In the following weeks, Aunt Esme planned every aspect of my wedding. I was not asked my opinion on any matter. To be honest, I did not care to give it. I tried to resign myself to this life, knowing that many women live like this, but it was still difficult. I found myself weeping at night.
One afternoon, I took refuge in the garden, reading a book of sermons. I prayed that God would help me see the good in this life. I heard someone walking up a path from the woods as the gravel crunched under his feet. Looking up, I saw Edward. He was not handsome like his brother but that was not a bad thing. In my mind, Edward was genuine while James was shady; Edward was deep while James was shallow. And James' good looks added to the uncertainty I felt around him, as if he knew he was handsome and could get away with more. Was he dishonest? Wicked? I prayed it was the former. Edward smiled slightly at me, tipping his hat in greeting. "You enjoy reading?" He asked.
I nodded. "Always have," I smiled.
Books had long been my refuge since my parents' deaths years ago. With my imagination, they kept me company through the lonely years of living with my guardians. "What book is that?" Edward asked. "What do proper young ladies read?"
I frowned at his question; had he meant it to be an insult? I told him about my book of sermons and he laughed unhappily. "You'll need the word of God in this place."
With that statement, he marched away to the house, leaving me bewildered. If he was unhappy, why stay at the Hall?
Every day, I would spend time reading in the garden, hoping that Edward would again cross my path. Sometimes I would see him; again, he would smile and tip his hat. Soon, I began to notice a sprig of flowers on the bench where I sat every day. I knew the gifts were from Edward, and I treasured the show of kindness. One morning, I arrived early at the bench, knowing that Edward remained in the house. I left him a pair of socks I had knitted. I wanted to repay his kindness somehow. That afternoon, I returned to my reading place and saw a bouquet of wildflowers. My heart nearly burst. I looked around me, hoping he would be there, but saw no one. I held the flowers to my chest, silently thanking Edward for his gesture. I did not know it then, but that moment was the beginning of the end of my proposed life here.
The morning of my wedding, the maid helped me into the wedding gown chosen by Aunt Esme. The fabric was unflattering to my very fair skin, nor did it show my rounded figure well. I spitefully wondered if it had been chosen to emphasis my plain looks. I decided not to stand next to Victoria today as to not invite comparisons.
I was ushered into a carriage and taken to the town church. There, we were met by a worried preacher. Aunt Esme followed me out of the carriage as he fretfully asked to speak with her. She looked disdainfully at him. "What is ailing you, Reverend?"
The preacher looked awkwardly at me, as if he did not wish to speak in my presence. "Oh go on with it," Aunt Esme exclaimed.
"He's not here," the Reverend mumbled.
"Who isn't? Speak up man! Is it Edward? I instructed him to arrive early and make sure everything was prepared."
"No milady, the younger Mr. Cullen is here. It's the elder son who has not made an appearance."
Aunt Esme seemed unbothered by this revelation that had upset the preacher so. "Oh, I imagine he's feeling the pain of too much drink in the night before. You know how young men dread the marriage knot."
Aunt Esme chatted as if I was not standing next to her. I wished I could sink into the ground and avoid the humiliation. We proceeded into the church and took refuge in a small chapel. Edward walked in. I smiled, hoping to see a warm face, but he never looked at me, staring at the stone beneath his feet.
As time went on, my imagination began to picture the worst. Where was James?
After an hour of sitting in the chapel, we heard the galloping of a fast horse in the square before the church door. Aunt Esme turned to beam a wide smile at James but instead was presented with a messenger. "A letter for Carlisle Cullen."
Carlisle wandered in from the sanctuary, swaying as if he had already imbibed more than a little Scotch that morning. He put his hand out to take the letter, but it was snatched away by an irate Aunt Esme. "What is the meaning of this? Don't they know it's your son's wedding day?"
"Creditors don't care for manners, my dear," Carlisle grunted.
He was too occupied with laughing at his own joke that he did not notice as Aunt Esme's face turned red. I was alarmed; was she ill? What had happened? And where was James?
Aunt Esme fell into the chapel bench behind her. "We're all ruined!" she cried.
I feared the worst; "Is he….dead?" I stuttered. I knew the letter was about James.
She turned to me with hatred in her eyes. "No you idiot," she spit, "he's eloped. With Victoria."
I sat there dumbfounded, realizing that I wore a wedding gown for a wedding that would not take place. Aunt Esme wailed, calling the coachman in. He and the footmen carried her to the carriage and took off. They left me in the chapel with a snoring Carlisle. The whisky had overpowered him, even in this moment of crisis. I wondered if I should scream, cry, or run. All options seemed appropriate as the depth of my humiliation sunk in. The thought of marriage to me was so horrible that James had run off with a neighbor. I was too superstitious to wonder if things could get worse. "Oh God, what do I do now?" I wondered.
It felt too awkward to return to the Hall. Would I even be welcome now that I could no longer be James' wife? I sat in silence, frantically trying to figure out what would become of me.
I heard the door to the chapel squeak and fall open. Looking up, I saw it was Edward. He had been pulling at his cravat; the knot barely held together. His face showed he had been sweating; I gathered it was nerves. I figured it was pertaining to his brother. I was wrong.
"So, what do you think?" he asked.
"Of what?" I countered indignantly. "This whole terrible situation?"
"No. I meant to say, what do you say to getting married today?" he countered.
I did not know how to respond; did he not hear of his brother's letter? Edward saw my confusion and smiled. "Marry me," he urged.
I sat dumbfounded. Marry him? Why not, I thought in a daze. I glanced up at him and asked if the Reverend was still in attendance. Edward jumped forward and pulled me up by my arm. "Let's find him," he smiled, looking like a happy little boy.
We were married within the hour. After the ceremony, Edward lifted me up onto his horse and then seated himself behind me. We took off for the next town down the main road.
