A/N; At long last, 'tis here! Please do your best not to stone me if you find mistakes. I know how your minds work, you'll be like 'It took her two months, it should be flawless!' Well it isn't. Also, if you find it long and boring, please bear with me. Think of it as a filler episode. I can't just spring chapter 3 on you without giving you something less... less AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH first. And yes, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" is now a recognised adjective. Enjoy!
Oh and as always I own nothing.
A Letter to Suzaku
Dear Suzaku
I am pleased that you have allowed me into your life. I am pleased to have dinner with you in your study every evening. I am pleased to receive your comfort whenever I feel upset, and whenever the nightmares come at night. I am so very, very pleased to have my best friend back.
But you are not.
I can see it in your eyes. You are wary of me; as if you are afraid I might break if you came too close to me, or that I might resent you if you said too much.
How I wish you could see yourself! Even after allowing me back into your life, you are still holding back. Are you still trying to protect me at the cost of yourself? Do you think I still have anything worth protecting, aside from our friendship?
My friend, why must you be so blind? You keep jumping through flaming hoops because you think it makes me happy, when all I wish is for you to stop getting burned.
I can tell that you are indeed happier, if only slightly. You are lighter, somehow. But still, you refuse to completely let go of your burdens. You refuse to be forgiven. Will you not allow me to help you, Suzaku?
Love
Nunnally.
Life was much easier with Nunnally by my side. For the both of us, I believed. I had been a fool to shut her out all this time. What a selfish, conceited notion to think that I could shoulder the world all by myself. And to leave her to deal with everything I did, everything Lelouch did, all by herself…
Unforgivable.
Yet, she will not hold it against me. Nunnally li Britannia truly was an angel. An angel sent to earth to reside in the hearts of undeserving men. To heal their pain and show them the love and friendship they would otherwise never experience.
She did not deserve this fate.
She does not deserve to be orphaned. She does not deserve to be paralysed. She does not deserve to be a victim of the vile ambitions of disgusting men, of merciless circumstances, of despicable, despicable Geass…
What Nunnally deserves is a home with a family that loves her. She deserves a carefree existence and a happy ending to everything she attempts.
She deserves better than this aftermath.
She deserves better than me.
How I wish I could give that to her…
My view of our life changed when I received that letter. Have I really been doing more damage by trying to keep her safe?
I sigh. I need to speak with her. I must apologise to her yet again.
I hear the voice behind me unexpectedly. The voice of Zero, saying my name. I can just barely, barely detect the playful edge that used to dominate the sound. So at least some of him survived…
"Suzaku," I breathe, feeling the familiar weight of his warm hand on my shoulder. I know why he's here. He's here to talk about the letter. I've been dreading this ever since I sent it. I wanted to speak with him about it, but I was afraid of how he might react. And now he's here, and I have to be brave and face him, irrespective of his reaction.
Will he be angry?
I can feel a blush creeping up my face, painting my cheeks a deep scarlet. I am suddenly embarrassed by my letter, by my own emotions. I wish the earth would open and suck me into its deepest, darkest recesses where Kururugi Suzaku will never find me!
But of course, it doesn't. The earth doesn't make a habit of randomly swallowing up girls who have humiliated themselves. So I was left with the meagre hope that he not only forgot how to read, but also did not feel like making eye-contact with me today.
Suzaku placed the letter on the table before me. "Nunnally, is this truly how you feel?" he asks.
I sigh inwardly. No luck on the first count.
"Nunnally, look at me."
None on the second either.
Reluctantly I turn my head around to look him in the eyes, my face changing from bright scarlet to a highly abnormal shade of beetroot.
His glittering emerald eyes gaze gently at my flushed face, a playful smile tugging at his lips. He's not mad at me… He's… He's… Happy?
"Nunnally, you must be an angel," he tells me. "Despite all my sins, you are still only worried about me. And here I am, just making it worse."
What is he saying?
Suzaku chuckles under his breath. My confusion is obviously amusing to him.
"I am sorry, Nunnally. I have made a mistake in shielding you."
Does this mean..?
"No more secrets, 'kay?"
I simply nod, but Suzaku's face splits into a wide grin. It is still light-years from the permanent smile he used to wear upon his face, unguarded and carefree, but it is still enough to light up my eyes and lift the corners of my mouth.
Suddenly this endless abyss seems just a little bit brighter…
