Dan took a deep breath, and opened the door. He closed his eyes and breathed in heavily. Phil, it smelt like Phil, and god it hurt. Bracing himself, he opened his eyes and looked around. Totoro was still in place on Phil's bed, his collection of games and toys that he still had from his childhood. Seeing these things made Dan smile, but the familiar ache was still present. Being here...it wasn't right. He didn't belong. This was Phil's place. Not his. And yet, he couldn't bring himself to leave, and instead curled up on his bed, clutching his Totoro, eyes closed. It was the closest he could do to having Phil with him. And yet, it was nowhere near close enough.

Phil woke up in the same state, on the cold ground, having had hardly any sleep, head pounding. He groaned and didn't open his eyes, oblivious what was going on around him, wrapped up in his own troubles. Slowly, he sat up, resting his head against the wall. Four days. It had been four full days since he'd left, and they had been the worst four days of his life. He didn't know what he was doing it for any more. Everything was so hard, even the release of drinking was only temporary, and considering his awful headache, he wasn't sure if the after effects were worth it. He sighed and opened his eyes, to be greeted by the night sky and the smell of smoke. He coughed and stood up, leaning on the wall for support. He had no sleeping pattern, he slept when he was tired, whether it was night or day. He didn't care. Unwillingly, he stumbled out from the alley, rubbing his eyes in an attempt to wake himself up. He thought about switching his phone on, but decided against it. He didn't want to see what anybody had said, hear the messages, read the texts. Because ultimately, he knew that if he turned it on, and there was nothing from him, well, that would be worse than not knowing.

"You can't stay in there forever, Dan." PJ called through the door.
"Yeah, just let us in. We'll just wait here until you do, and believe me, we can be really annoying when we want to be." Chris added. Dan sighed and got up from Phil's bed where he had spent the night, and walked to the door. Unwillingly, he opened and greeted his friends.

"Hey." He said. They were both smiling at him, genuine smiles showing they cared. He couldn't bring himself to smile back. He didn't want to. The smiles on their faces faded.

"That bad?" PJ whispered. Dan nodded, opened the door wider to let them in, and then walked away. PJ shared a worried glance with Chris, before following Dan into the kitchen.

"Um, do you want a drink or anything? I know train food isn't exactly the best..." Dan asked them.

"Nah, thanks I'm good." Chris said.

"Yeah, nothing for me either thanks." PJ replied. "So..how have you been holding up?" He asked. Dan just shrugged in response, poured himself a glass of water and went to sit on the sofa. PJ sighed. "He'll come back, Dan. He cares about you." This time, Dan completely ignored him, pretending to be absorbed in whatever he watching that was suddenly so interesting to him. PJ decided not to push him any further, but murmured to Chris, "we need to find him."

Phil sighed. He had nowhere to go, nothing to do now. He'd pretty much spent all his money and didn't have the sense to bring any of his cards with him when he left. The only thing certain about his future is that he was leaving. Leaving it all behind. He was going to get on a train, and go somewhere new, somewhere he hadn't been before. Start again. And yet, every time he convinced himself it was right, and was about to buy the ticket, he couldn't do it. He couldn't leave. Because leaving meant losing everything. He couldn't make videos anymore, which is what he loved doing, and pretty much the only thing he was good at. He mentally shook himself. He could worry about that later. He'd made his decision. He was leaving.