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I went outside just to see what the weather was like. It was brisk, I snuggled down into my hoodie and grinned. The dizzying array of steam and car horns, sirens, and the roaring of a thousand conversations. Manhattan. Midtown. God, I loved it. Everything was always happening. It was noisy, it was perfect. So much better than the quiet, sleepy pace of home. There was always something to see, to hear, to do.
Alex came outside, on his phone, and grabbed a pack of cigarettes out of the pocket of his jeans. He still wore his 'Wicked' hoodie, now in black jeans, all black Vans, looking like a ninja. His headset clipped to his waist, there were no headphones today. I leaned against the wall casually and tried not to eavesdrop too hard.
"...I know. I'm sorry, but, hey tech week's over, so it's only going to get easier... I'm sorry, yeah, of course I'll be home tonight… have a good day, though, yeah? I will… okay… I love you, too, so so much!" He sipped his coffee and hung up.
From this conversation I learned one thing:
One: He was taken.
I pushed past him and went back inside, taking a moment to sit on my futon and feel sorry for myself. Of course he's taken, John. I chided myself and grumbled. I often got cases of puppy love and absolutely nothing came of them. The occasional fling, one night stand. It wasn't hard to find a lonely boy seeking validation when working in a theatre, we were all lonely boys seeking validation, except Alex. Alex with the beautiful smile, Alex had someone to go home to every night. Good for him. I checked my watch, I could sulk for at least another hour. I did.
I took my sulking up to my booth. No one else was there yet, I cleaned up their trash left behind from the previous night. Light guys were filthy. I sketched in the sketchbook that I kept hidden in the booth. Lafayette joined me, he had an air of calm about him.
"Last night was very good." He smiled, long legs kicking up and resting on my lighting desk.
"Yeah. Good job. I know you've worked hard."
"It's fun to see it all come together. You worked hard, too." He grinned at me and ran his fingers through his hair, resecuring the wild mane into its high poof.
"I suppose I still owe you for getting me this gig in the first place."
"Nah," he smirked at me, "you still owe me for letting you store all of your belongings in my apartment."
I rolled my eyes, "whatever."
"You seem sad, mon ami. Heartbroken already?"
I shrugged, "you're always right. I'll learn someday."
"No you won't. It is why I love you." He stood up and kissed my head before leaving the booth.
The rest of the day passed, I hid in the booth alone until my team arrived for their call. I snuck down to use the bathroom. Alex was in an empty hallway, on his phone again, crouched down, head in his hand.
"I can't, I can't. I'm sorry. I know you do… I'm sorry, babe. Can abuela help you? I gotta go. I love you."
I went into the bathroom and sat on the toilet, thinking. Abuela? Grandmother? It didn't make sense, but it didn't matter. His complicated life was his problem, just like Lafayette told me. I didn't want any part of it. Only, I did. I grumbled and left the bathroom, splashing water on my face after I washed my hands. Alex, of course stood at the sink next to me.
"Hey, John." He smiled sadly in the mirror at me, this smile wasn't as beautiful, it didn't touch his eyes.
"Alex." I dropped our eye contact and tore paper towels, quickly wiping my hands.
"You gonna be up on the rig again?" He smirked, this did reach his eyes.
What's it to you? I wanted to be grumpy with him, but that smirk, "I dunno."
He nodded, tearing at a scab on his lip with his teeth, "okay, just wanted to know where I should look for you."
I smiled emptily at him, he was one of those guys, got in a spat with his boyfriend, or, I guess, girlfriend - I didn't have facts either way - and then flirt with me. Lafayette was so right. I went back up to the booth to watch the show, everything went fine.
Afterwards I patched the cords and got things shut down for the night, checking fuses. He leaned against the wall opposite me, looking more tired. Looking more enchanting. I couldn't look at him too long, it made my heart feel like fireworks were going off in my rib cage, but not like in a romantic way, in more a fiery explosion of pain way.
"I didn't see you tonight." He pulled a multitool from his pocket and cleaned his fingernails.
"I was in the booth."
"Did something go wrong?"
"No."
"Oh, that's good. You okay?"
"Fine."
"You just seem, I dunno, pissy."
"Why are you worried about me?"
"I guess because you're cute. Because you're nice." He pocketed the multitool.
I laughed dryly, "I'm cute, of course. Dude, I heard you on the phone earlier, I'm not trying to be your side piece."
"Side piece?" He laughed, "no, it's nothing like that. Wait, did Thomas say something? Asshole keeps trying to ruin my shit. I should have known better."
"Thomas?" Lafayette's cousin, Thomas? Is that how Laf knew so much about this guy?
"Yeah, we dated for like eight months, he couldn't hang, most guys can't, I know it's a lot to ask. He keeps saying shit to people. We're over, completely. I mean, I kind of hate myself for even dating him, I keep shitting where I eat, but I work eighteen hour days, don't exactly have time to hit the clubs. Fuck, though, I see that asshole everyday. I mean, God, what did I see in him? But, no, I'm single as fuck."
"Oh, I just thought… on the phone it sounded like…"
"Nope." He grinned at me, and the blood drained from my face, there was that thrill again. I wanted to chase it.
I closed the cover on the fusebox and spun around on my heel. I kissed him, you know, like an impulsive idiot. He leaned into it, though, moaning low, hands snaking my waist, his goatee prickled my face. He tasted like coffee and cigarettes. I wanted to kiss him forever. He broke the kiss first, chuckling. I grinned back.
"I like you." He laughed, still breathless.
"Yeah," I grinned, my cheeks hurting.
He looked at his watch, "fuck, I'm sorry, I really have to go."
"Have a good night!" I called after him.
Once the theatre was empty I shut off all the lights and put myself to bed wearing a shit eating grin. I licked my lips, tasting the ghost of his. My futon felt especially lonely tonight.
In the morning I realized I overslept and hurried to get myself ready for the day, to try and keep my secrets. I skipped a shower and hurried out to the wings. Lafayette was talking to Hercules, flirting with him as usual. I saw Thomas, headset on, grumbling to himself. I couldn't believe that he and Lafayette were even from the same family, they were different in everything but looks. Thomas was just shorter than Laf, but they could have passed for twins.
"Oh, please, stage left was fine last night, I'm sorry that you're still trying to pass off your problems." Every time that Thomas opened his mouth, something pompous oozed out.
It was only a testament to Lafayette's generosity that Thomas even had a job here, although the same could be said of me. I walked through the wings to the other side of the stage and saw Alex, grumbling into his own headset.
"Nope, fuck you!" He clicked the button and the red light went out, he pulled the headset around his neck.
I looked at him, planning my next move. He looked worse off today, his nose red, hair barely tucked into a bun.
"You okay?" I asked him.
"Peachy," his voice was nasally, he drank his coffee.
"You look like Hell."
"I always get sick the first week of a show. It's like I make it through Hell Week and then my body just quits on me."
"Do you need anything?" I wanted to comfort him.
"Nah, I'm good." His eyes went wide and then squeezed shut and he bent forward, his whole body shuddering once, twice, three times.
He stood back up and sniffed wiping teary eyes.
"Holy shit," I gasped, "were those sneezes?"
He nodded and sniffed again.
"That was the quietest sneeze I've ever seen."
"I'm a stage manager who gets sick every show. I have to be quiet. It's a skill."
"You're a wizard."
He shrugged, "wouldn't go that far. Hope I don't get you sick. Though, maybe sometime after the cooties I'll get to kiss you again. That was… damn." I noticed him eyeballing me, I felt the blush rise on my cheeks.
I motioned to the mic pack clipped to my waistband, "I'm on channel four if you end up needing anything. I don't have too much to do during shows."
"Thanks." He nodded and started flipping through the binder again, before giving the quietest cough I'd ever heard.
Another flawless show, Lafayette joined me in the booth at intermission.
"You just can't say no to trouble can you?"
I shook my head, "never could. Works out well for you, though."
He mocked offense.
I harnessed myself and climbed to watch act two from the truss in my hidden spot. I climbed down and found Alex after the show. His eyes were waterier, nose an angrier shade of red.
"You look like ass." I sighed, watching him pack props away.
"I know." His voice was hoarse.
"Get some sleep tonight."
"Let's hope." He smiled half heartedly.
"You okay to get home? Not too far?"
"Nah, thirty minute ride on the A." He wiped his nose on a tissue and quickly pocketed it again.
"Let me give you my number, text me when you get home safe?" Damn, that was smooth as hell.
"What? Really?" He unlocked his phone and handed it to me, I noticed his home screen, a cute little boy about seven or eight, long curly hair, smattering of freckles, front tooth missing, his nephew maybe, and I typed in my number, texting myself so I'd have his.
"Yeah, you really do look like shit, it would be a bummer to find a new stage manager this late in the game. I don't really wanna listen to Laf bitch about how your death inconvenienced him."
"Thomas would be thrilled, though."
"Screw that guy. He's an ass."
I followed him to the green room to get his things and walked with him to the stage door and sent him on his way into the cold night. I went to bed and watched a movie, interrupted by a text.
Didn't die.
I grinned and reminded myself to be cool.
Better luck next time.
Lol. Maybe the sweet release of death will find me tonight. Currently looking up recipes for Lean.
I giggled at his deprecating sense of humour.
Good luck with that, see you tomorrow.
I made myself go to sleep.
In the morning I made sure to get up early enough to go to the corner store and get a cold bottle of sprite. Back at the theatre he showed up, wearing sweatpants today, same hoodie. I presented him the bottle of sprite.
"Y'know, for your purple drank." I grinned.
He laughed heartily and coughed, "you're my saviour." He cracked the plastic safety seal and drank.
"I do what I can."
"My throat man, I can tolerate everything else, but my fucking throat."
I patted my pockets for my half eaten bag of Sour Patch Kids and offered them to him. He reached in and took one, sucking on it.
"The sour, like, helps somehow." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
"Keep 'em, I always have more." I wanted to kiss him, forget germs, I just wanted him to feel better.
"You're seriously a fucking angel. Are you real or is this all just a fever dream."
"I'm totally real," I smiled, "break a leg tonight." I walked off to get my team prepped, it was a two show day.
He missed a cue for his grip crew and I watched him react, hanging his head, fist balled. He really must have felt like shit, poor guy. Between shows the actors went to get something to eat. I found Alex in the green room, curled in a little ball.
I brought him a bottle of water from the dressing room. They were for the cast. Fuck the cast.
"Hey," I crouched beside him and offered the bottle of water when he lifted his head.
He wiped his eyes, he'd been sleeping in that little ball.
"Thank you," he rasped.
"You have an hour or so still. Wanna take a nap?"
He nodded and I led him to my room. He looked at all of my clothing folded in the corner. Empty takeout boxes on the mini fridge, hot plate in the corner, comforter on the futon.
"Do you…" he trailed off.
I smiled, feeling ashamed, "I live here."
I pulled the futon out and he curled up onto it. I covered him and sat on the floor, leaning against the futon. I clicked through Reddit. He fell asleep hard. Mouth open, snoring, I could hear the gunk in his chest rattling. I let him sleep until the first call for the night show.
"Hey, Alex?" I patted his shoulder through the blanket.
He startled awake, I watched him gain awareness of his surroundings.
"You're okay. You're okay. It's time to go to work."
He sat up and held his head in his hands, "okay, alright, yeah. Okay. Thank you for letting me stay here. Thank you, sorry."
"You're all good. You can just stay here tonight if you want. You always get here so early."
"No, no, I can't. I have to get home."
"Okay, yeah, no, you're good. Just know it's an option."
"Thanks, John."
He smoothed himself out and left the room. He had the upper hand. He knew my secret.
