Shock kept him immobile as her words echoed through his head.
I hope this doesn't change anything between us.
A whirling maelstrom of emotions flooded him and he felt suddenly very ill. Confusion, hurt, sadness, despair, anger; they all spiralled inside of him. And still he stood there, staring at her door.
He'd thought he could read her like a book; Sakura had always worn her heart on her sleeve. There had been interest in her eyes as she tried to seduce him. It had been a mission for him, but his mission was just to not give in. His feelings, his actions had been real.
Had hers?
Had he really known her as well as he thought? Perhaps she was far more conniving than he had given her credit for. Perhaps his innocent Sakura was no more.
He had never thought Sakura capable of such duplicity. Evidently she was well and truly prepared for seduction missions.
Tsunade will be pleased, he thought sardonically.
He turned from the door, and suddenly felt the weight of his years settle on his shoulders. He felt old, and tired, and so very, very alone. Nearly every person he had cared about had died, had slipped through his fingers and turned to ash. How ironic that the more painful blow was one of the people he had dared to let in had betrayed him.
How had it come to this?
He did admit, falling for his student, 14 years his junior, was a bad move. He hadn't ever planned on doing anything about it. Sweet little Sakura, in love with Sasuke, was far too good and pure for a perverted old man like him.
Yet, he had hoped. Beyond all reason, he had hoped.
Kakashi took up drinking, and days and missions began to blur together. It didn't really stop him from thinking about Sakura, but it took the edge off the pain. That was something, at least.
It didn't take her long to realise that he was avoiding her.
Currently he was hiding in the forest surrounding Konoha, pretending to read Jiraiya-sama's latest book while actually tracking her chakra signature around the village as she presumably searched for him.
She was getting pretty persistent. The places she was checking told him that she probably had help from a few of his friends.
Speaking of friends.
'Yo,' Kakashi said lazily, keeping his eye trained on the page before him.
Genma stood at the base of the tree, looking up at him.
'You look like shit, Kashi,' Genma returned cheerfully. 'Pinky sure did a number on you, huh?'
Kakashi ignored this.
I hope this doesn't change anything between us. Too bad Sakura, it changed everything.
'You know she's looking for you?' Genma asked, unperturbed.
'Obviously,' Kakashi said, indicating with a flick of his hand his current obscure hiding place in the middle of the forest that surrounded Konoha.
'It won't be too long til she finds you. She asked Tsunade to give her extra training in sensing chakra,' Genma informed him, amusement dancing in his brown eyes. Kakashi scowled.
Persistent little kunoichi. Why won't she let it go?
It was just a mission.
Wasn't it?
'It doesn't matter, really. She hasn't learnt my chakra signature yet,' Kakashi said dismissively, his eyes trained on the book in his hands.
'No, not yours,' Genma said, a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth, 'but did I mention that I've been playing hide and seek with Sakura all day? For her training, of course.'
Kakashi swore, jumping high into the air as the tree he had been perched in so comfortably was hit with a powerful force, crashing to the ground. Looking down, he groaned inwardly as he saw Sakura standing beside Genma. They both watched him as he gracefully landed on a new branch.
'Found you, Kakashi,' Sakura said, her voice light, as if this was another one of the games they played during training.
This was a game, but one of a completely different sort. It was far more adult, far more serious. Yet her green eyes held none of the lightness of her voice, they were steady and piercing. Perhaps she appreciated the levity of this more than he had thought.
Standing next to Genma, her gloved fists clenched at her sides, her cropped pink hair waving slightly in the wind, her mouth set in a grim expression, she looked so grown up, like she could hold her own against the world.
Despite himself, his heart fluttered a little. It didn't feel so forbidden, to love a strong, beautiful young woman, a kunoichi in her own right.
This thought took him down the wrong road, and he remembered the sinking feeling in his stomach as her door shut in his face. He steeled himself, set his shoulders, and jumped down to the ground.
'Sakura,' he said, his voice guarded.
She smiled at him, her fake smile for smoothing over awkward situations, and he sighed inwardly. He was getting too old for this give and take between a man and woman. Things had been simpler when he was younger.
'You've been avoiding me,' she said mildly.
He nodded, seeing little point in denying it. Genma looked at him with a wry smile, saluted him and then disappeared, presumably back to Konoha. Now there were alone.
She dropped the smile, and now he could see the vulnerability seeping back into her body.
'Why?' She asked, her eyes now avoiding his, looking everywhere but his face.
Kakashi sighed deeply.
'It was a mission, Sakura. I was someone for you to practice on, that's all it was.'
'That's all?' Sakura asked, a little bravely.
'All it was allowed to be. I was not allowed to give in,' he explained, shifting uncomfortably as he remembered all of the threats that Tsunade had made against his career, his life, and his manhood.
Sakura considered his answer carefully, her gaze once again meeting his steadily. Slowly, she took a step forward, and then another. They were only a pace apart. Suddenly the air between them was electric, and Kakashi swallowed, his mouth running dry.
'Did you want to?' She spoke in a low, inviting voice, and again Kakashi was starkly reminded of how much she had grown up. Not so long ago, Sakura would have fled at his first response, if she had even searched for him this long. She had become determined and confident. It was alluring in the extreme.
Still, did he answer her, and tell her the truth? It was risky. Even if she wanted him, that was not a guarantee that she would stand against her master's wrath for him. She might be the second Tsunade, but even Sakura bowed to the Hokage's wishes.
He wanted her, wanted to give in, but there was so much to lose. Yet, as he looked at her and saw the woman she had become, he felt his heart fill with longing. Longing for unrequited love finally returned, longing for a lover and a friend to stand by him through the hardships that come with being a trained assassin, longing for the marriage and children that might one day come from this, though that was far in the future if it even was a possibility. Longing for the light and love that had long been denied him.
'Yes,' he finally answered, setting his shoulders. He was a man, and he would fight to be with the woman he loved, even against the scariest woman he had ever met.
She nodded, again considering him carefully, weighing up the pros and cons in her mind as he just had. Her eyes held a faraway look, and he studied them while she thought. What would he do if she walked away from him now, if she decided he wasn't worth it? He wouldn't be surprised really, he was an old man, and a fool to boot, always surrounded by the ghosts of his fallen team mates.
Sakura turned and began to walk away, and his heart sunk down to his ninja issued sandals. Apparently, she had made up her mind. Still, he would seek answers for this dismissal. Having come so close to having her, he found he was not quite ready to give up this dream.
Kakashi fell into step beside her, keeping her brisk easily. He had put his book away, and did not bother pulling it out again. Somehow, he knew that Sakura would appreciate his full attention right now.
'Where are you going?' He asked, mildly frustrated that he could no longer read his young apprentice so well. She had learnt to hide her surface thoughts, so that they did not appear on her face for all to decipher. It was a good thing for a young, pretty kunoichi like her, but it made her far more unpredictable, something he has not used to seeing from her.
'I'm going to buy twenty cats and become an old spinster who waves a stick at the kids on her lawn,' Sakura told him, quite seriously.
'Cats?' He asked, the disgust evident in his tone. Didn't Sakura know how inferior cats were to dogs? Did she not realise how weird and smelly and rubbish cats were, and twenty of them? Unthinkable. Kakashi scowled, and Sakura began laughing immediately.
'Really?' She asked when she had calmed down a little. 'What you objected to in that scenario was the fact that I chose having cats over having dogs?'
He considered this, and felt foolish when he realised she had just been teasing him. Kakashi cleared his throat, glad she could not see his blush.
'Right, well, where are you really going?' Kakashi prodded her for information.
'I'm going to talk to Tsunade,' Sakura said, and now there was a wicked twinkle in her eye.
He didn't respond; too busy trying to imagine how this conversation would go. Every scenario played out in his mind, many of them ending with his rather painful and messy death.
Sakura turned away from Kakashi, seeing that he was lost in thought and frowning deeply. She felt wary around him, for all her bravado in hunting him down. It had only taken her a few days to realise that his avoidance was something more than Kakashi just being busy.
Somehow, she had hurt the copy ninja that night. Sakura had realised that perhaps he had not been pretending at all, and his actions had been just as genuine as her own had been.
I hope this doesn't change anything between us.
How could she have said that? It had made what had been growing between them seem cheap and fake, as if it really had been a mission, as if she was truly capable of detaching her emotions from something so intimate.
She was determined to make this right, to get Tsunade to release Kakashi from the mission so that they could try again, both knowing that this time it would be real.
As she reached the door to her mentor's office, Sakura paused and looked at Kakashi, her eyes searching his. Not that long ago she never would have considered having a relationship with this man, but something about the way he had treated her on that date had sparked her interest. Perhaps nothing would come from this, but she felt like they deserved the right to at least give it a try.
Still, she was nervous about facing Tsunade. Despite her urgings for grandbabies, Sakura could tell that Tsunade was determined that Kakashi would not have an easy road, in life and in love.
Sakura took a long, steadying breath and, gathering all of her courage, raised her hand and knocked twice on the Hokage's door. Almost immediately it was opened by Shizune and they were ushered in.
Tsunade studied the two of them carefully as they came to stand before her desk. Kakashi looked miserable and utterly pitiful, in a way that only a man could look. She knew that he had been avoiding Sakura for well over a week now, and that most likely he had been grappling with his attraction to the young kunoichi. There was no one more determined for Sakura to be young and happy than her old sensei, and also no one more determined that he was not the one to make her so.
He didn't seem to realise that he had little choice in the matter. At least one thing had gone right, Tsunade thought, her eyes sliding to her apprentice. Sakura had a determined set to her jaw, and her green eyes held a passionate fire. She had chosen Kakashi, and Tsunade doubted the old ninja would ever be free from her now.
Not that he would want to, Tsunade smirked. Poor thing was smitten. For a man who covered all but a sliver of his face, Kakashi was remarkably expressive. You only had to know him for a few years to be able to read his every thought from that one droopy eye.
'Well?' She barked, sullen now that he fun had been spoilt. Shizune had been adamant that this mission would end as soon as the two of them approached her. Silly woman had a soft heart, and hated to see anyone suffer, even brats like Kakashi.
'Tsunade-sama,' Sakura said respectfully, 'I would like you to withdraw Kakashi from his mission.'
Tsunade frowned and waited, to see if her apprentice would elaborate further. She didn't, and Tsunade felt a flame of respect light up in her chest for Sakura. It took a lot of guts for her to approach her mentor in such a way.
She let the silence drag on, enjoying the tension that built in the room. After a few minutes, Tsunade looked straight at Kakashi, her eyes burning into his. He paled, and Tsunade, now satisfied, burst out laughing.
'Granted,' she chuckled, and waved them out of her office.
The look on his face!
