A/N: As promised, an epilogue (although it's probably way too long to be called an epilogue, but that's the best word I could come up with). Thank you so much to everyone who read, reviewed, favorited and voted in the Slash Backslash contest. This story is very close to my heart and your response has made my first attempt at writing slash an incredibly rewarding experience.

There's a playlist that goes with the story. You can find the link on my profile page.

My undying love to Hopeful Wager for magical beta skills, einfach mich for lessons in the ways of the buttsecks, Sweet Dulcinea for giving this the final once over and snuggling me when I needed it, and my wonderful friends who are always just an IM away when I need them.

Warning: This chapter contains some graphic boy-on-boy situations. But hopefully you won't be complaining about it too much ;)

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created the Twi. I'm just having my way with her beautiful boys.


Month Three


Three months.

That's how long it had been since I had stormed out on my own wedding, on Bella, and into Seth's arms.

My Seth.

As perfect as the moment I had confessed my love to him had been, I had no idea what was waiting for me when I stepped out of that bubble and back into the real world.

It had been one perfect fucking mess, that's for sure.

3 months earlier

Seth and I returned to my and Bella's apartment hours later, expecting to find chaos and destruction, the signs of an angry woman, strewn throughout. What we found chilled me even more.

Perfect order.

Not a thing out of place. Everything exactly as I had left it, better even, except for one thing: Bella wasn't there. Nothing of her was left in the apartment. Her clothes and jewelry, the portraits she had brought, the old afghan her grandmother had knitted for her when she was still a kid, all gone.

It was like some kind of weird clearance sale: Everything Bella Must Go.

I collapsed onto the couch, still in my partially-rain-drenched tuxedo, clutching my hair in my hands. This was really bad. I could handle screaming and crying. I could handle her throwing my things out the front door, or even throwing them at me. But absence was something I hadn't anticipated and couldn't contend with.

I was an utter fucking idiot. What had I thought? That I would come strolling through the front door and Bella would be waiting for me with open arms and forgiveness in tow? I had left her at the altar, in front of everyone that mattered in her life, without so much as an explanation. And I suspected that if she knew what the actual explanation was, it wouldn't comfort her at all.

I had come home with every intention of telling Bella the absolute truth because I knew I owed her that much. I was willing to take any repercussions of my actions. And now, sitting in the suddenly-lifeless apartment we had shared for a year, I wished for those repercussions.

The aching in my chest that had been soothed by the rain and Seth's warm lips on mine was returning even stronger than before. The stark reality started to set in.

It was over.

I felt the sofa cushion move as Seth sat down beside me, followed by a rustling sound as he pushed a piece of paper onto my lap. I removed my hands from my hair and took the note gingerly. I recognized Bella's unruly scrawl immediately.

Jake,

Yes, I left. I can't be here anymore.

Don't try to contact me. I don't want to hear from you.

I'll come to you when I'm ready.

If I'm ever ready.

Bella

I sat there, staring at the crisp white page incredulously. Bella and I had been in fights before - plenty of fights, since we both had tempers about us - but we always managed to resolve them before things got out of hand. We rarely gave each other the silent treatment, so this was very new to me.

If I'm ever ready.

The words started to blur in front of my eyes, whether from exhaustion or frustration. I took a deep breath that shook my entire body. Seth's strong arm folded around me and pulled me close. I rested my head in the crook of his neck, feeling his proximity start to pacify me immediately.

"No one can know before Bella does," I whispered.

"I know," Seth replied.

We decided to keep our relationship a secret, which probably wasn't the best way to start things out, but in a way it was a blessing in disguise. We could settle into our new relationship without scrutiny or judgment. People expected me to be distant and anti-social after the "Big Bolt of '09", as it had since been dubbed, so Seth and I got to spend a lot of time alone.

We chose to be at his apartment most of the time, because mine held too many memories. I felt trapped there at night, trying to sleep in the bed that Bella and I had shared. I wasn't sure if it was because she wasn't there with me or because I just wanted to be in another bed, but I started sleeping on the couch because I couldn't stand being in our bed anymore. Seth and I didn't talk about moving in together or any kind of physical relationship. I think we both knew that we weren't ready for such a big step. Until Bella knew about our relationship, we had to act like we always had around each other.

This proved difficult, because our mutual group of friends had been torn in two. It felt like a divorce in which we kept what we had before and divvied up what we had accumulated while we were together. Having been together for almost a decade made this an almost impossible task. I was basically left with a few friends from work, a couple of college buddies, and Seth, although I wasn't really complaining about the last part too much.

Bella refused to talk to Seth, because he had so clearly chosen my side. Although he didn't say anything about it, I could see it made him very sad. He and Bella had been great friends too, and the absence of her in both our lives was difficult to deal with.

Having each other, though, made everything worth it.

I had never experienced anything like it. Every moment that my mind wasn't consumed by the obvious guilt, or day to day things like work or the massive wedding bills I was stuck with, it was consumed by Seth. I was drowning and he was my oxygen tank. Kissing him became as necessary as breathing to me. I constantly yearned for him, even though we both respected the silent boundary that we had put up.

We had settled into a comfortable routine of hanging around his apartment, watching our favorite anime on television, when Bella finally decided she was ready.

2 weeks earlier

Seth and I were snuggling (yes, totally snuggling) on the couch at his apartment on a rainy Sunday Seattle night, when we heard a knock at the door. I frowned at Seth, who shrugged his shoulders and untangled himself from me to answer it.

I listened for the sound of Seth opening the door, not really knowing who to expect at this hour, when I heard a painfully familiar voice.

"Hey, Seth." It was Bella.

I could hear muffled whispers as I got up from the sofa and drifted towards the entrance, to find Seth wordlessly hugging Bella at the front door. I stood there, a few feet away from them, not really knowing what to do with myself. I was beyond happy to see Bella after all this time, but nervous because I didn't know whether she had expected to find me with Seth.

As Seth released her, her eyes suddenly met mine. She froze for a moment, a grimace of pain darkening her features. I cringed under her gaze, but I couldn't make myself look away. This was the girl I had loved for most of my life- still loved- and seeing her now made me feel like we were strangers.

Seth glanced over his shoulder and saw me and Bella staring at each other in silence. He turned and walked toward me, touching my shoulder tenderly, his eyes full of encouragement and understanding.

"She's here to see you," he murmured. "I'll be in the other room."

Bella and I stood there for a while, staring at each other like we were alien species making first contact. Her chestnut hair was windblown, her cheeks flushed and her eyebrows pinched into a slight frown that made her appear to be in pain. I felt a sharp pang in my chest as I realized she probably was.

"Hey, Bells." I broke the silence, my voice trembling audibly.

"Hey, Jake." Bella's voice was so soft I could barely hear it.

"Wanna sit down?" I gestured towards the sofa.

She nodded slightly and made her way to an armchair in the corner of the room. She clearly didn't want an intimate couch situation going on. It made me sad.

"Bella."

"Jake."

We started talking at the same time. We both laughed nervously. It was a painfully awkward situation, worthy of a sub-primetime TV show.

"You go first," I offered. I figured it was only fair since she had come to see me.

She took a deep breath, her narrow shoulders rising with the effort of it. "I'm ready," she said simply.

I nodded my understanding and took my own deep breath. I had been planning this speech in my mind for weeks, but now that the moment had finally arrived, I felt my breath catch in my throat. I wanted Bella to know- with every fiber of my being- I was aching to share my somewhat warped happiness with my best friend. But I knew that I wouldn't be able to share with Bella as a friend. She was my jilted ex and I owed her an apology and a proper explanation.

"Bella, I'm so sorry," I began, shifting myself to the edge of the couch so that I could take her hands in mine. I flinched as she pulled them away from me. I closed my eyes for a moment and took another deep, calming breath. I had known this was going to be difficult, so I was just going to have to suck it up and take it as it was dealt to me.

"Just tell me why," she whispered.

Just like Bella to cut right to the chase. I hesitated for a moment, all my premeditated words leaving me in a moment of panic. I guess this was the universe's way of telling me to speak from the heart. So I did.

"I did it because I love you," I started simply.

She glared up at me, clearly on the verge rolling her eyes at my poor excuse.

I cringed inwardly and took a deep breath, trying to compose myself before I continued, choosing my words carefully so she would grasp my sincerity.

"I just couldn't let you waste your life on me anymore, Bella. We would've made each other miserable. You know as well as I do that the last few months of our relationship were awful. We couldn't even fight with passion anymore."

Bella continued to glare at me, not moving to say anything in response.

"I'm so incredibly sorry that I waited to tell you until our wedding day, in front of everyone we knew. I never wanted to hurt you, much less do it in public. I just couldn't stand there and say those vows, knowing I couldn't stay true to them."

The mention of vows seemed to stir something inside Bella. She sat back in the chair and leaned her head against the headrest, closing her eyes for a moment. "It's those same vows that made me come here today," Bella said, her eyes still closed.

I waited quietly for her to continue.

"I was pretty sure I was never going to talk to you again, Jake. Everyone around me kept telling me how horrible you were and that I was better off without you. I convinced myself that they were right. But I was unpacking some stuff in my new apartment and I found the notebook we wrote our vows in. Do you remember? I promised them on our wedding day. And if you remember correctly, you agreed to them as well."

"I remember," I whispered. I had promised to always love and respect Bella, even though I couldn't marry her.

Bella continued, "I promised to be your best friend. I promised to respect you and accept you. And I promised to stay faithful to you. I promised all those things with every intent of keeping them for the rest of my life. I still do. That's why I'm here now."

I swallowed nervously, beginning to understand the implication of Bella's words, but not knowing how they'd play out.

"Thank you, Jake." Bella's words startled me. I wasn't expecting them at all.

"What?" I stammered.

"Thank you for having the guts to say what I couldn't. I was so completely miserable, but I kept telling myself things would get better after we were married, even though I knew they wouldn't. You saved us, Jake."

I sprang out of my chair and folded my arms around her. Her tiny frame felt familiar but foreign at the same time. "Oh, Bella, thank God."

She chuckled as I continued to crush her in the hug. "I just needed to make sure you did it for the reasons I hoped you did."

"You never could miss an opportunity to make me sweat," I mumbled into her hair.

"I'm sorry I disappeared on you after the wedding, but I'm sure you understand why," Bella said, still clutched in our hug.

"I deserved way worse," I replied.

Bella pulled back and stared tenderly into my eyes. "Your execution did leave a lot to be desired."

I smiled, relieved that she seemed to be joking again. "I still can't believe you're here. I was so sure you were never going to speak to me again."

"I needed my best friends back." She was whispering again, tears sparkling in her eyes.

Something in Bella's expression told me that there was something more she wanted to say. I wasn't sure if we were on good enough terms to be sharing, but I got the feeling that whatever she wasn't saying was the reason she came here. I stared at her imploringly for a minute, hoping she'd offer an explanation before I had to ask.

"Whatever it is, you can tell me," I said eventually.

Her eyes shot up at mine, surprised. "How did you know?"

"You have that whole open book thing going on."

She frowned, the inner struggle apparent on her face. "I told myself I wasn't going to say anything. We haven't spoken in months and now I just arrive here unannounced on a Sunday night and expect everything to be cool again."

"I don't know about you, but I'd rather be cool again than drag this conversation out much longer when we've both said what we wanted to say. I know how you hate getting wordy and deep."

"I really hate it," she admitted, scrunching her face into one of my favorite Bella-expressions.

"So, tell me already," I urged.

"I met someone." She looked worried, almost like she was bracing herself for how I was going to react.

I wasn't entirely sure of how I was reacting myself, but the overwhelming emotion I felt was relief. One of my biggest fears after leaving Bella was that she would be miserable and stubborn and repel all men that tried to get near her.

"Tell me everything." I wasn't sure when Seth had invited himself into our conversation, but he sat himself down next to me and leaned toward Bella, his eyes twinkling in anticipation.

I glared at him playfully, a grin spreading across my lips as I shrugged questioningly.

"What, I'm not allowed to be excited?" he asked with a light laugh.

I just shook my head at him and urged Bella to continue.

"Alice dragged me to this art exhibition in the city last month. The artist was some guy she knew from college. We just clicked immediately. He's amazing."

Bella's eyes glazed over slightly as she spoke. Only then did I notice the change in her. She seemed relaxed- almost content. I couldn't help but smile at the sight of her so happy.

Seth cleared his throat, snapping Bella from her obvious reverie. She continued, "His name is Jasper Whitlock."

"I've heard of him," Seth interrupted. "He was in the paper for that exhibition."

"Yes," Bella continued, "it was so successful he just got commissioned to do some work in New York." Bella started to look uncomfortable.

"There's more, isn't there?" Seth seemed to be speaking for both of us as I appeared to have lost the power of speech since this part of the conversation had started.

"I'm going with him."

My throat tightened as a rush of different emotions bubbled through me. I was shocked that Bella could be so impulsive as to move to the other end of the continent with a guy she had barely known for a month. But a large part of me was happy that she met someone that made her feel so passionate and reckless that she wanted to follow him that far. I wasn't sure how to respond. I knew, however, that I had to reserve judgment. I didn't have a say in Bella's future in any way and it wasn't my place to tell her what to do with her life.

"Whoa," was all that Seth managed to get out.

Bella broke the silence after a few moments. "I know you probably think I'm crazy. I feel a little crazy most of the time. It's just…" She looked like she was having trouble finding words for what she wanted to say. "I feel… alive. I've never felt like this." She glanced at me and her eyes grew wide, her mouth pulling slightly to the side in chagrin. "Sorry Jake."

I smiled at her warmly, understanding exactly what she was feeling. Every moment I spent with Seth made me wish for immortality, just so I could be with him forever.

"No apologies, Bells," I finally managed to say, "I know exactly what you mean."

My heart started to hammer in my chest as I realized what I was about to do. I glanced to Seth at my side and saw his expression soften when he realized it, too. I flashed a brief, tender smile at him and turned back to Bella, who was frowning at us.

"What's going on?" Bella asked suspiciously.

I took a deep breath to ready myself for my confession. "Bella, I realized something on the day of the wedding. I kind of always knew it, but I didn't admit it to myself until that day." I took Seth's hand in mine. "I'm gay."

Bella made a sound that was a strange mixture of a squeak and a snort and her eyes looked like they were going to bulge out of their sockets. "Our… wedding day?"

Seth and I nodded in unison.

She stared in disbelief at Seth's hand clasped in mine, then back up at us. "And… this?" she stammered.

"We're together," I confirmed. I gauged her reaction for a moment before carrying on. Although she looked shocked, she didn't seem to be completely freaked out, so I decided to continue. "Although, I think together doesn't really cover it." Seth's fingers tightened around my hand.

"You…" Bella paused, seeming to compose herself. "You're gay." She nodded to herself, her eyebrows pinched into a frown.

"Both of us," Seth chuckled.

"Wow, and here I thought I'd bring the most shocking news of the evening." Bella fell back into the armchair, still staring at us.

"No one else knows," I said, trying to reassure her. "We wanted you to hear from us first."

"And if I'd decided to never speak to either of you again?"

"I guess we didn't think that one through." I started to laugh and Seth joined me. I felt light and unburdened at having finally shared with Bella what I had wanted to tell her for months. Now that my best friend knew, all seemed right with the world.

"So, are you two living together now?" Bella really knew how to cut straight to the chase.

"I'm still staying at our old place," I replied.

"Why?" Bella seemed confused, clearly having trouble understanding our logic.

"We… we haven't really talked about that. Things have pretty much been in limbo because we've been keeping this on the down low."

Saying it out loud, the whole situation did seem slightly strange. I just couldn't imagine moving on with my life when I wasn't sure that Bella could forgive me, and Seth understood that.

"Well, if it's my blessing you're looking for, I guess you have it."

I could tell that Bella was still slightly in shock, but she seemed to rise above it.

"So, you're not weirded out by this?" Seth asked.

"Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm plenty weirded out," Bella laughed, "but there's no reason for me to fight it. I'm moving on, you're moving on. It'll take time but we'll all get used to it. Eventually."

Bella had spent the rest of the evening telling us all about Jasper and their plans for New York. Seth and I had listened with interest, happy to see our friend so alive.

After that night, things started to change between me and Seth. Our unspoken boundary seemed to lift with each new person we informed of our relationship. Although we still didn't broadcast it, we did tell the people who were closest to us, all who reacted with varying degrees of shock (and some with horror).

None of that mattered, though, because we found our quiet evenings at home getting less quiet and more… physical. In the greater scheme of things, we were most certainly taking baby steps, but for me, every new interaction seemed like an incredible leap.

We turned into horny teenagers, making out and feeling each other up for hours. The first time Seth put his hand in my pants, I nearly came on the spot. Never in my life had I felt that kind of desire for another human being. I wanted him constantly- wanted his hands on me, his mouth, to feel his firm body pressed against mine.

But even with the desire and the escalating intimacy, we seemed to stop every time before we got to the actual deed. I guess, subconsciously I felt like a scared little virgin, which I was, for all intents and purposes. Things had started heating up a few days before, though, when Seth's fingers had ventured into regions they'd never been before. I had been apprehensive at first, but when I had let go of my preconceived notions, I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it. I never could've guessed that having his fingers in my ass would feel that amazing. I suspected he was preparing me for things to come, and it silently thrilled me.

All of this led up to today, which was basically our three month anniversary (not that I was counting). I was cooking dinner in Seth's kitchen, which would be my kitchen too, at the end of the month. We had been spending all our free time together and decided that having two apartments was pointless. We were happy, we loved each other, and we wanted to be together. Every passing day just proved it more.

I had taken the afternoon off from work so I could do some grocery shopping and cook a romantic dinner for the two of us. I had always prided myself on being a romantic kind of guy, and I knew that Seth was into that kind of thing, even though he had never found a guy who could give him that in the past. So I had bought some prime fillet, some good red wine, and to my own surprise and amusement, all the candles I could find in Central Seattle. I made sure they weren't scented, though, because we weren't that gay.

I was standing next to the stove, chopping up some vegetables, when I heard the front door open. Seth let out a low whistle as he entered the open plan kitchen and dining room to find the lights slightly dimmed and the Vitamin String Quartet's tribute to Muse humming in the background. I had placed candles on every open surface I could find, and even if I had to say so myself, the place looked pretty fucking romantic.

"What's all this?" Seth asked, stepping in behind me and folding his arms around my waist, the amusement apparent in his tone.

"Can't you tell I'm trying to seduce you?" I replied playfully, turning my head and meeting his lips with mine.

His lips formed a smile against my mouth. He slipped his tongue inside and we both sighed as we got lost in the familiar sensation. He broke our kiss after a few breath-catching moments and started trailing soft kisses down my jaw and neck. All thoughts of dinner had been forgotten as I stood there, the knife discarded, my hands clutching the counter for stability.

"If I knew you were this easy I wouldn't have bothered with dinner," I joked, enjoying the feel of his hands through the thin material of my t-shirt.

"Don't pretend like you were actually going to make dinner when you're wearing these jeans," he said, tugging at the belt loops on my favorite pair of faded 409's that hung low on my hips. I knew that he liked them because all three times I had worn them in the past two weeks had ended with them around my ankles and Seth's mouth on me. Wearing them tonight was definitely a strategic choice.

I pushed back into him and felt that he was already hard against my ass. I drew a sharp breath, feeling myself harden in response. I wanted to take him right there, on the cool tiles of the kitchen floor. The horny teenage boy in me wanted to be the horny teenage boy in him. But the romantic in me, the one who was borderline pathetically in love with Seth, the one who had planned this whole romantic evening, was already chastising me in my head, insisting that Seth deserved to be treated special. After all, Seth made me feel special and wanted every moment I spent with him.

I turned around to face Seth and almost lost my resolve when I saw his flushed cheeks and twinkling eyes, but I knew how I wanted the evening to play out. I took his face in my hands and placed a sweet kiss on his lips. "For tonight, let's pretend that you're not willing to jump my bones at a moment's notice, and let me wine and dine you a bit first. Do you think you could do that?" Playful banter was my favorite form of foreplay.

He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest in mock indignation. "You make it sound like I'm a total slut."

I simply raised an eyebrow at him.

"Fine," he conceded, "what can I help with? I need to keep my hands busy." He winked conspiratorially.

"You can pour us some wine while I finish this. Dinner should be ready in a few minutes."

Seth poured us each a glass of wine and sipped at it as he watched me finish grilling the vegetables with the fillet. When I assumed the potatoes were ready, I took them out of the oven and dished everything up as artistically as I could.

When we sat down at the dining room table, I downed half of my wine in one nervous motion, attempting to calm my butterflies. Seth looked at the food and smiled appreciatively before tasting a bite of the steak. The smile started to fade from his face as he chewed.

"What?" I asked warily.

"Nothing," Seth replied mid-chew, "it's good." He smiled weakly, stretching his jaw like he was dealing with taffy instead of fillet.

I wasn't buying his act, so I took a bite of it myself. The steak tasted of charcoal, but with the consistency of rubber. It was nasty, undoubtedly indigestible and probably poisonous to boot. "Holy fuck," I managed to choke out between chews, "this is disgusting."

"Oh, thank God." Seth grabbed a napkin and spit out what was left in his mouth- probably all of it. I did the same, grabbing my glass and rinsing my mouth with the wine.

"That was terrifying." The look of horror on Seth's face was so adorable, I couldn't help but chuckle at him. "What did the poor steak ever do to you, Jake?"

At that, we both burst out laughing, shaking our heads at the ridiculous situation.

"Are we going to try the rest of it?" I asked skeptically.

"Why not?" Seth replied. "Two near-death experiences are probably better than one and apparently adrenaline is good for you."

We both examined our plates carefully. "Carrots or potatoes first?" I asked.

"Let's try the carrots, they look fine."

We each speared a carrot to taste. While it was much more palatable than the steak, it had been grilled in the same pan and had the same vaguely charcoal flavor.

Seth grabbed his wine and took a big swig. "So, it's a 'no' on the carrots, too."

I sighed, refilling my glass and taking another sip of the wine, which was starting to make me feel slightly giddy. I stared down at my plate seriously. "Help me, Obi Spud, you are my only hope."

Seth snorted at my Star Wars reference and my heart swelled with love for him.

We looked each other in the eye, barely containing our laughter. I tried to spear the roasted potato with my fork, but it was so hard, it shot right off my plate and landed on Seth's side of the table with what I could've sworn was a metallic thud.

Seth collapsed into a fit of laughter, burying his face in his arms at the edge of the table. I had joined him without realizing, tears streaming down my face.

"Epic," he wheezed, "epic dinner fail."

"Is it even statistically possible to ruin every item of food in one meal?" I asked, wiping the tears from my cheeks.

"I think you have the culinary version of dividing by zero right here."

"At least we have wine," I offered, raising my glass at him.

"The wine is good," Seth agreed, taking another sip. I noticed that his cheeks were slightly flushed. I wanted to reach out and touch him.

"I bought ice cream for dessert, but I don't know if you want to risk it."

"You are staying away from the kitchen for the rest of forever and I will bring the ice cream," Seth insisted, jumping up from his seat before I could protest.

He returned with two bowls of ice cream, still smirking, and set one down in front of me. "This is how you don't give someone food poisoning," he quipped.

I glared at him playfully and tasted a spoonful of ice cream. Mercifully, it seemed to be fit for human consumption. We sat in silence for a few minutes while I sulked over my failed dinner. I couldn't comprehend how I could mess up a simple meal so badly. It wasn't like I hadn't cooked before. I guess in my eagerness to make it a special night, I had overdone things a bit. Overdone everything, I thought to myself.

Seth broke the silence eventually. "Despite the fact that you tried to kill us both with your cooking," he began, "it was really great. Definitely one of my top three dinners of all time."

His tone was playful but his eyes were tender. It made my heart jump a little.

"I don't know," I continued to joke, "this one doesn't really even crack my top five."

Seth rose from his chair, his expression gentle although he was grinning. "I think it's time for you to shut the fuck up and get over here so I can kiss the cook."

I obeyed without hesitation, rising to my feet to meet his lips in one swift motion. He parted his lips and I tasted the wine, all chocolate and berries and cloves, as his tongue brushed against mine. He curled his fingers around the back of my neck and pulled me towards him, pushing his body firmly against mine. His kisses were urgent and needful and I found myself breathless immediately.

He pulled away from me abruptly and clasped both his hands behind my neck. "I want you."

My head was already spinning, mostly from the implication of his words, but partially from the wine as well. "I want you, too."

He crashed his lips to mine again and started to steer me backwards, towards the bedroom, which I had also filled with candles. We stumbled a few times, but never broke the kiss. Without warning, I collided with a wall, but Seth seemed undeterred. He buried his face in my neck and pushed his hands up the front of my t-shirt, letting his hands wander over my chest, before pulling the shirt over my head. I started to tug at the buttons of his shirt impatiently, eager to feel his naked skin on mine. When I had undone all the buttons, I pushed the material from his shoulders, letting it fall to the floor.

A moment later his tongue was in my mouth again. We managed the last few steps into the bedroom, kissing and grabbing at each other. When we reached the bed, Seth pushed me down, my knees buckling against the edge. I tugged at his belt and threw it to one side before moving on to his zipper. I yanked his pants and boxers down in one swift motion to reveal his hard dick to me.

I took a moment to appreciate the way his naked body looked in the flickering light of the candles. His skin glowed almost golden, his upper body subtly sculpted and naturally smooth save for the soft, dark hair that trailed down his stomach. His legs were long and lean, but still muscular and strong. My breath caught in my throat. Even though this wasn't the first time I had seen him naked, seeing him before me now, knowing what was certainly ahead of us, made it feel very significant.

I reached out and trailed my hands down his sides, enjoying the way they followed the firm contours of his body. I looked up to him and found him staring back at me, his eyes blazing. "You're perfect," I whispered.

He kneeled down before me, so he was almost eye-level with me and reached his lips toward mine for a tender kiss. "I love you," he murmured against my lips. "I still don't know how I lived without being able to touch you like this."

He unbuttoned my jeans slowly, lovingly, staring at his hands as he worked. When he was done I lay back on the bed and lifted my hips so he could pull them off me, exposing my own throbbing erection to him. He glanced at me, licking his lips, before taking me into his mouth. My eyes rolled back in my head as he started to move over me, the hot moisture already driving me to the verge of coming. I fisted his hair, stilling him for a moment so I could pull myself together. He took a deep breath through his nose that tickled on the exhale. This simple motion made me realize that, although it felt fucking amazing to have Seth pleasure me, I wanted him with me. I wanted to be able to look into his eyes and see his own pleasure reflected in them.

"Hey," I whispered, "get up here."

He pulled away reluctantly and crawled onto the bed next to me. He turned his body toward mine and leaned over me, cupping my face in his hands and kissing me deeply. He dragged his fingers down my neck and chest, reaching my dick and lightly ghosting over me. He curled his fingers around me firmly and whispered in my ear, "I want you inside of me."

Hearing him say those words made me arch my back slightly, urging him to move his hand over me.

He started stroking up and down slowly and continued with the husky whispering. "Do you want that, too?"

"Yes," I managed to croak out, "yes, I want to feel you." I hesitated for a moment, turning my face to him. "But you're going to have to show me…" I trailed off.

He smiled affectionately and replied, "I'll guide you through it." He kissed me firmly before pulling away. "Virgin." He grinned and winked mischievously before starting to rummage in the drawer of his bedside table.

I moved to the middle of the bed, settling in between the pillows, thankful for the wine that had relaxed me, because I was sure that I would've been considerably more nervous without it.

Seth settled in next to me, running his hand through my hair and circling my temple with his thumb. "We'll go slow."

He started to trail wet kisses down my neck, pausing to suck on my nipple and reaching down to stroke me again. I reached out to him, brushing my hands through his hair and over his shoulders, savoring the feeling of his warm skin beneath my fingertips.

He sat down on my thighs, straddling me. He reached over to one side and produced a condom, which he tore open and slowly rolled down onto me. He then reached for a small blue tube and unscrewed the top, squirting the clear gel into his hand. He rubbed his hands together and then over me, covering the condom in the lubricant. He then took one of my hands in his and pulled me up towards him, so we were sitting face to face with him in my lap.

"Give me your hand," he asked quietly.

I held my hand between us and he coated two of my fingers in the lube.

"It works both ways," he said with a wink.

I got the message and reached around him, covering him in lube before pushing first one, then two fingers in and massaging him slowly. I curved my fingers inwards and circled firmly. He gasped and pulled away slightly.

"What?" I asked worriedly. "Am I doing it wrong?"

His eyes were closed but a smile played across his lips that calmed me slightly. "No, it's just too much so soon. Give me a moment." He pressed his forehead to mine and, after composing himself for a moment, he pulled my hand back down.

I captured his lips in mine, and pushed my fingers into him again, more gently this time, mirroring the movements of my tongue with those of my fingers, pulsing my fingers in and out rhythmically.

He started to move against me, digging his fingers into my hair, his chest heaving against mine. "I need you," he breathed, "now."

"I love you so much," I said in between kisses.

"I love you," he echoed. He paused for a moment, staring into my eyes intently. "Ready?"

I simply nodded.

He raised himself onto his knees and positioned himself over me. He rested his elbows on my shoulders and gripped my hair again, bringing us flush against each other, his erection pressing into my stomach. He fixed his eyes on mine, silently communicating the overwhelming love and adoration that he was feeling. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him towards me and pouring my returned adoration into a wordless kiss. My heart was pounding in my chest, but at the same time I had to force myself to breathe.

Slowly, he started to lower himself down onto me. I groaned into his mouth as he covered me, enveloped me, at an excruciatingly slow pace. He drew a sharp breath, pausing for a moment and biting down on my lip. I held him closer to me, soothing him until he was ready to continue. After another moment he moved again, sighing when he was sheathed in me entirely. I had never experienced intensity like it before- almost too tight, like we couldn't be more joined together. I didn't know how long we sat there, staring at one another reverently, not moving except for the occasional brush of our lips or incoherent whisper. I had never felt so connected to another human being in my entire life. Being inside Seth, feeling him contract around me slightly, was more -so much more- than I could ever have imagined.

Seth finally stirred from our stillness and moved his legs so they were wrapped around me. I pulled my knees up behind him, my thighs pressing against his bare back. The intensity of the slight shift in movement was maddening. Seth moved again, experimentally, and we both groaned in unison. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and started a cautious, rhythmical motion over me, lifting himself up and then lowering himself back down. His strong legs tightened against my sides so that every possible part of our skin was touching. We were moaning quietly and breathing heavily, clutching at each other for stability.

"This is," Seth finally gasped out, "this is… everything."

"Yes," I muttered against his shoulder, tasting the salt of his skin, "you… I… never knew."

He angled his hips slightly and pushed down harder, allowing me deeper access. The sound that escaped his lips was single-handedly the most erotic thing I had ever heard. My cock was starting to ache with want and I urged him on, wanting him to go faster, harder. He dug his fingers into my back and neck, grunting with exertion as he pushed himself down with slightly more force.

The new rhythm started to stir something inside me. It was almost like a distant rumble that was growing louder with every thrust. I was approaching the edge fast, my mind filling with a dizzying haze of sensations and tastes and smells. It was like the room had been saturated with Seth and it intoxicated me.

"I'm so close," Seth breathed in my ear before dragging his tongue across my earlobe and sucking it into his mouth slightly.

His words were like the last push I needed. I reached between us instinctively and took him into my hand. He was already sticky with his own arousal and my hand glided over him easily. I swirled my thumb around his tip and started rubbing up and down his ridge, just like I knew he liked. He started to spasm around me, his cock twitching in my hand at the same time. As he started to come, he contracted around me suddenly, pulling me over the edge with him. I bit down on his shoulder as he cried my name, drawing my release from me like a nuclear explosion. I squeezed my hand around him as he covered me in his own warm, sticky release.

He pushed me down onto my back, pulling himself from me gently and collapsing on his back next to me. We panted quietly for a while, regaining our senses. After a moment I turned onto my side and rested my head in my hand, relishing the way the thin sheen of sweat made his body glisten in the dim light. His eyes were closed and the corners of his mouth were turned up in a contented smile. My heart ached with the beauty of it.

He let out an abrupt, disjointed laugh. "That…" He laughed again and I noticed the moisture running down his cheek wasn't the bead of sweat I had thought at first.

I brushed the tear away with my lips, covering his face in soft kisses.

He opened his eyes and looked at me, his smile widening. "Fuck, that was amazing."

"So, happy tears?" I asked.

He touched his fingertips to my cheek and nodded. "Happy tears."

My own smile spread across my face and I pressed a kiss to his forehead before grabbing a few tissues from the bedside table behind me. I wrapped the condom in one and started to clean Seth off tenderly with another.

"It's… I've never felt anything like that before," he said, as if he was trying to convince me of his sincerity.

"Me neither," I replied dreamily, lying back onto the pillows and pulling him against my chest. He hooked a leg over mine and started to trace light patterns over my chest and stomach with his fingers.

"Even better than anything I ever dreamed up in my mind."

I kissed the top of his hair, inhaling his perfect musk, loving that he was mine. I let my mind drift for a while, enjoying the comfortable silence of our afterglow. I started to become aware of his naked body pressed against me, and how his fingers kept traveling lower, brushing over the soft hair under my bellybutton. My cock started to stir again as his fingers toyed with me and I grew hard again when he wrapped his hand around me. He didn't stroke me with a specific purpose, but his touch and the feel of his own erection pressing into my thigh made my desire flare again.

"Seth," I moaned as he started to suck at the sensitive skin at the base of my neck, "I want you."

"I'm getting there," he growled playfully in my ear.

"No, I mean, I want to try…"

I touched his face to turn him towards me and gave him a pointed look.

"Oh." He looked surprised, but the excitement twinkled in his eyes. "Are you sure?"

I nodded and my voice cracked with emotion when I spoke, "I need to feel what it felt like for you. And need it to be you inside me. I just want to experience every possible thing that I can with you."

He was on me immediately, his tongue in my mouth and his hands everywhere, frantic. "You don't know what it does to me when you say stuff like that."

"I know exactly what it does to you," I replied, pressing my painfully hard dick into his thigh for emphasis.

"And just when I thought I couldn't love you more..."

He took my hands and held them above my head, dragging his fingers along my arms and sides and bringing his mouth to my chest. He licked and sucked at my nipples, just hard enough so it still felt good. His sudden eagerness excited me and sent butterflies flooding into my stomach.

I reached out and grabbed another condom from the drawer, tearing it open with my teeth and rolling it onto him, my hands shaking slightly.

"Excited or scared?" he asked, eyeing my hands with slight amusement.

"Both." I couldn't help but smile, though.

I started to turn to lie on my stomach but he stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. "No, I want to see you."

I rolled onto my back and he settled in between my legs. He found the bottle of lube again and squirted some onto his long, graceful fingers. My eyes didn't leave him as he reached down and started to coat me with the cool liquid. His free hand rested lightly on my thigh as he dipped a finger of his other hand into me. I gasped at the cold and the still-foreign sensation of his finger inside of me.

He smiled and squeezed my thigh, continuing to move inside of me. The awkward feeling grew as he added a second finger, which started to stretch me uncomfortably. It was bordering on too intense. My eyes narrowed slightly at the sensation and he stilled his movements in response.

"Is this okay?" he asked, concerned.

I nodded and gasped out, "Keep going. Just getting used to it."

He started to move again and the stretching became less uncomfortable but no less intense as the rhythm grew more familiar. Seth curled his fingers inwards and I jerked slightly as he grazed an incredibly sensitive spot. The feeling was so fucking intense and concentrated, it was almost too much to handle- my twitching cock was a testament to that.

A satisfied smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. "That look on your face…" he groaned, pumping his fingers with renewed purpose.

"That feels… fuck." My mind was losing its ability to form coherent sentences as he increased the pressure of his fingers, forcing me to get used to the intense pleasure of it.

Seth leaned forward and dragged his tongue along my lips before parting them, his taste making my head swirl again. I was soon lost to the world, my hands exploring every ripple and groove of his body instinctually.

Finally, he drew back and pulled my legs up so my knees pressed into his shoulders. He pushed forward, opening me up to him, positioning himself so his cock was pressed up against me. I took a deep breath, locking my eyes on his, needing him to anchor me with his gaze like only he could. He pressed his lips to mine firmly and then let his forehead rest against mine, lacing his fingers through mine and pulling my hands above my head. I gasped at the warm, burning sensation as he pushed his tip into me. He covered my mouth with his and squeezed my hands, comforting me.

"Breathe," he whispered against my mouth.

I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding, drawing a few shallow gasps as the stinging subsided. "More," I begged. It was barely a whisper.

Cautiously, he pushed himself inside of me, his shaggy hair brushing against my cheek as he moved. He stretched me to the point where I let out a strangled moan, gripping his hands painfully.

"Relax," he urged without stopping, filling me like I could never have imagined.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to match my breaths with his, trying to think of everything except how much it hurt. When he had buried himself all the way inside, he paused for a moment and I could feel everything. Every ridge and groove of him was nestled within me. It was a fucking spiritual experience. He grazed a soft kiss over my lips, causing my eyes to flutter open. His eyes mirrored the same overwhelmed intensity that I was feeling.

"This is…" he groaned, pressing his eyes shut momentarily, "Oh God, no words."

"Move," I asked in a pleading whisper. "I need to feel you move."

When he drew himself almost all the way out of me, the sensation was already crossing the barrier between pleasure and pain, and when he slid back in and grazed against that sensitive spot again, even the slight stinging that remained started to feel fucking amazing.

He started thrusting into me fluidly, the constant motion making it difficult for me to tell where he ended and I began. Everything started to cloud over- my mind, my vision, my sense of reality. The pressure and intensity was maddening to me. Seth grunted as he pushed my legs all the way back so my knees were now touching my own shoulders as well as his. He arched his back, angling his cock so it brushed against the most sensitive part of me with every single push and pull.

The pleasure was almost excruciating, so concentrated that I thought I was on the verge of blacking out. It was like I was so far past the point of my normal climax that I wasn't sure whether I would be able to hold out enough to get to a point where I could finish if we kept going like this.

Seth started to moan, his eyes closed, his head tilted back. The sound of him, combined with the way his gorgeous dark hair was falling across his face, tiny drops of sweat falling from him as he pushed into me, started to tickle at something in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't take my eyes off him: the way his jaw flexed as he cried out, the way the muscles of his stomach rippled along with the alternating arch and curl of his back. It was the sexiest thing I had ever seen.

Seth dug his fingers into my thighs roughly, slamming into me twice more before he started to pulse his release into me. This was the final pressure I needed before I felt my own orgasm exploding from me, ripping through me, harder than I'd ever experienced before. Seth bent forward, pressing his lips recklessly to mine as my hips jerked, my warm release covering my chest.

Seth remained inside me for another moment, his eyes searching mine, before he pulled out of me slowly. I was still gasping for air when he turned his body in toward my side and cupped my neck with his hand. Squeezing his fingers lightly around my neck, he kissed me reverently.

I chuckled lightly, causing him to frown.

"What?" he asked with an amused grin.

"We're never leaving this room again, are we?"

"Of course we are," he laughed, grinning devilishly, "I saw the way you were eyeing the kitchen floor earlier."

And so, even though day one had started out with somewhat tainted perfection, in month three of our relationship I knew: my happily ever after with Seth had officially begun.