EPOV

As I sat in Bella's rocking chair, I couldn't help but think about the impending doom of the fair. I'd known about it for weeks, of course. The thoughts of the townspeople sometimes wandered to this supposedly 'fun family day out.' Alice had known for weeks too. Although she waited until the last second to tell anybody in case someone thought of a reason to get out of it.

Death would be a good one.

I didn't bother going home that night to change, as I knew whatever I put on would soon be shredded and disposed of by Alice in order to make way for the outfits she had planned. She'd been trying to keep her thoughts hidden but I still caught glimpses -glimpses of plaid.

It pained me to disturb her sleeping form but my selfish urge to see her in a cute plaid skirt overcame the chivalry. Besides, the fair started at 11am and it was already 9. Lord knows how long Alice wanted to work on her for.

I made my way over to her bed and gently caressed her cheek. The slight smile that'd been on her face all night grew wider as her eyelids fluttered opened.

"Hi," she sighed at me.

I grinned, "Sorry to disturb you, but the fair awaits us."

The smile was gone.
"Why do we have to go? It's just a stupid fair." She stuck out her bottom lip in protest. God, she was so cute when she was stubborn.

"I know, but Alice will be Alice. Come on, we have to move it. If we don't get there soon Alice may just come here to get you."

Bella bolted to bathroom as fast as she could without causing herself permanent damage.

I looked at my watch - 10:50am.
She'd been an hour and a half already. What did Alice do to Bella in there?
Sure, she always came out looking amazing but really, there wasn't even that much of a difference except for the makeup. I had a feeling it was Alice's own twisted way to sooth Bella's insecurities – Bella, stupidly, thought she 'paled in comparison' to us.

Bella had a different solution in mind.

Steering my thoughts clear of that direction I looked down at my own ensemble - blue jeans, black button up and Chucks. Actually, I didn't look like a cowboy at all. My guess was Alice saw the struggle I was willing to put up if she placed me in a pair of wranglers like she did Jasper. Even he admitted that perhaps it was a bit much.

Emmett, the moron, was sporting a huge cowboy hat. Its diameter had to have been at least one meter. He had a huge belt buckle that he'd stolen from Jasper that read 'Don't Mess with Texas' and a pair of ludicrously pointy boots with spurs. Yes, spurs.

I was utterly ashamed.

Rosalie donned a simple black cowboy hat with skinny jeans and fitted shirt. She'd claimed she wanted to keep it low key until the pageant, as if anything she did was low key. She had her outfit in a small bag she was carrying, her mind wandering to squashing the hopes of all the high school girls that were planning on entering. So malicious, so entertaining.

"Ok, we're ready now!" Alice's voice floated down the stairs and she suddenly appeared in front of us with Bella in her arms. Alice placed Bella on her feet and I drank in the site before me.

I had never known cowgirl fantasies had been my thing until that very moment. I wanted to kiss Alice and shoot her, because I knew every teenage boy at the fair would be having the same thoughts I was having right now.

She had placed Bella's hair in low, loose piggy tails with a straw cowgirl hat on her head. She wore a white singlet underneath a red, plaid shirt that was tied around at her waist. On her bottom half she had a pair of cute, denim shorts – not daisy dukes, but still rather too short for this weather. On her feet were tan cowgirl boots with dark embroidery.

It was beyond cliché and it didn't bother me in the slightest. Bella seemed to have different thoughts.

"Alice, I'll FREEZE! My legs are completely exposed!" Bella bit her bottom lip, obviously not comfortable with the display of skin.

"Oh please, Bella," Alice, who had worn a similar plaid shirt in blue that was entirely too long for her with a belt fastened under her bust, turning it into somewhat of a mini dress, scoffed, "I already checked. It won't be too cold at all today. You'll be warm enough and you look beyond adorable!"

"I couldn't agree more," I leant down and whispered in Bella's ear. I felt her turn a bright shade of pink.

"Ugh! Can we please go? It starts in like two minutes!" Emmett was already standing at the door, his jeep's keys in hand.

"Ok, ok. Let's go," I said as I took Bella's hand.

JPOV

I didn't know whether to be nervous or excited, but I felt both regardless. As well as the pure anxiety that was just rolling off Bella in tidal waves. I adjusted my wranglers and couldn't believe Alice had dug these up. It was slightly mortifying that anyone besides my wife was seeing me in these outside the bedroom, but if it made her happy…

I sighed.

So many people were going to be at this fair which meant so many different emotional climates. I'd have to find a good one and stick close by it. Luckily, Alice was feeling nothing but chipper as we rode over and I could only hope her mood stayed so positive.

It was going to be a long day, even for a vampire.

As we arrived at the giant field where the fair had been set up, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. It was like I'd walked into an all you can eat, free buffet but wasn't allowed to touch anything. Kids were running around - their faces flushed. People were sweating a little from all the bodies being so close together in the little tiny walkways that had been created in between stalls. I could almost feel the heat coming off all the nervous people on the Ferris wheel.

Edward shot me a warning look but Alice kept smiling, so I guess I was safe. I tried to focus on the joy this day was bringing my Alice and how much I would ruin it if I were to suddenly go all savage on these innocent town's folk. The sweet, tantalizing town's folk.

Another look from Edward. I'd have to push these thoughts out of my head and fast.

"Where do I go first?" Emmett's head was almost spinning in complete 360 degree circles, trying to look at everything at once. He was such a kid. I couldn't help but smile at my brother.

"Well, you could hit the stalls first and try to rack up as many prizes as possible," Alice said slyly. Of course she would stick with whoever would be the most entertaining.

"You're right, let's hurry! I don't want all the good prizes to be gone," Emmett turned to Rose, "You coming, babe?"

"I think not. I'm going off to register for the pageant," Rosalie sauntered off to find the registration tent, an enormous smirk on her face.

"What about you guys?" Emmett was desperate for an audience, as he turned on Edward and Bella, "You guys want to see me kick boo-tay?"

Bella laughed while Edward frowned.

"No, Emmett. I think we're just going to look around for while," he turned to Alice, "We'll catch up with you guys later I'm sure."

"Absolutely you will" Alice grinned as Edward and Bella walked off in the general direction of the animals.

"Looks like it's just you guys for now... Do you know when Esme and Carlisle are going to show up?"

"They're still deciding whether to come or not so I'm not too sure. Don't worry Emmett, we'll cheer you on," Alice winked at me.

"Ok, well let's hurry up! I want to make my way through each stall before anyone else gets a chance to," Emmett was practically running towards the first stall.

Alice's eyes unfocused for a second before the permanent smile on her face almost tore her cheeks in two.

"Come on, Jazz" she sang as she grabbed my wrist and yanked me after Emmett.

RPOV

The tent was easily enough to locate - I just followed the smells of cheap perfume and make up.

It really was kind of sad to think these girls were even bothering. Maybe they thought I wasn't coming? This was true until I heard about the pageant. It was just too good a chance to mess with people to pass up.

The outfit I had in my bag was a sure thing, not that I myself wasn't. It would blow everyone's minds and I had an inkling that once Emmett saw it, he would be groveling at my feet.
Emmett… what was that buffoon up to?

I pulled the flap of the tent aside and walked into what I could only describe as one of the tackiest things I have ever seen.

Hay was everywhere. It littered the floor acting as sort of an itchy, yellow carpet and bales of hay were placed around low, wooden tables. I presumed these were to be used as… seats? Red, white and blue party streamers scattered the walls of the tent and the same color scheme had been used for the helium inflated balloons that were floating up the top of the tent. The wooden stage was about a meter off the ground and the judges' table was sitting directly in front of it, an American flag hung over the front of it.

Was there anything about this town that was original?

I saw a small cluster of girls standing around one of the back tables which I could only assume was where the registration was. I walked over with my shoulders back, hips swinging and eyes glaring. Let me see one of these girls even try to have a glimmer of hope with me around.

Much to my disappointment and slight wariness, I noticed that when the girls saw me, they couldn't appear happier. Smiles lit up their faces and some short, curly haired broad sniggered to her bleach blonde friend - losers.

It wasn't until I looked over at the plump, school receptionist who was sitting at the registration table, that I noticed the sign she had placed on the table.

Registration Closed

If I didn't know better, I would have sworn my sockets had punched my eyeballs out of them.

CLOSED!?

This was ABSURD!
RIDICULOUS!

FUCKING MESSED UP!

What was this shit?

I stormed up to the cheaply dressed 40something year old, picked up the sign and thrust it in her wrinkling face.

"What is this?" I asked incredulously, as if it had been something dirty and offensive and right then, it certainly was.

"I-I'm sorry, dear," she flustered, a hot flush rising on her cheeks.

It was almost temptation enough for me to rip her neck off but I decided that would get me nowhere. She was going to let me in this stupid contest.

"I don't care if you're sorry or not, why the hell is it closed? This stupid fair only just started!"
How could I be expected to get from the entrance to here, at human speed, so quickly?

Was this some kind of sick ploy to keep me out of the contest?

"On… on the flyer it stated quite clearly that any wishing to enter had to arrive at 10:30… for paper work and…"

"Paper work? For God's sake lady, just hand over the forms, I'll fill them out in two seconds flat and then I can be on my merry way to win this thing."

All my other family members would have opted for the 'dazzling' technique and try to persuade her by using our vampire charms. Not Rosalie Hale, no way. I'd make her cry if I had to.

"You heard her," the blonde friend piped up all smug like, "it's closed. You can't enter."

Her fat curly haired friend giggled. The other 5 girls just looked plain terrified -smart.

"Listen here, Paris," I rounded on her. Just who did she think she was? Fake plastic nails and an orange skin tone did not make you worthy to dish it out to me. I'd put her in her place, "I don't know what your name is or who you are but you do not talk to me like that, ever. And just because you know I'll wipe the floor with you is no need to get so snippy."

"Wipe the floor with me? You wish."
She was a cocky little thing. I couldn't help but grin though when her face faltered because I didn't know who she was. Obviously, this chick fancied herself some sort of social climber and the fact I had never taken notice of her was a bruise on her ego. Good. It was one less part of her to crush.

"Scared of a little competition, sunshine?"
I changed tactics. If I could get this little punk to want me in the competition, maybe good old Ms. Cope would allow it.

"HA! You wish. I'd love to have you in the competition just so I could show you that despite what you think, you are so not the hottest girl in Forks."

All the other girls looked at her like she was crazy and to be standing up to an almost centennial vampire, she probably was.

"Then why don't you let me go in the contest so I can prove it?" I asked slyly. This chick was too easy.

"FINE THEN! Ms. Cope," she turned to woman, "put her in the pageant! I need to teach this girl a thing or two."

"I… I…" Ms. Cope was torn, "well I guess if the other contestants say it's ok…"

"Well I guess it's all sorted then. The paper work, Ms. Cope?" I asked smugly. Getting my way wasn't anything out of the usual but these people didn't know that. So I had to let my tone of voice remind them.

"OH! Um, of course…" The stout woman reached under the table and produced some papers and a pen, "now if you'll just notice section…"

I grabbed the pen off her and began reading and filling out as furiously as I could without being conspicuous.
I thrust the papers in her face, "So what time do I have to be back here?"

"Um… one o'clock but the pageant doesn't start till half past…"

"Perfect, see you then, losers."

I turned on my heel and practically waltzed out of there, all the while hearing furious voices scolding the blonde girl for what she'd done. She seemed awfully regretful of her rash actions, now that she had time to think about.

I had just planned on beating the other contestants but now, after that little show, I was going to annihilate them!