As I walk through the Metrocourt I can't help but remember the night we were held at gunpoint. Jerry Jax, Daniel Craig…whatever his name is. Villain Number One. I'll never forget the fear of everyone around me. Even Carly and Sam were afraid. I really don't know as much about their feelings. I was with Coop.

Coop. If anything good came out of something so horrific it was Coop.

After seducing Lucky away from Elizabeth I did not think I would ever want a relationship. I tried so hard with him, enticing him with pills that seemed all too easy to get. Then he was so easy to manipulate. The challenge was over and in the end it was fun making Elizabeth and Lulu's life miserable….. that seemed to make me happy. Then one day it came to a halt. After my overdose I seemed to grow a conscious, and for the life of me I will never understand Georgie's willingness to forgive Lulu for getting knocked up with her husband's baby.

But I do understand. It was Georgie. I still feel guilty about being the one left behind. She was the good sister. The one that deserved the best life had to offer. She gave me everything I never had…a mother figure, second chance after second chance. She knew I was bad, that I was wrong to the core; yet she would never give up hope that I could be something. She saved me. The Text Message Killer wanted me and she saved me. Just like B.J. gave her heart to me, I gave mine to Georgie. When she died, so did my soul.

Coop. I betrayed him. Lied to him. I was so consumed with vengeance for Lulu that I wanted Logan. He was not at all cute compared to Coop. But there was a sexy scandalous side that made me want to have him just to prove that I could. One track mind with me. It didn't matter that I hurt the one man who I could have and should have spent a really long time with. Lulu would get hers. She did, and I did. Coop died for the same reason Georgie did. That reason being……. there was no reason.

I wonder if Georgie would be happy that I am marrying Spinelli. She loved Spinelli and saw the best in him, just like she saw the best in me. I also wonder if she would think that I am hiding behind my true feelings, betraying Spinelli. She knew I thought he was weird. While we share something great, there is a part of me that maybe longs for my sister and the closeness we shared; it makes Spinelli's proposal a little more bearable.

DING! Why do elevator noises interrupt my thought patterns? Oh wow, my shoes aren't ruined, but lesson learned….rain boots can NOT be left at work again. They have to go back into the car.