The Prank Society without Sobriety
I don't own anything! Including me!
The day began as it always did. This was to say that all the people in Hogwarts woke up, had the opportunity to consider the absolute absurdity of the fact that magic and rotating around an object several million miles away was normal, and promptly ignored this notion.
School days were always hectic, and people always were anxious. But a small group of students were more eager than even Hermione before finals. Had any been paying any attention, the signs would have become evident. Thankfully two of the perpetrators long learned to be quiet, and everyone was either too groggy or ignoring Harry to notice his smile; the first visible sign of enjoyment exhibited for months.
Had they noticed, they might have expected one of a small list of things. Perhaps Harry had managed to find a way to eviscerate Malfoy and/or Snape without consequence. Perhaps he had heard from his secret girlfriend(people couldn't understand how Harry didn't "get" more than he did, so the prevailing theory was that he had a muggle girl). There were other reasons, but given the recent detention with Umbridge, almost none could have boosted Harry's flagging spirits or erased his quickly seen anger.
None the less, the signs were there. And they had already set up a nice alibi. It was a very nice alibi. It had been provided by the victim herself. Perhaps the word victim is to harsh to the plotters. After all, a victim is typically innocent. The term "weakening of illegally obtained power" sounds better, doesn't it? Maybe even "proud and brave acts against the regime that had committed so many atrocities"? In any case, three waited, carefully checking and rechecking their various timepieces that had been synchronized the day before.
Breakfast in the Great Hall was always an interesting affair. It typically was divided not only into house boundaries, but also into the two single greatest divisors of the human race: morning people and sane people.
The morning people cheerfully said good morning and then proceeded to rattle on a few various facts about their lives.
The sane people whose minds had booted up enough to think immediately declared the phrase "Good Morning" an oxymoron and groaned into the table. A few glared at the morning people through bleary eyes. A few first years had their desire for sleep overpowered by their desire for survival; they had Potions next and Snape was giving what promised to be the hardest test in their young lives. Fortunately for the first years, the next sequence of events due to occur in...Harry looked down at his watch...5 minutes and 37 seconds would change all this.
More people stumbled or cheerfully walked in. Ron walked with his eyes half shut to his spot in the table; the location and route having been memorized after thousands of similar trips. Ron was even capable of avoiding the trick stairs steps in half-consciousness.
Hermione promptly followed in a much more dignified and alert gait, her brain fully ready to recall any detail for the betterment of her peers.
Had any been paying attention, they would have noticed Harry and the twins shiver a little, then smirk a devious smirk.
Harry quickly ducked his head over his cereal bowl before his merriment could escape. Those who were crazy enough to sit next to the twins were already used to many false alerts; the twins used them all the time so that no incidents could accurately predict an upcoming calamity.
3 minutes 29 seconds remaining.
Harry buttered his toast.
3 minutes 7 seconds remaining (Harry buttered it really, really well).
Harry ate his toast.
Ron engulfed his porridge, sending bits of it everywhere. Everyone was used to this, Hermione's "Really Ron" was so ingrained into her it was second nature and automatically ignored by everyone.
2 minutes 36 seconds remaining
Hermione began rambling on about house elf rights...AGAIN.
"Really, Ron that food was made by slave labor..."
"...And I really think that we all should..."
"...Right Harry?"
Harry briefly considered this change of events. If he said no, Hermione would yell at him too. If he agreed, he caused suffering for him and Ron. The best course was to calmly steer his path of neutrality. But Harry remembered other considerations...
"Of course Hermione. I'm sure Dobby completely agrees. Why don't we go and petition the Ministry next week?"
This had the effect of making Hermione and Ron drop their jaws(revealing a great amount of chewed up eggs and other unidentifiable food objects in Ron's mouth, and pearly whites that sparkled in Hermione's)
"Really?" Hermione squealed excitedly, beaming and looking much like a thirteen year old told she would marry the rich movie star after all.
"Yeah, I mean after seeing Kreacher, I really reevaluated my opinion on house-elves."
"MFJUEvjie Kwether czuy?" Ron spluttered around his eggs. (AN-I suck at food speak)
"Even Ron agrees." Hermione was too excited to have interpreted the food speak, and accepted this blatant lie at face value.
"Excellent, I'll add it to our schedule."
"Yeah, we can go because of Ministry Bylaw 410 section 23B which allows anybody to meet with the Ministry following a broaching of rights. Now, the problem with this is that I have to actually have had my rights broached, and can only discuss the broaching of my rights. However, house elves are considered part of your person once claimed by you, barbaric but true in this case. So all we have to do is offer Dobby some good wages as my house elf, with weekends and holidays and other amenities, and then register with the Ministry. Regrettably this will require us to visit Gringotts. But the Pureblood Act of 1820 allows any heir and his guest to leave school grounds to consult with the goblins, within reasonable limits. And I have not gone to receive the traditional heir accommodation ceremony, so I have the perfect excuse. And we don't even have to clear it with the headmaster, who would reject it anyways."
Harry's explanation further flabbergasted Ron, and served only to further advance Hermione's stage of excitement and awe.
The side effect was that the entire table was silent and unmoving for a good few seconds.
1 minute remaining.
Harry had decided to try to rejuvenate the others. He snapped his fingers.
He snapped them again.
He then remembered he couldn't snap his fingers loudly after Dudley cracked his knuckle as a 6 yearold.
Harry told Hermione that he might cancel the trip if she was so appalled by his suggestion, and move to more suitable compnay without elitism attitudes.
Hermione snapped out of it.
"But Harry, that law is based upon the Treaty of 1642, which expired twenty years ago."
"But the expiration has to be noted by the Ministry and placed in the front page of the Daily Prophet. Guess who forgot? Not the goblins."
"THAT'S BRILLIANT HARRY?"
"Thank you. I try."
42 seconds remaining.
Harry remembered that he simply had to be eating and pretend to be surprised. He highly doubted anyone would suspect the depressed emo kid that yelled a lot, but had been instructed by Fred and George nonetheless.
Harry asked for the orange juice.
He received the orange juice approximately 9 seconds later.
Harry poured the orange juice and gave a silent toast to Fred and George, who grinningly did the same back to him.
30 seconds remaining.
It would be best if he was not eating when the impending disaster struck.
He had some Defense against the Dark Arts homework to do. It would be the first assignment completed for that class in nearly a fortnight. Harry quietly began answering the questions, correctly filling in the ministry approved methods of winning an encounter with a Dementer (not having one, as they never left Azkaban, silly).
15 seconds remaining.
Harry glanced up to see Ron still staring at him. I must have broke him, he thought.
10 seconds
Harry began to write down the prescribed method of dodging spells.
5 seconds
Harry added the period to his sentence.
2 seconds
Harry Potter lifted his quill from his paper and stored it neatly in his bag.
1 second
Harry put his bag down.
Author's Note
I couldn't come up with anything for the end that was worthy of my ego.(or Harry's) I'll try to come up with something really good after I reread the 5th book.
Sorry for the random little misspellings and grammar errors, I try to get them but don't always get them all.
The guy who founded Linux said that all bugs can be found after extensive reading by thousands. Maybe this could happen on a smaller scale? Review if you find something wrong. Or if you have nothing better to do. I might have something better to do than respond immediately, especially with my ever accumulating pile of homework; but I will respond eventually. I will work as hard as possible b/c I know what it's like to get in the middle of a good story only to find that it has been abandoned like 3 years ago. I now check the last updated and complete/incomplete section on the fic before reading it.
