Alright, I am so SO SOO sorry about how long its taken me to update. My life has been so crazy and its finally calmed down enough for me to quickly write a chapter and update this sad story. And note the fact that it was written quickly. I did rush this and its rather short and most likely filled with odd mistakes. I'm sorry about that but I figured it'd be better than nothing. Minus the Bear- Into the Mirror.
She sits down beside him
Without a hint of shame
Cause every thing's the same in its own way
Kisses her man's cheek
Her hunter eyes lock on her prey
She signals you get what you pay for
And we could play a lot
You get what you pay for
But you do it for the taste of a good high
You do it for the sake of a hot night
She senses the fear in him
And an irresistible kiss and the
Lie she hangs on his neck like a silver chain to her whim
Pull him into the mirror again
BPOV:
I spent more time watching Edward move about on the court than I'd like to admit… Though I felt disgusted with myself, I just couldn't look away for too long. Eventually his vibrant hair would catch my attention and I'd find myself following him with my eyes. He had a certain grace and power when he played sports that made me ache. But I'm sure he'd probably have to go and ask for forgiveness if he even thought about sex. Prick.
Soon enough class was over and I headed to Jasper's car. On my way there, I passed Alice who waved happily at me and skipped off in a different direction. I leaned against the hood of his car, iPod still in my ears, just trying to unwind. My eyes closed of their own accord and my whole body yearned for the warmth of the sun again. I tilted my head back, imagining the rays slowly heating me to my core
"Hey," Jasper spoke suddenly, catching me off guard and causing me to jump. His voice had a smile in it.
"Hey, you scared me." I laughed a little and opened my eyes. "I wish the sun came out here."
Jasper shrugged. "You get used to it. Besides, the rain can be very calming."
I wrinkled my nose. "Meh. Let's go. I need a nap." I said just as a yawn crept into my voice.
He chuckled lightly. "C'mon, cutie. Let's get you home."
We got into the car together, a small smile still on my lips. Jasper was into me; I just hoped he wasn't expecting me to like him or anything of the sort. Relationships were just not my style. I know that sounds stupid or slutty, but I did not trust absolutely anyone nearly enough to let them be called my boyfriend.
If a relationship met my criteria than I didn't agree with the term boyfriend for the person I chose anyway, what perfectly inadequate names for the bond between two people who care for each other- although most people enter into relationships too early or with bad intentions. If I were to ever come across someone I trusted enough to form a relationship with, he'd be much more than just my "boyfriend." No, we'd have something profound and pure, or at least as much as someone like me could manage. I was quite defective and stained, after all.
"You okay over there? You seem deep in thought." Jasper asked, interrupting my musings.
"Yeah, just tired, like I said." I said, sounding about as exhausted as I was feeling. It seemed like all the stress of today decided to cover me in a blanket and was quickly working on putting me to sleep.
Jasper hummed. "Rough first day?" His eyes flashed over to where I was sitting briefly before he turned his attention back to the road.
"No worse than I was anticipating. It just took a lot out of me. Oh! I almost forgot to tell you. That über Christian, Cullen, tried to rat me out!"
Jasper's eyes widened and he practically screamed, "What?" And then he almost swerved off the side of the road. For a stoner, that boy really needed to learn how to relax.
"Calm down, it was fine. I was just really annoyed. He's such an ass. He comes in insults my clothing and then accuses me of being drunk for no real reason, other than the fact that I called him out on being a pastel-wearing, overly religious ass. But whatever, he pisses me off. He's in three of my fucking classes! I think I'm going to die!" I ranted for a good while, but I really needed to get all that out of me before my nap.
"So, he just randomly accused you of being drunk for no reason?" Jasper asked, seeming very skeptical.
"I do not appreciate you doubting me, mister! He insulted me. I insulted him. He accused me of being drunk and then was most likely embarrassed when the teacher did not believe him." I grinned. Just thinking about how stupid he must have felt, even though he was actually right, made me all warm and fuzzy inside.
I grinning, but Jasper was gripping the steering wheel tightly and shaking his head. "You need to stay away from Edward!"
He was beginning to aggravate me. After the long day I'd had, I really did not need this. "I had no choice but to sit next to him. So could you, please, calm the fuck down?"
He glanced over at me then, apologetic. "Sorry, I worry sometimes."
I rolled my eyes. Thankfully, we were home. "Thanks for the ride. I'll text you later."
As much as I wanted to be annoyed by him, he was just so good looking. I knew I'd want to talk to him later, flirt some more, so I needed to end it on a good note. I hated ended things on a bad note- except for with that Edward Cullen. Bastard.
He smiled at me and waved before backing out and driving off. I went upstairs and stripped down to nothing but my t-shirt and underwear and slept until six.
EPOV:
I got home that day still so unbelievably frustrated by today; not even playing my hardest in gym helped. I just couldn't believe all that transpired. I come to class and see a new girl sitting in my seat, pretty yet satanic looking, but introduce myself nonetheless. I called her shirt interesting. She says something about the pastel people and then asks about my sister. I thought I smelled liquor but I couldn't be too sure; I'd never really smelled it much before. She absolutely goes off on me, but somehow manages to turn into a model citizen when talking to Mr. Banner. I didn't get it. I was so sure, but now I felt horrible for accusing her and possibly slandering her and judging her.
I decided I needed a shower and then to go read some of my favorite Bible passages on judging and acceptance, Romans, Corinthians and Matthew being my favorites. I needed a fresh reading of God's word if I was going to get through being partnered up with Bella.
She was not religious, that much was clear. She called what I was telling her "religious bullshit," though I couldn't really remember saying anything about God. I did however call her immoral, rude and profane. I grimaced. It seems I would also have to ask for forgiveness, from Bella and God.
After reading and praying a good bit, I went downstairs for dinner. My dad had an emergency at the hospital and Alice was still out with Rosalie, so it was just my mother and I. She instantly knew something was wrong and tried to get me to talk about it. I said I had a problem at school, but I didn't want to go into detail. I felt too ashamed to admit anything to my mother.
Both of my parents deserved to be classified as saints. My mother, while she had her spells of doubt, is one of the most non-judgmental people I know. She was so filled with wisdom and patience for all types of people. Despite the fact that I knew speaking with her would kindle inspiration and shed some light on how to deal with the situation, I couldn't admit my shortcomings to her.
She didn't press me. She never did. She would wait until I wanted to speak with her, when I was ready. So instead we sat in relative silence.
I was still feeling off and I hated that one girl could shake me so much from everything I'd been raised in. I guess living around here didn't allow much experience with non-believers; we're all peas of the very same pod- not that I was making excuses for my behavior.
BPOV:
I texted Jasper after I woke up, asking if he'd eaten. Charlie still wasn't home and I was craving some actual food and I hadn't shopped yet. Jasper responded that he had eaten, but he offered to go with me to get food. I quickly accepted the offer.
Jasper and I headed to a McDonalds and I got a kids chicken nugget meal. Those things were nasty, but I loved them anyway and it was all I could afford with the little money I had. I needed a job.
"Thank you for coming with me." I smiled at him as we pulled into my driveway.
He parked the car and I leaned over and kissed him. I surprised him and he stiffened, but I didn't stop. I pressed another kiss to his lips until he responded. I pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. He put a hand behind my head and we continued until I head the sound of a car approaching.
"Goodnight, Jasper." I smiled devilishly and stepped out of the car just as Charlie pulled into the driveway. I didn't look back at Jasper as I walked to my house.
I went inside and got a drink of water from the kitchen while I waited for Charlie to come inside.
"Who was that you were in the car with?" Charlie asked in the few minutes of relative silence after his entrance.
"That was Jasper. We went to McDonalds since we have no food. Could I get money to go grocery shopping after school tomorrow?"
"Not just junky teen food?" Charlie hesitated before giving me one of his credit cards.
"Trust me. Nothing can be junkier than the collection of food already in this house. Anyway, I used to cook all the meals when I lived with Renee. I know what I'm doing in a grocery store. And the kitchen."
Charlie allowed it, though still seemingly skeptic.
I was surprised I had a text from Jasper when I woke up the next morning. I figured he probably had no idea what to make of my kissing him. But he was asking about the rides and smoking. So I called him. We decided to meet up at his house and participate in illegal activities before driving separately to school.
Then I showered and got dressed. I decided to go for a less abrasive outfit according to Forks standards. It was a deep green dress/shirt. I'd kept it from when a boy left it at my house after a rather hasty exit. It fell off one shoulder so I had to wear a strapless bra. I wore a black belt around my true waste and on a pair of Mary Jane heels with a ruffled front on my feet. I pulled my long hair to the side and braided it. My only makeup was a red lip stain, nothing too vibrant though.
One last look in the mirror and I knew I'd probably have as many stares as I did yesterday. It might not have read "Bullet for My Valentine," but it might as well have screamed, "Look at me!" My legs looked fuckawesome and they were nice and smooth after shaving. Showing them would be sinful in Forks.
Thankfully, I was all for breaking every rule. So, when Jasper arrived to pick me up, I could only smile at the fact that my stylish black raincoat was longer than the dress I was wearing.
In fact, Jasper's eyes practically bugged out of his head when he opened the door. He gulped. "Hey, Bella.
"Hello, Jasper." I practically purred, just for effect. I smirked and walked past him into his house.
"So where is Rosalie during the mornings?" I asked, noticing that she wasn't home yesterday either.
"She goes to her friend Alice's house to get coffee. Apparently Alice's family imports really good cocoa beans from somewhere in South America." He shrugged like it was completely weird to him, but really, not a lot could trump a great coffee on an early morning.
We went to his back porch to partake in our new routine. Jasper already had something rolled and took a quick hit. "Maybe we shouldn't drink at lunch again."
"Fine." I pouted, but to be honest, I really didn't want to have to put up with Cullen's scrutiny again after drinking anyway.
We finished up and then went to school, parking next to each other in a more secluded part of the parking lot. I walked over to his car and leaned against the hood of it next to him. I placed a hand on his thigh, rather high up, and looked up into his eyes with hooded lids. "I'm going to owe you a lot after all of the free weed and alcohol you've given me."
But before he could respond the bell rang. "Uh… don't worry about it. Let's head to class."
I snickered. It was fun watching Jasper squirm. But as much as I loved playing with his mind, I really did want him. He'd probably never been with anyone before. I'd be his first.
I leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Text me later." I chirped before skipping towards my class.
I was in much higher spirits than I was yesterday, probably because I was enjoying my flirting with Jasper. It must have been noticeable to people other than myself because it was the first thing Alice commented on, though definitely not the only thing. That girl could talk.
"You seem really happy this morning! Oh, I absolutely love your outfit. It's adorable! I wish my mother would allow me to dress differently. But she pays for everything and will promptly return or take away anything she doesn't approve of. It's such a pain!"
I laughed. "You should just hide what you don't want her to see and change once you leave the house then."
Her mouth opened and closed a few times. "I… don't know… if I could do that."
"You have a right to freedom of expression. You're not going to go to Hell for wearing something cute and not pastel, if that's what you're worried about." I drawled, somewhat sarcastic.
She let out an uncomfortable laugh. That was exactly what she was thinking. "She's my mother though. I should do what she wants."
"So even when you're in college and even for the rest of your life you're going to wear what your mother wants, do what your mother wants?" I questioned, getting a little too heated for the discussion.
"I don't know…" She trailed off. She probably had never been questioned like that before. I wondered if everyone obeyed their parents so blindly here.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to give you the third degree. " I apologized. She was the only person here who seemed decent other than Jasper. "I just get worked up about things like that. Maybe we shouldn't talk about it?"
She smiled graciously. "I understand. Some people don't get why children listen to their parents when it seems ridiculous. Sometimes even I don't get why I do it. I think I'm just too scared not too. I'm quite the chicken when it comes to defiance of authority." She shrugged sheepishly.
She was a good person, despite her cowardice.
"But wouldn't you like to be able to dress yourself any way you wanted?" I asked, wistful for her. I could almost feel her desire.
"You don't even understand." She answered instantly.
The teacher called attention to the front of the class where he lectured the entire period. I texted Jasper most of the period and when class ended Alice and I said quick goodbyes, but I felt that we had gotten to know each other better today. I'd gotten to see a glimpse of Alice I'm willing to bet not many people saw. Its funny the way people are willing to be themselves only when the people they are surrounded by are less than themselves in societies eyes, when they didn't have anything to lose.
My heart rate quickened when I realized that I'd be seeing Edward in a few moments. My initial instinct was to slow down, because more than anything, I really didn't want to see him right now. But then I decided I just wanted to get it over with and sped up to class.
My teacher was standing outside the door with small sheets of colored paper in a bowl. I reached in a picked one, deep green. I hoped that it wasn't a sign that I'd be partnered with Edward again.
I sat down in my seat, my stomach doing a constant series of flips until finally the rest of the class had arrived. They were all discussing the colors of their papers and searching to see who had it's partner.
"Who has green?" A deep voice boomed from the black of the classroom.
I turned around to see a high schooler the size of a professional football player, or a body builder, holding up a deep green slip of paper. I raised mine and smiled weekly and hoped he wasn't a total meathead.
"Go sit with your partners." The teacher announced, already done with the commotion that having partners causes amongst high school students.
"Hey! I'm Emmett!" He greeted with a huge smile on his face.
"Hi, my name's Bella." I offered him my hand to shake.
He looked down at my hand and let out a loud laugh, but shook it nonetheless. "Nice to meet you, Bella. I need to admit something before we start." He was all seriousness and paused for a moment. "I am absolutely terrible at Spanish."
I giggled. "Well, it's just your luck, Emmett, that I happen to be amazing at Spanish."
He smiled. "Good, then I officially appoint you the leader of Team Emmett Is Awesome. I took the liberty of naming the team myself." The boy was hilarious, just one giant sized goofball.
I looked over to see Edward watching me with a curious look on his face. That's right, pretty boy. I am plenty civilized. I just loathe you. He instantly looked away and focused on the teacher who was about to speak.
She gave us the rules to the vocabulary building game we were supposed to play and went to her desk to grade papers. She was basically oblivious to everything going on. In pretty much every other school on the planet, some student would have take the opportunity to be a dick and ruin it for everyone, but that didn't happen in Forks. And other than the occasional small ruckus, the class was relatively focused.
Emmett was actually pretty great and we got along well. He made fun of me a lot and I got him right back every time. I could see why Jasper liked him.
The bell rang and Emmett called a loud goodbye to me as he headed out the door while I was finishing packing up. Edward's eyes found mine once again as I laughed and returned the sentiment in a flirty fashion. Something about the way he looked at me made me heart skip a beat and I hated him for it.
I glared at him and headed out the door to go meet Jasper in lit.
EPOV:
I didn't even realize that Bella was in my second period class until Emmett's loud voice caught my attention. Who would Emmett have to introduce himself to in this town? That's when I heard that same voice that had produced the hurtful words that elicited shameful responses in me, that same voice that had plagued my thoughts since sixth period yesterday.
I was sorry to admit that I was actually surprised she could act like a decent human being. As I watched her converse with Emmett she seemed sweet, softer than she did yesterday. She wasn't wearing that unpleasant shirt today; she was prettier this way. In fact, she was beautiful, but I did not find her attractive. Her heart was too blackened for that.
I couldn't keep my wandering eyes away from her for too long. Her laughter would always catch my ears- she had a lovely voice when it wasn't spewing hate- and she was quite charming, though too seductive. Her very disposition was alluring, although it didn't seem as though she was doing it on purpose. She was witty, even in Spanish.
It will be very interesting to see how differently she acts toward me. The spiteful woman was surely to come back.
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