Author's Note: I am so sorry about the late update! I've spent the last couple of months putting a lot of time and effort into school, and pushed aside my writing, which sucked for me and missed terribly. Also, my computer isnt cooperating with me these days, which also added to the list of why I couldnt update. But thanks so much to those who reviewed - they mean a lot to me, and I hope that you'll continue! So, please enjoy the chapter. It's in 3rd person, and you'll see why as you read. Thanks and enjoy!
Chapter Two:
[Not] Too Far Gone
- Past-
A year and a half ago
Three weeks after Alkali Lake.
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"The damage Dark Cerebro has inflicted on Carolina's mind is far more severe than I thought," Professor Charles Xavier began with his explanation, wheelchair facing the balcony window in his office. In its reflection Logan and Ororo Munroe stood behind him, listening intently. He continued on, "It is as if someone has opened a door, one that, for all purposes, should remain closed to protect her from unwanted thoughts, emotions --."
Logan cut him off, summing it up, from his perspective, "She can feel everything all the time now."
"Precisely," Xavier nodded, turning his chair around to face his colleagues.
Ororo was sitting on the edge of the couch, leaning forward with her hands clasped together on her lap. Logan was half sitting, half leaning on the arm rest beside her with his arms crossed over his chest, eyes never leaving the other man's. Both waited quietly, one a little more impatient than the other, for him to continue his explanation on Gypsy's condition.
"As you both know, Cerebro was created to enable the user, in this case, myself, to detect traces of other mutants worldwide and link me to them, in a way." He paused for a moment, studying their serious faces. "If I were to concentrate hard enough, it could kill them and, as you remember -" he grimaced, casting his eyes down for a moment, "- I almost did. And because Carolina posses the ability of Empathy, being able to connect with others easily, her pain was amplified to a degree which should have killed her instantly. Thankfully, that was not the case, but, sadly, it has altered her mind, and, now, she feels everything."
Ororo and Logan remained silent for quite some time, digesting the information that they had just been given. It was Ororo, however, who spoke up first. "Is there anything that can be done for her?" She inquired, hope lacing her words. Her heart when out to the young mutant. No one should have to bear the emotions of others, especially now when everyone was at their lowest.
"For the moment - no," he said, sounding regretful. "All we can do now is… keep her as comfortable as possible, make sure she has what she needs. Train her to control her abilities, and hope for the best."
Logan raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "That's it?" His eyes narrowed at the man in front of him. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "The kid spends half her time cryin' hysterically, curled up in a ball somewhere in her room and spends the other half sick or passed out from exhaustion and hoping for the best is all you can come up with?" He asked, looking sarcastically amused. "You're losing your touch, Chuck."
"Logan," the white-haired woman began, softly, her tone warning, but it fell on death ears.
His attention was elsewhere now, more specifically - the exit.
"Logan," Xavier sighed, softly. He turned his attention back to the older looking man. "I understand your concern for Carolina's well being, Logan. Ororo and I feel the same way, make no mistake, and we will do what ever we can to help her through this."
Logan said nothing, just stared at the man in front of him, long and hard before turning suddenly, and making his way to the door of the office.
"Where are you going?" Ororo asked from behind him. "We're not finished, we still have to -"
Logan cut her off, glancing over his shoulder to look at her. She was standing up, hands on her hip with a questioning look on her face. "I think we are," he said simply and left the room without another word.
Ororo made a move to follow him, give him an earful, but stopped at the sound of her name being called.
"Leave him," the Professor said, and she turned to him, a look of exasperation on her face. The Professor was smiling sadly, eyes full of understanding
- - OoOoOoO - -
When Logan had left Chuck's office he'd intended to 'borrow' Summers' bike and head out, maybe leave the school for a couple of days, weeks to clear his head, away from all this chaos and try to get himself together. He could barely stand being in the school, everything about the damn place reminded him of….
Yeah, leaving for a while seemed to be a good idea at this point. Though he knew it wouldn't be fair to leave, especially now that the school was short staffed, but, he quickly reminded himself, he didn't belong to the X-Men and could come and go as he pleased.
But then why did he feel guilty?
The answer came to him in the form of a loud crash and a shriek. His ears perked up at the sound and he followed it, moving quickly up the stairs and, without even realizing it, he was standing outside of Gypsy's room and on the other side he could hear someone speaking.
She's talking to herself, Logan realized, but wasn't as surprised as he should have been - the kid did it often enough, especially when he had first picked her up, though she usually played it off whenever anyone was around or caught her. She didn't fool anyone, though, but to hear her now, without any interruption, was unsettling.
"I wish you would stop saying that," he heard her snap, could hear the frustration in her voice. "You always say that and just because you repeat it so damn often doesn't make it true! Don't - don't you dare tell me to relax - it doesn't work, okay? I can't --" She cut away from her sentence abruptly and then laughed humorlessly. "Yeah, easy for you to say. You're not the one being talked about all the time. Now the adults are doing it too…."
Logan shook his head, he'd had feeling that someone had been eavesdropping on their conversation, but how she got upstairs so fast was beyond him.
"…they think I'm not right…" she continued on.
Listening to her speak felt like he'd walked in on her talking on the phone with someone but could only hear her side of the conversation. It was strange, and Logan had heard enough.
Raising his fist, he rapped on the door with the back of his hand, loud enough for her to hear. On the other side, everything went silent, but he could still hear her shuffling around. He sighed. "Kid, it's Logan. I'm coming in," he warned, turning the knob and pushing the door open.
He poked his head into the room first and found her pacing the floor, or rather, limping, in her socks and muttering quietly to herself, hand near her mouth. His eyes darted away from her to the room and he noticed that the nightstand beside her bed had been turned over, lamp lying on its side on the floor. That must have been the crash he'd heard earlier.
He looked back at the pacing girl. "Hey, squirt," he greeted, taking in her appearance and trying to trying to sound as normal as possible.
She was still in her pajama's - a pair of gray sweatpants and a fitted t-shirt - even though it was nearing lunchtime. Her curly brown hair was a mess, sticking out in different direction, probably from having her run her bandaged hand through it so many times. There were dark circles under her eyes, he noted, and wondered if Storm had been giving her anything to help her sleep.
Her eyes snapped in his direction, softening a little when they met his, but not by much. "Hi." She greeted back, but said nothing more.
He sighed again. It was going to be one of those days with her. "How're ya feelin'?
She shrugged, resuming her pacing, even though there was barely enough room. "Like shit," she replied, honestly, glancing back at him through the corner of her eye. "Don't… look at me like that," she muttered, biting on her fingernails.
Logan raised a brow. "Like what?" He asked, genuinely confused. He was sure he hadn't been looking at her in any particular way.
Her face screwed up a little like she was about to cry, "Like that!" She said, rudely pointing at his face. She shook her head, "I liked the way you use to look at me before, like I wasn't…." She trailed off as if she realized what she was saying. Her face turned hard. "Everyone - they all look at me like that. Don't think I haven't noticed. They all think I'm too far gone to notice anything, but I do. I'm not stupid. I don't need pity. Not theirs and not yours!" She shouted, wiping her nose with the back of her hand and turned her back on him.
While she ranted, all Logan could do was stare at her in shock silence, though his face remained neutral. Since the time he'd met her, she'd never acted like this. The kid had said a few strange things here and there before the whole thing with Dark Cerebro, but now it just seemed….
"You think I'm crazy," she announced.
"Never said I did."
She shook her head as she turned around, poking at her temple with her index finger. "Didn't have to say, just know that you think so."
"You a mind reader now?"
"Might as well be."
"Look, kid, I don't think you're crazy," he told her again, trying really hard not to get her worked up. He didn't want a repeat of the incident that happened back in D.C. No one did. It had left everyone feeling emotionally drained, weak… it felt a whole lot worse than what Rogue had done to him in New York because he'd at least been able to pass out.
"Liar," she hissed through clenched teeth, and Logan just couldn't understand where all this anger was coming from. "Everyone thinks I'm crazy," she laughed, but no trace of humor could be found in it. "Gone off the deep end and off my crack."
The last statement she made caught him off guard and he felt close to laughing. "Off your crack?" He repeated, brow raised. Now that was an expression he hadn't heard in a long time.
She growled, narrowing her eyes at him. "Don't laugh at me. I'm not crazy," she all but shouted and held her head in her hand, though one was still in cast. "But denying that I'm crazy just proves that I am, right?" She looked at him questioningly, and Logan felt that he should get Storm or the professor. "Because… a crazy person doesn't know that they're crazy, but then… those that don't deny it and say they are, aren't because, because - ugh, that doesn't make any sense, what they hell was I saying? - SHUT. UP. V!"
That was enough, Logan decided, rushing forward as she started to pull at her hair. "Hey. Hey, hey! Come here - sit down." He grabbed her by the arms, mindful of her injuries when she winced, though they should have been healed somewhat by now, and steered her towards her bed and sat her down.
"I don't want to be like this," she told him, sounding so pitifully sad and looking down at her hands that now rested on her lap.
Logan picked up the nightstand and lamp. "I know," he said and sat down beside her.
There was a long stretch of uncomfortable silence and the tension was enough to choke him to death. It was a long time before either of them spoke again. Gypsy was the first to break the silence.
"He's dead, isn't he?" She asked, her voice just above a whisper. Logan could feel her shaking beside him. He turned his head to look her. Her eyes were watery. "Stryker," she finally said after some hesitation.
Logan nodded, not trusting himself to speak.
She nodded as well, exhaling deeply and he suddenly felt… relieved? No, that couldn't be right… guilty?
"He said something to you, didn't he? Before he died… about me?" The kid tilted her head to the side, eyes roaming his face like she was looking for something, answers. "Something that's making you look at me differently…. A secret?"
This time Logan did look at away. How'd she know? She had said something about might as well being a mind reader… maybe if he steered clear of that, what Stryker had said -- Logan clenched his fists. He should tell her. And he would, but not now. Not while she was like this. He wouldn't be the one to drive her over the edge and fry her brain.
"Nothing you don't already know," he finally said.
She nodded, but he could tell that she didn't believe him, wasn't going to push and changed the subject.
"It's different now," she said, shoulders sagging as she stared straight ahead at a wall in front of them. She suddenly looked very tired and old for her age. "Before it was just… being able to feel what others were feeling, and that was enough for me, you know? Now it's…" she trailed off, blinked hard, and wiped her face quickly.
She was crying.
"Sorry," she murmured, sniffling a little. She seemed to notice his discomfort and brought a knee up to her chest, and hugged it close to hide her face. "It's just before…I couldn't do very much, just feel, but now it's so much more. Like when I close my eyes I can… see colors. I can see images of people, feel their thoughts," she picked up her head to look at him, and he suddenly felt very sad, his heart heavy, but he didn't know why. He didn't feel himself. "I know you miss her," she sniffed again.
Jean, he thought and a lump began to form in his throat.
"I miss her too," she confessed, grimacing a little. "But… she's not gone, not really. Not to me. I can see… feel her, sometimes. When it's … quiet in my head. I can almost -" she groaned suddenly, face screwing up, painfully with her eyes shut, tightly.
"What's the matter?" Logan asked, turning his body towards her.
She opened and closed her mouth, like she wanted to speak but nothing came out.
"Kid?!"
"My - my head," she started, voice quaking and, out of nowhere, he felt a sudden pressure in his own head. "My. Head. Is. Killing. Me!"
He cursed under his breath. Not again. He fell to his knees in front of her, torn between staying and getting someone. The latter won out "I'm gonna get Storm," he told her and quickly rushed out of the room, trying hard to ignore her screams and the farther he got from her room, the less anxious he felt, and just as he rounded a corner, he collided into someone, who stumbled back.
Bobby, he realized, and beside him was Rogue.
"Logan, what - ?" She began, but he quickly cut her off, not giving her time to fully ask her question.
"Go get Storm, or the professor," he ordered, looking between the two young mutants. When neither of them moved, he barked, "GO!"
Startled, Bobby took off in search of one of the adults, not really understanding what was happening, but knowing that it must be bad.
Logan turned to head back to Gypsy's room, Rogue following closely behind.
"What's going on?" She asked him as they made their way to the Empath's room.
Barely sparing her a look, Logan replied, "Gypsy," and Rogue understood what was happening. It was going to be D.C. all over again, and as soon as she walked through the threshold of the room, she felt something clutching at her chest.
Carrie was curled up into a ball on her bed, and she was crying silently now. Feeling this sudden ache, Rogue walked over to the girl and got on her knees beside her. "Oh my God," she breathed, and reached out to place a comforting hand on the girl's back, but was startled when she started screaming.
"Don't - don't touch me!" She cried, moving away.
Rogue shook her head, licking her chapped lips. "It's okay. I'm not gonna hurt you - I've got my gloves on." She said, thinking that was the reason why the slightly younger mutant didn't want to be touched.
"I can't - I can't say the same -" she shook violently, "- for myself."
Rogue looked at Wolverine, helplessly.
"Put your hands on her head," a voice whispered to Logan and he whirled around to face the source, but found no one behind him. "Put your hands on her head," the voice repeated, more insistently this time. Logan hesitated for a moment, wondering if he was going crazy himself, and then stepped forward.
"Logan, I -" Rogue started, as he moved her away gently, but fell silent when he realized what he was doing.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no," Gypsy chanted as Logan turned her over on her back and framed her face with his hands. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no…."
Logan felt this strange tingle surge through his body and swarm through his head, couldn't really explain what it felt like…. It hurt, but not as much as it did the time she had done this, when she wanted him to feel her fear…. No this was different. It was no wonder she was always worked up, there was so much going on.
He closed his eyes, but instead of seeing darkness behind his eyelids he saw colors.
"Move aside, Logan!" a voice from somewhere beside him ordered, bringing him back. He felt hands on his wrists, pulling him away and he finally let go of the young Empath and moved aside as Ororo moved forward and injected her with a needle. Gypsy seemed to far gone to even notice what was happening, didn't even put up a fight when the needle touched her skin like she usually did. "What happened?" Storm demanded to know as the kid went limp.
"Don't know," he answered truthfully with a shrug, trying to shake the awful feeling in him. "We were talking and then this… pain hit me, hard, felt like my head was gonna explode."
"Is she gonna be okay?" Bobby asked, staring at the sleeping figure.
Ororo smiled, tightly. "She'll be fine, just… let her sleep it off for now. She'll be back to normal in no time."
Logan shook his head at that. "Kid'll never be the same. Not after all this," and left the room without another word.
