Disclaimer: All dues belong to CLAMP, these are their characters, which have come from CCS, which also belongs to them, and both series and characters are the products of their twisted, yet brilliant minds.

First Month

Tomoyo woke up on her hard wooden floor four hours later. It was already 2 o'clock in the afternoon and she was on the floor with nothing on but her jacket. Slowly she got up groaning. She trudged towards her bed and collapsed the rest of the day there, not wanting to face the world not wanting to face her own self.

*****

He stood outside the window of his room and stared into the midday sun. The sky was cerulean blue and he could not find it in himself to appreciate the day. He had woken up alone, which is something that he usually does, but this morning, he knew he shouldn't have. What had happened that night? Shrugging, he went to change out of his pyjamas and decided to spend the rest of the day on his patio, not thinking, not wondering, not doing anything.

What have I done? He wondered.  Perhaps it was better not to think about it until the time came, perhaps nothing would come to it at all, as it often did.  Not with his other excursions anyway. The women that he dealt with knew that he was not looking for a long-term relationship. He was simply passing the time, to ward off the loneliness that has plagued him for so long. The women in his relationships weren't looking for "Love me forever" either, so they were short and sweet flings with no hard feelings on either side. Or so he thought, since he never got any hate mail, threats or warrants from police.  So why was it that he was feeling something the resembled like an anchor dropping to the pits of his stomach? What was this feeling? Regret. Why?  Something wasn't right, something about that night was out of place, like it wasn't suppose to happen, but it did anyway.  She was exhausted, frustrated and almost on the verge of tears.  He was feeling somewhere along the lines of sympathy, the urge to comfort, the urge to protect.  Odd. It was never like that.  His peers often criticized him for being a cold bastard.  Okay so he was insensitive, but at least he knew that right?  

The wave of regret inside him refused to abate, so there it stayed.  It was a new feeling, this regret.  Now we wanted to pick it to pieces to figure out why.  They'd known each other since they were children.  Nothing came of it except for a casual friendship.  Eriol was almost tempted to use the word comfortable. Perhaps it was.  Sometimes she would come to his place and visit; sometimes it would be him who would visit.  They laughed and they joked, the talked about almost anything.  Perhaps "comfortable" was the right word to use. But how on earth did it get to this point? If there was anything that he was sure of, it was that this friendship was never going to be same again. Not after what happened that night.  Perhaps it was better if he forgot about it all.  Now if only he could forget how to breathe as well.

****

Tomoyo woke up to the sound of the doorbell.  Groaning she rolled off her bed and just as she trudged to her bed hours later, she trudged towards the door, opening it to a smiling, cheerful Sakura Kinomoto, who's smile fell the moment she saw Tomoyo.

"Oh my… Tomoyo, you look awful! What happened? Are you sick?"  Her cousin, her best friend, was always cheerful, and a ray of sunshine even through the darkest days of Tomoyo's life.  She couldn't help but smile wryly.

"Oh I'm fine Sakura, but mentally, I feel like bells are going off on my head. Loud ones, you know like those on top of Notre Dame? Yeah those."  She groaned and trudged back to bed with Sakura on her heels. 

"What happened Tomoyo? Tell me."

"Honestly? I woke up this morning and had this awful feeling in my gut.  I wanted to throw up really."

"Wow, is it the time of the month?"

"Geeze girl, what happened to your ever present 'guile'?"

"This is you Tomoyo, I don't need 'guile' or discreetness, well not with you anyways." She shrugged, looking down at Tomoyo who closed her eyes, but she knew she was still awake.   "Can you make it to work today or do you want me to cover for you?"

"Pretty please Sakura?"

"You don't have to say another word, you just sit here and rest, while I cover for you.  But I will call your mother first."

Tomoyo shoot up like a bullet and Sakura just jumped back and blinked.

"Aiyah….you can hurt yourself like that Tomoyo."

"Oh no no no, Sakura.  Please, make this vow as my best friend, the closest thing I have to a sister. You will not call my mother.  She will try to pick apart this dark cloud over me until she makes it completely full blown and she convinces herself that I have Hepatitis C or something."

Sakura gave her a bright smile, one, which Tomoyo knew could make a certain wolf do anything Sakura asked. 

"Sakura….."

"Yes yes, Tomoyo, considered it a promise; signed, sealed and delivered."  Tomoyo just blinked not really comprehending and slowly eased herself back down on her pillow.  "You just rest there." Bending over she gave her friend a kiss on the head. "Because honestly? You really look horrible." 

Tomoyo smiled sleepily.  "Thanks."

Sakura then quietly walked out and locked the door.

Tomoyo then let sleep take her, far, far away from the cruel piece of reality, which she decided she would hide under a rug until the day she breathed her last.

******

It has been a month since that earth shattering morning when Tomoyo woke up to find herself naked, and needless to say sore, in Eriol Hiiragizawa's bed.  She also spent the last month avoiding him like a plague.  If he wanted to confront her then, damn him, he would have to make more of an effort now wouldn't he?  Sakura, true to her word, kept Tomoyo's secret from her mother, though it was really Tomoyo who was having a hard time trying not to spill it all to Sonomi Daidouji.  She was certain her mother could see right through her, but if she suspected anything, she certainly did not make it known.  Every once and a while, Sakura would be curious as to what happened that day and would ask Tomoyo.  Even though Tomoyo was quick on her feet and could lie up a novel, she decided that omission would be the best way to go.  "I'm not too sure Sakura, I wasn't all myself that day." She would tell her.  As to whether Sakura believed Tomoyo was a whole different story. 

Now, in August, one month later, Tomoyo was on her knees before the toilet, vomiting her heart out.   'Augh, I want to die' she thought before another round of throwing up began.  And this activity was repeated the following day and the day after that.  It was on the fourth day that Sakura and Syaoran found Tomoyo on her bathroom floor infront of the toilet, gagging.

"What the hell?" Syaoran exclaimed.

"Oh my God! Tomoyo!"  Sakura ran to help Tomoyo as the sick lady tried to get her self up.  Sakura helped Tomoyo wash up, as Syaoran stood watching them with a worried eye.

"I need to sit down." She whispered, her voice raw. With Sakura on one side and Syaoran on the other, they made it swiftly, though not gracefully, to the sofa where Tomoyo slumped down and held her head between her knees, fighting the nausea that has been her companion for almost a week now. It was on the third day when she realized the inevitable truth because it was then that she realized that her monthly flow was late.  And it was never late.  Putting that together with the fact that she was spending a good chunk of her mornings paying alms to the ceramic god, she knew her guess was not mistaken.  Though she prayed to God she was, but now she was only but too sure, a visit to an obstetrician backed it up 100%. She slowly lifted her head, Sakura was sitting next to her, stroking her back gently and Syaoran was standing in what Tomoyo has dubbed his "protective" stance.  It was an intimidating and stubborn stance often used when Sakura was with him in public.  Pity the fool who tried to flirt with the Cherry Blossom.

"Syaoran, you sit down too." She tried to smile but could only manage a half smile.  He did so on the grand solo leather seat facing them. Tomoyo gulped; she couldn't hide this.  It would become obvious later on anyway so there was no use. She lifted her head and looked at both of them.

"I'm pregnant."

"What?!" Syaoran and Sakura exclaimed in unison.  Tomoyo found the strength to stand up and walk towards the balcony door.  Placing a hand on the glass, she had this swift urge to just jump, but it was a fleeting moment and it never will come up again.  She unconsciously placed a hand on her flat belly.  She wasn't alone now and she wasn't going to be selfish.  Tomoyo knew she was a lot of things, but she was not a goddamn coward.

"How…" Syaoran started, but stopped.

"Don't sound so dense Syaoran, you know full and well how.  You have a master's in biology for Pete's sake." Tomoyo gave him a wry smile as she turned around.

"It's not that, it's just that…." He was at a lost for words again, knowing that if he continued he'd just make an utter fool of himself.  Tomoyo smiled at the man who was the closest thing that she had for a brother as he turned a light shade of pink.  She knew what he meant, her virtue was one thing that she prided herself in, he thought her strong enough to wait for the right one and perhaps the one she would spend the rest of her life with.  She was sorry to disappoint both him and her self.

"Who's the father Tomoyo?" Count on Sakura to get to the point. Tomoyo looked at Sakura, found only comfort in her eyes and went to sit down next to her.  "It's okay Tomoyo, sorry I asked, you don't have to tell us." Not right now, Sakura thought. But she knew that she couldn't stand not knowing who did this to Tomoyo and make sure he was going to be responsible for his actions.  And unless she was mistaken, and she knew there wasn't much of a chance that she was when it came to her Wolf, she knew Syaoran hunt him down and force him to take responsibility.  Tomoyo looked at both of them and knew that she would tell them the truth even if she knew her life depended on her telling a lie.  I'm no coward.

"Sakura, Syaoran."  She broke off to catch some extra oxygen.  "It's Eriol Hiiragizawa." 

Sakura's jaw dropped, closed and then dropped again until she resembled a fish out of water. It was Syaoran who set off like a cannon.

"That bastard! That's it, I'm going over there and I am going to kick his British ass!"  Sakura knew Tomoyo well enough not to doubt her.

"Wolf, dear, calm down." It was only Sakura who called him that, and it was only Sakura's soothing voice that, for most of the time, could calm him down.  Today would just take more of an effort for Syaoran just kept on ranting.

"I'm going to hunt him down and drag his no good carcass to kingdom come."

"No you won't." Sakura's voice was calm.

"The hell I won't! He deserves no less, I just hope Hades doesn't spit him out when I throw him in!"

"Wolf, you obtuse man, be quiet." Tomoyo rarely heard that tone of voice from Sakura.  Thankfully Sakura only used it on her husband.  Syaoran stopped, sent Sakura an intimidating look and started to pace, it was that or use all the fancy colourful words in his vocabulary, but he knew he'd only get daggers from his lady wife if he did.

Tomoyo was rather enjoying this little exchange between husband and wife.  It was always entertaining, yet she never questioned their affection towards each other.  That went without saying.  Tomoyo found herself smiling.

"Tomoyo?"  Sakura suddenly turned to her with a questioning tone.  "You weren't dating him behind our backs were you?"

"I think not!" Tomoyo exclaimed.

"Sorry just had to make sure." Sakura smiled and patted Tomoyo's hand.  The clock struck 11 on the wall.  "Oh dear, we left Koen alone with Papa longer than we anticipated."  She looked up at her husband who was still pacing. Sakura sighed and fought back the urge to smile and shake her head. "We were going to take him over to the sea wall since it's a beautiful day and we wondered if his godmother would like to come along." She looked at Tomoyo and smiled

"And what a predicament you found me in this morning." Tomoyo sighed.  Atleast it was only in the mornings.  If it occurred throughout the entire day, Tomoyo was sure she would be tempted stay in bed next to a bowl the entire day for the next few months.  She paled at the thought. "Of course I'll come along, I've missed him terribly."  Tomoyo stopped and smiled. "Syaoran, please sit down before you wear out my floor.  Please, I need you two to do something for me.  More like somethings really. First off, do not tell a soul about this.  I still have to tell my mother."  She saw Syaoran cringe slightly and very well couldn't blame him. "Secondly, neither of you will not confront Eriol about this, it is my job.  Now I want your word."  Syaoran looked like he wasn't going to budge. "You." She directed her gaze towards her short-tempered friend "will not do anything such as throwing him into the pits of hell.  As tempting as that thought is, he is the father of my child."  Neither of them said anything for a moment. "Please promise me, you guys are like family to me, are family to me, I need your support on this."

Tomoyo stood up, her back straight her chin out.  The two still sitting saw no fear only saw determination, stubbornness and the natural strength they both knew she possessed.

"I give you my word."

"I promise."

Tomoyo smiled.  "Good, now lets pick up my godson and take a walk."

She'd think about dealing with her mother another time.

*tsuzuku

A/N: Sorry it took awhile to update. Ach, I'll stop apologizing, it's getting tedious for you guys! Hahaha, but please forgive me nonetheless.  And for those who are curious "Koen" from the German language, in my opinion pronounced "Koh-en" means "brave and gallant" and "Hades" is the Greek god of the underworld, but also known as Hell.