Chapter 2

Note: This is set around the Truth and Consequences episode of NCIS and the first episode of NCIS LA

September 2009

Callen was lying on the grubby carpet in his motel room staring at the ceiling for the last couple of hours, ever since the call. The one in which Gibbs told him Ziva was gone. And this time, this time gone meant just that, gone, dead, never coming back. Not like before, when gone actually meant back to Israel and Mossad.

Every stain, crack and mark on the damn ceiling already mapped and known by heart, and he still didn't know how he really felt. Sure, he was sad, upset, angry even but somehow...that didn't seem enough; he thought he should be feeling more. He snorted to himself 'What would Nate say to hear me now?'

They didn't have a real relationship, at least he didn't think so. More like long-distance friends with some side benefits now and then. They met only on two other occasions after that first time and neither was exceptionally good at electronic communication. Well, at normal face-to-face communication either, but... Everything considered, this, what they had, was the closest he'd come to having a real relationship in a very long time. He wasn't quite in love with her, and knew for sure she wasn't either, but they did love each other. So maybe he should be feeling more...grieving than this. Or did he spend so much time controlling and smothering any hint of emotion that he actually became a cold-fish? But no, he didn't think that was it.

He sat up, suddenly figuring out what was wrong. Deep down, on a mostly unconscious level, he didn't really believe she was dead. Gibbs sounded wretched on the phone, like he was sure. But still...

Two days later Callen was in Washington DC, covertly helping Gibbs set up the operation in Somalia.

He was there when she came back but she refused to see him and Gibbs suggested maybe it's indeed not the best of times. Callen read the report and read even more between the lines and finally agreed to go back home if Gibbs promised to call him with updates.

He lay again in pretty much the same spot on the floor, heart even heavier than it was when they thought she was dead and a hard-to-swallow knot firmly lodged in his throat.


She called a week and a half later, at 3 AM, after dodging all his previous attempts at communication. Not surprisingly, Callen was awake. What did surprise him though was how nervous he was to pick up the phone.

"Ziva, hey"

"Hey"

"It's good to hear from you" he didn't say 'finally', although the word was just there, on the tip of his tongue.

"Yeah, I... I'm sorry for...avoiding you"

"It's okay, Zee. No worries. I'm glad you called now"

She didn't say anything but he could hear her breathing on the other end of the line.

"So, how are...things over there?"

"Fine. I believe Gibbs is keeping you informed"

He paused. "Yes, I did ask him to keep me posted. Still, it's you I want to hear from. How are you doing, Ziva?"

"I... I started back at NCIS last week. We've already closed a couple of cases..."

"That tells me what you're doing, Ziva, not how"

"I heard you're back to work too. I'm glad you're okay, G."

So she was still avoiding the question. It worried the hell out of him.

"Thanks, I wish I could say I'm taking it slowly but...you know how it is" he paused for a moment and braced himself. "Zee, you did call me at 3 AM. At least talk to me, please"

He could hear her breathing deeply a few times. "I'm...coping. For the most part. I'm still..." she stopped for a while and he let her compose herself. "I can't sleep, G, and I can't eat and it takes my best efforts to not jump every time someone touches me unexpectedly. They assigned me a damn shrink and I can't say any of this to him or they'll never let me work and..." her voice choked and he could hear her trying to control it. Callen never expected her to say this much and he was both pleased and scared at the responsibility her confession bestowed on him.

"Will you let me come over?"

"What? No, you don't have to do that, you have your work and you just got back from being shot and..."

"Zee, please. I just... I'd really like to come if you'll let me. Please?"

She was silent for a few moments. "Yes, you can come. I'd...really like you to come, too"


He called Hetty and Sam first thing in the morning and was on the next flight to Washington for the second time in so many weeks. He booked a room at a hotel this time, he really had no idea where he was going to sleep and didn't want to have to explain things to Gibbs. Of course, much like Hetty, his friend seemed to know pretty much everything there was to know about everything, but still...

Ziva hugged him the moment he walked in the door, which he didn't expect. She did look quite a lot thinner though and dark circles were showing under her eyes.

"So good to see you, Zee" he whispered into her neck, still hugging her to him.

"You too, G, you too" she lingered a bit then pulled back abruptly.

"So, take-out?" she busied herself with calling for food, setting the table, making coffee, anything to avoid talking to him or even looking at him.

He waited, patiently, until after they finished eating. Or, more likely, after he finished eating and she finished pushing her food around the plate.

"Look, Ziva..."

Her eyes jumped to him and she looked afraid. It broke his heart.

He shook his head. "I came here to be with you, not to interrogate you. You don't have to talk about anything if you don't want to, okay?"

She nodded, still looking haunted.

"Wanna watch some TV?"

"Yeah, we could do that"

They sat on the couch, sipping beer and watching some idiotic show for a while. Callen certainly wasn't paying any attention to it, and by the way she was staring at nothing, neither did Ziva.

She started talking suddenly, curled up against him on the couch, not looking at him. She told him about the mission, the ship, her capture and her rescue. She even spoke of her father's angle in all this and how that made her feel. Most of the details Callen already knew but he was still more than pleased she opened up to him.

She appeared lighter somehow after she finished her story, maybe a bit more peaceful. He hoped it wasn't just wishful thinking on his part and that talking about things, talking to him, actually helped her. Of course, what she didn't talk about was just as significant in his opinion: her time in captivity.

Not having the slightest intention to press her for information, Callen kissed her head as she began to nod off, physically and mentally exhausted.

"I'll let you sleep Ziva. See you tomorrow?"

She clenched her hand in his shirt. "No don't"

"Don't...what?"

"Don't leave, G"

He swallowed the knot in his throat and allowed himself to be dragged to her bedroom. He was lying over the covers, fully dressed except for the shoes by the time she came out of the bathroom.

She raised an eyebrow "I don't need a guard dog, Agent Callen. You can take those jeans off and get in bed" she smiled a bit "It's not like you've never been there before, after all"

'Oookay, thanks for the image. That will guarantee a peaceful rest...' of course he didn't say it out loud, he was here to help her and nothing else.

He got under the covers in his undershirt and boxers, facing her but nor daring to get any closer. She also kept her distance for a while, then he felt her shuffling around the bed until she was plastered to him, him spooning her from behind. She didn't say anything, so neither did he. He was beginning to fall asleep, nose buried in her hair, when she began moving again. Little tiny movements, her bottom rubbing against him over and over again, at irregular intervals. To his utter shame Callen felt himself starting to react. The movement, her warm body so close to his, her smell...he was getting harder by the minute and he felt disgusted with himself. He was here to help her cope, to see her through a tough time and instead he couldn't even control his own body. She was probably just dreaming and if she woke up and noticed what a pervert he was... He slowly moved his hips back, putting some distance between them. She followed after just a few moments and this time he jerked back harder when she started pressing against him again.

She moved away and turned towards him. 'Not sleeping then. Huh'

"Are you disgusted with me?" he could hear the tears in her voice.

'What?' "What?!"

"I asked, are you disgusted with me?" articulating every word carefully.

He rose on an elbow to see her better. "Whatever gave you that idea, Ziva?"

"Well, I've been trying for a while to...and you keep pulling back like... Look, I understand if you don't want me anymore, I'm...not how I used to be and..." her voice broke, a tear making its way down her cheek.

His eyes widened as he understood what she was saying.

"God Ziva, how can you think... I thought you were asleep and..."

She didn't look convinced at all, moving to get out of the bed. He caught one of her wrists and pulled gently. When he was sure she wasn't frightened or fighting him he placed her hand on his chest and slowly dragged it lower. He was still hard and she finally smiled as she squeezed him through his boxers and he couldn't hold back the moan.

He still had to ask "Are you sure about this?"

She nodded and pulled his shirt over his head. He noticed she kept hers on.

Lying half on top of him she kissed him for a while, one land lightly caressing his body, relearning him. The kisses got harder and he let his hands roam over what skin he could reach, over her thighs and under the shirt to touch her breasts. She slipped her fingers under his boxers and he unconsciously tightened his hand on the back of her neck, holding her to him. She jerked, pulling her head away.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm an idiot, I..."

She shushed him, leaning back to lie on his chest. "No, it's okay. Just don't...restrain me"

He pushed his anger at what was done to her aside, he couldn't afford to let it ruin this, what she needed.

She resumed kissing him, going lower over his chest, slowly and methodically. Her fingers and lips stopped over each bullet scar, mapping them. Her movements were... loving, no other way to describe them, and his breath hitched, not used to someone paying him this much attention. She rose above him, looking him straight in the eyes and pulled her shirt over her head. The bruising and scars were still visible in the light coming from outside and he clenched his hands on her hips, momentarily overwhelmed by both heartache and the trust she showed in allowing him to see them.

She smiled a bit sadly, looking at him. "We both have a lot of scars, G"

He had a feeling she was referring to more than just the visible ones. He let his hands move over her torso, caressing every spot. "You're beautiful, Ziva" he hoped to God she believed him.

The mood changed slightly after that and only minutes later he was panting, her hands and lips all over him. He moaned at a particular skilled trick from her and pulled her back "Careful there Ziva, unless you want this to be over before it started. It's been a while, you know"

She looked at him, surprised. "You haven't..."

Callen shook his head. "Not since the last time we met"

"But that was...more than six months ago"

He smiled ruefully. "Don't I know it"

She didn't protest when he moved, laying her on the bed and placing himself between her legs. He slowly kissed every inch of her thighs before he moved higher, his tongue and lips tracing her folds over and over again, dipping inside and going back up to flick her nub. The sounds she was making both encouraged him and drove him crazy, and he pressed himself hard against the mattress to relieve some of the ache.

"Please G, I need..."

"What Ziva, tell me what you want" his voice was raspy and low.

She pushed up on her elbows to look at him. "I want you inside me, I need...you"

He rolled a condom on and moved up to kiss her again. "Are you sure about this?"

She didn't answer, instead grabbing him to guide him to her core. 'Answer enough' he thought, holding himself up as not to crowd her and pushing forward very slowly. She moaned and arched her back and it took all he had to not just pound into her. He kept moving slowly for a while, arms shaking with the effort to both hold himself up and mostly just keep himself in check. She snapped her hips against him and wiggled a bit and he fell on his elbows, squeezing his eyes shut. Ziva could feel him shaking slightly above her and hear his harsh pants in her ear and she felt so grateful and nearly overwhelmed by his restraint and consideration of her.

She cupped his face in her hands "I'm not a porcelain doll, G. I'm not going to break"

He picked up the pace a bit, looking straight at her the whole time. She moaned deep in her throat and threw her head back, pushing her hips up to meet him. He was still holding back though, and didn't even have time to realize what was happening before she flipped them over, straddling him. She completely changed the rhythm, using all her strength to ride him faster, tearing a desperate groan from him. She didn't let up for a second and his hand shot forward to squeeze the base of his shaft hard, wanting, needing to see her finish before he did. Her movements soon becoming erratic she let her body fall forward, writhing against him before going rigid, her teeth sinking into his shoulder, her loud moan muffled. Callen allowed himself to let go after that and he desperately pushed up a few more times, fingers digging into her flesh, the feeling so intense he almost blacked out.

Neither said much after, but she kissed him lazily and with so much feeling that he understood all she wanted to say. She slept curled up, half on top of him the rest of the night, and he just whispered softly to her and kissed her head the only time she woke up from a nightmare.

Callen went back to LA a couple of days later, his heart much lighter, knowing she was, if not quite 100 percent yet, at least getting there.