In another part of the arena, a strangely dressed man stumbled through the forest. He was extremely tan, with long hair and a black three-cornered hat. In one hand, he carried a sword, using it to cut through the jungle. In the other was a large bottle of rum. That accounted for the stumbling. At the same time, the man sang in a loud voice: "YO HO, YO HO, A PIRATE'S LIFE FOR ME!" Yes, this was definitely the one and only Captain Jack Sparrow.
Seemingly completely unafraid, Sparrow continued to hack through the forest. Unbeknownst to him, he was being watched. A shadowy figure flitted in between the trees, keeping the pirate in sight at all times.
Suddenly, Jack froze. He heard something. He lowered the bottle of rum from his lips, listening intently. His hand lowered to his waistband, where a loaded pistol was hidden.
Faster than even he thought possible, Jack drew and fired the gun. The lead ball whizzed through the air, straight at the spot where the mysterious man was hiding…but nothing happened. The lead ball had stopped in midair, hovering halfway between Jack and his target. Sparrow cocked his head to the side, not knowing what to make of the strange sight. A second passed, and the bullet crumbled to dust. Sparrow had just enough time to register this before an invisible force lifted him off his feet and sent him flying through the air! He slammed into a tree, and was pinned there with his feet not touching the ground. And there he stayed, unable to move.
Now, Jack Sparrow was not the type of person to be scared easily. After all, he was the master of the Caribbean, Captain of the Black Pearl, and arguably the best pirate the world has ever seen. He had never gotten into a situation he couldn't get out of, whether by skill or luck, it didn't matter. But this was different. This was something he had no defense for, something dark and powerful. And he, Captain Jack Sparrow, was at its mercy.
As Jack watched, the branches of the trees moved aside, seemingly on their own. He saw red eyes looking back at him from the shadows. In fact, it seemed as if the darkness gathered around this being. The shadows were black as night, forming an impenetrable fog around the creature.
Then it stepped into the light, and Sparrow was filled with a feeling he had never felt before: Terror, as he looked into the eyes of Darth Maul. Jack's eyes widened as Maul drew his light saber. Red blades of energy came into being, forming Maul's trademark double-bladed sword. With that, he stalked forward, twirling the saber effortlessly. The light from the weapon illuminated his features in all their ugly glory: An alien face, painted with swirling patterns of red and black, and horns jutting out of his skull. Additionally, he was dressed all in black and had the red eyes. This thing was pure evil, and Jack knew it.
The Dark Lord of the Sith grinned at the helpless pirate, anticipating his first kill. But Sparrow's silver tongue drew him up short.
"You don't want to be doing that, mate."
"Actually, I really do," said Maul in his raspy voice.
"Fine then, your loss…" said Sparrow, feigning indifference. The Sith Lord raises his light saber for the killing blow, but his curiosity got the better of him.
Exasperated, he said, "What? What could you possibly offer me?"
"Well, it's common sense really. When there's an enormously powerful and amazing being like yourself in a game like this, there's bound to be an equally powerful and amazing being somewhere else, just waiting for his chance to hunt you down and kill you."
The shadows around Maul deepened and his eyes glowed, saying, "You underestimate my power."
"Now, now, just calm your third nipple and listen. I believe that we would both be doing ourselves a service by joining in our mutual goal."
"What do you mean?"
"An alliance, my good friend. An alliance. You know, when two people agree not to kill each other, so they can kill everyone else a lot easier. Ring any bells? Or do those horns go straight through your brain?"
Sparrow, expecting Maul to be shocked and awed, was surprised and unnerved when he started…laughing, of all things.
"Hahaha! Dirty peasant, you are a funny one! You truly have no idea what I am capable of, do you?"
"Enlighten me."
"With pleasure." Maul raised his hand out in front of him and gathered his power. What Sparrow didn't know was that Maul, being a Sith Lord, was a master of mind control. All it would take was a fraction of his power, and Sparrow would be under his thrall in a heartbeat.
Maul reached out with an invisible mental probe, intent on latching on to Sparrow's mind. To his surprise, Sparrow's consciousness just seemed to…slip out of his invisible fingers. That's odd, he thought. He poured more energy into his mental attack, but Sparrow's mind was uncontrollable. After a while, he gave up.
"Why can't I control you like all my other bitches?" said Maul. It was then that he looked down, and noticed the bottle of rum that Sparrow dropped. He picked it up, examining it and sniffing the contents.
"Ah, that explains it. You sir, are drunk as any I've ever seen. No wonder your mind is so erratic."
"Well then, it seems we are at an impasse. You need me, and I need you."
"How do I know I can trust you?"
"Really? You're a tall-ass red and black alien-thing with horns and a glowing sword. I'm a meek human, no match for an all-powerful god like yourself. All I have is my brain, and that's all I need."
"Hm…very well."
The invisible force keeping Sparrow suspended suddenly disappeared, and he dropped to the ground.
Maul commented, "I'm a little worried that the drink has addled your mind."
"Actually in fact, I do better with it."
Sparrow turned, and walked right into a tree, slamming his head into the wood with a dull thump. Maul cringed.
Sparrow stood up, rubbing his head furiously and said, "DAMN IT GOD! STOP PUTTING TREES EVERWHERE, YOU BITCH! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR SHIT TODAY!
Sparrow started kicking the tree furiously, while yelling, "FUCK THIS TREE AND ALL IT'S FUCKING CHILDREN! I'M GONNA TEAR THIS BASTARD OUT OF THE GROUND AND SHOVE HIM UP THE ASS OF THE NEXT GODDAMN PERSON THAT TRIES TO FUCK WITH ME! THAT INCLUDES YOU, GOD! NEXT TIME YOU FUCK WITH ME, YOU'LL REGRET IT, I SWEAR TO-"
Suddenly, a lighting bolt lanced down from the clear blue sky, striking the ground right at Sparrow's feet.
"YOU MISSED! SUCK MY DICK, BITCH!"
Thunder rumbled. Sparrow and Maul shared a glance, hesitated, then dashed off into the forest as dozens more lightning bolts rained down in a hail of God's fury.
