A/n Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.
Music starts next Chap.
I didn't have the luxury of shooting out of the classroom as fast as I could go; although, I had given it serious consideration, there was a fire door behind me. However, there were things to be taken care of for Dr. Peterson. I didn't look at the class as they filed out for fear that he would stay. I wanted him to stay but I also desperately wanted him to go. I really was pathetic for dwelling on him this way. I had most likely just been a distraction like all other distractions, and a human to boot. My time with him wouldn't matter so much, it had only been a few months, a mere blink of an eye to an immortal. He had to have forgotten all about me. Surely Alice had as well.
I focused on Dr. Peterson. He had very specific instructions as to what he wanted discussed in groups this week. In addition, there was some busywork that he needed done. I volunteered to take care of it; it was just a bunch of handouts to be printed. My goal was to make TA'ing easy for Andrew. I knew that he had a wife and a new baby at home and the highest divorce rate in the country belonged to graduate students. He seemed like a nice guy; I met his wife at the faculty/staff social the week before school started. It would be a shame if they were to split up.
I turned to gather my things and felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Is there something wrong?" Apparently I had not covered my emotional outburst as well as I thought. Dr. Peterson, my graduate advisor who recruited me from Florida, had noticed.
"No, we're good." I didn't meet his eyes.
"Good, there are a couple of students left on your side and we need to clear out for Professor Stevens. Would you mind taking care of it on your way out? There will be hell to pay if she doesn't get the room fifteen minutes before her class starts." He didn't wait for my response before grabbing his messenger bag and heading up the stairs. The man made me smile. He taught in Birkenstocks and khaki shorts with a Hawaiian shirt. It was a wonder he had a job.
I avoided turning to the job at hand for as long as I could. I had already had an hour to cope with the fact that I'd have to talk to not only Alice but also Edward at the end of class. I felt their eyes practically weaving a hole into my temple during the lecture. I refused to give them another look, fighting back the emotions that threatened to overtake me the entire time. Eventually, fearing the legendary wrath of Professor Stevens, I slung my bags over my shoulder and picked up my helmet. I made it to the row where Alice and Edward has just halted their semi-silent conversation and stopped.
"Are you coming, or are you going to take Professor Stevens' survey course as well?" I asked, only daring to look at their midsections in an attempt to avoid the crippling eye contact. I scaled the steps with two vampires silently following and pushed my way into the quiet hallway beyond.
"I'm sorry Bella, I have another class to get to." Alice squeaked out an apology glancing at Edward. "Can I come by your office later?"
"Sure, you can come by anytime." She squeezed me into a hug that nearly crushed my ribs before dancing off down the hallway. I smiled at her.
"So…" He started as I pushed past him, I would not think his name. I could not, it would not cross my mind, and I would not call him by name. And then… an idea came to me. He was just a student. I was supposed to have pretended like he never existed.
"Do you have a question about the lecture or perhaps the syllabus, Mr. Cullen?" I asked a spot on the wall just behind his perfect left ear. If I didn't make eye contact, I would survive.
"No Bella -."
"That's Miss Swan to you." I snapped. Having him in a class was enough torture. He most definitely did not get to use my first name; it hurt too much.
"But you just said to call you -."
"Yeah, well you don't exist, and people who don't exist get to call me Miss Swan." I spat and stalked off toward the office to take care of the copies.
He stayed ten feet behind me the whole way. Thus, I had no opportunity to sneak into an abandoned classroom and cry until the hole in my chest stopped hurting again. If I veered into one, he was sure to follow. I finally made it to the section of glass wall that marked the large suite housing the graduate and administrative offices for the Lit department.
He silently followed me in. I caught the secretary asking him if he needed anything while I dropped my helmet and my bags off in the tiny office off to the side that I shared with two other TA's. Fortunately, it was empty. He put his arm across the door to block my way out of the closet we called an office. I ducked under his arm and headed with my handouts to the copier. It was housed with the mailboxes in another small closet. I threw the pages into the collater typed in 50, set it to collate and staple and pressed the green 'go' button.
I didn't look up but I knew that he was still there. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why he felt the need to stalk me like this. Had he started rethinking his 'vegetarian' ways again? Was I destined to be a meal now that he was no longer interested in me?
I found my box and started to sift through the plethora of paper that had been crammed in it this morning. He stood there while I read every single sheet whether it was important or not. There were many pieces of completely inconsequential drivel that I perused two or three times, hoping that he would take a hint and leave. Most of the contents of my box went into the recycling bin.
Eventually, 'Paul Roving-Hands' pushed past him into the room. Quarters were very tight in there and Paul seemed to enjoy that. There was no way for him to pass me to get to his box without most parts of our bodies coming into contact. Given the opportunity I would bet that he didn't actually need to check his box, he just waited for one of the women in the department to come in so that he could get some physical contact with her. I squeezed as closely to the copier as I could, facing it so that at least I wouldn't have to look at him. I heard a low growl as he brushed up against my back but Paul was oblivious.
"Who's the kid?" Paul seemed as uninterested in his mail as I had been.
"This is one of my freshmen, Mr. Cullen. He's from -." I indicated for him to fill in.
"Alaska." He practically growled through gritted teeth.
"He also seems to be stalking me. Isn't that nice?" I smiled at Paul.
"Do you want me to call security?" Paul responded attempting to appear disinterested. The copier stopped.
"No, he'll get tired, realize that I'm not all that distracting and run off eventually. Freshmen are rather like Romeo, they're fickle." I intentionally made those words sting. He was boiling mad now. I made to duck under his arm again and he caught my wrist as I got out the door.
I ignored the electric current coursing from his hand up my arm. I stepped in closer so that Paul wouldn't hear me.
"You don't get to touch me." I spoke in his ear, anger seething off of me in waves. "It's been four years since you gave up that right and I suggest you let me go before I ask for help and you have to pretend to let 'Paul Roving-hands' over there beat you up to prevent your cover from being blown." He released my wrist and I backed away from him toward my office. I sat down at my desk and turned the computer on. He followed me in and sat down.
"You've made your point. Are you finished?" His voice held a little tension to it, which I expected.
"I haven't even begun to make my point." I opened our library software and started to arrange a pick up for the books I would need this week. It would do no good to be caught alone in the stacks with him following me.
"I- I need to talk to you." His tone was now quiet and sad. I almost turned to look at him but fought it.
"I can't begin to imagine what you might have to say to me." My fingers were angry on the keyboard. I abused the poor thing by thwacking every key in turn violently. It clicked away obediently taking the punishment.
"Please don't be childish about this. It's hard enough." He whispered. I wasn't ready to hear him.
"You can drop the class, Stevens has some openings in her section, and Paul could be your TA. I'm sure that you'd be great friends. You seem to share the attitudes and taste when it comes to women." That was a pretty low blow as I didn't have to be a mind reader to know what Paul was thinking in the copy room as he slid past me, and Edward would definitely have heard it and disapproved. My slip printed stating that the books would be ready for pick up in thirty minutes.
"Bella -." He started and before he was finished I was in his face.
"You. Don't. Get. To. Call. Me. That." I growled in fury. My forehead was almost touching his. I stood over him eye to eye, my hands on the armrests of the chair he was sitting in.
He took advantage of my proximity and pushed his face into mine. Our lips met and I ceased to care about my anger. It had been so long since I had been kissed, three years. He locked a cold hand around the back of my head and stood swiftly closing the door and pressing me up against it so quickly that I didn't register what was going on.
His hands memorized my face and I instinctively pulled closer in to him. My heart raced away leaving my common sense in the dust. I could barely breath and yet he was the air. I had been starving for this for years and upon it's introduction I couldn't get enough. Kissing him, actually kissing him rather than dreaming about it was so much better than I remembered. I ran my tongue along his lip, and he pressed me further into the door.
Then the pain came. I felt the old break in my heart that hadn't completely healed reopen. I started shaking from the now open break and sobbed openly, breaking our lips apart. The tears ran down my face. I was ashamed that I had let him kiss me, that he had seen this, and that he still had this effect on me.
"I'm sorry, I didn't think. I just – I wanted… I'm sorry Bella" He let me go the second he noticed the tears and I quickly moved as far away from him as I could in the tiny space, wiping the tears from my eyes as I escaped.
"Someone's coming." He whispered and partially opened the door so that it appeared to have been open the whole time. I stood with my fists planted on my desk my head hanging and willed myself to find some form of composure but it wasn't working. Instead, I grabbed my bags, pushed my way out the door, and headed to the one place on campus where he couldn't follow without breaking down a door and having security called, the faculty ladies restroom. I got my key out and walked the few short steps from my office to the door. There were too many witnesses for him to stop me without causing a scene.
As soon as the lock clicked behind me I released all semblance of composure and wept openly. The tears flowed freely down my face. My heart felt like a black hole destined to suck all the happiness out of the universe. I made my way to the sink and attempted to wash my face with the tears still flowing. Suddenly I regretted spending the last three and a half years deluding myself with my hallucinatory Edward. Perhaps things would have been better if I had just moved on, but moving on had been impossible. Kissing someone else, even Edwards opposite, Jake, reminded me too much of what I really wanted which was to kiss Edward. Now Edward had kissed me and I wasn't sure I wanted to forgive him. If I took him back after four years unexplained absence, then what did that say about me?
I couldn't cry myself out but I eventually ran out of tears. I washed my now red and puffy face and got some paper towels to make a compress for my eyes. I blew my nose a few times and decided that my face wasn't going to get any better. The books I ordered from the library were ready long before I finally emerged from the faculty rest room.
I peeked my head out carefully and found no sign of him. The library run was a necessity because I needed those books for my afternoon class. So, with caution, I made my way down the hallway and out onto the heavily wooded campus to go get my books.
Other students frolicked around among the trees without a care in the world. This was the first day of classes after all and it would take about a week for everyone to start buckling down and settling into a routine. I was carefully watching my step when I ran into a cold wall of marble. I rebounded slightly and found myself caught by a set of cool hands. Blinking, I turned my head up to meet the puzzled golden eyes belonging to one Emmett Cullen. His face lit up and he pulled me into a bear hug.
"Can't. Breathe. Emmett." I chocked in his grasp.
"Bella! My lil' sis'!" He swung me around before placing my feet gently on solid ground. I couldn't help but smile at him. Apparently I was still a sister to the Cullens even if it had been years. "Are you alright?" He had looked at my face which no doubt still showed evidence of my earlier encounter with his brother.
"I'm fine Emmett." I lied. This was my usual lie; I told it to myself quite frequently.
"You never could lie very well, you know that, right?" He smiled and I laughed weakly. "May I?" He indicated my bags.
"Sure." I handed them over.
"So, where are you heading with these?" He held out is arm and I took it.
"The main library." I smiled and we continued walking. "So, what have you been up to?"
"I am working on another chemistry degree. At the moment, I'm a sophomore." He grinned a bit impishly. "Rosalie and Alice are working on fashion merchandising degrees, I can't figure out why though. It seems pretty pointless."
"It's something they like." I narrowly avoided a tree root to Emmett's amusement.
"I was actually wondering what you were doing here little sister?" I craned my neck back to get a clear look at his face.
"What do you mean? I'm a graduate student in comparative lit." I half smiled at him. The diffuse light through the trees made his pale skin glow slightly green.
"You're in Grad school!" Emmett stopped walking.
"Yes, and unlike many of you, for the first time." I quipped.
"But it's only been four years…" His eyebrows came together in a thoughtful expression it looked odd on Emmett. He was never as dumb as he made himself out to be, that was plainly obvious. Like his adoptive siblings Emmett held several advanced degrees and was actually quite brilliant but he never looked like he was thinking.
"Well, when you need an excuse to stay at school and not go back to Washington for the summer, or even drive the two hours to your mom's house, and you have no social life because you can't talk to anyone about your life... taking 18 hours every semester including summer becomes really appealing." I had attempted to keep my voice from breaking but was unsuccessful. Emmett pulled me into a tight hug without restricting my breathing.
"I'm sorry Bella." He whispered.
"It's okay, you had to move on, I understand." I wiped my face again as he steered me toward a stone bench at the edge of the walkway. "It's not your fault that he didn't want to take me with you."
"It's good to have you back though." He smiled patting my back after I sat down.
"I wouldn't really consider this back." I scoffed.
"Have you seen him?" Concern touched his face and his voice at this.
"I'm his TA for Lit." I laughed. "I'm his freaking TA Emmett! I can't do this, not now." I was on the verge of hyperventilating. I sunk my head between my knees trying to catch my breath. He seemed to find something amusing about this situation.
"You're Edward's TA?" He guffawed. I hadn't though that it was that funny.
"Yeah, not so funny on this end, more like mortifying." I was unaffected by his laughter. "Come on, I need to hit the library before lunch." I got up in an attempt to end any discussion of Edward. He had kissed me. Edward followed me, harassed me, and kissed me. I didn't want to think or talk about him.
"So, Esme and Carlisle will be excited to see you." He picked up my bags and followed me through the trees to the library. We were very close to it now and I was eager to escape this conversation. I pondered his statement for a moment. Esme. Esme had missed me too, and Carlisle.
"I'm not sure if getting involved with the family again is such a good idea. It was like I lost my whole life when you all left. I don't think that I could do it again." We walked in silence from then. When we reached the library I took my bags back and slug them over my shoulder.
"Bella, I know that you're mad at Edward, and you have every right to be, he's been an idiot, but please don't shut the rest of us out of your life." He was looking down at me, pleading outside the library. "We've all missed you. The past four years have been boring. At least consider being friends with the rest of us." He patted me on the back and laughed when I nearly fell over.
"I'll think about it." I smiled in return and headed into the library to get my books. Emmett was always good at leaving with a smile. I considered the fact that it was a shame he seemed not to have rubbed off on his brother more.
