1.
There was, of course, one small roadblock to finding a girlfriend for Sheldon. He already had one.
Penny saw Leonard walking into their building and ran to catch up with him.
"Hey, Penny. What's up?"
"I need to talk to you about Sheldon."
"I'll have him come over later and apologize."
"Apologize for what?"
"Oh. I'm sorry, usually conversations that start with 'I need to talk to you about Sheldon' end with me making Sheldon apologize."
Penny saw the logic. She was taking Sheldon shopping later that evening, no doubt there would be something for Sheldon to apologize for after they'd spent a few hours together.
"Sheldon and Amy..."
"You mean Shamy?" laughed Leonard
"Amy made her feelings on that term pretty clear," Penny said remembering the strange woman's strange vehemence on the subject, "Are they still just friends? Is he available?"
"Available for what?"
"A date. I met this really great girl shooting my commercial..."
"And you think she should date Sheldon? What did she ever do to you?"
"She's really tall and really smart and really pretty..." Penny began but Leonard looked increasingly dubious, "and she's kind of weird and abrasive. And she calls the first Star Trek series TOS."
Leonard tilted his head thoughtfully.
"I know it's crazy, Leonard, but I just have this feeling that they would be good together," Penny added enthusiastically before another troublesome thought flitted into her head, "Assuming, of course, that he likes women."
Leonard laughed, "I have lived with the man for seven years and I'm not sure. That can't bode well for your friend. Not to mention, I'm his best friend in the world and he can barely tolerate my presence..."
"That's not true..."
"Well, that's what he said to me over breakfast this morning. It kind of hurt my feelings."
"Do you think Sheldon has romantic feelings for Amy? Yes or no?"
"I honestly don't know, Penny. I've tried to talk to him about it but he's pretty skittish. Observing them together, I don't think there's much chemistry."
"Great, he's free."
"On the other hand..."
"Ugh! Why can't you just give me a straight answer?"
"I'm a professional thinker, Penny. This is how we roll."
2.
"Name that integer?"
"No."
"Pop culture science?"
"No."
"Shiny things?"
"I don't want to play one your stupid car games, Sheldon!"
"I've gone to a lot of effort to create games suitable to your intellect..."
"Just because I'm not a genius doesn't mean I'm an idiot."
"Of course not. One does not necessarily follow the other."
Insult or not? Who cares?
"So, Sheldon, how are things with your girlfriend?"
"She's not my girlfriend! She's a friend that's..."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you aren't dating. Does that mean you're available?"
"Available for what?"
"A date. With a girl."
"I have no interest in engaging..."
"If a beautiful sexy blonde asked you on a date and you said yes, would you feel you were betraying Amy?"
Sheldon was openly baffled, "I'm sure AMY would not feel betrayed by such an occurrence but..."
"Great! That is all I needed to hear, Sweetie!" Penny exclaimed, thoughtlessly giving Sheldon's leg a friendly squeeze.
He was silent the rest of the way home. He kept staring at his leg, where Penny had squeezed. Penny assumed he was concerned about a bruise from being manhandled. Whackadoodle.
