As Sheldon inserted the key in the lock to his apartment, he could think of nothing he'd rather do than to just crawl under the covers in his bed and wither away for the rest of eternity. As he entered the apartment and dropped the keys in the bowl on the dresser, he quickly realized he'd have to postpone his plans of slowly dying. Seven pairs of eyes met his blue gaze, each one of them taking in his worn features and slumped shoulders.

"Hey buddy, how was the lecture?" his bespectacled roommate, Leonard Hofstadter, called out from his seat in one of the armchairs. His lap was currently occupied by a twenty-something chipper looking blonde with a pixie cut, who casually waved her hand at him.

Sheldon eyed them disapprovingly.

"It was…thought provoking" he finally let out, dumping his messenger bag on top of the dresser, making his way to his designated spot on the couch. Sheldon's spot was the center of his universe: the one place in the world where the planets aligned and the mind-blowing noise of the world outside was kept to a minimum. He desperately needed his spot right now, even more than he needed his privacy.

Leonard frowned but didn't say anything. Sheldon being quiet was never a good thing but then again…Sheldon being quiet was a good thing.

Sheldon made his way past Raj Koothrappali and his girlfriend Emily, Howard Wolowitz and his wife Bernadette, before finally slumping down next to his own girlfriend Amy.

Amy.

She was curiously eyeing him where he sat, gaze a million miles away, and then picked up a white Styrofoam container.

"I know that Tuesday night is hamburger night, and that you usually have dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, but you were at the lecture and nobody felt like going out tonight" she began, her husky voice sounding slightly apologetic.

Sheldon nodded absently. Great. The world was already falling apart, no reason to stop disrupting his carefully constructed order.

She gently nudged the Styrofoam container in his direction.

"I know how you hate disruptions in your routine so I drove by the Cheesecake Factory to pick up your Barbeque Bacon Cheeseburger" Amy continued, an ever so slight worried frown grazing her dark features.

Slowly, he turned his head to look at her. Her eyes, emerald green behind dark rimmed glasses, kept searching his own blue orbs for a clue as to what might be troubling him. Many people who had met Amy would describe her as "quirky", at best. Her hair was long, dark and straight, her dress practical and conservative. She was on the short side, the top of her head barely reaching up to his chin, and her demeanor could best be described as "frank". There was no denying that she was brilliant though, what with her sharp intellect that matched that of his own, and her PhD in neurobiology. Of course, biology was all about yucky, squishy things, but still.

"Barbeque sauce, bacon and cheese on the side?" he asked, more out of habit than anything.

"Of course" Amy smiled.

"…Thank you."

He accepted the container, more grateful than he'd ever dare admit to her. She was the reason he'd put himself through such misery this afternoon. She was the reason he would return, even though the better part of him was still firmly convinced therapy was complete hokum.

He bit into the burger, suddenly aware of how hungry he was. His friends were casually chatting around him, as if everything hadn't changed. Amy's hip and thigh were softly pressing into his own, the warmth of her body slowly seeping through him. Yes, everything had changed indeed.

"How was work today?" Amy asked, determined to find out what had rendered her normally so chatty boyfriend silent. She allowed herself to let her eyes roam across his face and body, and she sighed contently. Delving into the depths of his intellect was the greatest adventure of her life, feeling the two of them growing closer each day was a silvery bliss for which she was ever grateful. When she looked at him, she was sure she could feel her heart grow in her chest. She would give him the world if he would only let her.

"Fine…it was fine" he managed to get out between mouthfuls, desperately trying to come up with a plausible explanation for his behavior. If Amy found out what he'd been doing that afternoon, everything would be ruined. Sheldon prided himself on not giving a damn what people thought of him (really, what was not to like though?), but he did care what Amy thought. If she knew… No, no that was unacceptable.

He swallowed the food he'd been chewing, carefully selecting his words.

"When I arrived at my office this morning, someone had messed with my whiteboard, in essence, ruining yesterday's work for me. Naturally, I keep all my calculations in my head, but I found the errors on the board disturbing and it took me over an hour to redo the math. Apparently, whoever did this thought it would be amusing. To make matters worse, today was supposed to be chicken salad day in the cafeteria but they were out of chicken. I think you know where I'm going with this."

"Today wasn't chicken salad day?" Amy offered.

"No, today wasn't chicken salad day. And even though the complimentary chocolate pudding cup somewhat made up for it not being chicken salad day, Barry Kripke still managed to ruin it when he posted a ridiculous meme of me on 9Gag".

"Wait, Sheldon is on 9Gag? Why didn't I hear this?" Wolowitz quipped, immediately pulling out his phone, which earned him a force ten death glare from Sheldon.

"Dude, you should have seen it, it was hilarious. I don't even know how he managed to snap a picture of you in that position!" Raj laughed, ignoring the death glare Sheldon sent his way. Trying to stare ominously at both men at the same time nearly rendered him cross-eyed, and he shook his head to restore his vision to normal.

Amy felt her heart swell.

"Oh Sheldon, that sounds terrible. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better… perhaps a soothing pat on the back would ease some of the pain?"

Sheldon half considered telling her off. Her touching him was why he was miserable in the first place. What with all her romantic mumbo jumbo and hand holding and kissing – he was a scientist, first and foremost, not someone's snuggle bunny! He was just lucky he had managed to divert her attention from the supposed "lecture" he'd been to, without having to actually lie. Lying was not Sheldon's best feat – he found it difficult and morally reprehensible. Not to mention tic-inducing.

"It couldn't hurt, could it?" he shrugged, carefully avoiding her glance. Immediately, he felt her petite hand against his shoulder blade, slowly moving in figure eights. Even through two layers of fabric, he could feel the heat emanating from her soft skin. He slowly shut his eyes and gave in to the sensation. He relaxed into her, allowing himself to forget that they weren't alone. This happened more and more frequently, especially when she did something thoughtful, like bringing him his favorite burger so he wouldn't have to change his routine. She knew that made him terribly anxious, and she often went out of her way to accommodate him, just because she cared.

Amy allowed herself to enjoy the moment too. She tenderly caressed his shoulder, feeling the swell of the muscle underneath her fingers. Quietly, she regarded the freckles at the nape of his neck, contemplating whether he'd had them since birth of if they were the result of sun exposure. Knowing her Sheldon, it was probably not the latter.

Their friends watched the unusually tender scene unfold in front of them. Amy and Sheldon rarely touched, at least not in public. They were each struck with the feeling that they were interrupting something very intimate, and they all diverted their eyes, slightly flustered.

"I'm not sure if I'm supposed to go 'aww' or 'ewww'" Penny whispered into Leonard's ear.

"I'm leaning towards 'aww' and that in itself is making me go 'ewww'" Leonard muttered, not really sure what to make of himself.

Sheldon was perfectly aware of the whispering and gossiping: there was no fooling his Vulcan hearing. He decided to ignore it though, and sat up straight to look at Amy.

"I've been meaning to ask you, Amy…" he began, nervously fiddling with his hands. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

"Yes?" she said, gently cocking her head to the side.

"Well… I was wondering… for our Date Night next Thursday… if perhaps you wouldn't mind me suggesting something… different this week." he babbled on, sounding as stupid as he felt.

"No, I wouldn't mind at all" Amy replied, trying not to grin. "What are you suggesting?"

"I was thinking we could meet here, and perhaps bake some of those cookies you made me for Christmas? And then watch a documentary… maybe something on Neuroscience?"

Amy blinked. She knew her boyfriend didn't care much for her work and it usually took her hours of coaxing and threatening to get him to do something she would enjoy. Whatever was in that meme Barry Kripke posted, it had to be good.

"That sounds lovely Sheldon. I'd very much enjoy that" she smiled, deciding she didn't care what brought this change on.

Sheldon returned her smile, but felt the ground slowly crumble beneath his feet. He almost had to make sure he was still seated on the couch, the sensation was that strong. He could not allow himself to fall: whatever happened, he had to stay above ground, keep his head above water, keep treading, keep staying conscious.

The whispering and gossiping sounded like they came from far away. For the second time that day, Sheldon felt as if someone had altered the volume on a stereo. It was almost surreal how far into his mind he had drifted.

Later that night, after everyone had left and Leonard had bid him goodnight and sauntered off to Penny's apartment to enjoy those baser urges Sheldon fought so hard to ignore, he finally crawled into bed. He resisted the urge to moan out loud when he felt himself sink into the mattress, allowing his aches and pains to sink into it as well.

He found it difficult to organize his thoughts. There were no calculations for what he felt, no numbers to show him the way when he doubted which path to take with Amy, no equations that could tell him if therapy was the answer to his problems.

Feeling the sweat starting to build up at the small of his back, he angrily threw off his covers. Thinking of Amy brought up disturbing thoughts. He could still feel the fiery trail her hand had left across his shoulder: it was as if he'd been burned. Memories of other burning sensations flooded through him. 'No, not this again, I don't want this' he thought, trying to fend off the images, fighting off the need that was building up within him. Pearly droplets formed at his hairline, trickling down over his temple. He pictured Amy in her prom dress with its sweetheart neckline, remembering how the mere sight of the swell of her décolletage had almost made him faint that day. Oh, there it was, that tightening at the small of his back again. His eyes were tightly shut and the back of his head drilled into the pillow. That white hot heat was slowly coursing through him, and he started panting, feeling how it slowly concentrated itself into one tight burning knot deep within him. His hands, where were his hands? Oh…This…this was not right but it felt so…sooo good…If only…Amy….Just a little –y-yes…

"Oooohh" Sheldon groaned as stars exploded in front of his eyes, causing him to sit up straight, finally opening his eyes.

For a minute or two he remained sitting, clutching the covers to his chest. As his breathing returned to normal, he slumped back into the pillow, feeling the familiar pangs of shame.

"I can't do this" he mumbled, despair surging through him.