Title: "The Sensual Cellular Similarity" (2/5)
Author: Misty /DesertDragon

*Chapter Two: Conundrum*

Howard and Raj were making their way up to the landing of apartments 4A and 4B when something tall and gangly in a red Flash t-shirt whizzed by them in the opposite direction and disappeared.

They blinked at each other in incomprehension; either that was Sheldon moving faster than they had ever seen him... or there was a superhero was in the building.

They received their answer when they were met by Penny in the hallway who was looking rather bewildered, standing there in her open doorway.

"What was that about?" Howard asked, jerking a thumb over his shoulder.

Penny shrugged her shoulders in exasperation. "Have no idea. I was just coming out to get my mail at the same time he opened his door ... then he took off like his ass was on fire. That's the second time that's happened this evening. He won't even look at me, much less talk to me."

Howard and Raj exchanged a glance, which made her fidget all the more.

"What? You know something I don't?"

"Uh...I wouldn't worry about it," Howard said after a moment. "That boy moves in unpredictable patterns when his routine has been upset. One of the many mysteries of Sheldon. In fact, at work today, there was a rumor about some Sheldon-related mishap, or what-not... So I wouldn't take it personally."

After a moment, Penny nodded absently, as if this made some small amount of sense, and she returned to her apartment and shut the door.

The second the door was closed, Howard and Raj raced into 4A to find Leonard.

*

They found Leonard in the kitchen hovering over a fresh pizza from Giacamo's. Without preamble, Howard tapped his fingers on the counter top and gave Leonard a calculated stare.

"So, what's up with your roommate?"

"Huh?"

"Dude, it's all over work. Something happened during a meeting with Gablehauser," Raj took a slice of pizza, regretfully picking off the pepperoni.

Leonard's brow furrowed as he glanced between the two of them. This was news to him. "Like what?" he asked, slowly.

"We're not sure. All we've been able to deduce from the rumors is that Sheldon freaked out in a meeting and hid in his office the rest of the day. We tried to corner him, but he seemed to dematerialize out of his office."

"I gave him a ride," Leonard conceded, shrugging them off. "Besides, that doesn't mean anything; he freaks out at work every other day."

"Be that as it may, the little display of unseemly behavior that we just witnessed in the hall involving said-physicist and your lovely, fair neighbor would prove otherwise."

Raj nodded. "The plot thickens."

Leonard put down his pizza. "Penny? What about her? All I did was suggest that he go over there and invite her for dinner... What did he do?"

"Ran like a little girl. Apparently, he's avoiding her like the plague."

"Yeah. If I'd had any of that experimental pharmaceutical left, I'd offer him some," Raj smiled.

"What?" Leonard's voice cracked in disbelief. "Why?"

Howard shrugged. "Is it possible that the incident at work is related?"

Raj raised an eyebrow in agreement.

But before anyone could postulate further, Sheldon walked into the apartment, strictly avoiding eye contact. He strode straight to the cupboard and grabbed a plate and a glass. He filled the glass with milk. He chose a careful selection of pizza slices from the Giacamo box and put them on his plate. Then he headed toward his bedroom.

"Sheldon." Leonard's voice did nothing to stop him. "Sheldon. What's going on?"

Sheldon's reply could be heard from the back hallway. "I have work to do," was all he said, and then a door slammed shut.

Leonard, Howard and Raj were left to share a series of furrowed glances.

"In his bedroom?"

*

The cellular structure that made up Dr. Sheldon Cooper, Ph.D. warred with itself as it tried to determine how to proceed with Penny and her disturbing text. His research was not progressing as he'd hoped. The social sciences were ridiculous.

Google: flirting and how to avoid it

Nothing useful.

Google: how to suppress pheromone secretion

Ultimately impossible.

Even locked in his room, typing away on his laptop was not enough to avoid distraction.

He had the urge to grab his phone and delete the racy photo several times. But that would mean he'd have to look at it again.

He already had the text part of the message memorized.

'Until your arms are around me again....'

Good lord, what had he done?

Until he received that text, he had not observed any changes in her attitude toward him. Then again, he was not exactly well-versed in social behavior. If there was anything he must admit to failing at ...

On a dare, he opened his phone again. He groaned outwardly almost immediately, shutting his eyes and pushing the phone toward the plate of uneaten pizza. He hadn't been able to touch it; his stomach was performing cartwheels of stress. He reached for his glass of milk instead. Milk calmed him down.

Then he went back to his research.

But after staring at a video on Discovery's website that documented the effects of bare female skin on a males testosterone level, Sheldon had nearly reached his limit on inconsequential data. He was about to abandon this futile line of social 'fieldwork' in favor of quantum mechanics and a white board, when, out of shear frustration, he typed in 'science of flirtation' and hit I'M FEELING LUCKY. A somewhat interesting article from Psychology Today popped up, subtitled: The capacity of men and women to flirt turns out to be a remarkable set of behaviors embedded deep in our psyches.

He was not sure of the qualification of this Ms. Rodgers who wrote the paper, so he scanned the pages quickly, finding interesting - and disturbing - bits here and there.

"...flirting is nature's solution to the problem every creature faces in a world full of potential mates - how to choose the right one.... Two people have to share with each other the information that they are attracted, and then test each other on an array of attributes. Simply announcing, 'I'm attracted to you, are you attracted to me?' doesn't work so well. It works much better to reveal this and have it revealed to you in smaller doses."

Small doses? What kind of hell would Penny try to spring on him next? Sheldon shivered and continued reading.

"It is an axiom of science that traits and behaviors crucial to survival require, and get, a lot of an animal's resources. All mammals and most animals (including birds, fish, even fruit flies) engage in complicated and energy-intensive plots and plans for attracting others to the business of sex. That is, they flirt."

And there is was; an extremely, rational reason not to engage in such acts. Its requires time and valuable intellectual resources and energy that could be used for more successful endeavors. Hence the reason why he would not partake in such balderdash. He would just have to discover other ways for his DNA to survive, at least until he won the Noble.

And he would just have to find a way to reject Penny. It was that simple.

He shut off the laptop and his desk lamp, and prepared for bed.

But as he finished dressing in his Thursday pajamas and pulled back his covers, he found himself casting a wistful glance back at the cell phone on his desk. Something curled and tightened deep within his chest, and he tried to ignore the ache there that told him that, in no certain terms, would it be that simple.

*

It was late in the evening, but he could not be sure of the time. He sat on her couch, watching her move about her apartment, adjusting clothes and objects in the room without rhyme or reason. Although she did not directly look his way, she spoke to him in a warm voice, occasionally trying to entice him into conversation.

He had no idea what she was saying or asking of him. Inexplicably, he was nervous. He watched her lips move, but his ears would not register the sound of her voice. She could have been speaking of the weather for all he knew. Nevertheless, she was like a puzzle that his brain ached to solve. If she were in fact paying attention to him, she would see a look of utter concentration on his face.

Then she began to do something that made his heart stop in fear.

She began taking off her clothes - little by little, inch by inch - walking back and forth in front of him, completely unaware of the affect of her bare skin.

It was not a striptease of any sort, as he understood it. It was almost as if she were removing her clothes after a long day at work and scattering them about – is this why her apartment was a consistent mess and strewn with clothing? Because she privately existed in a regular state of un-dress?

As unnerving as this hypothesis was, it did nothing to stabilize the current titling of his equilibrium. 'Please, Vertigo," he thought, "not now!"

He tried desperately to keep his gaze on anything but her: the rug, the ceiling, the fabric on the arm of the sofa. However, this was increasingly hard to accomplish now that she was standing right in front of his knees, quiet now, and staring at him intently.

His eyes traveled over the black lace bra down to a matching pair of panties that rode low on her hips and back up. How had he never observed how long and elegant her torso was? He nervously licked his lips, too late to comprehend that she immediately took that as an invitation.

She ran her thumbs over her hips and slipped out of her panties in one simple, deft movement.

The action rocked him out of his stupor and he stood up in protest, only to find himself pressed fully against her. Her hands found his torso and began to pushed him back into his seat, her eyes on him determined and dilated.

He found his voice, and it was angry. "Penny! I hardly think-"

Her lips closed over his as she slipped into his lap, and his brain went hot and fuzzy. He knew that it was preposterous to be embarrassed over an erection, so he wasn't. Nevertheless, he had no idea what to do with his hands. They hovered in the air around her, making him feel foolish. He was noticing more and more that she elicited that response from him. Her mouth was warm and wet, and had started to trail down his throat with a soft moan. She shifted until her bare bottom was sitting on his knees, and she pulled back just enough so that they shared a long, darkened gaze before she dipped her slender fingers into his unzipped khakis and cupped him firmly over his briefs.

He had time to hiss in a desperate breath before she was kissing him again - he marveled over the fact that he had missed her mouth in such a short absence - and this time his hands found themselves buried in her long blonde hair. He was not an expert on returning her kisses, but he was trying, God help him. It was a miracle that he knew how to think with his penis at all...

...Especially when her clever hand had now found it's way beneath his underwear, over the nest of hair and had a full grip on the wet tip of him. He grunted into her mouth, and she whispered his name as if she were demanding something from him.

"Sheldon."

Then she was sliding next to him on the couch, pulling him between her legs and down on top of her, urging her pelvis up and into his.

She looked up at him expectantly, but he was at a loss. He was in a daze and all he wanted - even more so than this physical intimacy she was thrusting upon him - was pure validation. Funny, he didn't seem to need it from anyone else. Just her.

But so far none was forthcoming. Just her urgent questioning gaze that asked plainly, 'Do you know what you're doing?' It scared him to death. He knew the technical aspects, of course, but not the practice, not even when the tip of him was nearly inside her.

"Come on, Sheldon."

His spine tingled with the intimidation in her voice. "Penny," he choked.

She thrust up impatiently -

*

"Danger, Danger!"

Sheldon sat up in bed, sweating. He waited for his jaw to stop twitching and for his eyes to adjust to the dark of his bedroom. Just a dream.

He lifted the covers. A wet dream. So much for his Thursday pajamas. Damn Penny and that text.

...Penny. As he recalled the dream in all its vivid detail, his heart plummeted. Hopefully by tomorrow the images would fade from his mind and the sting to his ego would be forgotten with the indulgence of work.

For now, he felt diseased. He blamed it on spending too much time around his roomate. Over developed sex drive = lack of focus.

He changed out of his pajama bottoms and tried to force himself back to sleep, despite the voice in his head - normally so self-apraising - telling him over and over that he was, indeed, ill-equipped to solve this problem.

*

A day and a half later, there were three knocks on Penny's door. She glanced up from her computer, expectantly, where she was paying bills. She hadn't seen Sheldon since the incident in the hallway, and her curiosity was heightened.

She hastened to open it before she realized that she had not heard his voice calling her name from the other side, as per his usual.

Leonard was there, holding her mail.

"Oh, hi, Leonard."

"Hey, Penny." He fidgeted for a moment before before asking, "Can I come in?"

"Sure. What's up?" She moved back into her apartment, taking her mail and sitting back at her laptop.

"Something weird is going on next door."

"You mean weirder than usual?" she smiled.

"Um...Well. Here's the thing. I've barely seen Sheldon come out of his room these past couple of days, except to eat and shower, and even then he hardly says two words to me. He hasn't gone to work. Frankly, I am starting to get a little worried... I was wondering if you might have a clue?"

She blinked at him for several moments, her protective instincts kicking in. It wasn't like any of the guys to get worried over Sheldon. In fact, the more she paid attention and became closer to their small group, the more she discovered that Leonard, Howard and Raj offered little emotional or moral support to Sheldon when he actually needed it. Sure, he was difficult beyond measure and was used to getting his way far too often. But she also thought the guys took him for granted or were often indifferent to him all-together. Like the boy who cried wolf. Or in Sheldon's case, the boy who cried bacterium.

Yet here Leonard was, genuinely worried from the look of it.

"No," she said carefully. "Why would I have any idea?"

Leonard shrugged. "I am grasping at straws here. Maybe it has something to do with Gablehauser, our boss. I don't know."

Penny chewed on her lip quietly and considered last Thursday. Sheldon had been acting rather goofy... even for him.

After they could come up with no explanation between the two of them, and Leonard left, she was still stewing on it, her bills set aside.

Could she have offended him somehow? Normally this would not bother her; sometimes she reveled in it. But what if his feelings were honestly hurt and she was the cause. What if going over there and apologizing, whether it was called for or not, would solve this little dilemma?

Penny and her good intentions made it as far as her front door when her phone chimed in her hoodie pocket. It was Sean, asking her if she were free for a date tonight.

She smiled smugly, dancing in place briefly before accepting his invitation. Huh, her naked text worked!

*

Sheldon glanced at the clock. Seven-thirty, Saturday night. Almost Laundry Time. Best to get this business concerning Penny out of the way, so he could continue with his life.

He had a rejection speech prepared and memorized.

After analyzing it a bit more, he roughly came to grips with the uncomfortable notion that he could not deal with the social aspects of this incident, or its sexual or emotional repercussions. He could only deal with the situation on the utmost technical terms.

He glanced down at the index cards on his dresser. They were filled with his tiny printing which consisted of research and his reasons for the rejection. A long finger moved them about absently. Anxiously.

He liked Penny. He really did.

But he hated the increasing feelings of insecurity he felt when he was around her even more. And that had to stop, Penny's feelings be damned.

He straightened his t-shirt and moved determinately out into the living room, his lips silently rehearsing the words he would say to her.

He yanked the front door open, and the pre-mature monologue suffered a slow death at the sight before him.

He found Penny there in the hall talking animately with Leonard, Howard, Raj and a fourth, well-dressed man that he did not know. He was tall and lanky, with short dark hair. And she was holding his hand. And standing very close to him. She wore an appealing green dress and her hair was curled and pulled up off her bare shoulders. She held a jacket and purse under one arm.

Unless his formidable powers of observation were failing him, he could only deduce that she this man was her date for the evening.

Huh... That realization should have relived some of the pressure off of him. Instead, this was all unaccountably distressing. Maybe because now he would not have the opportunity to spout all the words he was holding in his head?

She had been introducing his friends to this man when she stopped and noticed him for the first time. Was that relief on her face?

"Sheldon. There you are." All faces turned to him at once. He ignored their looks of confusion. "I'd like you to meet Sean. Sean, this is Sheldon."

"Hello," Sheldon obliged, trying to offer a friendly, sociable smile.

Although it seemed to go unnoticed by the others, Sean's response was less than warm. No responding hello, just a curt nod.

Sheldon began to fidget.

*

Leonard glanced from Sheldon to Penny and back again. Okay. This was weird.

Sheldon was looking extremely uncomfortable, like he hadn't had enough fiber with his cereal this morning.

Penny, on the other hand, appeared genuinely concerned as she watched Sheldon. But that was short-lived and she seemed to shrug it off in favor of paying attention to her date...

Her date, Sean. Tall, thin, dark haired, pale Sean.

He could see it on Raj's face, and Howard's as well: the complete baffling debacle of it. But Penny didn't have a clue.

She was dating 'Sheldon'.

*

to be continued

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