After ensuring that Aberforth would keep an eye on Trelawney until further notice, Albus led Severus outside. "I hope you understand that until I am certain of your intentions, I cannot take you to our current headquarters?" Dumbledore's tone was light, but his gaze as keen and penetrating as ever. Severus nodded shortly. "I know of a safe spot for us to meet," he added, extending his arm for Severus to take.
Severus did as he was bid, and a split second later Dumbledore Apparated them both away, reappearing moments later in a forest clearing. Severus looked up to the clear, night sky. The stars seemed oddly bright in the frozen air and he shivered as, with a wave of his wand, Dumbledore sent several Patronuses flying into the otherwise black forest. He watched the phoenixes fly through the trees, the bright silver illuminating everything around them and making the surrounding darkness seem even more pitch black by comparison. The sight brought a clear memory back of Boxing Day the previous year, where he had sent his doe on a mission through the trees in order to bring Potter to the Sword of Gryffindor.
That incident now only existed in his mind. Or did it? He had vague recollections of reading in a Muggle science journal about the Multiverse theory - parallel universes where everything was virtually identical, except for one tiny detail. Had he perhaps found himself in one of these alternate worlds, and somewhere out there in the infinite reaches of space, he was still there, lying dead from his wounds? If that was the case, would it still be his Lily that he would strive to save in this universe? Or would she be someone else entirely?
The thoughts rushing through his mind gave him a terrible headache. He shook his head slightly to clear it, and turned back to Dumbledore just as the older man said, "I am sorry, Severus, but I will need your wand."
"Why?"
"Call it prudence," said Dumbledore, a hollow smile crossing his face as he held his hand out expectantly. "It will be returned to you, if your information is correct. I also think it best if you stay out of sight, for now." Dumbledore nodded to a thicket of trees that would provide an excellent hiding spot in the darkness of the forest. "Hurry. They will be here momentarily."
Severus reached inside his robes and handed his wand over to Dumbledore. At that moment, Dumbledore's smile instantly became warmer and more trusting. Severus managed to hide behind the thicket just as the first pop indicated that someone had Apparated into the clearing. Through a gap in the trees, Severus could make out the form of Remus Lupin, looking far younger than Severus remembered, although still prematurely aged for a man in his early twenties.
"What is this emergency, Albus?" Lupin's voice carried on the clear, cold night air, but Albus put a hand up to silence him. "In good time, Remus."
Soon after Lupin's arrival another loud pop echoed around the clearing. Sirius Black arrived and immediately sat on a log, legs stretched out in front of him, completely at ease. Intense dislike welled up inside Severus, and he involuntarily formed tight fists. His anger increased when moments later Pettigrew appeared in the clearing, looking twitchy and nervous. Dumbledore invited Pettigrew to sit near Sirius, who shifted over slightly, then stretched back with his hands behind his head.
The next person to arrive was Alastor Moody, both eyes and leg still intact, who immediately began to patrol around the edge of the clearing, until Dumbledore called him over to his side.
Finally, arm in arm, were Lily and Potter. Severus froze at the sight of her, as if the Full Body Bind had been cast over him. She was easily the brightest thing in that dark clearing, her pale skin shining almost ethereally. Her hand hovered over her belly, which protruded very slightly under her robes. She was even more beautiful than he remembered. With all the effort in the world, Severus tore his gaze away from her and furiously blinked away the tears that streamed silently down his long, hooked nose.
Seeing her arm in arm with Potter was as painful as being stabbed. And seeing that she was already pregnant, carrying his child... Severus put a shaking hand against the nearest tree to steady himself and fought hard against the rising nausea and unbridled rage.
Why had Dumbledore summoned all these people? Surely Pettigrew alone would have been enough?
The biting cold made the tears on his face feel like tiny knives, and he quickly wiped them on the back of his sleeve, just as Dumbledore began to speak. "I am sorry to inconvenience each of you by dragging you away from your warm firesides on this cold evening. But I have, not twenty minutes ago, been made privy to a piece of information that concerns each of you personally. There is a Death Eater here amongst us tonight. As to his or her identity, I am not yet certain."
Severus thought that Dumbledore's eyes gave the briefest of flicks over to where he was hiding as a rising murmur of disbelief came from the assembled crowd. It seemed that perhaps Dumbledore was still considering Severus' offer to hand himself over to the Dementors if his information proved incorrect.
"I would like to add that it is currently impossible to Apparate away from this clearing, so please, allow me to conduct my investigations. Remus, please would you step forward and roll up your left sleeve."
Lupin did as he was told, a confused and wary look on his face. "Albus, I assure you that despite what some members of the Order may think, I have never been involved in any kind of dark activity."
But Dumbledore was clearly more interested in Pettigrew's reaction; the small, watery-eyed man was slowly backing away towards the edge of the clearing. Moody followed Dumbledore's gaze and raised his wand. "Where do you think you're going, eh, lad?" With the Auror's wand trained on him, Pettigrew stood as still as a statue, whimpering slightly. Dumbledore pulled the sleeve of his robe up, and there, starkly black against his pale skin, was the leering face of a skull, a snake protruding from the lipless grin.
"Take him away for questioning, Alastor," said Dumbledore sadly. With a wave of his wand he lifted his previous Apparating restrictions, and despite Pettigrew's desperate begging and ineffectual protests, Moody Disapparated with Pettigrew just moments later.
"I am sorry that you all had to witness that," said Dumbledore. "As his closest friends, I felt that you had the right to know before anyone else. And Remus, I am dreadfully sorry if you feel in any way used."
"Not at all, Albus," said Lupin, staring into the empty space where Pettigrew and Moody had just vanished. "But how did you know he was a traitor?"
"And what was that tattoo thing?" added Sirius.
"I received information from a brand new source. They told me that all of Voldemort's followers have that mark, and that Peter would have it too."
"I can't believe it," said Lily drying her eyes, and once again Severus' breath caught in his throat. Her lilting voice was soothing music to his soul. He rested his forehead against the trunk of the trees, unable to tear his eyes from her. "Not Peter. I wouldn't have believed any of us would ever work for Voldemort, but Peter? Where did this information come from, Albus?"
Dumbledore glanced over to where he, Severus, was hiding in the trees. He experienced a moment of blind panic, and stupidly managed to bang his forehead sharply on the tree he had been resting against. "Severus, please come out."
He had not been expecting to show himself and was not prepared. Four sets of angry, raised voices shouted their protests, and as Severus sidled out from behind the tree four wands pointed in his direction.
"The fuck…?"
"Albus, you cannot be serious."
"You believe this little shit over Peter?"
"Don't trust him! He's a Death Eater himself, Albus! He always wanted to join up with Voldemort! Even at school!"
Lily's words cut into him the most. If only he could have gone back to an earlier point in time, where she and him were still friends… "Lils, I—"
"Don't call me that!" she spat, while at the same time, Potter shouted, "Don't you dare talk to my wife!"
The animosity with which Lily was staring at him rendered him utterly speechless. He could not care less about the hatred displayed on the other three faces, but Lily… His mouth opened and closed silently, and he looked to Albus to intervene.
The older man stepped forward, placing himself between the four raised wands and Severus. "It takes time for the bonds of trust to be built, I understand, but I would hope that everyone here would at least trust me. We had an inkling that there was a spy in our midst, and thanks to the information provided by Severus, we have caught and put a stop to that spy before any real damage could be done."
"He's taking you for a ride, Albus. It'll be your funeral."
"Sirius, please," said Dumbledore warningly. "I am not asking any of you to be friends, but I would appreciate it if you could put your differences aside for now. We are all working to the same ends, after all."
Very slowly the four sets of wands were lowered. Sirius took a few steps closer to Dumbledore. "Just so you know, Albus, at the first sign of betrayal, I'll take him out personally." Black spat viciously at the floor in Severus' direction, and Disapparated away seconds later.
Lily flashed Severus one more angry look, one that was filled with such rancour and hostility that Severus felt himself physically quell under it. She turned back to Potter and muttered, "Let's get out of here." The two of them Disapparated together.
He was vaguely aware of Lupin mumbling something along the lines of, "Welcome on board," before he too vanished, but Severus was unable to tear his eyes from the spot where Lily had been stood. He had not expected her to be so cold towards him. After so many years of his own personal atonement, he had always pictured that she would be forgiving at their reunion.
Dumbledore watched him appraisingly, and finally a look of understanding passed over his face. "I cannot say that your feelings towards her will ever be reciprocated, Severus. And it would be highly unfair of you to expect that. But I feel certain that, given time, forgiveness will come and perhaps a rekindling of friendship will follow." He held Severus' wand out towards him, which Severus snatched wordlessly, still unable to look anywhere but the space left behind by Lily.
The unjustness of his situation caused tears to form once more. He impatiently brushed them away as Dumbledore said, "You have done a very brave thing tonight, Severus. I should very much appreciate it if you would accompany me back to Hogwarts. We have much to discuss."
Nodding almost imperceptibly, and feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders, Severus vanished into the compressing darkness, reappearing moments later just minutes from the place where, earlier in the evening, he had lost his life.
It was raining heavily at Hogwarts, the bruised sky illuminated every now and then by a flash of lightening, and Severus pulled his cloak tighter around him as he started the trudge up towards the castle. Perhaps the grimness of the weather was exacerbating his already dark mood, but he found himself beset by growing fears and doubts. Dumbledore was clearly going to grill him for every last piece of information about the Dark Lord that he had, but the problem was that he had very little that would be of use at the present time. When he first overheard the prophecy, his standing with the Dark lord had been pretty low, and he had never been privy to much information. Indeed, the mission to spy on Dumbledore had been pretty much his last chance to prove himself useful to the Dark Lord.
He followed the familiar path to the Headmaster's office, and sat opposite Dumbledore as the older man surveyed him over the edge of his half-moon glasses. Just as Severus had predicted, Dumbledore questioned him over and over about the Dark Lord's movements, his plans, his targets. And each time that Severus disappointed him with his lack of knowledge, he felt himself succumbing more and more to exhaustion. He wished for nothing more than to retire to his own private quarters and sleep. Except... right now they weren't his quarters. His brain pounded painfully against the inside of his skull.
Eventually he could be questioned no more. Raising a hand to silence the older man he said, "I am sorry, Professor. I really do not know how much use I can be to you. I have already told you all I can."
Severus felt himself being x-rayed by Dumbledore's piercing blue gaze. After a few seconds, the Headmaster sighed deeply and said, "And yet, what I need primarily is information. Remus Lupin has tried, with little success so far, to infiltrate a group of potential Death Eaters. Many werewolves are turning to Voldemort, and we have been trying to use this to our advantage."
"Lupin?" snorted Severus. "They would see through him in an instant, and tear him apart."
"Well, quite. But the fact remains that we need someone in Voldemort's inner circle."
Severus leaned back in his chair, pushing his hair out of his face. "I was sent to spy on you this evening, as a final chance to prove my worth. I am not in his inner circle. I cannot tell him what I overheard, for who knows what he would do with such a delicate piece of information? And if I return to him empty handed I will be entirely disposable."
"And what if you were to return to him with information?"
He shivered uncontrollably. Was Dumbledore instructing him to relay the prophecy after all? "You have no idea what you are asking me to do, Albus."
He quickly raised his mental defences as he felt the faintest of probings at the edge of his mind. "And I have no idea what it is that you are trying to keep secret from me, Severus..."
At that moment they were both distracted by a handsome tawny owl scratching at Dumbledore's window. Pausing only to give Severus one last searching look, Dumbledore stood up and crossed to the window to allow the owl access. The owl flew inside, dropped a letter on Dumbledore's desk, then immediately took flight through the open window.
The letter was sealed with an official Ministry wax seal, which Dumbledore broke apart. He read the message in silence, a small frown creasing his brow, occasionally looking up to glance at Severus. After a few minutes he placed the letter on his desk and, without looking at Severus, began to talk.
"This is an initial report from Alastor Moody on the questioning of Peter Pettigrew. There is an... inconsistency here I would like explained."
Severus remained silent. Years of conditioning from dealing with the Dark Lord told him to hold his counsel.
"Pettigrew has confessed something, which I must admit, explains a good deal. It would appear that he is an unregistered animagus. He has been able to spy on certain members of the Order using his disguise. Only certain members. Others, it would appear, would have been able to recognise his disguise instantly. Is there anything here that you would care to elaborate on, Severus?"
Once again, Severus remained silent.
"No? Allow me to continue. There were two other unregistered animagi running amok whilst they were at school, and in order to keep their wrong-doings secret they had code names for each other. Pettigrew was able to turn into a rat. Apparently he used the code name 'Wormtail.' Does this word sound familiar, Severus? After all, you uttered that name back at The Hog's Head... He has also told the Ministry that other than his closest friends only Voldemort knows this particular piece of information. He has confessed this twice. Once to Alastor Moody in his initial questioning, and again under the use of Veritaserum to confirm his confession." Dumbledore finally raised his gaze to Severus. "Do you see the position I am now put in? How is it that you knew the name 'Wormtail,' when only a handful of other people knew? The way I see it, one person is lying, and I am presented with two options. One, a man who has confessed under Veritaserum, the other being a man I know is employing Occlumency against me. What am I to make of this, Severus?"
Severus licked his lips, his mouth suddenly dry. He took a deep breath and said, "Yes, I am employing Occlumency. It is necessary, I have already told you this. I cannot give you the reason but I feel it safest for everyone that I keep this secret. I beg you, Albus, do not press this one matter." He swallowed heavily, his headache worsening with every passing second. "You clearly already know of my... my sentiments... towards Lily. I swear that I would die for her, a hundred thousand times over. I can no longer fight for a side that fights against her. You must believe that."
For a split second Severus thought he saw two different emotions flick across Dumbledore's face. There was an acceptance of his words, and something else... something... questioning? Remembering? Severus couldn't quite place it, and as soon as he noticed this strange emotion it had vanished. Nodding to himself, Dumbledore spoke. "We will protect you, Severus, if you choose it. However, with this skill you possess in Occlumency, it is entirely possible that you could be the only person who could get close to him, and who would be able to lie to him undetected. If you feel you can, I would like you to return to Voldemort."
Severus lowered his head and closed his eyes. His fate was sealed. "If that is what you request of me, if that is what must be done, then it shall be."
"Thank you, shall need to find a way to raise your standing without doing damage to our own cause."
Fatigue crashed over him like a wave as the realisation of what he had agreed to do sank in. "I have to return to him tonight. He is expecting a report on your movements"
"And what will you tell him, Severus?"
Memories came flooding back to him. Memories of the first time he had heard the prophecy and had recounted everything he had heard to his master. The Dark Lord had given him a cold smile, one that did not reach the terrible red eyes. He had told Severus that he was pleased and would be rewarded. His rewards turned out to be a lifetime of pain and servitude.
"Anything you wish."
Peering over the top of his spectacles Dumbledore offered a half-smile. "I wish for you to tell him that you have been with me. Tell him that you spun me a tale of deepest remorse and that I, being a codgery old fool, believed you and welcomed you back with open arms. Tell him that I have agreed to protect you, and that you will use my naivety to gain my trust and bring him direct information. That should buy you some time."
Nerves threatened to overcome him at the thought, but Severus nodded and said, "I must go to him. Now"
"Alright," he agreed. "If you are certain that you are ready. Come back to the Hogwarts gates tomorrow night, nine o'clock. I will meet you, and we will discuss your mission."
He rose in silence, Dumbledore accompanying him. They walked together, not speaking, to the Hogwarts gates where Severus would be able to Apparate to the Dark Lord's side. As Dumbledore wished him good luck, a wave of cold dread washed over him. Lily's angry face swam sickeningly in his vision, before he pushed her from his mind and focused solely on being near to the Dark Lord. After touching the tip of his wand to the Dark Mark on his forearm, he twisted into the suffocating darkness.
Moments later he reappeared in an unfamiliar, cavernous, candlelit room. The stone walls were carved with grotesque figures; a stark contrast to the benign faces peering out from the glass windows. Clearly he was in a Muggle church. Despite not being a religious man, the foul irony that the Dark Lord had desecrated ground holy to the Muggles was not lost on him.
He Who Must Not Be Named was stood near the altar, his fingers interlocked in mockery of prayer. His closest Death Eaters stood in a circle around him, all of them cloaked and masked. Severus had not yet been afforded this highest honour of receiving a mask and he could feel their scornful glares as he approached the Dark Lord.
Clearing his mind of any thoughts that could betray him, he got down to his knees, bowed his head and said, "I have good news, my Lord."
"And what news might this be? More failure to do my bidding, perhaps?"
Laughter rang out, echoing around the spacious room. He forced himself to stay calm. "No, my Lord. I may soon be in a position to bring you much information about Albus Dumbledore."
"You may soon? But Severus — I sent you to get information today! How am I supposed to defeat Dumbledore if my Death Eaters fail me?" His voice, already as cold as ice, slipped a further few degrees. "Perhaps you would like a reminder of what it is to incur my wrath?"
Severus blurted out, "No, wait—" whilst at the same time the Dark Lord nodded to one of his masked Death Eaters. A female voice screeched, "Crucio!" A tiny part of Severus' mind registered that the voice belonged to none other than Bellatrix Lestrange before the blinding agony took hold of him. Every part of his body was on fire, and he was dimly aware of the sound of his own screams, but he forced his own mind to remain closed. After what could have been a lifetime, the curse was finally lifted.
Heaving and retching on the floor, Severus felt a foot kick him in the side and force him onto his back. He stared up into the face of the Dark Lord and choked out the words, "Please, my Lord..."
Bellatrix had come to her master's side, her wand raised. She was simply awaiting the order to torment again. Severus turned his head away, trying to make himself as small as possible. The Dark Lord contemplated the broken man on the floor and waved his hand, signalling to his best lieutenant to stand down. He watched patiently, almost curiously, waiting for Severus to speak.
"I... have... succeeded in... gaining his trust.." Severus managed to gasp between waves of excruciating pain. "I felt it... was the best way... He is an old fool... Willing to believe that anyone may change. I told him I wished to renounce my ways... and he believed me. Welcomed me back with open arms... If I can get close to him, he will tell me anything."
The Dark Lord contemplated him in silence for a while, then said in a low whisper, "I will know if you are lying to me." He raised his wand and Severus felt his face being forced upwards until he was looking directly in to the gleaming red, snake-like eyes. He had a split second to compose himself before he felt his mind being invaded. Forcing himself into calm, he let go of any feelings that may betray him.
Slowly—very slowly—a smile spread across the thin, lipless mouth. "You have done well, Severus. Very well indeed. I shall have much use for you over the coming months. Get up."
Fearful that his own body would betray him, Severus slowly rose to his feet. His muscles were still spasming, and a ripple of mocking laughter told him that he had provided the best entertainment of the evening.
"Return to him, Severus. I want to know everything—everything—that old fool is up to." Severus, nodded, and was about Apparate away when the Dark Lord said, "Severus—know that I reward those who serve me well and serve me faithfully. Failure, however, will not be tolerated."
Severus inclined his head in a respectful bow, before he once again twisted into the compressing darkness.
A/N - Thank you for reading. Please hit that review button to make new chapters appear faster! And come say hello on tumblr too if you like. I don't bite :)
