Secrets

Maybe If I stand still he won't notice me. He looks up and his gaze catches mine. Damn it. I can't believe my parents would send me to this hell hole. "Hey Korra, what are you doing here?" His smile is so warm and inviting. Korra shut up. I mentally slapped myself. I couldn't fall prey to these feelings again. "I joined a yoga class, just thought it might help me de-stress." He arched an eyebrow at me, he knows me too well. He knows that I'm lying. "Fine. My parents didn't think I was doing enough at school so they signed me up for this. Are you in this class too?" I know it's a stupid question by the look of amusement written on his face. He put the book down beside him and looked at me. "If by that you mean 'are you teaching this class', then yes." Oh fuck, I'm so screwed. "Where are the other students?" I ask anxiously, cause there is no way on god's green earth that I am going to stay here alone with… "You're the only one." Well shit, there goes my plan for avoiding him for the rest of my life. Stupid jackass, why couldn't he just stay away from me?

"Do you want to go get some dinner with me later Kor?" He does not have my permission to continue to call me the nickname that he gave me when we where ten. Sure maybe I am being petulant and too over dramati…. Wait a second. Did he just ask me out? "Like umm, would you uh, like to go out on a uhh, date kor?" What the hell?! Is this kid fucking crazy?! But I can feel my betraying feelings stirring in my long cold heart. He should know how cold my heart has been since he threw me to the wolves, but I don't want him to know just how much he hurt me. Before I can stop them my traitorous words tumble from my lips. "Yeah, that would be really nice. How about at eight? I have a doctor's appointment at four." He nodded quietly and picked up his bag and my sports bag. "So where are you headed?" I looked down at my feet. "The Hospital." He nodded again. "Where are your parents parked? Or do you have a car?" My head shakes from side to side and I can feel him watching me. "I have to go alone today for my dialy…" Thank god I caught myself, he would just make fun of me if he knew, like everyone else. I have to go and have Kidney Dialysis tonight, again, every night. I wouldn't need to if I received a kidney transplant, but there's an incredibly long waiting list and almost all of the donated Kidneys are given to children. I bear no animosity towards them though, they need a functioning Kidney just as much as I do and they do have a higher percentage of life left than I do. There's no way that he would understand my problems. He looked outside where the wind was picking up and the rain was pouring. "C'mon, let's get to my car and then you can tell me how to get there." I guess he saw that I was about to argue. He just looked at me calmly. "Forget it Kor, you will not be waiting for a bus out in that weather while I have a perfectly functioning car here."

"Korra Johnston." The nurses call my name and it feels like I'm on my way to my funeral. I feel almost empty now, devoid of all emotion. I steel myself for the day that the specialist will say 'you're dying.'. For that day I fear is not too far away.

Doctor McCarthy is a wonderful lady; she actually cares about me as a person instead of some annoying teenager. But today is different she looks… depressed. Believe me I know what it looks like. More than that she looks as if she is about to burst into sobbing hysteria. She sits down in the tiny chair across from me, looks me in the eyes. I know what comes next, the same thing happens every night in my nightmares. "Korra, the dialysis has ceased working. I'm so sorry, You only have a month left to live."

The tears start as soon as I get to the safety of my home. No one's there. Not my Mom or Dad. They are at their precious jobs while their daughter is dying. They always ignore me now, they probably don't even care that I'm going to die. I pick up the stack of letters under my bed. They are letters from grade ten up until now with the most recent being this morning. Each letter says the same thing. I deserve to die and should kill myself, no one would care anyway. Certainly not the boy who all of a sudden likes me for absolutely no reason at all. There is nothing good about me anymore, no redeeming quality. It would probably make everyone involved happier if I was gone. The suffering would be over.

I reach toward my pills with eyes blurred from tears. I can hear someone come through the open door of my house, they start to run up the stairs, tripping as they do. The small blue pills spill over the granite counter in my room. "Korra?" more muted footsteps come towards my room. "Korra?" The door to my room swings open. Whoever it is should go away so I can die in peace. I can't see them until they are in front of me. He holds one of my hands in his. "Korra, snap out of it. You're okay. I promise no one will hurt you now." I want to tell him that I'm dying but then he would leave me all alone as well. I feel his breath on my face as I cuddle into his warm chest. He leans closer to me and presses his lips to mine. He kisses me passionately while holding me in his embrace. Why does my world always fall apart when it just seems to fall into place? When we break the kiss he holds me to his chest tightly while, I sob. I am sure he doesn't know why I'm crying. He holds me and whispers to me until the sobs no longer rack my body and then he lays back onto my bed. I cuddle into his side, hoping that he can keep me safe, knowing that even he can't help me overcome my fear of dying.