Part the First: Decided


"It is in the moments of decision that your destiny is shaped." - Tony Robbins


June 2017
The Woodlands, Texas

Edward Cullen abruptly looked up from the sheet music he was writing on and glared across the room at his coven sister.

Alice was sitting delicately in a pool of sunlight that was pouring through the glass ceiling of the sunroom, her snowy skin glowing like diamonds. Today was a Saturday, the weekend, meaning nobody was obligated to leave the house unless they chose to. When given the option to choose, nobody in the coven tended to go through the intricate routine of coverage and they were free to look their true selves. Alice had swept into the room not too long ago, with her iPad in one hand and a notebook in the other, and he was so consumed with the composition he was working on, it had taken him longer than usual to pick up on the current of her thoughts.

But, once he did –

"No, Alice. Absolutely not. I don't care for a birthday party this year and if you go forward with planning one of your ridiculous soirees – you won't see me there, even if it is in my honor."

Of course I'll see you there. Daddy won't let you be that much of an asshole to me, and not show up to a birthday party I put so much into planning for you.

Edward's glare intensified. She was right, of course – their coven father, Carlisle, had a notorious soft spot for Alice, the most unusual of their coven. Alice had appeared on their doorstep in Ithaca, the evening of Christmas Eve almost seventy years ago, and she had been the most pitiful character, someone who pulled sympathy and compassion from even the most hardened of hearts. She had been unusually thin and vulnerable for a vampire, so small and fragile that when she'd told them of her beforelife age, the age she'd been when she was Changed – they had all had a difficult time believing she had been a woman of nearly twenty. Her blood-and-honey eyes had been piteously wide in her doll-like face, the mottled coloring speaking of her efforts at the abstinence found in animal blood, but a lack of discipline at maintaining the commitment to rejecting the temptation of human blood. Edward remembered very clearly the sorrow and instant empathy that had dominated Carlisle's thoughts as Alice had shared her sorrowful tale. And, it was a sorrowful one – the lack of remembrance of her beforelife as a human, the mystery of who her Creator was and why, the burden and terror of the Gift she possessed but didn't know what to do with. The tragedy increased when she revealed she was mated to a feral vampire. A feral vampire who wanted to be civilized and wanted to repent from his near-century of murdering humans to quench his thirst – but, whose Gift ruled him so fiercely, he often struggled to remain committed and achieve the control and discipline he was supposed to have been taught as a newborn. There was nothing like someone who was trying to be a better vampire, become a more peaceful and evolved form of their being, that pulled at Carlisle and Esme's unbeating hearts and demanded they do something. Carlisle and Esme had talked for hours that night, their intense discussions carrying through the night into the next morning. By the time Christmas morning had dawned, bright and snowy, Alice and her frightening, feral mate were the newest members of their coven – and the two with whom the most care and the most consideration was taken.

Edward knew that if it came down to his desire to be left alone for his birthday and her devastation at being spurned when she was only trying to be giving and be a good sister – well, the obvious choice was clear. He knew before it even became and issue whose stance would be considered the more important wish to be respected.

"Fair enough, I'll give you that." Edward groused, moodily looking back down to his sheet music. "I probably will be forced to be present against my will. But, I'll be so ill-tempered about it, you'll wish you'd done what I want and let me alone."

Alice smiled sweetly, and her milk-white teeth glittered in the warm sunlight. She looked like the perfect image of an innocent young girl, so full of happiness and so full of joy to be received and to be given. But, the irritable current of her thoughts belied the beatific vision she presented. I'm prepared for that, too. Jasper won't mind getting and keeping you in the celebratory spirit.

Edward's mouth dropped open in outrage. "How dare you! You can't force me to enjoy something against my will. Something I've already made clear I don't want to have happen!"

We wouldn't have to force you, if you'd stop being so belligerent and get over yourself. Your birthday is coming, your family wants to celebrate it with you, and instead of being thankful – you're being a complete dick about it, as usual.

"Because I want to be left alone. If you'd leave me alone, I wouldn't have to be a complete – a complete – well, if you'd leave me alone, I wouldn't have to be rude about it." Edward ignored Alice's snicker, as he stumbled over his words and couldn't bring himself to be vulgar like her. It was something he just didn't see the use of, foul language when there were plenty of other words in the expansive English language, and his coven siblings enjoyed teasing him about it endlessly. "Seriously, Alice – I don't want a birthday party. I only want to be left to myself this year and that's good enough."

Oh, please, little brother – I'm not falling for that. Alice glanced at him, briefly, rolling her bright amber eyes derisively. You want to be left alone so you can brood, not because you want a more reflective birthday this year. If you wanted that, well, I'd give you the best meditative retreat you could dream of. I could even talk Rose into letting you borrow her and Emmett's cabin in the Yukon! But, that's not what you want, so that's not what you'll get.

"You don't know what I want because you never ask me!" A fissure appeared in the smooth oak of the piano seat he was sitting on as he brought down his fist in frustration, and Edward found himself instantly embarrassed. Somehow, no matter how hard he tried, the little bursts of his beforelife – a seventeen-year-old, on the precipice of manhood but still very much a child – burst through the disciplined being he had been for over a century, and he still could never anticipate what would trigger it into happening. "I'm telling you what I intend on doing for my birthday and you aren't even listening – so, don't tell me you know or care about what I want."

Alice sighed, and her inner voice was gentler, now – more soothing. Something like this is not so much about what you want, Edward. It's more like what you need. I'm not sure what exactly happened to get you into one of your moods, but you've been like this for months now. Months, Edward – going on an entire year. You don't leave this room, not even to feed. Esme has been babying you and letting you wallow by bringing you your blood, but this has been ridiculous long before you reached that point. You can't just abandon our masquerade and leave the rest of us to pick up the pieces. You agreed to this, you agreed to Houston, and now you're being unfair and selfish about it all. We've been patient and probably more understanding that we should be – but, little brother, it's time. Time to come back and start participating again. You need it to keep you balanced and you owe it to the rest of our family to not make this masquerade harder than what it already is. You've got to get back into the swing of things – and there's really no better time than your birthday!

Her words slammed into him and silenced whatever reply he was about to bite out, an uncomfortably true observation about how his most recent mood swing had been starting to stretch into something more.

As an eternal adolescent, there was a narrow window of the human life that he was able to believably participate in, despite how much the world had to offer. He had been seventeen at his death and had come into his eternal life forever an adolescent and there were only so many areas of life he could explore, before someone started noticing. Noticing and questioning how an apparent child could be present in certain spaces. Humans were easily fooled, easily swayed, and quick to find any reason to not have to push the limits of their mind too far – but, they weren't stupid. Nor were they blind or unobservant. As society consistently transformed itself in a pursuit of innovation and advancement, many cultural norms and societal rules morphed and changed from what he knew of his life in the early 20th century. The definition of a child shifted and changed constantly as he moved through the remainder of the century as an immortal boy, and now, as time creeped towards the second decade of the 21st Century – Edward found he was restricted to the charade of adolescence in a way that he had never been so far in his one hundred and fourteen years of life.

If he wanted to attend school, he was limited to high school and undergraduate degrees in college. High school was rarely interesting and as much as he tried to be open-minded and experience the ever-evolving dynamics of adolescence – there was something that was depressing about puttering around with children who he had lived decades longer than but would never outgrow. It became an agitation to know that the human children he met in the ninth grade would only be able to be his friends for another eight years or so, before they became adults in their twenties and began noticing he still looked too much the same as he did in high school.

If he wanted to occupy his time with the workforce, he was now limited to jobs that one generally expected to see adolescents and young adults doing. Retail, serving, entry-level jobs that were starting points for eventual career or a resume-builder. The days where he could happily pass for a youthful, charming physician in a discipline of his choosing or spend his days and evenings as a precocious college professor or graduate student – those were gone. He could push it only as far as twenty-one or twenty-two, before people started asking too many questions and wanting to know how someone as young as he had had risen so quickly in life.

There had been a time or two, back in the late nineties, when he'd tried living independently from the coven as a young bachelor, in college and ready to explore the world that was his oyster. But, that was before the turn of the century had come along and September 11th had happened. Americans had developed an obsession with identity and transparency that was alarming for their kind, those few vampires who chose and enjoyed masquerading as humans, and Edward had found it more and more difficult to slip through the cracks and happen upon things like his own apartment, a vehicle, and the like. Now, living on his own required that he go through the laborious process of forging emancipation papers and the associated things that would allow him to move through an adult world legally as a minor – and after an attempt to take a year for himself and live in Washington D.C. as a prospective Georgetown graduate student had nearly ended in being discovered, he had simply decided that pushing the boundaries of adolescence was no longer worth it.

He had tried, with good cheer and an open mind to accept that for the foreseeable future, his options for masquerading were firmly limited to adolescence and the undergraduate years of college. When they had left Denali back in 2003 and traveled the world for about five years, while they decided where their next settlement would be, Edward had been optimistic. He accepted his new role as an eternal teenager pleasantly enough and tried to hold tightly to the positive aspects of this new shift in his immortal life. He would be allowed to have less responsibility in the coven, to not have as many expectations to the contribution of the livelihood of their coven – because, as a teenager, how much could he realistically get away with, before destroying their masquerade? He wouldn't have to bear to so much pressure to play-act a certain personality without fail, because he was trying to pass for an adult and there were things mature, respected adults just didn't do. He would be allowed more freedom in his errors and more sympathy for his struggles – because out of all the humans they would be exposed to, teenagers were the most volatile and very strong evidence for why immortal children younger than an adolescent were simply not allowed. And, he had the added burden of being able to too easily slip inside of the minds of the children he was required to be around. Who wouldn't become a little influenced, a little imbalanced by the burden of this kind of daily exposure to the most unstable facet of human development?

It seemed to be chance to relieve himself of an intense pressure that came with the unpredictability of masquerading around humans and Edward had be open to a positive experience, when they settled in Houston in the summer of 2008 and began their lives as the Hale family.

Carlisle had become Dr. Winston Hale, a pediatric physician with a successful private practice, who was known for his charity and his love for the community. Esme had become Mrs. Anne Hale, a schoolteacher who loved teaching and molding the minds of her kindergarteners and whose endless kindness made her a much-appreciated volunteer around the Houston Metro Area. Rosalie had been pleased and happy that the coven was using her beforelife name as their masquerade for their lives in Texas, and she'd put a lot more thought into Lia Hale, than she had the last time they'd chosen an urban area to settle in, back in the nineties. Jasper had consented more or less with good grace to become her twin, Alexander Hale, but only under the condition that they be allowed to have just finished with high school and searching for colleges to attend; the last time they had been in high school had ended horrifically and caused their forced relocation, the very second Jasper had turned up at home with blood-red eyes. It was agreed that he shouldn't tempt himself so soon with masquerading within a high school, for while the ten-year retreat to the wilderness of Denali had done him plenty of good, there was little use in risking it. Rosalie would insist upon having another glorious wedding, so Emmett agreed to be Brandon Whitlock before it could be suggested – for, he knew his role as beautiful Lia's fiancé would easily translate into the marriage neither he nor Rosalie wished to remove from the masquerade, and he didn't have any real objection to becoming the beloved son-in-law of Winston and Anne Hale. And, it was with the promise of support and making the experience fun that Alice had become the youngest child, Eleanor, and allowed Edward to become Anthony, the middle child lodged firmly between the twins and Eleanor.

The first few years in Houston had been promising. There were no accidents, no slip-ups, nothing that brought on suspicions and life settled into a comfortable, tolerable rhythm. Then, last August had arrived and with it, Edward's senior year in high school – for the second time in ten years. He couldn't pinpoint when it happened, but there had definitely been a moment of ugly realization when it had dawned on him that he only had another four, fleeting years of being undergraduate in college, before he would be forced to start this journey over again and begin high school for the third time. And, it would be all he was restricted to, for who knew how long.

Forever destined to push through the challenges of childhood and make it to the peak, to the point where he had earned his entrance into adulthood and explore the world – only to be viciously snapped back into childhood, required to come back to the starting line and begin the push once more and forever more. He was Sisyphus and his boulder was the adolescence to which immortality had bound him, life being the steep, challenging incline up the hill, where he would be knocked back down to the bottom by time itself and sentenced to repeat the narrow journey of adolescence and young adulthood, indefinitely. Humanity had its own pace, its own way of moving through time that was radically different from vampires and their unique experience with time. There was no guarantee or time frame for when another shift in civilization would happen and the understanding of who and what a child was would shift to give him more space within his masquerade to work with.

He had refused to go back to school after the winter holiday had passed and though Carlisle and Esme had tried to insist, for the sake of their masquerade, Edward would not be moved. They quickly spun a tale about Edward transferring to another school and tried to bear with the questions this inevitably brought up. And, after a few weeks, Esme had gently instructed everyone to leave Edward to the sunroom and his music and to let him be until he worked his way out of this depression he'd fallen into.

The months had passed with Edward in this stupor, his private bubble of brooding and music and reflecting. He had vaguely noticed that something of time had been passing, but he hadn't known what date it was until Alice had invaded his space in the sunroom and began irritating him about his birthday. A part of him was relieved that he had managed to stubbornly wait it out and the ending of high school had arrived, without having to suffer through each day of keeping him masquerade tight. But another part was deeply embarrassed, for what was intended to be a wise use of the winter holiday to gather his thoughts and mentally prepare for the transition to the other half of his required youth, had instead become a sulk that had lasted months.

Alice probably had a good idea of what had brought on his noticeable pause in their disagreement and something in her honeyed eyes softening, became somewhat understanding.

"I get where you're coming from and why it bothers you – the never getting older, never becoming an adult even though you have had more birthdays than any adult currently alive." Alice said, her hummingbird-gentle voice weighted with unexpected wisdom. "But, you really can't sulk your way out of this one, little brother. You have to just deal with it, okay? Get over it and keep moving forward with life."

Edward huffed sullenly, disliking how Alice and her uncomfortable truths continued to make him feel exposed. She did not have his Gift, the ability enter someone's mind and become lost in the current of their thoughts, something like mind-reading if humans properly understood what that meant. But, there were times that her sudden insight made Edward feel as though she did – and reluctantly, he could admit that he understood the violation that others claimed they felt, when he entered their minds and began pushing around within their consciousness.

Irritably, Edward shuffled his sheet music around and began to agitatedly strike the first few chords of the composition he was working on.

"I don't feel like talking to you about something that doesn't matter. I won't be apart of whatever silly birthday party you think you're going to force me into – because birthdays honestly do not matter."

Alice turned slightly to look at him, her delicate face overflowing indignation. It should mean something! Birthdays are special – they're so important. Each birthday is its own celebration because you'll never have the same birthday again and you should cherish the memory of birthday celebrations for the special times they are!

"I have plenty of birthday memories to cherish. Unlike you, I remember my humanity, thus I have a hundred and fourteen birthday memories in total to cherish whenever I like, thanks."

The millisecond the words left his lips, Edward regretted each syllable with a fierceness that almost scared him. He hadn't meant to say that aloud, hadn't meant to speak so viciously to the coven sister who only sought to give kindness and receive love. But, they were out of his mouth with a ferocity that almost bordered on cruel, and Edward spun around to face his sister so quickly, he almost upended the piano.

"Alice, I didn't –"

But, it was too late. He could see in the abrupt slump of her tiny shoulders that the remark had hit home, and it had hit home hard.

Well, lucky for you that you have those memories to cherish. I can't even remember when my birthday is, so you've definitely got me there.

"Alice, please, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it –"

Yes, you did. You're not human. You can stop a thought in mid-formation and know you aren't supposed to say it, but you didn't. You meant it because you said and that's fine. You are right, after all.

Edward did nothing to suppress the pulse of self-loathing that uncurled within him as he looked at Alice and her hummingbird-small form, which seemed impossibly smaller as she became unnatural still and began deliberately breathing. Breathing did nothing for their immortal bodies, an action that only of any real use when they were hunting and needed their hypersensitive sense of smell to lead them to their prey. But, Edward had noticed how Alice had picked up on the habit of meditative breathing when she was distressed, for something to do to keep her focus and keep her grounded. Her deliberate breaths were creating a pattern that would have appeared calming or soothing – if Edward hadn't found himself abruptly hijacked into her fractured mind with the force of her thoughts and experienced the tumult of her mind.

Alice genuinely didn't remember anything of her human life, except for the very end, but the absolutely cruelty of her Changing was a horrific enough memory that perhaps it was a blessing that she remembered nothing of her beforelife. For, if the time leading up to her end and her rebirth were anything like the final moments of her beforelife – Edward could understand why her mind and simply collapsed under the pressure and fractured irreparably.

A pressure began building behind his eyes that made him feel nauseous with its intensity as bursts of fractured memories that were not his own erupted behind his eyes.

The white coat man rushes into her cell, his unusual rusty-red eyes unreadable but intense. His hands are too frigid, too rough as he tears at her restraints and then begins tearing at the thin fabric of her gown. She is completely exposed, too free, too open and she doesn't like it. She screams only once before he swipes his hand at her throat and she is suddenly choking soundlessly. Hot, hot blood pours over her hands as she clutches at her throat, the jagged wound across her throat more frightening than the predatory look in the white coat man's eyes. She doesn't understand. She doesn't know what's happening. All she can think of is that there is too much blood, too much pain in her throat for her to be okay. The white coat man doesn't seem to care. He lunges at her, his mouth going directly for the wound in her throat, and he bites down on her with intent and force. Her fingers break like twigs under the pressure of his mouth. Her vision becomes darker and blurred, and all she can seem to feel is the caressing motion of his mouth as his hands roam her body freely and she becomes limp in his arms.

"Don't worry, little seer, the pain will only be temporary. You'll see, once it's over with, that this is all for your own good."

She only has a split-second to wonder what pain could be worse before the pain becomes worse. Every cell in her body is being ripped apart. Every cell in her body is burning. The white coat man is on top of her, moving her legs open – painpainpainpainpainpainpain – pain – pain – pain – painpain – painpainpain – pain –

Distantly, Edward heard someone whimpering – and he didn't know if the noise had come from Alice or from himself, from within her mind or within his own. This was the part of the loop that was the worst. The part of the memory that seemed to last endlessly. Edward frequently found himself hijacked into the minds of others and was rather adept at untangling himself from the snare that a loop of consciousness could create. But, not when it came to a mind like Alice's. This loop of consciousness was her mind, the fracture so deep and profound that all that could be done was practice coherency and focus until it became the primary nature of the mind. The fracture was the primary state of being of Alice's mind when she was not concentrating – and Edward couldn't think he'd could bear waiting out the return of her focus.

He allowed his footsteps to blindly lead him out of the sunroom, abandoning Alice to her own mind. He felt bad about having been the one to trigger her, but he also didn't want to test the limits of his own mind, in penance for having been thoughtless to his coven sister. The best thing that he could do right now was removing himself from the situation, creating space between himself and Alice, and later on, once everything had settled back down to normal – he would apologize to Alice as sincerely as he could. It didn't matter how he felt about her pushy affection or her unwillingness to respect his wishes. Nobody with the fragility of Alice's mind should be treated so carelessly that she was triggered into a meltdown of the mind and he had no business treating his coven sister like that.

Edward pressed his hands over his ears as he half-stumbled out of the sunroom and ventured into the rest of the house for the first time in over six months. The rest of his coven were home, he could tell. Esme and Rosalie were in the living room, with echoing giggles tying into the mental currents of happiness and love. Carlisle was alone in his study, the rapid-fire and unforgiving thundering of his thoughts suggesting he was studying something or working on his research. Somehow, the familiar feel of his coven family sweeping across his mind lessened the pressure and pain that had built up behind his eyes from Alice. He gingerly allowed his hands to untangle from his head and fall to his side, as if moving his hands would remove a shield that had protected him from the torture of being stuck in another person's loop of consciousness.

"Well, looka here, looka here. Bat Boy has climbed out of his cave and done decided to reacquaint himself with inhumanity!"

Edward sighed, as the remaining two of his coven family burst into his mind and into his hearing at the same time. His face already set in a glare, Edward opened his eyes to see that his pained fleeing had lead him to the very top of the house – to the man-cave that Jasper and Emmett had so lovingly created out of the attic space that Carlisle had given them leave over. There were two floors between himself and Alice now and thankfully, that seemed to do the trick. Only, instead of Alice to contend with, it was Jasper and Emmett and almost instinctively, he began practicing the mental exercises that Carlisle had created for him almost a century ago. The less he had to hear of either of their minds, the better.

"Aw, son of a bitch! Edward! Git back where you came from, now – before I lose six hundred dollars." Emmett dropped the video game controller he'd been holding and flicked his hands at Edward irritably. "Git! Go on! If you git back in there in the next ten seconds, we can agree that it is a draw, since you came out of your cave but didn't stay out."

Jasper abruptly looked away from the massive television, both outrage and amusement on his face. "Oh, no you don't! I won this one fair and square, hoss! Little Boy Blue is standing right here, glarin' two holes in us, which means he came all the way out of his sunroom, which in turn means he has come out of his cave completely. I reckon that means you need to pony up my spoils. I'd like them in tens and twenties, please."

Emmett looked sullen, but still determined. "No, I reckon we should have a time limit. He has to stay out of his cave for a certain amount of time and then it's official."

"Boy, you'd better give me my money and stop tryin' to cheat me." Jasper laughed. Without warning, he sprang up, as blindingly fast as a strike of lightening, and was suddenly standing across the room beside Emmett. He shoved the brawny vampire so roughly that Emmett tumbled out of the bar stool he'd been sitting on and dropped the glass of dark-red blood he'd been drinking out of. "Be warned, hoss, that tryin' to cheat me will only end in you getting yer ass kicked."

Emmett looked up at Jasper, a splash of blood streaking across his face from his upended cup, and he smiled with vicious glee. "Okay, I'll give you your money. But, let's wrassle for it. Double or nothing, best two out of three!"

The quake that rocked the floor as Jasper tackled Emmett with a ferocious roar reminded Edward of an earthquake they'd experience once, while living in Los Angeles. He opened his mouth to chastise his coven brothers for being so rowdy – but, before he could, Esme's firm yell echoed through the house like the peal of a bell tower.

"Boys! Whatever you're doing so high up in the house to cause the whole damned house to shake – stop it. I'm not in the mood to explain to the humans next door what caused a structural emergency such as having to replace an entire floor of the house."

Edward couldn't help the slight grin at his coven mother's admonishment. Esme adored the masquerade of a wife and mother and wherever they settled, she quickly made friends from their neighbors with her warm and loving personality. He doubted the neighbors would be overly curious about contractors coming in and out of the house, given how frequently humans renovated and updated their homes. But, Esme was always paranoid that the slightest thing could reveal their immortality and out them as vampires – and it was a fear that made her sterner than usual, in this home that was so close to so many human neighbors.

As expected, Esme was ignored – but, Edward did note that the next time Emmett flipped Jasper and tried to pin him to the floor, the shudder that resounded through the floor was nowhere near as violent as before. Jasper knew how to break a fall, how to skillfully make their bodies collide with the floor with the least possible impact.

"What finally rooted you out of your hole, little brother?" Emmett asked, as he ducked from Jasper's determined attempt to get him in a headlock. "I wanna know if my betting skills were on point."

Edward looked down, glaring at the fresh wave of self-loathing that washed over him as he thought of his coven sister. "Alice."

Emmett crowed with laughter. "Ha! I told you, Jas! I told you out of all of us, it'd be yer woman who is aggravating enough to ferret our eternally mopey little brother from his coffin."

"Watch yourself, now, hoss!" Jasper struggled with impressive strength to find that one pocket of opportunity he needed to get from out of Emmett's merciless hold – but, his brutal smile showed he was having as much fun as Emmett was. "I'll have you know that my missus is not aggravatin' in the least, thank you kindly. She is the most charming thing I've ever been blessed to lay mine eyes upon and it was that charm that rooted our brother out of his hole. Ain't that right, Eddie?"

Edward rolled his eyes. "Don't call me that, Jasper – thank you kindly." He shifted uncomfortably as he thought about what had actually brought him out of the sunroom for the first time in months. "Emmett actually had the right of it. She is aggravating and if she weren't, I would still be in there. Not out here, watching you all be uncivilized savages and try and destroy our parents' home."

"Ah, hush yer face, Eddie," Emmett grunted dismissively, then snarled with playful anger as Jasper finally broke his hold. He sounded strangely breathless as Jasper flipped him with ferocious growl and pressed his face into the floor. His words were muffled, but Edward understood the gist of it, as Emmett wondered, "What'd she do to you, huh? I want good imagery to laugh over as I'm enjoying my twelve hundred bones to do what I wish with!"

Edward didn't immediately answer and instead wandered over to the wide casement window that dominated the back wall of the loft. The window provided a view down into their sizeable backyard, and Edward was startled to note that the space was lush and thriving with growth. Esme's beloved vegetable garden was bursting with rows of vegetables that she grew to cook and create homecooked meals, and Edward felt another twist of self-loathing. He honestly had been brooding and tucked away in the solarium for months, because the last he remembered – an unusually cold winter had crippled Esme's garden and had given her cause to worry that a lot of her plants wouldn't survive until spring. That had been six months ago, if his birthday was near and the verdant, fertile landscape of the backyard was anything to go by.

"Well? You gonna tell us or what?"

"She picked a fight with me about my birthday and we got into an argument," Edward offered, sullenly.

Abruptly, Jasper stilled, and all amusement swiftly drained from his face. Edward couldn't help the uneasy feeling that unfurled in the pit of his stomach, as Jasper looked up and pierced him with predatory, burnt-gold eyes. His eyes were nearly dark, a warning that he was beginning to thirst and previous experience had shown them all that Jasper was more ill-tempered than usual when he had gone too long without feeding.

"What'd you mean an argument? What'd you do to her? Is she alright?"

Emmett carefully switched his hold from that of playfully wrestling to that of restraint. There was no telling exactly how Jasper would react to hearing anything about Alice that was not care and praise, but Emmett could at least keep hold of him long enough to diffuse anything violent, if things unexpectedly took a nasty turn.

Edward refused to turn around and look at Jasper, but he could hear the older vampire's bursts of blistering thoughts, breaking through his mental shields like a punch to the throat.

- hasn't been a good week for her, if you'd done something to her, boy – you'll regret – rip you to pieces, you sonofabitch -

Edward shrugged his shoulders, hoping it looked like a vague shrug instead of the instinctive reaction to chills going down his spine. Jasper had been feral when he had joined their coven, back in the 1950s, and Carlisle and Esme had labored with the deepest of loves to get him to a place where he was able to enter human society as a disciplined vampire who respected human life, instead of a predatory half-animal who fed indiscriminately on whatever called to his thirst. It had taken at least a decade to transform Jasper from a wild and unrestrained predator to someone resembling a being who'd previously been human. But, there were still moments, all these decades later, where the feral predator broke through the redemptive vampire and it never failed to scare Edward. Jasper had killed not only hundreds of humans but also an equal number of vampires, as well – and, when it came to Alice, Edward knew for a fact that he would easily, thoughtlessly kill again.

"She is alright, I guess." Edward murmured grumpily. "I'm the one who had a headache – a headache that shouldn't even be possible, because we're vampires. Alice is that annoying that she makes the physical impossibly possible!"

Jasper was still a moment longer, his thoughts tumbling around in a dark surge for a few second longer. But, between one blink and the next, he was grinning again, and the dark undercurrent retreated from the immediate surface of his mind. Edward heard a brief – bastard'll never see it coming – before Jasper swung downwards mightily and smacked Emmett sharply in the face.

"Sonofabitch!"

The tense moment passed completely. Jasper and Emmett were wrestling in earnest, the floor trembling hard enough to seem as though it were vibrating, and while one of their beloved game consoles felt victim to their cheerful aggression, they were at least careful to not damage anything else. Edward eyed the mangled heap of metal and plastic with disdain and wondered if pointing out its destruction would be enough to get his coven brothers to settle down. He didn't have to decide, however, for before he could do anything, a sharp bang sounded on the stairwell and Carlisle appeared without warning.

"Boys! I'm sure you heard when your mother asked you – Edward."

The surge of guilt Edward felt as he heard his coven father speak his name with such pure joy and relief – it was enough to make him feel nauseous. Alice, as much as he hadn't wanted to hear it, had been right when she'd pointed out how horribly selfish it had been of him to simply drop his part of their coven's masquerade and bury himself in the sunroom.

Carlisle had worked so hard and so tirelessly to be sure that their masquerade in Houston was seamless. It was becoming more and more difficult for their kind to masquerade as humans in this increasingly technological society, where everything was interconnected and there were steadily dwindling pockets of blindness and human error for them to take advantage of. The days of hopping from town to town in the night, disappearing from one community as one family and turning up in another community as another – those were long gone. Now, when their coven wanted to move, it took months of preparation and planning, weeks of around-the-clock activity to ensure that they were moving as flawlessly as possible within human society. There were documents to be forged, paper trails to create, a masquerade to perfect and practice until it was their instinctive nature outside of their home. Soon enough, in the age of fingerprinting and the digitizing of every facet of human life, their coven would run out of places to go and masquerades to live out within America – and, they would have to look towards another part of the world to continue masquerading in. The possibility had been discussing often over the past couple of years, the general agreement that they would have to let decades pass before returning to America, before they could come back and attempt to masquerade as humans again. There had been plans and preparations for fleeing to another country, if they were revealed here in America, and Edward knew that Carlisle spent countless hours in his study, worrying over the possibility.

Someone asking the natural questions about the abrupt disappearance of Anthony Hale was enough to make them vulnerable to being outed, enough to force their hand and put pressure on them to have to leave America, if it came down to it.

And, Edward hadn't thought about or cared about any of this, when he'd had his fit of temper back over the Christmas holidays. A fit of temper that had swiftly and nastily morphed into a bout of depression that had lasted for months.

He hadn't once considered what a burden this would be on his coven or how they would have to sacrifice to cover the sudden hole he'd ripped in their collective masquerade. He hadn't cared about the pressure this was putting on his coven parents, the leaders of their family and the ones who bore most of the weight that came with masquerading as humans. Edward hadn't even considered it, any of the times that Esme had come to bring him his blood, because he'd refused to leave the sunroom to hunt. Nor had he thought twice about it in those quiet morning hours, when Carlisle would return home from working an overnight shift at the medical center and would come to gently talk with him to see if there was anything he could do to help bring Edward out of his slump.

Edward had scarcely thought of anything but the dark and poisonous vortex of his own sorrow and anger –

And, he did not deserve the kindness nor the love that was radiating from Carlisle's surging thoughts, as his coven father walked towards him with a blinding smile.

"Son." Carlisle said, simply and meaningfully. "I'm so happy to see you here with your brothers. How are you?"

Edward swallowed heavily against the feeling of his throat tightening. He would not let the prickling behind his eyes turn into anything at all, because it was completely unnecessary to be this emotional and this overwhelmed with feeling. "I'm alright, I guess, Father. And you?"

Carlisle glanced at Jasper and Emmett, who were locked together and snarling so viciously, they seemed more like wildcats than vampires. "I'd be better if your brothers weren't agitating your Mother into a temper. They've been more careless lately and she in turn has had less patience with them. I'm sure you heard her dulcet tones a few moments ago – and that is about the tenth time today she's had to chastise them about their exuberance."

"We fixed the bannister within – like, what d'you say, Jas – an hour or so after we broke it." Emmett grunted, as Jasper flipped him and pinned him all in one swift move. "She wouldn't have even known it were broke if you t'weren't in a tattlin' mood, Pa."

Carlisle gave Emmett a look that was both amused and withering. "The willful destruction of my house is an excellent reason to be in a tattling mood, as you put it, son." He rolled his eyes fondly, ignoring whatever argument Emmett had to return, and focused on Edward with a gentle smile. His touch was fatherly, affectionate, and full of all of the understanding that Edward loved most about him, as Carlisle asked, "Seriously, son – how are you? How do you feel? I'm very pleased to see you've come out of your music room, but I'd be remiss if I didn't emphasize how concerned we've been at how long you've been in there."

Edward cleared his throat, trying not to lean too much into Carlisle's touch. He had never known a father's love or concern in his beforelife and each time Carlisle offered the unexpected nurturing of a sire, Edward struggled not to respond like a desperate, starved child. "If I'm being honest, Father – I haven't been too well. Not for a while. But, I swear, I didn't mean for it to go on this long. I thought – I wanted – I was trying to –"

The words are becoming stuck in his throat, struggling to push past the immense embarrassment and self-loathing he felt at how he'd allowed his emotions to spin so far out of his control. He wanted to apologize, he wanted to defend himself, he wanted to explain his behavior, he wanted to say nothing because he didn't have to explain himself. It was a rare moment when his mind was his own, if only because the tumult and torrent of emotions overwhelming him at the moment gave little room for anyone else's current of thoughts.

"Father, I'm sorry," murmured Edward and it was all that he could say. Nothing else coherent would be able to push past the heaviness of shame that was making his chest tight. "I only wanted a couple of weeks to sort through my feelings, to think about a couple of things – and, I just – I just – I don't know what happened. I'm sorry."

Carlisle nodded. His bright gold eyes were burning with the understanding and forgiveness of the vicar he had been in his beforelife, a gentle lack of judgement making Edward feel humbled and undeserving all at once. "It's alright, son. Esme and I understand more than you think we do, and we know you'd never do anything maliciously to cause our coven trouble. Tonight, your mother and I will go with you to hunt, and we'll talk about everything. All is well, son – and it if isn't, it soon will be."

You'd do well to listen to Papa. He knows what he's talking about when it comes to these things – trust me, I know for a fact that he knows what he's talking about.

Edward flinched as Jasper's clear and sharp voice cut across his mental shields like ribbons and looked down at Jasper with a glare. Somehow, Jasper and his Gift were able to breeze in and out of his mind almost at will, neatly sidestepping the careful barriers that Edward had spent days and months practicing and fortifying. The pair of them had an uneasy truce, an unspoken agreement that they would do their best not to use their Gifts on one another purposefully – Edward would do his best to deliberate avoid entering Jasper's mind and Jasper would refrain to the best of his ability to not weave and arrange Edward's emotional body to suit his own will. There were very few moments when Jasper deliberately ignored this silent agreement, and Edward was embarrassed and annoyed that Jasper picked this moment – a moment when he was more vulnerable and sensitive than usual – to encroach upon his mental space.

"Fair enough, I apologize," grunted Jasper, acutely feeling the sharp spike in Edward's emotions and accurately interpreting the shift in his mood. "All I'm meaning to say is – there's nothin' wrong with needing to take a break and step back from the masquerade. I reckon it gets to be a lot, sometimes, all this pretending to be a human when we know we're not. There are times when I'm still affected by how long I was feral, before the coven, and when I get to feelin' like that – well, I just have to step back and take a bit to reorient myself. And, as Papa has told me plenty of times – there's nothin' wrong with needing to step back, if that's what's ultimately best for you."

The smile that Carlisle gave Jasper could only be described as beatific. His Midas-gold eyes were practically glowing, as he looked back to Edward, and gripped his coven son's shoulders with love and encouragement. "Your brother is exactly right, Edward. That is the exact reason why we could never be angry with you, when moments like this happen – because we understand, son. We all understand and don't blame you for a second for becoming overwhelmed by the pressures of masquerading in our past humanity."

Emmett sighed, heavily. He had Jasper twisted up similar to what one would expect an origami crane to look like, and abruptly, he dropped his hold on Jasper and allowed the leaner, older vampire to drop to the floor without warning. "Ah, geez. If y'all are going to be waxing all philosophical and gettin' all intellectual, I'm going downstairs and gettin' away from all of this."

"Sure thing, hoss," snickered Jasper, springing to his feet with all the deadly grace of a serpent. "We wouldn't want to tax yer simplistic mental faculties by using such big words for such long periods of time, you know."

Emmett growled playfully and took a swipe at Jasper, the pair scuffling briefly before Emmett bounded from the room, calling for Rosalie and Esme in a cheerfully savage roar. Undoubtedly, he was going to report on Edward's unexpected emergence and complain good-naturedly about losing his apparent longstanding bet with Jasper. Carlisle smiled indulgently at Emmett, the warm curve of his lips lingering as he gripped Edward's shoulders reassuringly, once more.

"In all seriousness, son – we're your coven, your family. We are walking in this immortal life together, as a unit. We are all only as strong as our weaknesses and if there is a particular weakness that you're having trouble with, please tell us and we'll help you as best we can." Carlisle was more earnest that Edward could ever remember seeing him, as he added, "If there is anything you need, son, I promise that your mother and I will do our best to accommodate you. Anything at all!"

- maybe this isn't working anymore – a new cycle would be best – we've been pushing our luck here anyway – time to start somewhere new -

Edward blinked, as Jasper's mental current swayed into his mind again. "Yes, I think so, too."

Carlisle frowned. "Come again, son?"

"Jasper said it might be time to move on – and – well, yes. I think so, too."

Carlisle looked between the two of them, curious as ever at the unspoken communication that was capable when Edward utilized his Gift. "Jasper?"

Jasper shrugged his lean shoulders thoughtfully, bouncing on the heels of his feet as he elaborated on the fragments of thoughts that Edward had heard. "I mean, it wasn't a literal suggestion – just a thought. We've been here since the summer of 2008, goin' on ten years now. Edward is finished with high school, Alice only has a couple of years left, and Rose and I just graduated from undergrad. This would be a good opportunity to end our masquerade here and start somewhere new, I reckon…"

Carlisle nodded, equally thoughtful. "You're quite correct, son, once again. This is an ideal time to make the transition into a new masquerade – and maybe that is what's needed, what's necessary. What are your thoughts on this, Edward?"

Edward forced himself to pause and not erupted into a fervent agreement that would border upon begging. As soon as he had pieced together the fragments of Jasper's thoughts, the idea had taken hold in his mind and was wildly growing and expanding. He had not done so well, this very first cycle of his indefinite adolescence, and the catalyst of it had been rather embarrassing. He had wanted to show his coven that he was able to carry his weight and bear the burden of the new shift in his role in their human masquerade – and while he had started off strong, the past few months had shown that he had cracked under the pressure completely and would have a hard time recovering anew in this same masquerade.

To begin a new masquerade, in another city, another state, another part of the country – Edward could admit that it would do him well. He had stumbled and suffered through this initial masquerade and as much as Carlisle claimed the coven held no ill will towards him, Edward would soon discover just how much he had upset the balance of their coven with his abrupt downswing into depression. He didn't think he could take up the masquerade of Anthony Hale again, knowing how badly he had failed at it and how much trouble he had invariably caused his coven because of it.

"Well, I don't feel as though I have any right to ask anything of any of you, after how I've acted – but, if given the choice, then I feel like my answer would be yes." The doubt in his voice hardly reflected the instant conviction he'd felt at the thought of moving on, but Edward supposed that contrition was in order. He honestly didn't deserve to make any demands or requests of his coven, considering the ill grace he'd been existing with for the past few months. But, if there was an opportunity to be relieved of this constant reminder of his spectacular failure to cope, Edward wouldn't entirely deny himself the chance to take it. "I want make another attempt at the masquerade, but I want to start over again, to be given another chance."

Carlisle's eyes softened, and he pulled Edward into a rough, abrupt embrace. "Of course, Edward. You will always be given another chance in our family, because that's what this coven is about – forgiveness and understanding, supporting one another when we feel we aren't strong enough to support ourselves. We know you've had a hard time of things this particular cycle and nobody would hold it against you if you felt you needed a fresh start somewhere else."

The unwavering strength and love in Carlisle's embrace was enough for Edward to give in completely to the overwhelming rush of emotions in his mind. Gratitude for Carlisle's mercy flooded through him as he returned his coven father's embrace fiercely.

He knew it would take several months of discussion and planning, a careful examination of choices and options, and plenty of preparation to organize a new masquerade – but, Edward would welcome the tedium and complications of constructing a new masquerade gladly, if it meant that he would be freed from the embarrassing failure of this one.

Decades had passed since he had felt so much conviction behind a decision and he hoped that this wild and unexpected fragment of thought he had snagged in passing from Jasper's mind would manifest itself into reality. He needed this, more than he could possibly explain –

And this time, when they began this new masquerade, Edward promised he would commit to it fully and see it through until the natural end. Wherever their coven relocated and began their new masquerade, he would participate fully, and he would allow himself to experience whatever challenges that their masquerade presented with an open mind – because this was his new lot in his immortal life and there was little he could do but except it and excel at it as best he could.


Edward makes his decision, and –

Two thousand five hundred miles away, in a rust-red home on the western edge of the Quileute Reservation, the bathroom light comes on and a scream tears through the eerie silence of the house.

Edward makes his decision, and –

Two thousand five hundred miles away, in a powder-blue house on Perry Street in Forks, the phone rings and the Chief of Police wakes up instantly as he hears hysterical sobbing on the other end of the line.

Edward makes his decision, and –

Fifteen hundred miles away, in a two-story house on near Camp Pendleton, the house phone rings with an emergency waiting on the other end but the married couple who are tangled passionately in each other's embrace don't hear it.

Edward makes his decision, and –

Two floors below him, in the sun-drowned solarium that has previously been his refuse, Alice blinks somewhat dazedly as half-formed visions begin tickling the edges of her mind and Jasper showers her with dozens and dozens of kisses per second – offering love-infused praise and delight for flawlessly helping him engineer the first step to manifesting the selected outcome of his decision to move on.


(Author's Note: Thank you all for your lovely reviews. I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts on my writing.

To answer a question posed in one of the reviews - I labeled this fic's sub-genre as Horror and gave it a tag of Darkfic for a reason, so expect plenty of nasty curveballs from our protagonists that you'd never see in canon. Jasper is already cutting quite the disturbing figure and it will only increase from here, so hold onto your britches and be prepared to see a lot of unpleasant things from our resident empath. Meyer had so much wonderful raw material for exploring the darkness and downsides of being a vampire and she just...never touched on it. Mentioned it and talked about it, sure. But, there was never a moment where you saw or felt the darkness that would come from being the creature she wants us to believe her vampires are. That's another reason for me creating an AU where I age the characters into adulthood - because there are a lot of dark themes and nuances to being an immortal Meyerpire that will be fun and challenging to explore and there is not much room to explore them when you're telling your story with a cast of adolescents.

Next chapter starts us getting more into the action and pace after this slower, more character-driven chapter that gives you an idea of how I'm approaching this AU - so, please stay tuned and let me know what you think!)