AN: Thank you to ct522 for her beta support!

1 week after the cameras leave District 12

The three victors are leading entirely separate lives. They are not talking to each other.

ooo

Peeta is going to the bakery to work with his family each day. They are acting like nothing has changed. Well, except him moving out of the house. But he has changed, and trying to act like the old Peeta is painful beyond his imagining.

His brothers are chattering away about school, and about what their friends are doing, and about who is getting engaged, and acting like life is completely normal. And he guesses it is for them. They don't see dead bodies when they turn around too fast. They don't hear mutts running their way whenever there is a loud animal noise in the distance. They don't fear attack around every corner. (Will he ever really leave the Arena?) And they don't mourn for the love of their life, who was within reach, except she never was, and now he feels like a fool for being heartbroken over her.

And ignoring his mother is harder than ever before. Although he is fairly certain she will never try hitting him again. He didn't really hurt her when he grabbed the hand that was about to slap him, not more than a couple of small bruises worth (much less than she would have done, and has done to him previously), but he thought about doing more in return, and he knows that she knows that.

ooo

Katniss meets Gale in the woods to hunt on Sunday. She is acting like nothing has changed. Well, except her family moving to a new house with her, so they talk about that for a few minutes.

But Gale doesn't want things to be like they were before. He asks "So, what does Lover Boy think of you being out here with me? Doesn't he want to keep you all to himself, or does he actually think I'm your cousin?"

Katniss sighs. "That was all for the Games." (She wishes she could convince herself of that. Sometimes she almost can. This is one of those times.) "You know I never wanted that with anyone, but it got us sponsors, which we needed, and it got both of us home."

Gale looks at her for a moment. Katniss can't judge what he is thinking. Finally, he says "Well, if you're open to that kind of thing now..." and reaches for her, pulling her close as he kisses her.

Katniss is both surprised and expecting it. She doesn't fight the contact, not at first, but she doesn't return the kiss either. She notices that it feels different than when Peeta kisses her, but then again, she's usually much more invested in those. She finally draws back and tells him "I can't. Even if I wanted to, I can't".

Gale shrugs and says "I had to do it. We make a much better pair than you and Bread Boy, and you know it. It isn't that you can't. It might be that you won't, but you should at least be honest about it."

Katniss thinks bitterly that how she feels doesn't matter. Her never wanting any sort of a romantic relationship doesn't matter (And she isn't sure whether or not she'd want to be involved with Gale in that way, even if it was an option, even if she wanted a relationship, even if Peeta had never been in the picture.) . She must maintain her public relationship with Peeta. So she tells Gale "Really, I can't. I have no choice in this."

Gale scoffs. "And who decided that? That's one thing the Capitol doesn't take from us. It's always been our choice."

Katniss says "Not anymore. President Snow says this is the way things are now for me, and he made it very clear that you and Prim and my mother will suffer if I don't go along with it."

But Gale can't accept this, can't believe she won't (can't) just cut it off. He doesn't want to talk about it, so he changes the subject, asks about what direction they are heading next, keeps the talk to plans for checking the snares on a regular basis, and how the hunting has been recently.

Katniss thinks about the hunting she did in the arena. About the mutts. And the other tributes. And somehow this hunting now isn't as appealing, but she can't tell Gale any of that.

They hunt together. They walk back to the hob together. The easy feeling of friendship they've had for so long isn't there, and neither one of them is willing or able to do anything about it. Gale walks her home, but she doesn't ask him to come inside. He doesn't ask, either.

Peeta sees the two of them walking back together, and it just adds to the feelings of betrayal he's already nursing. He sees the not-so-cousinly interest in Gale's face. He misses (ignores) the frustration that's there with it. He doesn't even look at Katniss, and what her body language would say about the state of her relationship with Gale. The picture of them together is just one more image to mix into his nightmares.

Katniss arrives home, and her mother is right there.

"Katniss, there you are! I wish you wouldn't go out without telling me where you are going, and when you'll be back. And you really shouldn't keep going out beyond the fence. You don't need to do it anymore, and it isn't worth taking the risk."

She knows her mother is trying to make up for years of not being there for her, of neglecting the family, but this isn't working. It's overbearing and insulting. Her mother is treating her like she was still 11, and she feels much older than the 16 that the calendar says. The most ridiculous part is the insistence that she is too young to have a boyfriend. On the one hand, she is relieved at how this helped to cover the distance between her and Peeta for the cameras when they were here. On the other hand, she can't help but think that if she and Peeta could have had some time to talk alone over the past few weeks, that maybe they could have overcome this awkwardness between them, one that now seems to be set in stone.

Once she is alone in her room, Katniss sighs. She feels like she's let down both of her best friends by not committing her heart to either of them. She's a little angry that anyone would expect her to do so, but at the moment, she's mostly tired and sad. She's not sleeping at night, in an attempt to keep the nightmares away, and that is taking a toll on her body and mind.

ooo

Peeta isn't sleeping at night either. He attempts to escape the nightmares by wandering his house, which doesn't feel like home at all. He's angry with Katniss about the way things happened between them. Angry is less painful than heartbroken, and is much easier than trying to objectively think about what choice she really had. Most of all, he's very tired, tired of everything having to do with the Games, including himself.

ooo

Haymitch remains at least partially sober until the cameras leave, and not one day longer. By this time, he's largely forgotten he has not one but two success stories living nearby. He particularly doesn't think that they might still need some mentoring from him.


1 month after the cameras leave

Looking at Peeta from the outside, not much has changed for him in the last month. The only room in his new house that is in any way lived in is the one where he has set up his painting studio. He doesn't spend enough time in his bedroom to settle into it. He aimlessly wanders his halls at night instead. He thinks about baking sometimes, but that's what the bakery is for, right? He still goes to help almost every day, but baking there isn't as comforting as he'd thought it would be.

He goes to the bakery for the familiarity of the setting. He goes because the process of mixing the dough, of kneading the bread, of icing the cookies, all of those things soothe him, just for a minute. He goes in an attempt to reconnect with his father, who frowns at him when he thinks Peeta isn't looking, who worries about the changes in his sweet son, who changes the subject when Peeta brings up anything unpleasant. He goes in hopes of feeling something from his brothers, who were always affectionate in a boyish, physical, wrestling sort of way, but who now don't touch him at all.

Peeta almost stays away because of his mother. He hears what his mother says about him. She's very good- she talks just at the edge of his hearing, things he shouldn't hear her say. And of course she doesn't mean for him to hear them, she's talking to his father, his brothers, even customers that come in. It isn't constant, he starts to relax, thinking maybe today she'll be better, he'll be OK. He might even hear something that could be stretched to be considered supportive, understanding, maybe even loving. Then when he's not expecting it, he hears it, the one remark for that day, the one he's going to carry around with him, thinking about it.

"Why does Peeta condescend to come in here every day? You can just tell he thinks he's too good for us now. Of course, I'm sure there's no one around here up to his standards now."

"It's too bad all of Peeta didn't come back from the Capitol. I know it's only a piece of his leg that is gone, but now he seems like less of a man, or rather, of a boy."

"It's really too bad his friends don't come around to see him anymore. They are all much too busy with their own lives to make time for someone like him. Of course, I can understand why they feel that way."

"I hear that slut of a girlfriend of his is off fucking Gale Hawthorne in the woods while he mopes around here." (His rational mind says she isn't. He hasn't seen them together except that once, and he's pretty sure that there wasn't anything actually going on right then. Of course, Katniss has fooled him before.).

"I'd never thought any child of mine would end up as a murderer. We have more class than that." (So an adult beating a child with a rolling pin shows more class than defending yourself and the girl you love in a sadistic game set up by the Capitol?)

She couldn't possibly have meant him to hear these things, even though he was right there in the room. She's always known how to do maximum damage, only now it isn't physical.

Unfortunately, she's mostly right about his friends. (Does that mean she's right about the rest of it?) He's no longer the light-hearted, smiling boy they remember. He doesn't have school in common with them anymore. He can't participate in school athletics. His efforts to join in on pickup games aren't successful either- he's still not settled enough with his new leg, he's way too sensitive to sounds and motion, and he realizes quickly that his reactions to normal jostling/grabbing/physical contact are way out of proportion to the setting.

Delly still stops by his house and keeps him up to date on the current happenings of his peers, and he appreciates that more than he can say. There are some other girls, ones he never had any interaction with before, that have started hanging around the bakery, talking to him. They are full of suggestions about how they should go out some time. They make him very nervous.

Peeta had hoped that the pain, the nightmares, the anger, the humiliation from the Games would fade as time passed. He just has to look at Haymitch to see how unrealistic that thought is.

ooo

Looking at Katniss from the outside, not much has changed for her over the last month. She has to get out of her house. Her new house doesn't feel like home, not like her old house in the Seam (but she stops by there, and it isn't home anymore either).

The conflict between her and her mother is escalating, with her mom trying much too hard in some ways, but not actually doing any of the things that Katniss really could use from her (not that Katniss really understands what those are, either).

What she needs is a parent that will let her know that she's still the person that she's always been. Someone capable and strong, but also someone human. Katniss has been the strong one in the family for so many years. Maybe if her mother acknowledged that, Katniss would be able to accept some support for the weakness she feels when the nightmares come. As it is now, she tries to avoid sleep, but when she absolutely must, she tries to make sure she's as far from anyone else as possible, and she barricades the door to keep out threats as well as pity.

Katniss often doesn't even try to eat with the family at home, ever since her mother made a point of not saving any dinner for her one day when she came home later than usual. She grabs supplies to eat on the run while she's out. If she's home, if her mother asks her to join them, she will, otherwise she takes care of getting herself dinner, one way or another. She's getting better at cooking for herself. She doesn't feel bad about taking any leftover food in the kitchen. She also just gets soup from Sae at the Hob some days. Still, she is glad that her mother makes sure that Prim eats.

Katniss still goes into the woods to hunt most days. The only day she regularly skips going out into the wilderness is Sunday, when Gale will be out there, the only day he isn't in the mines. She doesn't know which she is more afraid of- that if she saw Gale in the woods, he would repeat their previous conversation (and his actions when they were talking), or that he wouldn't talk to her at all. He looks away from her on the rare occasions their paths cross in town. She misses the old Gale terribly. She misses the old Katniss just as much, and wonders if she'll ever be that person again.

Even when she is out, some days it's hard to shoot anything. It's not that she misses what she aims her bow at, it's that she's not always sure what she's going to hit. She shoots at a wild dog, and suddenly she sees a wolf mutt staring at her with eyes that don't belong to it. She shoots at a turkey, and suddenly sees a tribute in the arena. It happens after she's released the string of the bow, and some days the fear of what she's going to hit keeps her from aiming at all.

On those days, she spends more time foraging. She even finds a couple of plants she learned about in training before the Games that aren't in her father's plant book. She wonders if she could add them herself, but knows that any drawings she makes will be worthless to anyone else looking at them. Drawing is not a skill of hers.

She brings as much game to Hazelle as she will accept. They both know that Gale resents it, but he's too busy with his long hours in the mines to do much hunting, and Hazelle appreciates it, and supporting each other's families is part of the deal she and Gale made back when everything was different. Posy lets slip that Gale has been spending his evenings with a girl (or maybe more than one). Hazelle quickly changes the subject. Katniss tries to figure out if she cares. She decides the answer is no. She wonders if they can get back to being friends if Gale directs his romantic interests elsewhere. She reluctantly concludes that won't be the case, at least not yet.

She takes some of what Hazelle doesn't need to Greasy Sae at the Hob. She trades with others there as well, but it isn't a comfortable experience most of the time. Darius no longer tries to get her to trade rabbits for kisses. No one knows what to say to her. She's never really known what to say to them, and that's one thing that hasn't changed. Greasy Sae is the one exception. Just as she used to give Katniss a little more for her game than was strictly necessary, now she is willing to take a little more game than she actually pays for (Katniss would happily give it to her for free, but she knows that offer wouldn't be accepted) . Somehow she knows what to say, and what not to say. Somehow she understands that when Katniss trades game for a bowl of soup, she's really trading for a chance to sit and be normal for a little while. Katniss wonders if these moments, sitting and eating a bowl of soup and pretending that everything is just like it used to be, might be one of the only things keeping her small edge of sanity that remains.

Madge is another person that helps keep Katniss on solid footing. They actually spend more time together now than before she was reaped. Madge tries to teach Katniss to play the piano. Katniss is more successful at providing an audience for Madge's playing. They don't really talk to each other, but they never really did. Mostly, Madge treats Katniss like the same person she used to be, and that's all Katniss wants right now.

Katniss is afraid to talk to Prim. She is afraid of contaminating Prim with the death and destruction that surrounds her. At night, Prim and Rue merge into one person, and she's afraid of making this mistake during the day. Katniss sees that their mother has taken over mothering Prim (as she should have been doing all along) so she doesn't feel like she's abandoning her sister. She tells herself she's giving up the burden of parenting. Along with it, she gives up her primary motivation to fight.

Katniss and Peeta sometimes see each other coming and going, but rarely meet each other's eyes. Sometimes Katniss will try to wave at Peeta, or shout a greeting, but he doesn't respond. She wronged him, and he's not going to give in that easily.

Katniss doesn't want to deal with the situation either, and avoids seeing him when she can. She knows they need to reestablish the illusion of a relationship, but they have a little bit of an excuse with her mother, who thinks Katniss is too young for a boyfriend. They still should have some supervised time together, where people see that they are still a couple in love, just with an obstacle to deal with. Katniss thinks about trying to send someone else (her mom? Prim? Haymitch?) to talk to him, to invite him to dinner, but she really doesn't want to try to explain to anyone else why she needs an intermediary.

ooo

Haymitch emerges from his drunken stupor. He sits on his front porch for awhile each day. He watches what's happening, then goes back to drinking.