Part 2
"What's going on?" Buffy asks, ignoring the Fonz on Halloween over there and looking straight at me. "Cordelia? Where are we?"
I look at Azrael and boy am I grateful when he explains. "You're in Halfway House," he says.
"Not in Heaven, not in Hell. Just ... dead."
"Dead," she whispers. "I'm dead? Wow. I mean, I've been waiting for this... wow. It's such a let-down."
"Thanks," he says huffily, sitting down on his breeze block. "What were you expecting? A
welcoming party? You were killed by the Master, Buffy Summers. You're letting evil take over the world. Hence your 'Welcome to the Light Side' party being cancelled."
"The Master?" I say, confused. "Buffy killed him. Ages back." I frown at her. "That was Angel's friend's friend, right?"
"Darla," she says, agreeing. "Yeah. Yeah, I killed him. Fonzie, you have this all wrong."
Azrael sighs and stops filing for a minute to click his fingers. A screen rolls down the wall (this place is so white I didn't even realise there was a wall there) and a scene plays on it.
I watch in surprise as, firstly, it shows me getting killed by some vampires. And secondly, as Buffy is staked by the Master. Buffy appears equally shocked. "This is wrong," she says again.
"Look. Cordelia, look, in the background."
I peer at the still. "Oz?" I say, finally recognising Willow's boyfriend.
"In front of Oz," she says, pointing.
I see the redhead in front of him and nod. "Willow. So?"
"So, look at her face," Buffy says softly. "That's not Willow. Not human Willow. She's a -"
"Vampire," I finish quietly. "Azrael, something crazy is going on. Willow's not a vampire. Those vampires didn't kill me. And Buffy killed the Master a while back. I'm not dead."
"Nice try," Azrael says lazily, clicking his fingers as the screen rolls back up. "You're in denial, girls. Common stage that all dead people go through. 'Oh no, I can't possibly be dead'. Well,
you are, and just because your memories are garbled doesn't mean I'm sending you back down. You-" he points at Buffy -"got killed. You failed. It happens to the best of us. And you-" he points at me-"got killed. You didn't fail anyone as such, but still you're a weak little pathetic human being, so I reserve the right to laugh at you. You'll both get over it. Now," he goes to click his fingers again, "let's have a little look-see at your lives, shall we, and then we can all get the hell out of here."
"No," Buffy says firmly. "Listen, dude, whoever you are-"
"Azrael, Angel of Death," I say helpfully.
"Right. Azrael. Something is wrong here, don't you get it? My last minutes on Earth were not
spent fighting the Master. In fact, I think they were spent wondering where Cordelia was. But
that's not the point. The point is, the people on that film, despite looking uncannily like Cordelia
and I, were not Cordelia and I. We're not dead. Get it?"
"Yeah," I chime in. Well, I can't have Buffy taking over as usual. I mean, this is my death as
much as it is hers. "I'm not dead. I told you I was too pretty. Do something."
Azrael sighs and leans back against the wall. "All right," he says finally. "Supposing there has
been some terrible mistake. What do you propose I do about it?"
"You're not going to do anything, are you?" Buffy realises suddenly. "Because you don't believe
us."
"Why should I do anything? It's all her bloody fault!" Azrael says in irritation, pointing at me
again.
"How? How is it my fault?" I cry. "You're just looking for someone to blame it on so that you
don't have to admit that you have no idea how to deal with this."
"I'm telling you, this whole sorry mess is on your shoulders," Azrael insists. "I can prove it."
"Okay," Buffy says, stepping forward.
He looks bemused. "What?"
"Prove it. Show us how it's Cordelia's fault. Don't you have some kind of slide show you can show us?"
He sighs and stands up, pulling a toothpick out of his pocket and sticking it in his mouth. "Right," he says wearily. "But it's a back in time job. Hope you can handle it."
"We can handle it," Buffy says confidently.
"Right," Azrael says, producing a piece of black chalk from his pocket. I'm beginning to wonder
exactly what else is in those pockets. Maybe they're like Mary Poppins' never ending bag, or something. He leans down and chalks a neat, precise triangle on the ground. "Now. Everyone
take a corner." He looks at me and smiles coldly. "You're going to regret making me do this,
Chase."
"It's Cordelia," I say equally icily, and step on the corner. "And I think you'll be the one with egg on your fa-"
Oh. Man!
I'm in trouble.
I quickly step back from the triangle. "Actually, maybe you're right," I say hastily. "Let's not rush into this. I mean-"
"Remembered Anyanka, have we?" Azrael says smugly. "Back in the triangle, Chase. There's no backing out now."
"What's going on?" Buffy asks, ignoring the Fonz on Halloween over there and looking straight at me. "Cordelia? Where are we?"
I look at Azrael and boy am I grateful when he explains. "You're in Halfway House," he says.
"Not in Heaven, not in Hell. Just ... dead."
"Dead," she whispers. "I'm dead? Wow. I mean, I've been waiting for this... wow. It's such a let-down."
"Thanks," he says huffily, sitting down on his breeze block. "What were you expecting? A
welcoming party? You were killed by the Master, Buffy Summers. You're letting evil take over the world. Hence your 'Welcome to the Light Side' party being cancelled."
"The Master?" I say, confused. "Buffy killed him. Ages back." I frown at her. "That was Angel's friend's friend, right?"
"Darla," she says, agreeing. "Yeah. Yeah, I killed him. Fonzie, you have this all wrong."
Azrael sighs and stops filing for a minute to click his fingers. A screen rolls down the wall (this place is so white I didn't even realise there was a wall there) and a scene plays on it.
I watch in surprise as, firstly, it shows me getting killed by some vampires. And secondly, as Buffy is staked by the Master. Buffy appears equally shocked. "This is wrong," she says again.
"Look. Cordelia, look, in the background."
I peer at the still. "Oz?" I say, finally recognising Willow's boyfriend.
"In front of Oz," she says, pointing.
I see the redhead in front of him and nod. "Willow. So?"
"So, look at her face," Buffy says softly. "That's not Willow. Not human Willow. She's a -"
"Vampire," I finish quietly. "Azrael, something crazy is going on. Willow's not a vampire. Those vampires didn't kill me. And Buffy killed the Master a while back. I'm not dead."
"Nice try," Azrael says lazily, clicking his fingers as the screen rolls back up. "You're in denial, girls. Common stage that all dead people go through. 'Oh no, I can't possibly be dead'. Well,
you are, and just because your memories are garbled doesn't mean I'm sending you back down. You-" he points at Buffy -"got killed. You failed. It happens to the best of us. And you-" he points at me-"got killed. You didn't fail anyone as such, but still you're a weak little pathetic human being, so I reserve the right to laugh at you. You'll both get over it. Now," he goes to click his fingers again, "let's have a little look-see at your lives, shall we, and then we can all get the hell out of here."
"No," Buffy says firmly. "Listen, dude, whoever you are-"
"Azrael, Angel of Death," I say helpfully.
"Right. Azrael. Something is wrong here, don't you get it? My last minutes on Earth were not
spent fighting the Master. In fact, I think they were spent wondering where Cordelia was. But
that's not the point. The point is, the people on that film, despite looking uncannily like Cordelia
and I, were not Cordelia and I. We're not dead. Get it?"
"Yeah," I chime in. Well, I can't have Buffy taking over as usual. I mean, this is my death as
much as it is hers. "I'm not dead. I told you I was too pretty. Do something."
Azrael sighs and leans back against the wall. "All right," he says finally. "Supposing there has
been some terrible mistake. What do you propose I do about it?"
"You're not going to do anything, are you?" Buffy realises suddenly. "Because you don't believe
us."
"Why should I do anything? It's all her bloody fault!" Azrael says in irritation, pointing at me
again.
"How? How is it my fault?" I cry. "You're just looking for someone to blame it on so that you
don't have to admit that you have no idea how to deal with this."
"I'm telling you, this whole sorry mess is on your shoulders," Azrael insists. "I can prove it."
"Okay," Buffy says, stepping forward.
He looks bemused. "What?"
"Prove it. Show us how it's Cordelia's fault. Don't you have some kind of slide show you can show us?"
He sighs and stands up, pulling a toothpick out of his pocket and sticking it in his mouth. "Right," he says wearily. "But it's a back in time job. Hope you can handle it."
"We can handle it," Buffy says confidently.
"Right," Azrael says, producing a piece of black chalk from his pocket. I'm beginning to wonder
exactly what else is in those pockets. Maybe they're like Mary Poppins' never ending bag, or something. He leans down and chalks a neat, precise triangle on the ground. "Now. Everyone
take a corner." He looks at me and smiles coldly. "You're going to regret making me do this,
Chase."
"It's Cordelia," I say equally icily, and step on the corner. "And I think you'll be the one with egg on your fa-"
Oh. Man!
I'm in trouble.
I quickly step back from the triangle. "Actually, maybe you're right," I say hastily. "Let's not rush into this. I mean-"
"Remembered Anyanka, have we?" Azrael says smugly. "Back in the triangle, Chase. There's no backing out now."
