Chapter 2: Of Braids & Bets
A long list of stories came up on the screen. Bilbo stared in stunned amazement at the many stories featuring not only Fili and Kili but Thorin as well.
Kili scrolled down the list before stopping at a story called Thorin's Decision. "This one looks interesting," he said, pointing out the story to his brother.
Fili's blue eyes narrowed as he looked at the title and read the summary out loud to the others. "I don't know," he said at length. "I don't much fancy the thought of one of us getting sick in a story."
"But don't you want to know which one of us it is?" Kili queried. "It doesn't exactly say which one of us, it just says 'when one of his nephews falls ill.'"
Fili considered the story for a minute before deciding to go ahead and read it. "How bad could it be?" he said with a shrug.
Kili clicked on the story and the three of them began to read.
As they read, the expression on Fili's face gradually changed from mild curiosity to wide-eyed incredulous shock and disbelief.
"Oh no, no no no no no!" said Fili. "This cannot be about what I think it is."
Kili started to laugh. His brother shot him a thoroughly pissed off glare.
"Oh, but I think it is," the brunette dwarf chuckled. "I think we both know what this is about."
"Well why me? Why do I have to be the one?"
"Because I already got shot with the poisoned arrow! It's your turn now!"
"He does have a point, you know," said Bilbo.
Kili laughed and pointed at the screen. "Look at this, Fee. It says 'Fili pushed him away spewing directly on the spot where he previously stood.' Spewed! It says you spewed!"
Fili crossed his arms across his chest. Bilbo curled his lip in disgust.
"Spewed," Fili muttered. "Would it have killed them to write 'vomit' instead of 'spew'? I am a prince in the line of Durin. Princes do not spew, we vomit."
"Oh don't act so high and mighty, " Kili said. "I've seen you spew plenty of times." He then turned to Bilbo and said in his most regal and airy tone, "Everybody make way, clear the path, roll out the red carpet. Here comes his royal highness not-yet-king-under-the-mountain Fili and his royal vomit for he is too good to spew. Oh no." He waggled a finger and Bilbo began to chuckle. "Princes are too good to spew. They do not spew, they vomit, like this -BLLEEEAARGH!" And he mimed throwing up in an overly exaggerated, loud, comedic fashion.
"Kili, that's not funny! Stop it!" snarled Fili. But Kili was on a roll and had no interest in stopping, especially since his performance was getting a reaction from Bilbo.
"I'm Fili, the dragon tamer," Kili continued. "Watch me as I fly over the Lonely Mountain riding the great and fearsome dragon Smaug, spewing on all my loyal subjects as I go. Then I'll go home and go blleeaargghh all over the walls!"
"Dammit, Kili!" The blond prince pounced on his younger brother and the two dwarves went tumbling and rolling through piles of gold and jewels with Kili still laughing and teasing his brother while Fili spouted an endless line of curses in Khuzdul.
Bilbo picked up the arkenstone that had slid off Kili's lap and looked at the story on the screen. It was then that he noticed that Thorin's Decision had a second chapter.
"Um, Fili, Kili, there's another chapter here."
The two dwarves stopped tumbling and fighting.
"Alright! Another chapter!" Kili cried. The young archer scurried out from under his brother and scampered back to Bilbo. He snatched up the arkenstone, plopped back down in a pile of gold coins, clicked on the "next" option at the bottom of the page and continued reading.
Fili, who was still grumbling and swearing under his breath, walkd over and sat down beside his brother. He was beginnig to dread what the next chapter had in store for him, but he couldn't turn away from it now. In all honesty he would have liked to have abandoned the story and run, but at the same time he also wanted to see how things would turn out for him in the story. So Fili stayed and read the second chapter of Thorin's Decision with Kili and Bilbo.
By the end of the second chapter Fili looked about ready to toss the arkenstone down Smaug's firey throat into oblivion. He groaned, sitting with his kness drawn up and his face buried in his hands.
"There are only two chapters here," Bilbo pointed out. "Where is the rest of it?"
"The author hasn't posted it yet," Kili explained. "We have to wait for it to be updated."
"Well how long will that take?" asked the hobbit.
Kili shrugged. "It's hard to say. It could be tomorrow, it could be a few days, it could even take months."
"I hope it never gets updated," Fili grumbled.
"According to the website this story was updated less than a week ago," said Kili, completely ignoring his brother's grumbling. "A new chapter could be posted any day now, but these things take time. Uncle Thorin once told me about how a story his father was following took over a year to be updated."
"A year?" squeaked the hobbit. He had to admit he'd become rather interested in the outcome of the story and didn't want to wait a year for another chapter.
Kili nodded. "I'm afraid so, master Boggins. It could take ages before we have another chapter to read. I doubt if it'll be updated by the end of next week."
"Oh really?" Fili lifted his head out of his hands and looked at Kili and Bilbo. "Knowing my luck the next time we log in there'll be a four hundred page novel detailing how I had a total guts blowout in the middle of the Wild."
Kili snorted. "Total guts blowout," he snickered. "Chapter three: inside Fili, where shit goes kaflooey!"
"I'm serious, Kili!" Fili insisted. "I bet that story will be updated before the end of next week. And if I'm right then you have to let me braid your hair and keep it braided for an entire week."
"You're joking," Kili chuckled.
"No, I'm not, Kee."
"Alright then. I say it won't be updated before the end of next week, and if I'm right then you have to unbraid your hair and leave it that way for a week."
"Agreed."
Fili and Kili shook hands, binding each other to the bet they'd made.
Over the course of the next several days Fili, Kili and Bilbo checked Thorin's Decision for updates every night after Thorin and the rest of the company went to sleep. They kept their discovery of the arkenstone a secret, knowing full well that if Thorin got his hands on it they'd never see it again. It was Bilbo who stashed the arkenstone away in the pillowcase on his bed, thinking that since Thorin rarely - if ever - entered the hobbit's private bedchamber the arkenstone would remain safely hidden.
By the end of the following week Fili, Kili and Bilbo were growing anxious. If the story wasn't updated by midnight that night then Fili would lose his bet with Kili. They were eager to check the story to see if it had been updated, but they had to wait until Thorin and the others went to sleep first.
Once Thorin and the other dwarves had gone to bed for the night, Fili, Kili and Bilbo crept off with the arkenstone wrapped in Bilbo's pillowcase and disappeared into one of the treasure rooms in the lower halls of the Lonely Mountain. It was here that they hid themselves away between mountainous piles of gold and gems that shielded them from view should anyone happen to come across them.
The hobbit and the two heirs of Durin sat down amongst the heaping mounds of gold. Kili unwrapped the arkenstone, logged into his account and immediately checked to see if Thorin's Decison had been updated yet. What he saw left him staring at the screen in open-mouthed stunned silence.
Bilbo gasped. "There's another chapter!" he exclaimed. "It's only an hour until midnight and the third chapter has been posted!"
Now it was Fili's turn to laugh. The blond prince fell over onto his back and proceeded to laugh until tears streamed from the corners of his bright blue eyes. He laughed so hard his sides hurt.
"I don't believe this," said Bilbo, shaking his head as he gazed at the screen. "It's been two whole weeks since the last chapter was posted. And now this," he waved his hand at the screen in a gesture that clearly said 'can you believe this?' "What're the chances of that happening?"
"I don't know," said Fili, sitting up and holding his side asif attempting to inact a scence from the story they were reading. "But Kili is going to look so cute with braids!"
The next morning at breakfast Thorin and company sat staring at Kili as he entered the dining hall with several rows of neatly woven braids dangling in his dark brown hair. To make matters worse, Fili had even woven multi colored beads into Kili's braids.
"Ah, master Kili, you're looking rather lovely this morning," said Oin. "Very nice braids. Did you do it yourself, laddie?"
Fili snorted into his cup of juice, trying hard no to laugh.
"Fili," Kili whispered out of the corner of his mouth so no one but his brother could hear him. "I swear to Mahal that if you laugh or say one word about this I will gut you myself and strangle you with your own intestines."
