'Mummy?' A little girl, my very own daughter stood at the doorway in her pj's rubbing her eyes sleepily not really aware of what was going on around her, I'm guessing the raised voices had woken her up. She had long blonde hair that waved slightly, little pearly teeth and a pale milky complexion one that mirrored mine; she was the spitting image of me just younger. Good job she didn't look like her father I had always thought. 'Yes sweetie?' I answered quietly not wanting to draw any attention to our house, even though as it was bigger than your average house there were neighbours slightly further out. 'Where'd Auntie Sonya go?' she looked puzzled screwing her nose, walking towards me arms raised out hinting for me to lift her. 'She had to leave baby girl but mummy is home now.' I explained lifting her onto my hip carefully. She yawned. 'Uh someone is becoming a big girl for me to keep doing this, you sleepy Ellie?' She nodded nuzzling her head close into my neck gripping her arms tightly around me, one hand tightly clawing onto my dress, her long blonde hair covering her bright blue eyes. I carried her back into her bedroom, carefully stepping around some of her dolls that Sonya hadn't tidied away before placing Ellie carefully on her bed with the pink duvet covers. Her whole room was pink; her favourite colour, she was a little girlie girl, probably would have reminded my mum of me as a child if she was still around, she's well and alive but not lucid at all. I kissed her forehead tucking her in. 'Love you mummy.' My three year old daughter whispered. 'Love you too Ells.' She pulled her teddy into her grasp, the one thing she had kept since the day she was born and they were inseparable, we always had our worst fights when he was about to go for a spin in the washing machine.

Although recently finding Nikki, I had felt like a bad mother, spending time at work, dumping her at day-care, nursery, with Sonya. I couldn't bear the thought of Nikki finding out about me, about Ellie. What would happen to our relationship then? I felt like I'd build a castle of cards out of lies, one pull or tug and the whole thing will fall, more and more difficult to rebuild especially on a slippery slope. Plugging my phone into the charger at the wall I saw a text from Nikki Sorry about this morning, hope I didn't scare you off too much, see you soon, I love you, Nikki xx I groaned slightly.

Monday morning found itself pretty quick after that, after spending the rest of the weekend avoiding Nikki's texts and watching my daughter play tea party with all her stuffed bears and dollies. Dropping her off at school, again another reason to feel bad, although she was three already and growing so fast, I always felt like I was letting her go to do something else. No wonder everyone else saw me as the money grabbing, work obsessed troll. They didn't know the real me and I wasn't ready for them to find out I was a mother either. I parked smoothly, grateful my car had tinted windows covering Ellie's booster seat in the back. Nikki was standing by her 4x4 flicking her keys up and down in her hand. She smiled before making her way over, quickly I grabbed my bag out anxious for her not to see anything hidden in my car before slamming the door. My heels clicked across the car park as I approached her. 'Morning Nik.' My bright cockney accent shining through. 'Morning Lorraine, why have you got a stuffed bear poking out your bag?' she said gesturing towards . I froze for a second thinking about how best to deal with the situation. 'Well there's a lot you don't know about me .' flirting with her seemed like the way to go. 'Ok and you and a massive collection of bears might be one?' she nudged my ribs, pulling me in quick for a short friendly embrace. 'I'm kidding.' She added. I sighed. 'You alright this morning?' she asked. 'Yeah fine, just a Monday you know, not really feeling it, how about yourself, sorry for the other night.' 'Look Lorraine it's fine really, it was too fast for you, we'll take it slower, whatever happens next I'll still be here anyway I'd better get going, morning meeting don't want to look suspicious.' She winked before speeding up into the door holding it open for me. My phone rung pulling it out my bag Nursery flashed on the screen, I rejected the call, shoving the phone back into my bag, whatever was wrong they could deal with it, I had grown tired of being called every time she had a runny nose or a tickle in her throat or was sleepy, I had important meetings to get on with.