Drifting With the Tides
Chapter two
Disclaimer: I don't own any of it.
Fire is my element. I'm not going to get all poetic about it. Let's be frank, I'm hot tempered, I like things fast and when I want them. I'm impatient and I don't do anything without purpose. I know what I want and I know how to get it.
I'm the kind of person that you see in one of two moods most of the time: happy or angry. There's not much of an in between. And, if I'm honest, I'm a bit of a fox. Yeah, I scheme and plot and I'm devious.
Don't get me wrong, I don't play with people unless they're really asking for it; when I messed with the traitors to the organization that was just Larxene's stupidity. She shouldn't have fallen for such a simple mind game. She spilled the beans without even knowing she had.
Sometimes I wonder why I even bothered following the superior's orders, but I really wanted a heart. Besides, the way the traitors were going was far off the mark. I knew that they were going no where fast.
Ha! Marluxia… The pink haired fool obsessed with roses. The guy was queer I tell you. Then again, who knows? Around here, nothing is normal. We're what are left over…The remnants of something that wasn't even supposed to exist anyway. Kind of depressing, but why beat around the bush? It's the truth, and the truth hurts like hell.
So yeah, you can pretty much assume from the above that I'm blunt and I don't sidestep the facts. What's there is there, and that's that. I call 'em as I see 'em.
But you know what? I'm desperate for something more. There are things I admit I hide. I feel so empty, and it's more than the lack of a heart. I lack purpose, and that's why I put purpose in everything I do. I'm passionate about everything in hopes that the emptiness with sidle away, but so far I'm out of luck. No matter how many opponents I manage to defeat, or how much passion I pour into every little damn thing I do, it means nothing. What I do doesn't mean a goddamn thing, and it's so damn frustrating.
I always feel so heavy, but I hide it. The worst thing I could ever do would be to let people in on my weakness. The other members in the organization don't give a damn about anyone but themselves. Wait, I let my anger get ahead of me. Not everyone. There's Demyx and Roxas. They're the only two who make me feel like maybe I have a heart. Roxas is my favourite spar buddy. We get along fine, and we usually do missions together. Demyx likes to come along, but we know he doesn't like to fight; although, he can kick some serious ass when he's pissed off. I can name a couple times he saved both Roxas and I from certain doom.
Roxas and I have a great connection. I'd do anything for the guy, but my relationship with Demyx is sort of hard to describe. We're pals, and we look out for each other, but our friendship is kind of distant. I admit a lot of this is due to my fear of letting anyone get in any deeper than where I want them to. I harbour a lot of emotions that I prefer not to express. Remember how I said that there's almost no in between? Key word there is 'almost'. There is an in between that no one knows about. Not even Roxas. I hate to say it, but I'm really lonely. I feel like half the reason I don't have purpose it because I don't have a reason for it. I feel cold even though fire is my element; ironic, isn't it? I wield fire, and it burns, but it isn't enough to keep me warm. My affliction is too deep to describe lightly, as much as I wish I could put it simply, I wouldn't do it justice. It's a horrible feeling. It tugs at my insides like invisible demons trying to eat me from the inside out. It feels like the life is drained from me; all my fire gone. I feel so close to death, but it never comes. At night I sit awake staring out into the darkness of the night with my mind in blank. I could sit like that forever if I didn't have missions or interruptions, but I guess its better that I do have interruptions. Otherwise, I might turn to stone for staying in one place without moving over thousands of years. Though, I admit, that kind of future doesn't sound so bad. Becoming a rock would mean good bye to all my troublesome emotions. But I know that's not going to happen, as tempting as it is, I'm just too damn stubborn. I'd never be able to let myself go like that and forgive myself.
My darkest secret? Let me put it like this: I'm a sleeping volcano. Tread carefully, or you might get burned.
