I don't own twilight or it's characters. Shocking, I know.
Our Lady Peace - Julia
AN: July 15th It's play time! Let's see how I do here. Just letting you know now, that I have no ultimate plan here. I'm wandering aimlessly.
ANN: Finished the chapter and I'm posting it now. . Hope you enjoy it.
Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Rapid knocks hit the door. "Come on, I need the toilet." Quil whined. Most of the pack had left. I hid in the bathroom knowing what was coming next. The moment I came out, Jacob and Embry would descend on me. Quil could use the woods as his personal toilet, I wasn't coming out. I didn't want Embry or Jacob to expect a relationship with me. I didn't want to feel rejected if they didn't want a relationship with me. I didn't want them to be involved in my child's life. I didn't want my child to be rejected by them. I didn't want to rely on them. I didn't want to feel rejected if they didn't want to be there for me. Maybe I should simply start with the truth. This was ridiculous. A grown woman should face her problems head on. I stood up. I straightened out my shoulders. I pulled determination and strength up from my inner core. I was woman. Hear me roar. My stomach lurched and I threw up in the toilet as my fear dropped kicked me in a way that I had never experienced before.
I leaned against the bathroom wall staring at the porcelain God. And I started to cry. I still had morning sickness to enjoy yet. Yay! Did this get any better? I tried to imagine my beautiful baby 9 months from now. My beautiful, fatherless bastard child... I sobbed uncontrollably now. I heard someone pick the lock and Jacob and Embry walked through the door.
"F-f-fuck off!" I sobbed wretchedly. "Someone please l-l-leave and get me a mother fucking backbone." I squeaked out. My eyes blurred and I curled into a ball. "It doesn't work like this!" I moaned.
"What doesn't work like this?" Embry asked sitting down beside me on the floor gently stroking my hair. Jacob took a seat on my other side. I could still smell them. Not as strongly as before. But they still each carried their own scents.
"Women don't experience symptoms days after they become pregnant. It takes weeks." I jerked my hands out with the palms out with emphasis. "Just make me stop! I want to be me again!" I whined.
Jacob and Embry chuckled. "Leah, normal women don't stop phasing into giant wolves overnight. Normal women aren't more fearless than grown men. Why would you expect your pregnancy to be normal?" Jacob asked me. His voice was laced with humour. "Besides, you don't really want to be normal. It's boring." We sat quietly, the three of us, together. The elephant was in the room and I wasn't going to be the one to face it.
The silence became deafening. I wondered where did everyone go? Shouldn't Emily and Sam be in their home? Maybe they were. With my human hearing, how would I know.
"Sam said Carlisle thinks you were ovulating, but you're part wolf. So it was your first mating season. I thought it seemed odd that you jumped me like that." Embry commented with a smile. I pushed down memories of my short time with Embry and then shoved aside memories of Jacob. They were much too similar. They both started with me calling them into a dark quiet room and jumping them. Both of them reacted with surprise and then lust.
"That was what that smell was!" Jacob said with realization. "You jumped me and usually I'm confident I could push you off. I love Bella. But you smelled so good!"
"I know eh?" Embry agreed. "I couldn't even think. What time did Leah jump you on Sunday?"
"Woh! Woh! Woh!" I steamed at them. "We will not compare Leah's humiliating Sunday notes. I don't know what happened to me. I'm really sorry you didn't get a chance to say no. I don't know. I smelled you and then I needed you. And I had to. And I'm scared that I'll phase again after the baby is born and I'll do that next time I ovulate and this will just be a yearly cycle. And I don't want this. And...and..." I started hyperventilating. Jacob pushed my head between my knee's. Embry pulled my shoulder length hair into a ponytail.
"Honey, shhhh..." Embry spoke. "We wouldn't take advantage of you like that. We can't make babies once a year, we can't take care of that many babies." Embry joked. "We'll figure something out. If you don't want any sex, we can take turns each cycle with either you or us staying away. How does that sound?" He suggested. I nodded my head. Brething was starting to come more easily. It really didn't matter who was speaking. They seemed so much alike. Right down to their... Realization struck me.
"You're brothers!" I gasped lifting my head up. "You smelled the same. You felt the same. You were hung the same..." I trailed off. I probably shouldn't have said the last part. "You have no idea how similar you two are. Right now you smell different from each other. Your faces and personalities are different. But it was de ja vu on Sunday." I tried to explain. They were frowning. "Sorry. I should have kept that gem to myself." I felt rejected and the tears started. Crying like a sap every five minutes was so annoying.
"No Leah. I guess that's good to know. I mean, all of the wolves share common ancestry at some point. So it's not for sure. But we can't make so many assumptions about Joshua now." Jacob said.
I didn't look up. "I don't know if I want the father to be a part of our lives or not. I don't want to be rejected but I don't want to need anyone like I needed Sam again." I said randomly, partly to change the topic and partly because I was slowly going crazy. I avoided eye contact.
"You're a part of the pack. We all need each other to exist as a pack. We need you. You need us. Just think, when you phase you can relive labour especially for Paul. Won't that be fun?" Embry suggested. It seemed like an empty suggestion. Maybe I'd like it in a better mood.
I prepared to stand up and they both helped me up.
"Your place or mine?" Jacob asked me. I stared at him blandly. "You're my charge for today and tonight. Tomorrow you're Embry's charge. Colling and Brady are taking our places on patrol roster. Sam says they're ready. Seth and Sam are taking your patrols. We're taking turns keeping an eye on you. Sam figured we'd be best for the job. We'd both prefer you lying in our arms at night. That way we know you aren't running away." My temper flared up and I stomped out of the Uley house and headed home.
A week and a half passed by me. The boys skipped school to baby sit me. I switched their beds almost nightly. The reservation were talking about us. About how I was sleeping anywhere but at home. Jacob and Embry clung to me convinced that I would runaway at any moment. I would complain but I was over emotional as it was. I wouldn't admit to it, but I didn't want to sleep alone. I would have slept with Mom or Seth if I didn't have Jacob and Embry. Jacob's father entirely agreed with Sam's assessment of the situation and eyed me when he saw me. He clearly wasn't pleased by my running and hiding plan. Embry's mother was pleased to see Embry wasn't rebelling and staying out all night. She still believed that he was in a gang. She accepted my presence at night because I was bringing Embry home to her. I knew she would feel differently when she knew that I was pregnant. My mother was so angry that I had been ready to skip town that she understood why they had me sleeping over.
I was starting to get used to my overload of emotions. I was adjusting. I was feeling cocky. The bloodsucking doctor was wrong. And I was going to prove it or wharp the information to prove it.
"Where are you going?" Jacob asked as I put on my running shoes sitting on the edge of his bed. He sat up sleepily stretching his long torso with his arms out. I could see the whole pack had improved now that I wasn't in their heads even though they had one less wolf to patrol. Me being out of commission was like a mental health vacation for the pack. It hurt to realize this.
"I'm proving the leech wrong. I'm not pregnant. I'm taking a bunch of pregnancy tests to prove that he's dead wrong. I just have to get to the store to buy a bunch of them. It's been two weeks." I finished tying my shoes and promptly marched out of his room. I heard him shuffling out of bed behind me. He was probably going to get dressed. I'd make sure to be out to his rabbit before he got there. He left the keys in there all of the time anyway. It didn't matter whether the pregnancy tests came back negative or positive, I was going to tell them that they were negative. I wasn't going to stick around here for the next nine months under lock and key.
"Morning Leah, toast?" Billy scrutinized me from the kitchen. Damn! It's easier to railroad Jacob waking up. Billy was another matter entirely. Usually he was gone by now. I nodded and slumped into a chair at the dinning table. I watched him place four slices of bread into the toaster. Vomit came up my throat suddenly. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom and threw up into the toilet. Hot hands held my hair back.
"You're not pregnant huh?" Jacob teased gently. I turned my head to give him a death glare when my stomach heaved again. Well this was new. But I wasn't pregnant. That would suck too much right now. Or at least having to share a baby with the pack would suck right now. They could all go to hell. I'd get out of here.
"Fuck you!" I muttered defiantly. Another wave of nausea struck and I threw up for a third time.
"I was talking to Carlisle on the phone about these store pregnancy tests. This early on, they can still read false negatives. They are very accurate with their positives, but this early on there are false negatives. I wouldn't take it to heart if they come back negative yet." I could hear humour lacing his voice. He was laughing at my expense. He was laughing at me! I was a joke! I got up and rinsed my mouth at the sink. I looked at Jacob in the mirror. He watched me unflinchingly. I was supposed to be a hard ass. The indestructable Leah Clearwater. But right now, I felt physically and emotionally weak. I fought tears as the emotions built up inside of me. Jacob's face softened and he pulled me in for a hug.
"Come here sweetie. It's okay. You don't have to be tough right now." He hushed me. I broke down crying into his chest. I was tall for a woman at 5'10", but in his arms I seemed small. So much for me getting used to all of these hormones and emotions. How did I look right now? It sucked being the smallest and the only female wolf. But now that I was the human pack member, I was hopelessly useless to them.
"I have nothing to offer the pack." I wailed. Jacob stroked my hair.
"You're offering us a baby. A full-blooded shapeshifting baby at that. None of the guys can do that. That's huge Leah. You have no idea how happy most of the council and pack are. This has never happened before. Don't worry about what you can't do and think about what you are doing. Okay?" He offered. Of course, he was only placating me. I felt patronized all over again. "Let's go get those tests if it makes you feel better trying to prove Carlisle wrong. I'll be the first to be impressed if you prove him wrong in the next month."
We munched down a little toast and left Billy to buy the tests. We came back to an empty house. Billy left a note telling me that he was going fishing. With shaky hands I took two tests. I washed up and let Jake in the bathroom. I couldn't look.
"They're both reading positive Leah." He passed me a sympathetic smile. My eyes widened and I took the tests back from him and looked at them. I contemplated what this really meant. It seemed surreal and hard to believe. This was the first physical evidence I had held. I had convinced myself that Carlisle was wrong. I slumped my shoulders dejectedly and dropped the tests in the garbage.
Jacob wrapped his arms around me and I took in his scent. My brain went hay wire. I pulled his face down to me and started kissing him and groping at him and tugging down on his cut-off jean shorts.I wanted in his pants right now. A surge of lust hit me out of nowhere like a ton of bricks. His beautiful body was under my hands. His sweet soft lips pressed against me. I felt an aching need in my groin.
"Hey Leah! Hold on! I was warned about this already. It's just your hormones. When the need passes, you'll be pissed off with me if I do this with you." He backed up against the hallway wall. I followed him with my head cocked to one side contemplating what he just said.
"I want sex now! Give it to me!" I growled at him in a voice that had lost it's dangerous edge. I would not simply take what I wanted. I fought to control my temper tantrum. It was threatening to take control of me.
I watched Jacob bite back a grin and his shoulders shook as he tried not to laugh. "Oh lord pregnant women are kinky! You have no idea how sexy you are right now Leah, but I have to say no." He said solemnly crossing his arms in front of him.
"You don't want me?" My face crumpled. I didn't want sex anymore. I had just been rejected. Just like when Sam dumped me. I was being rejected all over again by someone I trusted. Tears welled up and I fought back sobs as tears dropped down. I had to learn to master these emotions.
"Leah, don't be like that!" Jacob cringed as he saw me get upset and hurt by his rejection. "Your mood swings are going to kill me. Come here." He pulled me into a hug. I was stiff in his arms fighting weepiness. "I do want you Leah. But I have to wait until you're not having mood swings all of the time." He led me to the couch and rocked me in his arms. It was warm and safe in his arms. I fell asleep.
We sat around my living room. I lounged across Embry, Jared and Jacob on the couch.
Almost two weeks had passed. More mood swings. I had hit up Embry for sex one night and he had whimpered like a little girl. I dry humped his hard hidden under his shorts until I came. Jacob and Embry got into a fight. It would seem that Embry wasn't allowed to let me dry hump him. I told them to buy me a vibrator instead of fighting. Paul thought this was hilarious. So I sic'ed Jacob and Embry on him. He didn't find that funny. My lack of sex life was not at the disposal to laugh at.
Seth played Call Of Duty while we watched. It looked like Japan in World War two for an immense amount of time. Then he moved to a forest and took out some German's with some Russians. I was thoroughly confused. Weren't the Russians on the German side? Or were they were the ones that switched sides? I came the conclusion that I really didn't care. I was calm and content and I wasn't throwing up the gingernut cookies. I had lost fifteen pounds in three weeks due to vomiting and lack of appetite. Gingerale and water went down well. This morning Esme had sent over gingernut cookies and they were the first food that really seemed to go down well. The bonus was that I couldn't smell the vampires anymore. So the smell emanating off the cookies meant that they didn't want to eat them when there were less smelly alternatives in the kitchen.
"Embry," I said between munches. "Your laxing playing with my hair." I said turning my head from his chest to look at him. He looked like he was fighting a laugh.
"Yes your highness." He said before shoving my cookie in my mouth. I squinted at him and turned my head back to the television. His hands didn't move. So I lifted one of his hands from my belly and put it on my head. He chuckled and started running his hands through my hair. I enjoyed the tingle through my scalp.
The pack were touching me a lot these days. Not in sexual ways. It was strange but I liked it. It was soothing and comforting and I didn't cry or get as angry as much. What can I say? I respond well to touch. Jared had his hands on my hip where I rested on him. Jacob rubbed my feet that rested on him. They said little to me, because it usually set me off either crying or yelling. So most casual contact with the pack was with touch. I wondered who had taught them that. Mom. It had to be Mom.
Seth's game was quiet as it loaded a different battle. The room was silent for a moment before the game music started again. Jared, Jacob and Embry stiffened underneath me.
"Seth stop!" The three yelled out. Seth paused the game. They pulled me onto my back and Jared placed his ear on my stomach. He looked up and grinned. Then looked confused. He put his head down again.
"What the hell?" Jared asked. They shared looks and then looked at me. Then Jacob and Embry lowered their heads to my stomach quietly. They looked worried.
"What's wrong?" I asked my voice filled with panic.
"Do we need to take her to the hospital?" Seth asked coming to the couch.
"We need to take her to Carlisle." Jacob said with a grin. But Embry and and Jared looked scared and confused.
"Jacob, don't hold out on me hear. I can't hear anything. What is it?" I asked again.
"I don't think anything is wrong. I think you're having a litter. You ovulated while you were still phasing. We'll handle it. Mom and Dad handled the twins. The pack can handle a litter." Jacob reassured me. I felt nauseaus again and it wasn't morning sickness. "I counted three, maybe four. What did you hear?" He asked Jared and Embry. They looked at each other worriedly.
"She's human now. She shouldn't be carrying a litter. I counted four." Embry answered. That wasn't comforting. Yet again fear and vulnerability surged up in me. This wasn't good. Tears started to fall down my cheeks. I wasn't ready for one baby. I couldn't have a litter of four dropped on my lap. Embry stoked my hair and hushed me.
"Guys. I hate to point out that I have the best hearing here. I heard five heartbeats." Jared spoke cautiously. This just kept on getting better and better. Seth exhaled loudly. I burst out wailing jumping off the couch running for my room. I was officially a dog.
"I really am a bitch!" I moaned. "It's a goddamn litter!" I heard two sets of footsteps on the stairs. I ignored them and threw myself down on my bed crying into my pillow.
"This can't be happening! I can't do this guys! I won't do this! I can't mother five newborns!" I yelled into my pillow. I sat up to look at Embry and Jacob sitting on my bed trying to comfort me. The words flooded out. "Carlisle can fix this! I can't be a single Mom to five kids. I could have figured out one or two. But this is too much!" They exchanged looks with each other. "Stop that!" I threw myself back down and started crying again.
"You're strong Leah, if anyone can do this it's you." Jacob reassured me. "But it's your decision. We won't make you do anything. We should talk to Carlisle calmly and rationally before you make any decisions." I sat up and they both threw an arm around my shoulders. Their large warm bodies were reassuring. I just couldn't picture how I could care for five babies. The whole concept was outside of my realm of reasoning. Why was I being shit on like this? Did I do something wrong in my last life?
I nodded and let them lead me to the rabbit parked in the driveway. Jared and Seth walked up to us. "We spoke to Esme on the phone. Cullen's at the hospital but he'll be expecting you there. It's a slow day anyway so he can squeeze you in no problem." Jared talked quickly. Jacob and Embry acknowledged him.
Seth was looking at me calmly but frowning. He was worried. I wanted to reassure him but I was too scared to reassure him of anything. He nodded at me sadly. I nodded back in acknowledgement and climbed into the passenger seat in the front while Embry squished into the back and Jacob took the driver's seat. My heart raced but I was cold with fear.
Cullen gave me a small smile. "Jared's right, there are five heart beats. Sorry, I thought you would have a normal pregnancy Leah. I have to tell you that you are now officially experiencing a high risk pregnancy with high order multiples. As your doctor, I must recommend selective reductions for the health of the pregnancy. You'll improve the odds for the rest of the-"
"W-what?" Embry stammered.
I sat up on the table and began to change into my clothes out of the hospital gown. Embry and Jacob stood either side of me. I felt Jacob growl, but it was too quiet for me to hear. Carlisle's eyes glanced over Jacob and rested on Embry. Embry sat me on his lap and began rubbing my shoulders.
"She's not a dog. She's human and she's not built to carry a litter of puppies. The odds are high that she'll miscarry one, more than one or all of them. The more she carries the higher the risks are to the babies and to Leah. Now, I will point out that she's starting out in excellent shape even if she has lost more weight than she should. She is perfect health for a human female starting out. Any of her issues from her medical history prior to phasing have cleared up." I stared at him. "I was curious and checked everything. No burn scar tissue. No pennicilin allergy. You might not be healing rapidly anymore, but your body is clear of any wear and tear of the last couple of decades that I would expect to see. Until you broke your hand, you were perfect. No birthmarks. No scars. It's like you were born at nineteen years old. You couldn't ask for better health to be starting out with. Keep exercising early on in the pregnancy, it should help. Try to control your nausea and eat healthy. But still, that doesn't make you immune to all of the things that can go wrong in a pregnancy. So I need to give the advice that I would give to any woman carrying high order multiples. You should seriously consider reducing the number of babies." He looked at me seriously. Watching my face.
I let out a long breath and stood up. I paced a short distance back and forth. I could feel intense pressure from the attention weighing down on me. I imagined aborting one or more of these babies. I felt relief at the idea of reducing the number of babies to care for. The number of children to clothe. The number of children to keep safe. But then remembered that I'd probably start phasing again at the end of the pregnancy. I would have more energy. And I would have the father to help me once the paternity test was complete. I couldn't picture Embry or Jacob running out on me. Even if we didn't have commitments to each other. I knew from sharing their minds how much any one of the pack valued fatherhood. I knew I was the bigger flight risk. I could trust them with raising my children even if I couldn't trust them to not eat everything in the kitchen. But how much risk would I putting myself and my children through? Would I carry them until they were big enough to feel pain and have them suffer and/or die? Was I strong enough to make this decision? No decision was a decision. Other humans had given birth to quintuplets who survived and lived healthy and happy lives. I wasn't other normal humans. I was in perfect health with support to keep me healthy.
I looked Embry and then Jacob in the eye. I shifted my eyes between the two of them and addressed them both. "If I take the risk of carrying all five, I'll need help. If I'm put on bed rest at some point, I'll need help getting the place ready for five freaking babies. You can't eat everything in the kitchen because I won't be running down to the store for more food every time you do that." I was interrupted by their smiles. "What?" I asked. It felt like they were laughing at me again.
"This all goes without saying." Jacob commented and pulled me into his side rubbing my should and arm.
"We'll treat you like we would treat any of the imprints in your position. The whole pack we take care of you. We treat you like one of the guys usually because usually you are one of the guys and you could take care of yourself. We wouldn't treat you like a werewolf while you're in human form carrying five babies. We give you our word." Embry assured me and Jacob nodded in agreement from my side.
I scrutinized them carefully. "You can go back on your word. But once this decision is made, there's no going back. It's scary." I admitted teary eyed. Embry moved loser laying a hand on my lower back.
"You don't have to make this decision right now. You're not even four weeks along yet." Carlisle pointed out. Jacob shot him a dirty look. "I have to make sure that she doesn't make a decision she regrets. She's right, she can't take this decision back afterwards. The right decision is the one that she doesn't regret later. Whatever she decides." They stared at each other. I could see their mouths moving ever so slightly. I pulled away from Jacob.
"You're talking too quietly for me to hear again. I don't like it. Don't think I won't figure it out." I raged at them both. They both looked sheepishly at me like children caught with their hands in the cookie jar.
"Leah, they've been doing it since you got here." Embry admitted to me. I glared at Carlisle and Jacob. Jacob frowned murderously at Embry.
"Whatever," I decided to change the topic. "Does this mean I'd have to have a c-section? I'm not a hospital or surgery friendly kinda gal. And how long can I expect to carry them until?" I asked Carlisle. I needed to know what my body was about to go through here.
"The average gestation for quints is twenty-nine weeks. The longest was gestation on record is thirty-five weeks. You could attempt a vaginal delivery. I have more than enough experience to attempt it. I'm not certain that I would recommend it. But it's ultimately your decision. I can be tricky getting one baby in a head down position for delivery. Five would be an extreme challenge." Carlisle explained patiently. "I'll update my research on it and we'll talk again. You're looking tired and underfed. I want you to go home and get some rest. Could you make a list of your questions for the next time we meet Leah?" I nodded my agreement. "I have rounds to make. But feel free to call me Leah. It was good seeing you, good evening." Carlisle dipped his head and left.
I faced the guys. What was I going to do with all of this? Was I really going to carry five babies? This was complete craziness. And how would the father react when he knew he had five babies. Not potentially five babies. But knew that he had five children. Would he be so calm then? I was older than both of them and they were taking this information in stride. Who would pay the bills? How would the father graduate?
"When this is over. When I phase again and know who the fucker is who did this to me is; I'm going to take your balls off and you'll never reproduce again." I stormed from the room.
