Sarah had to pinch herself.

It was just so...unbelievable.

It just had to be a dream. It was the only explanation.

She pinched herself and let out a little yelp. Ok, so it was not a dream, therefore she must be in an alternative reality. There is suddenly a rift in time and space on her street and she just walked right through it...

"I know, I know," Saffy moaned, "it's so weird."

"You look so weird."

"I know!"

Sarah looked round disbelievingly at the spotless Banana House. There was not a single thing out of place, not even a fingerprint on the wall, or object laying carelessly anywhere. On top of that Saffy stood beside her with her hair carefully tied in a bun, her nose ring gone, and wearing a knee length skirt with matching cardigan of all things!

"Why?" was all Sarah managed to get out.

"Grandma Casson is coming today and Bill has gone into full on paranoia," Saffy shrugged.

"I don't think I've ever met this Grandma Casson," Sarah frowned.

She had thought she met all the alive family members (a cousin of Eve's who was just as wild and dippy, and her own children) at the wedding but obviously not.

"I've never met her either," Saffy said. "The only one who has is Caddy and whenever we asked her something about Grandma Casson she just burst into tears."

"Yeah but that doesn't say anything Caddy cries while watching the Lion King." Sarah was immediately distracted from the freakily clean house and oddly dressed Saffy the moment Indigo walked in. He wore a shirt and tie along with his school trousers looking rather deliciously handsome if Sarah said so herself. "Well aren't you looking nice today?" she grinned. "What makes this girl so special that you'll dress up for her but not for me?" she laughed at Indigo's stutter.

"Just ignore her, Indy," Saffy advised him.

Sarah looked ready to make a defensive remark when she was drowned out by a loud cry. "Caddy can't you keep that baby quiet?" Bill bellowed. "Mother won't stand for a crying baby."

"So unnatural grumpiness is hereditary in this family?" Michael said ignoring the dark looks Saffy, Rose and Indigo were giving him. "That explains so much about Carlos."

"Why can't I wear normal clothes?" Rose complained.

"Rose you are wearing normal clothes."

"Pink dresses are not normal. They're evil."

"Eve don't even think about going in that godforsaken shed, Rose stop complaining there's nothing wrong with your dress, Indigo wipe that scowl off your face, Sarah stop laughing, and for the love of god someone shut that baby up!"

Buttercup stopped crying out of sheer shock of his grandfather's shouting. Eve dressed scarily in a similar style as Saffy froze with her hand on the backdoor handle, Rose sulked on the sofa, Indigo decided to daydream, and Sarah only managed to turn her full out laughter into a giggle.

There was a door slamming outside.

A shout.

Footsteps heading up the path.

Some wheels rolling behind the footsteps.

A pause.

A sigh.

Then the door was finally knocked.

Bill dressed in one of his best 'casual' smart clothes paled and marched to the front door. The Cassons, Sarah, David, and Michael followed him in time to see the door opening and revealing an elderly woman. She was shorter than Saffy, her hair was iron grey, her eyes the deep Casson blue, her lips thin and pursed, and she was dressed elegantly.

"Hello William," she said briskly, "are you not going to invite me in? Where is my hello kiss? Why are you still living in this dump? I thought you said you were successful and living in London."

"Hello Mother," Bill said gritting his teeth. He bent down and kissed her on the cheek. "I did tell you I chose to return here so I can be with my children."

"And her," Grandma Casson said glaring at Eve. Eve looked on the verge of running away with her tail tucked between her legs or simply just burst into tears she was so terrified. "Hello Eve."

"Hello Mrs Casson," Eve mumbled.

"Where are my grandchildren? I only seen Cadmium as a small child and Indigo as a baby, and now I hear you have four children and are fostering another! Why have you been keeping my grandchildren away from me? They should have a stable stern structure which I'm sure they didn't have with Eve dancing round like the idiot she is."

"Don't call Mummy an idiot!" Rose burst out angrily. "She's better than you!"

"Rose!" Bill hissed. "Do not speak out of turn or with that tone of voice, do you hear me?"

"Ah, so this is Permanent Rose, the youngest?" Grandma Casson asked. Her thin lips had a small curve to it; Caddy shuddered, could it be possible that Grandma was smiling? "She has a temper, a stubborn look to her, and the eyes. Oh she is definitely a Casson girl unlike other granddaughters I could mention," her eyes landed on Caddy who looked desperate to escape just like Eve. "This one is exactly like her mother," she said as if it was the worst insult in the world. "I wish your husband luck. He is going to need it if you are forgetful as your mother is. Now is that my great-grandson? What is his name, I do not believe William told me?"

"Carlos," Michael said completely unimpressed with the elderly women. Insulting the mother of his future wife who was nothing but the sweetest person on earth was one thing, but insulting his future wife? Now that just lost this biddy all of his respect. By the look she was giving him he had none of her respect, probably because of his ponytail and earring. Bill didn't like those either. "Carlos Michael Casson."

"He does not have your surname?" Grandma Casson asked. She glanced down at his hand and glowered at the lack of wedding ring. "I see. We shall discuss why my only great-grandchild is a bastard at dinner. I wish to see the other illegitimate child and the one you are fostering, and my god who is this young lady in the wheelchair, have you started a foster home without telling me William? And good god in heaven! Why are there scribblings on the wall?"

Bill looked on the verge of a heart attack, Eve was so pale she might as well be dead, Saffy was furious, Indigo wished he was in America with Tom so did David and Rose, Michael wondered why he didn't turn Bill down when he asked him to teach Caddy driving, and Sarah wondered if anyone would really mind if she ran over Grandma Casson with her wheelchair.

It was going to be a long night and an even longer week.