-1Chapter One

(Mark's POV)

I'm stretched out over my so called bed, staring up at the ceiling. It looks to be a cockroach in the corner over there, I think of throwing a shoe at it but look away knowing that it's probably a waste of energy. I turn over on my stomach and press my face into the cool pillow, or should I say, pillow case stuffed with old peculiar smelling clothes. I sigh and push the pillow off the bed, remove my glasses and put a right hand over my forehead.

How did I get here, on the brink of insanity and depression in the matter of four years. My life really has gone down the hill from the time I got out of high school. To think I had these big city dreams, moving to the city and becoming a somebody. It seems that plan took a detour when I fell in love with this heroin addicted, makeup wearing, pretty boy front man they called Roger.

I remember the first day you came into my life. It was at some night club, I forget which one exactly, but I had struck up a conversation with your friend at the time, Collins, over a couple of beers while you played on stage. Afterwards, when your set was finally over, you made your way to the bar where me and Collins sat still drinking, I was introduced. You accepted me whole-heartedly and offered me a place to stay, I couldn't resist those green eyes and that charming smile of yours. It's my own fault.

Never trust a man in leather pants and eyeliner.

We flirted almost everyday, I fell faster by the second, but then you found April, beautiful, amazing, atheistic April. You found your personal drug dealer, and you forgot about me. I never forgot about you though, even when you were in rehab for those two years and I was left alone in a place that was never mine to begin with, I learned to live without you. It made things easier.

What am I doing, dwelling on the past, depressing myself, as if I needed much help doing that. Angel wouldn't have wanted me to carry on this way. She'd want me to live and laugh, smile again. She always teased me about that lop-sided smile of mine I miss it now. Who am I to say what she would want? I can, at the least assume that she'd want me to be happy again, she didn't want any of us to be sad, she had said this, she didn't want us morning her death, especially for almost a year.

What do I do from here, how do I move on, what's the first step? Why am I asking myself these questions that I have no answers for? All this contemplating will get me nowhere, I should be more impulsive, do things without thinking, maybe I'll get some shit done that way, since obviously this whole thinking before I act thing has got me nowhere fast.

I hear heavy boots on the outside of my door, ha, more like thin bed sheet covering the door way. I wonder if you'll knock. I know its you, I could identify the sounds of those old tattered boots coming a block away, it helps that you don't pick your feet up when you wear them.

"Mark?" you ask warily "Can I come in?"

My eyebrows knit together and I wonder why you're asking, as if I would say 'go the fuck away' which I really want to but since those are your lines, not mine, I'll be the always ready to talk about your problems Marky that everyone loves and knows and say sure, come on in buddy.

"Yeah…" My voice sounds tired.

You come in with a hint of a smile on your face and sit down on my bed next to me, I scoot over just a bit so we aren't touching, I don't wanna be touched, you're sitting to close, I wish you'd back away just a little, you smell like green apples and Newport cigarettes, it irritates my nose, but I like the smell, maybe a little too much.

"What is it?" I say, with a hand covering my eyes.

"I just gotta phone call" You say and I'm shocked at the heat that courses through my body when you pull my hand away from my eyes and look down at me.

"This is news?" I ask with a raised eyebrow and pull my hand out of your grip, you sigh and put your hand in your lap, I wonder if I did something wrong.

"Yeah, um it was my brother"

"Brother?"

"Yeah" you chuckle softly "you don't remember?"

"You never told me anything about your family other than your mom being a crazy bitch and your dad being m.i.a " I speak truthfully, you rarely ever spoke a word of your family.

You laugh again and run a hand through your hair.

"Well yeah, I have a brother, he's um coming to the city" you say.

I wanna say 'and I care because?' Its not mean really, I just don't see why this information concerns me. "And do I get to meet this brother of yours?" I'm not interested in meeting him but I'll say so for your sake.

You smile again, I wish you'd stop doing that. "Yeah actually, Jake needs a place to stay for a while so I kinda told him he could stay here for a bit-until he found a place of his own ya know?"

"Yeah, definitely, how old is he?"

"Little brother, he's twenty-three, you guys should get along fine" you smirk

"Why do I feel like I'm being set up on a play-date?"

You hit my knee playfully and get up " I just wanted to give you a heads up" you stand and stretch dramatically, I flip over on my stomach and close my eyes, no longer wanting to be bothered. "He'll be here tonight, Collins and I were gonna take him to the life tonight-after he got here…you should uh-you should come"

Damnit, I thought you would get the signal to leave once I closed my eyes but you're still lingering by my makeshift door. "Sure Rog" I say with closed eyes and no hope in my voice.

"Good" I can't see but I know your smiling, my heart skips a beat but I ignore it, must be indigestion or something. With those thoughts, I fall into a dreamless sleep.

The night seems to come quicker than usual and I'm still in my current spot, I don't feel like moving, but I feel someone's presence in the room, I open my eyes slowly and there's a big dark figure standing above me, I reach behind me for my glasses and quickly put them on. It's Collins. He has a sad smile on his face as he pulls me up on my feet.

I'm not happy about this, I wasn't planning on leaving this spot anytime soon, and here Collins has put my directly on my feet in a matter of three seconds. I glare at him the best I can and mumble hi before falling back on the bed. I'm happier when I'm asleep. I don't have to face my realities.

But once again, Collins pulls me up on my feet and laughs softly. "Roger told me you were coming with us tonight." he says slowly, like I'm an unstable alcoholic about to go to a bar.

"Yeah I'm coming to tonight" I get defensive. "Sorry…I just-"

"I know" he knows what I'm trying to say, I'm thankful. "Its alright-um Roger's bro is out there so ya know make a good impression" he smiles

"What is this guy, the second-coming? Anymore ACT prep on this guy?" I sound a bit annoyed but playful at the same time, it's weird coming from me.

"Yeah" he laughs " he's a bit on the *whistles* side"

I frown "Is that a *whittles* crazy or a *whittles* gay?"

He laughs again and slaps me on the back "*whiles* as in both"

I roll my eyes "I'll be on my best behavior" as if I would be anything but

I comb my fingers through my hair a couple times in the hallway mirror and question as to why we even have a mirror here in the first place, oh yeah, I forgot Roger ocd's over his reflection every ten minutes.

I walk out and see Roger but I also see his brother, about my height, just a smidge taller, did I really just use the word smidge, I'm sure I'm turning red by the internal slang I just used, what the hell, slang? Smidge isn't gangster, oh god, I'm arguing with myself. His brother is probably thinking I'm blushing over him, fuck, I should have stayed in bed, damn Collins.

Collins slaps the back of my head a few times and I frown up at him, he laughs and suggests that I was having a brain fart. I shouldn't be out in public, I can't even get my thoughts correct, let alone communicate.

I'm a bit taken aback when Roger's brother all but runs to me and extends a hand "Hi" he has a dazzling smile. I take his hand and shake it once or twice before letting go "I'm Jake, you can call me J-Dawg" he smiles again.

"Jay-Dawg..?" I wonder and he cracks another smile. What's with people tonight?

"Just kidding" he laughs "Always wanted to do that" he points both thumbs to himself, clicks his tongue and says "That's my street name" and he's dead serious. No joke about it.

I stare at him in a daze with raised eyebrows. I give a tiny smile and back away slowly. He smiles again "You're Mark" he nods "As cute as I thought- You'll be joining us tonight at the life won't you?"

He went from crazy to normal in ten seconds flat. I nod and smile, a genuine smile that even surprises me "Yeah, um…yeah" I smile again, I think all this smiling is contagious. I blame Collins.

"Cool" he nods and takes a step towards me, I'm forgetting how to breathe here, I wish he would stop looking at me like that. I can't remember the last time someone stared at me with the look Jake has in his eyes right now, its refreshing.

He's astonishing really. Light green eyes lined in dark eye makeup, shaggy unkempt light black hair, his plaid orange button-down shirt, denim skin tight jeans, and jubilant smile makes my heart thump. It feels as if life has been breathed back into me, I feel like I'm living again. I look down and smile again. Jake could possibly be an impulsive first step.