Author's Note: This chapter came along easier than I thought it would. Thank you to Hairpull xox Snapmare for reviewing as well as sXe Straight Edge sXe. I appreciate it it I really do. And thank you to SunnyLee for adding me to your alerts even without a review ;) I like reviews as much as I like food, and right now I'm malnourished. Keep that in mind readers. The next chapter will be slow as my birthday is coming up which means I've got to clock family and friends time.


Chris Jericho lay on another bed, in another nameless over expensive hotel room staring at the ceiling. Despite his imminent return to the WWE all he could seem to think about was his rainbow haired ex-boyfriend, snarling at him in the hallway. It had been so uncharacteristic that Chris was still in shock. The younger man even when he'd gone down a bad path had always been nothing but nice and considerate to Chris. Feeling guilty had become second nature to Chris since leaving the WWE but this was much worse, much deeper. He'd managed to hurt someone he cared for deeply, so much so that his former love had lashed out at him. He was at a loss, was there even anything he could do to make it up to Jeff? At least he could rest assured knowing that despite his distraction his meeting with Vince had gone well despite his distraction although he was pretty sure that his boss was now concerned deeply for his sanity after he'd babbled his way out of the meeting early, practically tearing out of the office.

Hearing a knock on the door he sighed and got up to answer the door, opening it he wasn't surprised to see Shawn standing there with his lover. "Hey guys c'mon in," He told them, stepping aside so the men who seemed attached at the hips could sidle past him and into the room. "How's it going?" He asked, heading back to the bed and flopping down on it he sighed softly, still not feeling too happy even seeing two of his favourite people. Especially now that he knew Phil had passed the Kevin test.

Shawn perched himself on the edge of the bed, patting Chris' leg gently he smiled at him, "I just decided to drop in on one of my best." He responded nonchalantly even though Chris didn't believe it for a second. "So how are you doing?" He asked, wrapping his arm around Phil's shoulders when the young wrestler sat down next to him.

"I'm doing well, the meeting with Vince went well," Chris responded, propping both of his arms behind his head he sighed softly. "He says that this run should be just what the company needs to get a boost in the ratings, of course that doesn't mean there has to be any pressure on me or anything." He rolled his eyes, practically already feeling the weight of Vince's expectations on his shoulders.

Shawn looked sympathetic, squeezing his leg this time. "I heard about what happened in the hallway with Jeff, that he was pretty harsh with you when he saw you." He told Chris bluntly, there was no point in pretending any longer that he wasn't there to check on his friend's emotional well being. "I'm sorry; I really thought he would be happy to see you. I mean, he didn't seem bothered by it when he first heard that you were coming back."

Chris sat up; pushing himself back he leaned against the headboard. "It was pretty…harsh. But no less than what I deserved, I just couldn't believe the emotion coming from him, I've never seen Jeff like that ever." He ran his hand through his hair causing the spikes to become messier than they had already been.

Phil spoke up, "People always change when they've gone through something hard Chris, and I know you don't want to hear it but you're expecting him not to change and to be perfectly okay with you leaving the company suddenly when he was already negotiating to come back is not fair to him at all." He bit his thumbnail slightly, studying Chris with dark eyes.

"He was planning on coming back?" Chris sounded aghast; this was the first time he'd heard about that. "He never told me, I mean…you'd think he would tell me something like that, we were still together then even if our relationship wasn't too stable at the time." He twisted his hands in his lap, feeling jittery and anxious now, how much had been going on that he didn't know about while Jeff was away?

Gnawing on his lip ring Phil seemed to be torn between revealing more and telling Chris the truth, "He was just starting to get help, and had been talking to Vince about it. He wanted to surprise you; it was his idea of a grand gesture. Apparently you really appreciated those, something about being a true romantic I think he said."

Chris groaned flopping back he didn't even care when his head hit the headboard, despite the sharp pain that emanated through his skull rapidly. "I can't believe I'm such a fucking tool." He rubbed his hand over his eyelids, realizing he really had screwed up massively. "I can't believe I was so completely selfish and awful, why didn't I listen to him?"

Shawn sighed softly, and turned to scrutinize him, squeezing Phil's hand slightly, "Why didn't he listen to you? If you ask me neither of you are at fault here Chris, you didn't listen to his needs and when you did it was too late and it wore you down completely and then he didn't realize you were worn down and wanted you to keep doing something that probably could've killed you in the end. I've seen it happen before; you know that, hell it almost happened to me."

Phil made a noise that sounded somewhat choked, moving closer into Shawn's side he slipped his arm around the older man's waist, grasping slightly. He usually wasn't needy at all, but the thought of Shawn not being there with him, even after how much of a fight it had been, was truly upsetting to him. "I wasn't trying to blame you Chris; it's just what he's thinking right now."

Chris nodded, "I understand that. I just feel like it's my fault that I could've done so much more in the first place." He sat up, grabbing his cell phone. "I think I want to go talk to him," He decided, standing up he shoved his feet in the shoes.

Shawn stood up as well, slipping away from Phil's arm. "Are you sure that's the best idea? I mean, after what happened in the hallway, are you sure he'll even want to see you right now? Maybe you should give him some time." He seemed genuinely concerned, not wanting to see either of the men get hurt.

Shaking his head Chris made sure he had his key card he slipped it into his pocket, looking around the room to find his jacket. "If I don't do this now I might never get him back, I need to get him back. It's like he's my addiction Shawn and I can't let him go," He responded, feeling conviction in that statement.

"Just don't fall in too deep Chris, I worry about you," Shawn hugged the younger man gently, patting him on the back before he stepped back. "You have other good things in your life, just remember that, and people who love you. We don't want to see either of you get hurt so I hope you know what you're doing in stirring this all up again."

Meeting Shawn's eyes Chris could see a seriousness there he'd never seen before and it almost stopped him dead in his tracks, "I don't want to get hurt Shawn, but you've always told me that pain is a part of living in this world and sometimes it's the only thing you can feel. Well being without him for the past two years all I've really felt is pain and I'm honestly sick of it. Now I want to feel something more, something sharper. Like I did when I saw him in the hallway, it was like everything I'd been through recently fell away and he was just there, and Shawn he looks so damn good and you didn't tell me."

Shawn couldn't help but smile slightly, "I guess I wanted you to see for yourself, to be proud." It was just like Chris to be enraptured with just the mere appearance of Jeff, even if the Carolinian was snarling at him in anger.

"I am proud of him, and I have to let him know," Chris nodded rapidly, clearly convinced that this was the answer to everything that this was what he had to do.

Phil couldn't help but smile as he clapped Chris on the shoulder, feeling proud of Chris for realizing he had to go talk to Jeff even if he didn't say it. "Well if that's what you have to do then go do it, we'll get out of your room. Besides someone promised me room service," He nudged Shawn gently trying to get him moving.

"Alright, we'll go," Shawn submitted to his lover, kissing Phil's cheek he waved to Chris as they all headed out the door of the hotel room and he and his lover headed in a different direction from Chris. He squeezed Phil's hand gently, kissing the back of it. "I'm sorry if you feel you've gotten dragged into this babe, I never meant for that to happen."

Opening the door to their hotel room Phil shook his head in amazement, he'd always been told that Shawn was selfish and caustic, not someone he would want to be around but it was allies, at least now it was all lies. "Shawn listen to me okay? I knew when I was starting to date you that you had a tight knit family that you had the Kliq and that if I wanted to be with you I would have to deal with all of them. I don't mind sharing you, and I love them, it's like having a family of my own. And they're always there for me, always ready to help even me. I haven't had that in awhile, and I never thought I would have it here. I had it before, in ROH and in TNA but here, it's supposed to be so cold and impersonal, but I feel like I'm at home when I'm with you at the ranch and the rest of the boys are there."

Shawn smiled at him, "You really do have a soft side don't you Punk?" He nudged Phil just barely and walked to the bed, lying down on it he reached for the room service menu, flipping through it idly. He couldn't help but feel warm, and cared for when Phil crawled toward him on the mattress and curled up against his side.

"I do," Phil confirmed, kissing him softly on the lips, strands of black hair falling in both their faces. He pulled back, "I don't want room service right now Shawn." He told him in a soft voice, almost a stage whisper.

"Oh?" Shawn sounded intrigued, pulling the elastic from Phil's hair he threaded his fingers to it, "Could I help you work up at an appetite?" He asked, chuckling hoarsely, he could feel his nerves teeter on the edge, he loved Phil, he really did and every time they demonstrated it physically to each other it was like it would be their last. It always made him anxious.

Phil laughed softly as well, his lips already ghosting along the exposed skin of Shawn's throat, "Oh most definitely…"


Chris paced back and forth in front of Jeff's door, his hands shoved deep in the pockets of his jeans as he did so. He didn't know what to say, or do. He could still see the look on Jeff's face from when they'd run into each other in the hallway; it hadn't been a nice look, but rather one of twisted pain, almost grief. It was despair at its finest. And he had caused it, but now it was time to make it all better. He raised his hand and knocked on the door, taking a step back he waited patiently, holding his breath when it swung open.

Of all the people Jeff had been expecting to see at his door, Chris was not one of them. It was a surprise that was for sure, and not necessarily a welcome one. "What do you want?" The words, filled with anger were out of his mouth before he could stop them. "I thought I'd said all I have to say to you in the hallway earlier." He hadn't of course, but it wasn't like he was going to tell Chris that. He had so much more to say but didn't want to be seen as weak.

"You may have said all you had to say to me, but I have a few things of my own that I'd like to say to you," Chris responded, easily sliding past Jeff and into the hotel room. He was surprised to find it so clean; everything seemed to be in place, not the usual ordered chaos he found in Jeff's rooms in the past. It seemed like when the younger man got things into order, he really worked at it in every aspect of his life.

Jeff scoffed, shutting the door and following him into the room, "What do you possibly have to say to me Chris? Goodbye maybe? Because I don't think I got one last time. It was more like, the phone calls just fucking stopped." He crossed his arms over his chest, feeling hurt and oh so conflicted and this wasn't right because Chris shouldn't be able to make him feel like this anymore, and he looked so damn good.

"I know Jeff, and I am sorry for that. I just didn't know what to do, you were so damn lost to me back then Jeff," Chris sat down on the couch, gesturing for Jeff to join him, his hand trembling due to his desperation. All he could hope for was Jeff to listen to him, and not toss him out of the room on his ass, not that he would've blamed the younger man. If he were in Jeff's position he would have punched himself in the face by now, but despite his anger and his extreme nature in the ring Jeff had always been a rather gentle person.

Sitting down slowly, and at the opposite end of the couch Jeff nodded slowly, crossing his arms over his chest against as if he could protect himself by doing it. "Fine, talk, but that doesn't mean I'll forgive you," He responded, even though they both knew it had never taken him much to forgive Chris.

"Alright, that's all I ask for," Chris took a deep breath, looking down at his hands as he rubbed them on his knees. "I didn't know how to deal with you, and I know that sounds awful, it is awful and something I regret a whole lot." He took another deep breath and closed his eyes, just taking the moment to relax. "See Jeff, I can remember when I realized you were going under. You slipped out of bed one day and I realized you were in the bathroom taking something, I don't know what it was and frankly I don't want to know but I realized that you weren't going to be okay anytime soon because the Jeff Hardy I knew had never taken any drugs, other than the occasional joint. The fact that you were willing to do so, while on the road with the company no less spoke volumes, and the fact you tried to hide it from me was even worse."

Jeff inhaled sharply, his cheeks flushed with shame he looked down at the floor, his feet shuffling. He wasn't stupid enough to think Chris hadn't known, it had been the object of many of their arguments toward the end but he'd never been able to actual say it. "Doesn't mean anything you could've said something," He muttered uncomfortably.

Chris laughed the sound caustic and filled with hurt. "What could I have said to you Jeff? "Oh honey, I'm so glad to see you again, my match last night was really good did you see it? Oh and by the way I know you're a drug addict."'

Rearing back almost as if he were struck Jeff felt pain radiating through him like he'd never felt before, his hands trembling. He supposed it was naïve of him to think that Chris hadn't known even though neither of them had said anything outright. Whenever they'd actually fought about it they'd used different words for it, Chris just wanted the "truth about what was going on" and for Jeff to "admit there was something wrong and get help." They'd never actually used the word drugs, as though they were afraid if they said it out loud it would actually be true. He'd always hoped that Chris would think it was casual drug use, which was rather stupid of him he knew, but couldn't help it.

"I don't know…maybe…" Jeff responded, tucking some hair behind his ear. "Maybe that was what I needed to hear, some kind of acknowledgement that you knew I was in trouble, that you were willing to help me." It was futile he knew, because Chris would've helped him in a moment's notice if he'd bothered asking. "Didn't mean you had to break off with me, without a word Chris."

Chris hated the way Jeff seemed to be radiating pain, and shame all at once. It was like his ex-lover was nothing but suffering rolled into a ball, and it was entirely his fault. He swallowed the guilt he felt threatening to make him sick, "I know what I did was wrong, and I know that you were planning on coming back when I left, that you'd gotten some help. I'm sorry Jeff…but I couldn't." He breathed deep, the air hitching in his throat before breaking through, causing a choking sound. "I wanted to help you so bad, but being here without you, and hearing you in so much pain was beginning to drag me down too, I couldn't handle it and I burnt out so quickly I didn't even realize it was happening until Shawn told me he was worried I was going to die in the ring. I didn't want to have to admit that to you, that I was so weakened by you being gone."

Jeff stood up, pacing slightly he ran a hand through his purple hair; stopping in front of Chris his eyes were hard again. "Well I got help, and I'm better now. So you don't have to worry about me anymore Chris, I'm not your concern." His voice was clipped, and that was good because then Chris wouldn't be able to see his heart in his eyes, wouldn't be able to see how much he just wanted to get down on his knees and take the older man back. "I can't be your concern anymore I'm sorry."

Standing up as well Chris looked into his eyes and smiled slightly, "Not even friends Jeff?" He asked, making an effort.

Hesitating Jeff took a step back, hating himself for it. He wasn't weak like this anymore, not in front of Chris. He shouldn't be moving away from him, but he couldn't move toward him either. It was a tug of war he'd been involved in with himself since he'd first heard Chris would be returning, "I don't know."

Chris grinned, and it was a hot, bone melting grin. It was the same smile Jeff had hated, then later loved to see, so arrogant and confident and he knew it was only a front before but now it seemed to be real and he didn't know what to do because his knees were quaking. "You'll be my friend again Jeff, I know you will. And as for everything else, you're going to find it pretty damn hard to get rid of me, because I'm not letting you get away from me like I did during my first run. We're both back, we're both on Raw and we've got time on our sides. I'm going to get you back if it kills me." He kissed Jeff's cheek in a gentle manner so different from the cocky harshness of his voice before striding out of the room.

Waiting until the door was closed Jeff stumbled over to the couch and sat down, bringing a hand up to his face he laughed, an edge of hysteria lingering in the noise. He didn't know what to do, and it was pure panic fuelling him now, but yet he found it so damn amusing. He knew Chris liked big gestures but damn…This was about to get complicated.