute elf!! You did it! Your very first sentence!!

See how exaggerating that was?

It just explains how little he talks.

"Who said I was scared of the elevator?! Pft… you didn't know what I was talking about! Don't assume things! Really… people these days…"

And to prove my wonderful point, I put one foot in and courageously put the other one in a couple seconds later.

I heard him step inside the elevator and it was just the two of us as the doors closed.

GASP.

I flinched when our fingers accidentally touched, we were both reaching for the 23 button.

I glanced at him to give him a glare as he looked at me blankly.

Stupid cold ass.

All he can do is stare. 'Hn' and be rude to people.

I hate him.

No matter how gorgeous his eyes are…

Or how beautiful the shade of his lips look…

Or how shiny his hair just glows…

Or how smooth and pale his skin is…

Or- KAMI DANG IT!!

MUST NOT…DREAM…ABOUT THE ENEMY!!

GAH!!

I jumped nearly a whole mile away from the dude and clutched the cup holder that was holding the two drinks to my chest tightly.

I saw him look at me and-

GASP.

WAS HE GAWKING AT MY CHEST?!

"YOU LITTLE PERVERT! YOU GET YOUR EYES OFF-!"

-BANG-

"…What was that…?"

I carefully asked the only other human inside the death coaster with me.

As usual, his tone was blank as he deadpanned the obvious to me.

"The elevator stopped."

"Why?"

OK or maybe not so obvious.

I blinked as he started to twitch.

"It broke."

"…So call for help!"

I mean come on, if it broke then you call for help. Duh! Even a monkey knows the answer to that one!

Ha!

"The guards are out for lunch."

Ohhh lunch! That makes me hungry!

"Oh… OK…"

Wait.

Lunch?!

NOOOOOOOO--

"—NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Why am I screaming?

Because.

I was stuck in an elevator with just about the rudest sexiest man on Earth.

And we're alone.

In pitch black.

And this just about explains everything on why I hate elevators.


The first official chapter of SMS!

Woohoo!!

Haha, Sakura-chan's stuck in an elevator with.. someone we already met before, yet don't know the name of!! ;O

Haha, well I'm sorry for the late update!! But college calls! Hehe!

Review for me!! I'll give you an early Christmas present!!

;)

Happy Halloween kids!!