Author's note: PLEASE READ! First I want to apologise for the fact that it has been over a year I think, since I posted the first part of this story. Over the past year I have been completing my final year at high school, finishing final exams only about 3 weeks ago. Apart from that, I couldn't bear to look at this story, it brought me too much grief when I wrote it in the first place. I had several friends that had made suicide attempts over the years. But this year, in my own family, my brother, who has always suffered with anxiety, began to suffer with both severe depression, and severe anxiety. Part way through the year he made an attempt to take his own life.
No part of me when I wrote the first part of this story could ever have imagined what he would do. That is the main reason I haven't even been able to look at finishing this story.
But today, I want to. Because I said I would, and I don't like to leave things unfinished.
So if you please, re-read part 1, and then this conclusion. I will not say that it will be perfect, far from it, I haven't written in a long time. But it is needed. I would appreciate knowing what anybody thinks, but please keep in mind this is a very sensitive story to me.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own teen wolf, nor any of the characters. The plot of this story is all my own work and in no way associated with the show.
His heart dropped to his feet as he watched Stiles body fall over the edge. Breath coming in large gasps, vision already blurred by tears. Derek scrambled to his feet running to his car, jumping in it, before slamming it into gear and roaring down the road until he hit the bottom where the little beach under the cliff face was. He tore is shows off mid-run across the beach, eyes never leaving where Stiles body was floating…lifelessly…face down.
He swam as fast as he could to reach him, hooking his arm under Stiles' chest, turning him over when he did before swimming back to shore. He carried him out of the water before slumping to his knees, holding Stiles close to his chest.
What little part of Derek's mind that could function told him to call an ambulance. He knew it was to late though. Stiles heart wasn't beating, his lips already blue. Tears dropped from Derek's eyes onto Stiles cheeks as Derek lay his forehead against Stiles' to the sound of distant sirens.
Derek solemnly walked into the church, his fingers turning the note over in his hands. It was the note the police found when searching Stiles' jeep as he was taken to hospital. They said it was sitting on the dash. Several pages of paper that resulted in him sobbing on the ground of the hospital when a young police officer gave them to him.
Derek's mind flashed back to that scene four days earlier as he sat down in one of the pews.
When my mum was dying she called me in, by myself without dad. He had always sat in the room each time I visited mum when she got really sick. It was like he was afraid if I hugged her too hard that she would snap, so he had to supervise. She told me that she knew, that she was ready, that it was her time to close her eyes for eternal sleep. She said that I didn't have to understand it then and that I was allowed to be upset by it, but that some day I would know, someday I would understand it. I hated her for just putting it like that. Blatantly, that she was ready to die. How could she be so ready to leave me when I was not nearly ready to be left in the world on my own. I missed her. I missed her so much. They say you don't get over grief you just learn to live with it. I felt like my heart was constantly being ripped in two and there was an ever present ache in the middle of my chest. People deal with grief in different ways, I just shut myself off, put up a mask, nobody saw that I was in fact crumbling down and shattering…
No one saw how my own father was hurting me more than I could ever imagine. Loosing mum was the hardest thing I have ever gone through but to dad, I was the reason she was gone. Whenever you hear about victims of abuse everybody always says there has to be someone they can go to, and how could they stay there. There wasn't anyone, after she was gone there wasn't anyone. Whoever's reading this, if there even is anyone, I know my dad didn't ever really mean any of it. Had he been clearheaded he never would have hit me, beat me so hard that I couldn't stand. I'm not saying it like a victim of abuse, I am saying it as a son that understood the pain that his father was going through and if taking a punch would help I would do it over.
No one ever noticed though or if they did they acted like they didn't.
I understand now though, what mum meant. I know it is my time to go. I know that is the only way I can be with her again, the only way that I go on my own terms.
Derek glanced around the church, off to one side the sheriff, well ex-sheriff now was sitting in handcuffs. He had been detained shortly after the police had found the note. Derek would have killed him, once he got his wits back after reading the note had the police officers not held him down until he broke into sobs again.
The rest of the church however, was completely full. Derek recognised the McCalls, sitting with a man he now knew to be Melissa's new partner. Various other Beacon Hills teenagers that would have been at school with Stiles, he guessed. There were several officers, and other people he couldn't place.
Melissa McCall came back the minute she heard what had happened. She walked through the open front door of the Stilinski residence to find Derek sitting on the floor staring at a picture of Stiles. Of all the people, Stiles asked Derek to fix it all, clear out the house, organize the funeral. But, he couldn't. He just couldn't.
Derek, I know the chances that you are reading this are slim, but if you are… You are my only regret. I regret that I haven't seen you in three years. I wish I could have seen you one more time before I had to go.
You know, I had always thought somehow that we would end up together. I think you did too. Life just put a tonne of shit in the way. I can't remember the first time I realised I loved you, maybe I just always had. You are perfect, in every way.
I want you to move on from this. I want you to find someone who deserves you, who loves you more than anything in the world. I want you to be happy. I want you to live your life. I want everything for you. I wish I could have given it all to you.
Everyday, I think about the last time I saw you, when we had wondered through the forest for hours, before lying on the open patch of grass, that no one could ever seem to find. How you laced your fingers in mine. How you said you wished things would be different. I remember the way your lips felt when you kissed me, telling me if we couldn't be together, you needed to know the way it felt.
I have missed you so much. One day you will understand though why I had to do this, just like mum said, you may not now, but you will.
I want to ask you to please organise the funeral. I want it to be how you want it. Do what you want with all my things, they should have always been ours together anyway. I only ask this, because I want you to be able to say goodbye, when I didn't get the chance to say goodbye to you.
And know this, I will love you forever, regardless of the fact that I am no longer with you. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. Be happy Derek, for me. Don't cry, live.
I will be yours forever. I love you.
Melissa took the rains when she came back. Derek told her how he wanted it, but she took care of it. She organised the funeral, the pack up of the house, the lot.
Derek zoned out for most of the funeral, he couldn't stop himself from looking down and reading the note, over and over. He was brought back to reality by a group of what he had always believed to be Stiles friends, surrounding Scott at the mike.
"It's hard to know where to start," Scott's voice shook a little.
"Stiles was my best friend from the time that we could talk. He was the best friend you could have asked for. From when we were little, he would always have my back. Anything from pee-wee lacrosse, to helping me for a maths test. He was my best friend. I wish that we could have had longer, that when I moved away things didn't change like they did. I wish that he never felt the despair that he did. I wish he could have gone one, to be with someone he loved, and who loved him." At this Scott looked up and glanced at Derek, before returning to his speech.
"He was gone to early, but what he achieved in his life, was something to be very proud of. A character that would never let anyone else determine," Scott's voice cracked, as tears began to fall down his cheeks, "…his final curtain call."
Derek listened, as friend after friend spoke, saying how they wished that Stiles would have opened up, let them help. They knew something was wrong but couldn't do anything about it.
Derek looked up as he heard the priest say his name.
"Derek, it's your turn son."
Derek rose slowly before walking to the front of the church. He cleared his throat, preparing to speak.
"Why is he talking?! That son of a bitch is the reason my son wouldn't do what he was told. He is the reason he is gone. You worthless piece of shit!" Everyone turned and faced the red-faced sheriff at the outburst. Two of the officers quickly jostled him out of the church before the crowd's attention returned to Derek.
"Why am I talking?" Derek said, voice thick. "I'm talking so that everybody in this room knows what Stiles meant to me. Stiles is…was the love of my life. I love him with my entire being. Everybody hear keeps saying they wish Stiles had come to them, I can't say I am any different. The only difference is I hadn't seen Stiles for years until the day he left us. I wish I had been able to be with him everyday as many of you had the opportunity to. I wish that I could have held him when he was upset. I wish I could have taken him on the holiday to visit London in winter that we promised we would go on when we were younger. I wish that I could have bought him a beautiful ring and asked him to marry me. I wish that I could have woken up beside him everyday for the rest of my life."
Derek's voice was wavering, he paused hoping that he would be able to finish his speak. He looked up at the crowd to see many wiping away tears, complete silence as he stood in front of the gathering.
"There are many things that I wish could have happened, and many things that I wish I could have either changed for Stiles or helped Stiles with. I can't stop myself from thinking that maybe if I had things would be different. Stiles was one of a kind, taken from us too early. He was sarcastic, crazy, exuberant. But he was Stiles. He was perfect. And I will love him for the rest of my life."
Derek returned to his seat, tuning out the rest of the ceremony, hands shaking as he rested his elbow on his knees and took a deep breath. He stayed that way until he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. He looked up into the face of Mrs McCall.
"Derek dear, its time to leave for the burial."
Derek sat in his car as he looked out at the sunset, perched on the cliff face that Stiles had jumped from. It had been three years. It didn't feel like it though. Each time he came up to the cliff it was like no time had passed since Stiles had jumped.
It had taken him almost a year to return to functioning properly. He was no a deputy to the new Beacon Hills Sheriff. He loved his job, loved helping those in the town, putting away people that had broken the law.
He still found it hard on this day though, to not fall back into the lifeless depression he had after Stiles death. Somehow, going out to the cliff was a reminder to keep going, no matter what.
He hadn't been with anyone since, he couldn't bare to. It was still too soon.
He drove to the cemetery, pulling up beside the section Stiles was buried in. He grabbed the bunch of flowers off the passenger seat he had bought before jumping out of his car.
He walked over to Stiles and placed the flowers down near the headstone. He noticed several bunches of flowers that hadn't been there yesterday. His friends must have been out.
Derek bent down and gently pressed a kiss to the photo of Stiles before walking back to his car. He didn't cry. It was the first time he hadn't on Stiles' anniversary. Maybe he would be okay, time heals all wounds.
Derek gently put his car into gear before driving off. He was almost home when he saw a bright light to his left and then the sound of metal hitting metal hit. The car spun several times, the drivers side crumpled around Derek's body. The car came to a stop. He could vaguely hear the sirens, but all he could think was he understood. That is was his time. He pulled the picture of Stiles that was sticking out of his wallet into his hand, lips pulling into a small smile. They would be soon together, like they had always wanted.
That is how he was found, when paramedics arrived on scene. Fingers, clutched gently around the edge of the battered photo.
It was a drunk truck driver that had rammed into the side of Derek's car that day. He survived. Derek was buried five days later, with Stiles. They were together, just like they had always wanted.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: please review and let me know what you thought. This story is finished, and I hope you liked the conclusion.
Macs xx
