Prompt 86 - Robin is shrunk and kept in Roni's jean pocket

Disclaimer: I may have been drunk when I wrote this. Complete Crack!fic ahead.

FF refused to save my formatting so I had to use line breaks instead of good old fashioned spacing. Sorry if it looks terrible.


I Gotta Pocket, Gotta Pocket full of Outlaw


They're really nothing special, old Levi's worn just right

But if you staring at my ass, you'll notice there just a little tight

There is bulge in the back pocket (and yes, it still looks good)

It's not a phone or wallet, it's my thief named Robin Hood


I ask him every morning if there's somewhere else he'd rather be

He says "Nowhere in the world, M'lady" and that's just fine with me

We've crossed realms, survived curses; Hades himself couldn't keep us apart

I shouldn't complain, these past few months my only challenge has been holding in a fart


My thief keeps coming back to me, I hope he always will

If only we were in Wonderland and I could find that magic pill

At night he's on my pillow, or nestled between my breasts

He swears that he's content for now, but to restore him I'll never rest.


I miss his arms around me; I miss his fingers in my hair

I miss his forehead pressed to mine; I miss his lips just there

I miss his voice, warm and graveled against my ear

I miss his "I love you's" that I now strain to hear


To think I almost missed him makes my heart catch in my throat

I'll never know what made me look down to see his tiny note

I was cleaning up the bar one night, washing glasses and sweeping the floor

It was scrawled in the corner of the napkin, "Save me the last pour"


I've learned not to question the ways of the fates, so I searched everywhere he could be

I never expected the side of a barstool; he'd climbed up as high as my knee

I was shaking too badly to try to pick him up so I sat down right there on the tile

He waited and stared; we were now eye to eye, both of us in denial


I asked "How?" as I cried, for this couldn't be true. He was only the size of my hand.

He said "I don't know exactly, but I'm here now. Some things we're not meant to understand."

Then I knew it was him, those dimples and those eyes

The loving way he looked at me; he'd never tell me lies.


I want to go to Rumple, I know that bastard's awake

But we can't tamper with the magic here there's just too much at stake

Robin won't let me risk my son; he'll live out his days like this

I never thought it would hurt so much trying to avoid True Love's Kiss


It's not until Rogers strolls in one day, his informant Tilly in tow

That my eyes go wide at the sight of Alice and the remedy she may know

I follow the girl one night after dark; my thief taught me how to creep

We find Tilly's hide out and I rock on my heals waiting for the girl to fall asleep


There are pieces of our land: a broken teacup, a wand, a mirror

Robin pulls my attention to the left, the answer could not be clearer

"Drink Me," says the label on the small glass vile

I slip it in my jacket, wishing there was a way to run a trial


But Robin won't have another potentially share his fate

I pour him three drops. I want him back, but I wish he would wait

"No time like the present," he says into my ear, his lips featherlike on my cheek

He gulps down the potion, there's a rush of white smoke, and my thief I no longer have to seek


He stares at his hands so I place mine in his, palm to palm we fit just right

He pulls me in close, bodies pressed head to toe; I have never been held so tight

"I love you," he tells me and tears fill my eyes because he's whole, he's here, he's true

It seems so inadequate, but all I can do is hold him and say "I love you too"


Then he's kissing me hard (both love and lust) and I hope he'll never stop it

But I can't help but to laugh against his lips, as his hand slips into my back pocket.