Chapter 2

After four weeks she couldn´t stand the distance any longer. So she went to the attic in the evening and confronted him.

"Jane- you can´t go on like this."

He sat on his bed, his eyes void of any feeling. Lisbon shivered.

"You´re right- I´m worthless. I can´t catch Red John, no matter how hard I´m trying, I outlived my sole purpose in my poor existence. I´d rather be dead than live like that."

His words hurt so much she felt like doubling over. But Lisbon forced herself to remain upright, to look him straight in the eye. He watched her coldly.

"Jane," she whispered," why don´t you realize that there are people who love you- who…couldn´t imagine life without you." She sobbed softly. He didn´t react.

"I hurt you.", he spat out, "I practically delivered you into his hands. He knew that I had become dangerously close to you, and he just wanted to kill you for fun, to make my life even worse. He takes everything that´s precious to me. So from now own, nothing will mean anything to me anymore. From now on, I´ll be alone. Nobody is allowed to get close, Lisbon. So stay away- or I´ll really hurt you, just to make sure you are safe."

"Jane..", she sobbed, but he didn´t let her finish the sentence.

"Jane is dead.", he shouted, "He is empty and cold as stone. I´m leaving CBI today. And I hope I´ll never see you again, Lisbon."

She opened her mouth, but he would have none of it.

"Leave!", he commanded, his hard eyes without feeling or mercy, and she turned and fled.

Before she reached the door, her hand already on the knob, she found herself whispering:

„You know what Red John told me again and again? That to kill me would be an act of mercy. Because if I´d live, I´d just beat myself up loving you, longing for you to love me back. All the time waiting for you to come closer- while you remain cold and distant, because I just mean nothing to you. It seems he was right."

She didn´t look at him again, but left the attic quietly.

She went away on faltering legs, tears streaming down her face, soundless sobs wracking her body.

xMentalistx

Another sleepless night.

Jane sat in the dark and tried desperately not to cry.

What the hell was the matter with him? He´d always managed to distance himself, always could be cold and deceiving when he needed to- why did he feel like a small boy right now, lost and dying to be held?

He could still hear Lisbon´s words- he told me to kill me would be an act of mercy. I´d just beat up myself loving you.

She loved him. His small, precious, wonderful little angel.

He violently shook his head to chase off the thoughts. No, he wasn´t allowed to think about her like this- he had to force himself to despise her.

But finally the tears overwhelmed him and started to fall, thoroughly wetting his face, he felt cold and lonely and didn´t know where to turn to.

Red John had finally succeeded. The killer had won. Patrick Jane wanted to die.

xMentalistx

He went to collect his stuff, and met his nemesis in the deserted bullpen.

A humorless smile contorted his features.

Senior special agent Teresa Lisbon. Why couldn´t she simply vanish?

"What are you going to do?", she asked.

"None of your business." He said, putting as much contempt into his voice as he could muster,"let me pass and stay out of my way."

Her green eyes were watching him.

"No.", she stated simply.

Anger flared up inside him, he suddenly felt livid.

"How dare you…", he growled, " you want to get hurt, Teresa Lisbon? You want to see what I can do to you? So be it!"

He closed the distance between them with blazing eyes, grabbed her and pushed her against the next wall with an audible thud. He pressed his lips to hers and immediately thrust his tongue into her mouth, hard, fueled by his ire. She kissed him back, furious with need and frustration, desperate to stay in control.

His hands were ripping her clothes to shreds, then fumbled with his belt, pushing his pants and boxers down to free his rock-hard erection. He didn´t care if she was ready for him, he just wrapped her legs around his waist and forced himself inside her to the hilt.

He was huge and stretched her wider than she could go, Lisbon couldn´t accommodate him, a stabbing pain tore through her.

He swallowed her scream with his biting kiss while her fingernails dug into his shoulders, he welcomed the sting with a low hiss- hell, it felt good to hurt. He started thrusting, hard and fast, pushing her against the wall, intent to make her suffer. The rough stone was scratching her naked back, but he only put more force into his relentless pumping, her whole body shook under the impact, again and again, she was already climaxing, whimpering with need, and he didn´t stop his movements, he gave it to her even harder, let the fire of his rage lead the way, fuck her, he thought, gritting his teeth, make her scream, and he did. Again and again.

Finally he threw his head back and roared like a wild animal, emptying his seed inside her.

He pushed her legs from his waist and pushed her away, Lisbon´s legs wouldn´t support her and she fell to the floor.

Jane dressed hurriedly, staring at her shaking form, his eyes wild and restless.

When his pants were back where they belonged, he turned and ran away.

This had to end now. He would make sure it did.

xMentalistx

Lisbon had to get up, she fought against her buckling legs and finally managed to stand. She got her spare clothes from her locker and dressed as fast as she could, the building was completely dark, and Lisbon ran, ran for her life, as fast as her feet would carry her.

The elevator took too long, so she chose the stairs, running, running for all she was worth, until she reached the top floor, pushing against the door and finally standing on the roof, the cool night air hitting her face.

Jane stood on the balustrade and looked down into the darkness.

Lisbon was scared like she´d never been before. He couldn´t die- she couldn´t let him. She didn´t know what to do, she wanted to grab him, shake him, cling to him and never let him go.

She didn´t think, just blurted out what came to her mind.

"Patrick, I love you! I love you more than my life, more than everything! You want to hurt me? Then go on, Patrick: jump! Die, and I´ll be fatally wounded. Jump, Patrick. I´ll follow you. Without you, I can´t live."

Jane´s vision was blurred by his desperate tears. He was a monster. He had almost raped her, and she still wanted to save him, still loved him. What had he done to deserve someone like her?

Suddenly he started to sob uncontrollably, and when she finally reached him, he allowed her to pull him from the banister, directly into her arms.

She held him while he cried, stroking his soft curls tenderly, whispering words of love into his ear. She ignored the soreness between her legs from their furious encounter in the bullpen and comforted him carefully, pouring her heart into every touch.

When he´d finally reestablished a modicum of control, she took him home with her, holding his hand in hers, leading him up to her bedroom, carefully undressing him and pushing him into a lying position on her bed. She covered his shivering body with a soft blanket, gently tucking him in, placing a sweet kiss on his temple.

But he started to sob again as she stood to leave him, so she unceremoniously shed her clothes and slipped under the blanket with him. He gathered her in his arms, snuggling against her chest, his ear directly over her rapid heartbeat.

He fell asleep like this, her hands in his hair, her soft lips kissing his forehead again and again.